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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Re: marriage to one who has been married before? |
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| salaampeaceshalom |
| 06/21/03 at 15:03:27 |
| [slm] hmm.....ok this was probably a question for the bros but i wanted to answer too ::) Awhile ago i had a so-called proposal on behalf of someone who was 7yrs older than me. So ok I know thats not the same as 20, but hey. At the time I felt that that was too big an age difference so I didnt even agree to at least meet the guy, which I kinda felt bad about. Anyways now for some reason I dont see age as a big thing anymore. Maybe it wasnt the right time to ask me, maybe I've matured in my views in reagrds to age and marriage, but whatever, I dont see age as too big an issue anymore. I think though that if someone was 20 yrs older than me, I would be hesitant. I think my age limit (if I was pushed to have 1! ;)) would be maybe 10-15yrs. (Lol, some ppl may well ask whats another 5yrs going to do, but i dont feel comfortable at the thought of someone being almost twice my age). As for someone having already been married. I really dont think that would be an issue, although i may worry at times if he will compare me to his previous wife. Other than that I'd be cool to marry someone who's already been married before. I think you are right. It's an individual choice. I also think it depends on your situation and also, from my own experience, with maturity/time. wa'salaam |
| 06/21/03 at 15:09:21 |
| salaampeaceshalom |
| Re: marriage to one who has been married before? |
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| nouha |
| 06/21/03 at 17:54:10 |
| [slm] subhanalh u took the words right out of my mouth sis salam... [quote] although i may worry at times if he will compare me to his previous wife [/quote] i would prefer someone not married before but i dont think itll be that big of a deal...it would be if he had kids... i would have to say no... as for age.... hmm maybe someone not more than five yrs older than me... i dont know..Allahu Alim... wasalam nouha:) |
| Re: marriage to one who has been married before? |
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| BroHanif |
| 06/21/03 at 20:36:58 |
| Salaams, Do you think if you get someone who is old especially twice your age he might not be as energectic as he was during his early years?. Just a thought I mean say your 20 and the man your marrying is 35-40 it may be that he wants to settle down and have kids where as you being young may wanto to accomplish some goals in life rather than having little monsters running around the house?. Who knows its a tough one, but Im sure NOT many guys on this board would be willing to marry a lady twice their age. They'd rather marry someone whos a virgin, young in apperance, young in age and young at heart. Salaams Hanif |
| NS |
| Re: marriage to one who has been married before? |
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| Emerald |
| 06/21/03 at 23:55:25 |
| I think it's really easy to say age doesn't matter but if that marraige goes through and say 6 years pass, would the feelings remain the same? This may sound wierd but the guy is definately gonna have no problems but what about the woman? Don't you guys think that maybe one day she's gonna wish she had a young energetic man (if you know what I mean). We can't deny that there's a difference. Especially when it comes to having the same intellectual level. It's rare to meet someone that much older than you and be at the same place in life. Therefore the whole relationship would be risky, I think. I say 7 years max. Older than that wouldn't be good. I think that maybe some women have this fantasy about "older men". That they're so mature, stable, and provide a greater sense of security but I don't think that's always the case. About a guy having been married before, I don't see it much of a problem IF the woman was married before herself. If she wasn't, she would always be comparing herself to the previous woman --- no matter how horrible she may have been. Same vice versa. |
| Re: marriage to one who has been married before? |
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| faisalsb |
| 06/22/03 at 01:30:33 |
| I think the best example regarding the issue is sunnah of Holy Prophet [saw] where we have all examples. Holy Prophet [saw] married women of different ages, Hazrat Khudaija (RAU) was almost twice of his age and Hazrat Aisha (RAU) was many times younger than him [saw]. Many wives of Holy Prophet [saw] were married more than once before they married Holy Prophet [saw]. Apart from age and previous marital status we see all the marriages of Holy Prophet [saw] were successful. So I think the thing which really matters is intellectual level and way of life of partners rest all the things are secondary. Honestly speaking I am really encouraged after reading views of sisters on this board. Because now I think I can still find another wife after being divorced once ........;) |
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