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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| need help quick! |
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| a_Silver_Rose |
| 06/24/03 at 17:30:15 |
| [slm] There is this girl who emails me. She is in love w/ a paki brother and they live in singapoore. Well her parents said no because of his race and took her to america to meet the guy who proposed to her. She finally decided that she will meet this guy w/ open mind and heart. her bf told her that she should listen to her parents, ect. .. Well it turns out the guy drinks/ smokes/ had/has a girlfriend and worse doesnt pray!!!!! he told her he has no interest in Islam and this really upset her.. she sais that when they get married he will probably have girlfriends and she tells me that he her bf is so good and so opposite of this guy. She said that she has done so much for her parents and they could atleast find her a decent guy. They have stopped her education until she accepts. I told her that he is not even worth her education and she not to give in at all because not praying some say can take the person out of the fold of Islam. well today she finally emailed me and said that she couldnt do anything.. she tried really really hard but they tortured her so much she finally gave in...she sais what can she do if her parents dont think that praying is imp but just that the guy has a good job and family :( im sooo upset . :'(..what should i do????? i know this guy will make her life miserable and if she has kids ruin their life and her future... |
| 06/24/03 at 17:46:02 |
| a_Silver_Rose |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| Nomi |
| 06/24/03 at 18:44:49 |
| [slm] I think if she can do something to delay it then with time her parents may realize their fault, but u said that they are not allowing her to study b4 she says yes so that would be tough for her but worths trying. Other two points that came to my mind may sound extreme but whats wrong in sharing 1 ** How about she asking her relatives to talk to her parents and convince them and if no one is around she can contact some Muslim organization like CAIR etc to help her with law ! 2 ** That guy is a Muslim right? and people do change! Your friend seems like a good Muslimah, Allah can use her to change that guy, risk is there but she can convince him once they get married !! silly thoughts i guess |
| 06/24/03 at 18:46:46 |
| Nomi |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| muahmed |
| 06/24/03 at 21:03:23 |
| [slm] ;-) Ask your friend to have some elder in the family, whom your parents respect, talk to them on this issue. Even if they dont let her marry the paki brother, maybe they will concede to not forcing her into marriage just yet. Resistance from relatives, respected friends and elders has been known to change hard stances of some parents towards such issues. May Allah help her and give her patience. |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| a_Silver_Rose |
| 06/24/03 at 21:05:56 |
| [wlm] Jazak Allahu Kair ...thats a good idea ..ill tell her.. As for the second noone can change a person till he/she is willing to change himself.. And Brother he made it clear 'he has no interest in Islam right now I talked to her again and unfortuantely she is also thinking that she can change him. reality is that some may change but some people never change and that risk is not worth it. Not to mention someone very close to me (who is very good pious girl) rushed into a marriage with a man who was nice but prayed on and off, didnt have good character.. she just had her nikkah for three years. ...and the whole three years she did everything she could for him like a devoted wife, but he didnt appreciate and just continued to mentally torture her. Alhudulilah she finally divorced and Alhumdulilah she didnt have ruksati so no kids, ect. nomatter what anyone told her she didnt listen and rushed into this marriage, she had to learn for herself and from her own experience. I told her to learn from this woman's mistake... because I think the girl has decided to do the same thing unfortunately. I was also very close to marrying someone who altho prayed, lied all the time and was all about drinking/girls ect. .and not much into Islam Alhumdulilah someone reminded me that this is very unhealthy for a relationship and I think I knew it in the back of my mind for I also have learned from the experience of the sister. so i stayed strong and continuously told my parents i wasnt interested and Alhumdulilah they didnt force. If she has accepted this person knowing that he drinks alcohol then how can she sit there and tell him to not bring it in the house after they are married? he isnt going to listen and tell her that well you knew before ect. Another thing to remember is that marrying someone who committs haram can also lead her to commit haram May Allah (swt) help her and protect her and may everything work out for the best. And if she does have to marry him then May Allah (swt) guide him and may they live happily ever after... By the way I did give her this link so she is reading the post/replies ect. |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| humble_muslim |
| 06/25/03 at 00:22:45 |
| AA If the guy drinks, he will RUIN her marriage and family life, no doubt about it. I think she should tell her parents that there is no way she will marry a drinker, and be firm about it. What kind of parents want to get their daughter married to a drunkard? I have an Aunt who was married to such a guy, and it was horrible for her and her family the whole time until he died. Tell her to convince her parents that her life will be hell if she gets married to such a person. |
| NS |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| faisalsb |
| 06/25/03 at 00:41:52 |
| [slm] Well Sister Silverose I think you are doing the right thing. There are many many examples when people just get married with the expectation that the other person will change after being married but most of the time it doesn't happen. I myself was in the same situation after going through very tough time just after three months of our marriage, I had to divorce my wife once. And before one year of our marriage we were divorced completely. Now my mother thinks she did injustice with me by pushing me for the marriage but it's too late now. Elhamdulillah we didn't have kids so no big loss. But I think the best example lies in Holy Prophet [saw], that's our Iman that there can't be any person who can give dawaa better than him. He loved his uncle Abu Talib like anything. History is witness how much he [saw] loved him. He [saw] kept on trying all of his life to change him but he couldn't. And at the end his unlce died without accepting Islam. Holy Prophet [saw] even prayed for his uncle after death unless Allah forebade him to pray for non muslims. People do change but when hadaiya comes from Allah Subhan Wa Tallah it's in no ones hand to change anyone. So I think if the sister who we are talking about go ahead with the expectation to change her future husband then no doubt it's going to be a blunder. But if she is ready to accept him AS IT IS then the marriage might be successfull but still I doubt future of their kids. May Allah guide us all to the right path .... Ameen |
| 06/25/03 at 07:24:56 |
| faisalsb |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| Nomi |
| 06/25/03 at 16:54:56 |
| [slm] Why doesn't she ask the guy to say no ?! that may do just fine... tell him this bhai (yea use the word bhai) bhai you've got your own way of spending life and i'm sure that i'm not the right kind of girl for you. I think our marriage will be a loss for both of us, you can find many girls coz you've got job and are settled... so plz say no........ for my sake... as my parents arn't listening to me...." say what ?! |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| Ameeraana |
| 06/25/03 at 18:28:30 |
| [slm] that is absolutely appaulling!!! she is the one who has to live with this guy, not her parents. If she married who she really wants wouldn't her husband help her with her education? should she really be listening to her parents especially when they are knowingly putting her in such a situation? I don't think so. Perhaps they would be angry and not speak to her if she marries this pious and religious Pakistani guy. But as long as she is still trying to make-up with her parents, it would not be her that is guilty of breaking ties with her kin right? It may not be the best situation for them if she chose whom she wants to marry, but it would be a better situation for her to choose someone who is going to head her household as a religious man instead of someone who has already said he is not interested in Islam and will even have a girlfriend although married??!! They denying this religious Paki man because they don't like his race but that she can marry this non-religous and admittingly unfaithful man for their own "status" is not really Islamic is it? wouldn't this be a situation in which she should not listen to her parents as they are putting her in a situation that would not be Islamic and according to Allah's laws? Remember, she has to live with this man... not her parents. Ameera |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| a_Silver_Rose |
| 06/25/03 at 19:51:45 |
| [slm] Jazak Allahu Kair for all the replies, hopefully it will help when she reads them. This is the email I recieved from her today: [i]salam sis my parents know everything about that guy. his drinking habits and no interest in islam. but they think that's ok becuz he has a good job and stuff. how am i to convince them? when i told them that its a sin to force me, they said they will answer Allah when He asks them in the Hereafter! and that i have to do as they say. I have no close relative that i could talk to sis. all my relatives are in other countries and I'm not close to any of them. u opened my eyes when u told me that i cant expect him to change. how right u r! but i still have no choice. all i can do is hope and pray that he changes. [/i] any suggestions for her?????? please make dua for her |
| 06/25/03 at 19:57:57 |
| a_Silver_Rose |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| hanna |
| 06/25/03 at 20:08:21 |
| salam alikum , Well emm does ur friend have an elder bro or sumthin?? they can be reeeely usefull in such situations ...she can make him understand her thing and he can fite on her behalf .... i think she shudnt give in at any cost ....she wud be the one sufferin if he turns out to be a horrible person not her parents .....i think she wud regret givin in ......my message to her is ....TRy ur best not to give in at any cost ... continue to warn em ...and well i was just thinkin ...when u get married u have to say that u accept the person ...so even if they force u to the marriage hall ,...u can simply say at that time that "I DO NOT ACCEPT HIM" hmm sounds impractical ...i know ..just a thought ! Well hope for the best inshallah Allah will help u out ...even if u get into the marriage just remember Allah is wid u and he will helpp u through out .! but try ur best of not gettin into the mess....how about talkin to some imam in ur area ! its just not fair ...u already gave up someone u wanted and now ur ready to accept sumone ur parents want ..but BUT its simply not fair for em to force u ..well its WRong ....if ONLY the PRophet was in our time!! ahh im sure he wudve taken up ur case! MAy Allah protect all FEMALES from forced marriages ! Wassalam |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| muahmed |
| 06/25/03 at 20:22:02 |
| [slm] ;-) The following is the report of a case in Pakistan where the court ruled in a favor of a woman who was forced to marry her cousin. [url]http://www.guardian.co.uk/pakistan/Story/0,2763,951204,00.html[/url] I do not know what citizenship your friend has, but maybe she can get legal help. I presume, like in Pakistan, in most Islamic countries the judge would rule in favor of the woman as this is against Islam and common sense. |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| paula |
| 06/25/03 at 20:59:39 |
| [slm][size=2][font=Verdana][color=Navy] You know what I’ve thought sometimes… parents do some very funny things @ times…. Or at least it would appear all too often that we might not understand what they could possibly be thinking or why they could possibly make some of the decisions that they make. May Allah(swt) have mercy upon us when we have to make our decisions as the mature members of our society. You know sister silverose that my inputs are all too humanistic & to take them always with a grain of salt & submission to Allah(swt) himself. However I did think to share my contemplation too. I wondered if this pressure hasn’t stemmed from her love for the Brother she is interested in. And hence because of that love & relationship the parents have gone to the extreme measures of pressuring the marriage to a brother who would even admit upfront he has no desire to have respect to her or Allah(swt) openly upfront. Does that sound funny? I would agree with Sister Ameera that the family tie issue is a very important element in the picture. Unfortunately when things progress, & parents have made their decisions for whatever reasons, it can be a long effort in getting them to come around to better terms. What I can say, is that things take time to build, they take time to adjust. I’d maybe see if direct communication might help some. I’d even maybe, if it was me. Say wait, okay I have a situation here & it’s all headed in the wrong direction. So sabr, it will take some time & submission to Allah (swt) etc, to rectify. But. Insha Allah…Allahu Alam it will work out with some time. Then I would consider talking frankly with the parents. I would propose to them that I would even drop the relationship or any desire for the other Brother whom my heart may be longing for to ease their concerns. (Even if they didn’t feel it was a concern openly). Then say sabr, you do not want/or cannot contribute to my further education at this time, okay that is your decision & I respect that (I’d say that the sister should not feel panicked, however have true patience & submission to Allah(swt) for his support to make sure her means will be provided, & I’m definitely not implying to be obstinate, on the contrary I’m talking about respectfulness). Then I would have her discuss very openly why she feels she cannot accept a marriage like this. How it is important to her, the consideration of her husbands deen & the future of her children & their grandchildren. How yes very well this brother could change after being in the marriage. That is very practical & it does happen. However, such as what Brother Faisal Siddique has stated, it will be when hadaiya comes from Allah Subhan Wa Tallah. That, at this moment in his life, he is very arrogant in his mannerism & she does not feel strong enough to handle such a situation. If they were still insistent I would ask her to ask them to talk & have her listen to them, then take some quiet time to reflect on what they were saying with prayer to Allah(swt). Ask them why they really believe she should take this marriage. The reasons they have for wanting “this” marriage & to “this” man. However I would say because it has progressed to this stage. She may need to be truly conscious to “listen” not necessarily talk but “listen”. Let them see her concern. I say all this because they are to a point of pressing ‘authority’ … that must have an underlining reason. Of course there is very little information given about the parents here… but they do not sound too unrealistic…. (Allahu Alam… we are all human… & decisions as a parent cannot be easy)…. And more than this I am convinced that the underlying laws of Allah (swt) are the same. What Sister Ameera stated I believe to be very true. She should work on building that relationship/respect with her parents. Like I said, I would not expect that anything would change quickly, I’m sure that the parents decision has come after a long progression & observance as a parent. But she is now faced with a concern, if she’s truly concerned, she must then take the steps in a responsible manner. I would believe that if she lets them know that Allah (swt) is her true concern. Giving up her relationship with the boyfriend, with sincerity, & accepting her parent’s authority & decision of restricting the education. While not forgetting her submission efforts to Allah(swt) himself. They will see her piousness & true concern for the justice from Allah (swt) & she may move on to a very benenificial life in which Allah (swt), her parents, & her husband to be will be supportive… Insha Allah ((sometimes there is a bigger scope & a wisdom in why parents make their decisions… & I believe sometimes a father is not going to tell you straight out what his reasons are… because sometimes that kind of communication is not effective nor supported by Allah (swt)… just a though… I also believe sometimes Allah (swt) ordains events because that’s what’s needed & a father may be clueless too at the bigger picture, but has faith in Allah (swt)) Anyway sister silverose, I really do not know for sure as I said…. Allahu Alam…. I’ve just poured out here where I think I would start my efforts if it were me & some hindsight in this lifetime… I truly wish the best for her… I’ll be praying for her & her family & the brother in question. Another thing that I would say too, if she is in a situation that she does have to follow through with the marriage. My advice would be not to panic & to make sure she does her repentance & submission to Allah (swt), trust in him & concern for her behavior to be what is right & respectable to Allah (swt) as a wife & as a daughter, not as a wife & daughter with a judgient to her husband & parents. And. Insha Allah…. Allahu Alam… Allah (swt) will take care. Otherwise she may make an even harder road ahead for herself as Allah (swt) tests her to break our all so humanistic tendencies. However I pray she doesn’t have to follow through at all… Insha allah. I am in no way trying to say things are black & white & easy either. This life & the trials that we all face are just that “trials” & indeed it is not always easy. Jazak Allahu Khairan Sister for your help & support to a sister in need. I guess I’ll end the book you inspired from me…. With saying you know well how I feel about marrying a man who is lacking in his deen. It is not a nice prospect to even think about. Forced into a marriage isn’t my idea of what is right either, please do not get me wrong on that one, nor am I saying the sister should throw up her hands & give in… however too in her instance, & her statement here: [quote] when i told them that its a sin to force me, they said they will answer Allah when He asks them in the Hereafter![/quote] I believe they are confident inside for some reason… Allahu alam.. they may have some wisdom as a parent or see some element we cannot see… & maybe not, in either case…she needs to take responsible steps in the sight of Allah(swt). I’ll be making dua’ too. [/color][/font][/size] [wlm] |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| a_Silver_Rose |
| 06/25/03 at 21:18:52 |
| [slm] good points , she knows her parents more than we do. but honestly sister I know many of these cases the parents will force and realize after their daughter is going through hell that it wasnt right. and either they live their life in hell or it ends in divorce. they think its good for their daughter, why? becaues he has a good job. But they dont realize that just because today he has a good job it is not necessary that tommorrow he will. they dont realize how terrible the affects of alcohol are. if he has no interest in islam he may lead her to do sinful acts such as take her to nightclubs ect. (yah my prosepective partner wanted to do that) and I remember you told me that we may have to answer to Allah if we marry someone who doenst even care for Allah (swt) and that really made me think. Another point to make is that it is not necessary that all parents think for their children and want the best for their children(not talking bout hers)(b/c they probly think it is best for her since he has good job and family) but many parents think about themselves and their name. sorry I have just heard too much here that all parents will do waht is best for you. well i have truly/honestly not seen that considering there are toooo many experiences like this. If parents followed islam it would be so much better/easier... yes some people change but soie people never do and even if he does it might be too late... she might have been already too hurt. But Allah (swt) knows best... And may He do what is best. .. keep praying your sis ps now about the other brother (and her parents being worried bout it , well from what I know she had this proposal before they even knew about that brother, and she was afraid she would have to marry this guy and thats why she told her parents bout the paki brother.) but yes maybe the reasurrance will help, and mabye thats why they are rushing it now , and hopefully insh'Allah she will take your advice. JazakAllahu Kair your sis |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| paula |
| 06/26/03 at 02:38:20 |
| [slm][size=2][font=Verdana][color=Navy] [quote]sorry I have just heard too much here that all parents will do what is best for you. well i have truly/honestly not seen that considering there are toooo many experiences like this. If parents followed islam it would be so much better/easier...[/quote] I hear you sister siverose… you are so precious…. I really feel for her situation & pray the best will take place for her... Insha Allah [quote]MAy Allah protect all FEMALES from forced marriages ![/quote] -- Ameen [quote]May Allah guide us all to the right path .... Ameen[/quote] -- Ameen [/color][/font][/size] [wlm] |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| a_Silver_Rose |
| 06/28/03 at 02:41:52 |
| [slm] please people any advice/stories you can share? i have already written back ..but i really really want some more info.. :'( i may erase this email later on: [center][i]salam sis when that guy met me, i told him all abt my paki bf and that i was being forced into this marriage. he was quite understanding and told his parents that he's not interested in me. but my parents didnt give up and tried to change his mind, so now he has planned to meet me again to decide. during this 2nd meeting, my parents have threatened me to tell him that i'm not being forced and that i agree wholeheartedly. my parents r rushing into this marriage becuz of that guy. he is going to get green card(GC) to stay in the US. and there's a law saying that if he marries after getting his GC, he cant bring his spouse into US for 5yrs or something like that...and he will be getting his GC end of this yr, that's why they r rushing to get me married b4 he gets it. GC is VERY important to my parents, even more important than whether he prays or drinks! that's the main reason they like this proposeal! they want to live in america, so if i and my husband get a GC will mean that they can stay here without visa or something...that's why i feel that i'm being used for their own selfishness and to fulfil their own dreams without considering mine. another reason they force me is becuz my bro is going to marry that guy's sis, so its like both me and bro will be married in the family. my parents feel that this will help to keep the family close always. on normal terms, i would have accepted this idea, but right now i hate my family soooo much and bro too....i hate them so much i dont want to talk to them ever after i marry! how can they expect me to stay close to the family?? i've come to accept that guy for whatever he is, but i'm not able to accept my parent's behavior towrds this whole issue. i hate them more than ever. all i want is to get away from these people as soon as i can. they had no good reason to reject my bf except that he was a paki, but they find me a guy who is not even like 1% of wat any girl...not just me, but any girl will like in a husband. i feel so cheated by my own family. they keep telling me its for my own good, but i know it's not. sis, drinking is extremely prohibited in my family. my family is not very religious, but as far as i know, all my uncles n relatives have been decent people, so i cant belive why my dad would find me a guy who drinks. the only consolation is that he told me he drinks only occasionally, not very often. he drinks only when he goes for parties or with friends. if i tell him that i dont like him when i meet him 2nd time, he will accept it and leave me alone. but sis i want to get over with this thing becuz i cant tolerate the torture from my family anymore. physical and mental abuse :( they tell me i'm too young to decide anything, and i'm selfish and arrogant. they call me a prostitute. compared to my family, that guy seems much better to me! my father prays, but he doesnt act like a human. that guy doesnt pray, but he acts like a human and understands my problems. which is better to live with sis? i know Allah expects us to pray, but in such a situation which one would u choose? give me some duas to change that guy sis, and to show him Allah's path. [/i][/center] |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| muahmed |
| 06/28/03 at 04:11:13 |
| [slm] ;-) If I was in a situation like this, with no obvious right answer, I would put all my trust in Allah, do istikhara and stick to whatever guidance I got from my istikhara. May Allah help her and guide her to what is best for her. |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| Nabila |
| 06/28/03 at 15:47:04 |
| [slm] Sis, it seems to me that the best bet is your intended fiancee. he seemed to be agreeing to what you were saying, cant you ask him again to keep refusing? Stay calm and ask him politley - dont judge his way of life, but make the point you are not compatible and he will be far happier with some one else... keep trying, he seems to be agreeing with you... If that approach doesnt work, but I think theres a good chance it will, then - and this will take courage on your part - you *must put your foot down, you are in the right - you want to marry a man for the sake of his religion, not for the sake of his wealth. Call in an imaam to talk to your parents, even if you dont know any imaam personally just go to a masjid and ask to speak to him. The way they speak to you is not acceptable. I would say that it is not a good idea to go into a marriage with the idea of changing of your spouse, because then the antagonism will be there from the beginning. ma asalaamah and take care |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| paula |
| 06/29/03 at 23:38:07 |
| [slm][size=2][font=Verdana][color=Navy] Hmm….. Subhan Allah …Please try to stay calm & have faith & submission to Allah (swt)… I’ll still make dua’ too. Let me say I agree with the two above posts completely as well. I hope she may perform Istikhara. I pray the very best for her, I pray for her family, & the brother in question… May Allah (swt) have mercy upon us & guide us all to the right path. – Ameen Jazak Allahu Khairan Sister Silverose for being there & supportive to a sister in need. I agree too with seeking assistance @ this point from an outside Islamic authority in her area. She has a right to knowledge & support.… Allahu Alam. I’ll PM you with a couple resources I found here too. Jazak Allahu Khairan to everyone here for being here & supportive to one another. [/color][/font][/size] [wlm] |
| 06/29/03 at 23:40:21 |
| paula |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| timbuktu |
| 07/02/03 at 06:57:02 |
| [slm] i agree that she should try all means possible, including legal, to stop this marriage, but i would like to add something: ******* the story of a dear friend: there was a time when he did not pray, or fast; & then he started to drink as well & then eventually (after many, many years), he asked Allah (swt) that he did not want this sort of life Allah created conditions where he had to go to a country where drinks were not readily available & he stopped drinking then he got married. His wife is very religious, except for fajr prayer, which she always delays & then they had kids he still did not pray, except the jumma'a nor did he fast now, alhamdolillah, he prays, he fasts, he even gets up for tahajjud who knows what would have happened if his wife's parents had refused to marry her to him? ******** i do not remember the exact Hadeeth, but the gist is: whoever makes astaghfaar his/ her permanent wazifa, Allah will create an out for him/ her from a place unimagined. i have tried it, it works! may i suggest a way of asking for Allah's help Allah is closest in the last 3rd of the night, also in prostration & remember Yunus (as)'s dua: "There is no God but You, Glorified be You! Truly, I have been of the wrongdoers.'' [Surat Al-Anbiya' (21:87)] meaning: Allah is clear of any blemish, i am the one to blame for my problems. & then Allah says: So "We answered his call, and delivered him from the distress. And thus We do deliver the believers". [Surat Al-Anbiya' (21: 88)] ******* tell your friend: keep saying "astaghfirullah" all the time. get up one hour before the start of fajr. Say tahajjud, or at least make prostration. say "ya hayyu ya Qayyum, birehamatika astagheeth", three times DO NOT say the Yunus (as) prayer as in the Qur'an, because recitation of the Qur'an in ruku & sujood is forbidden but say its meanings, & cry with tears & asks Allah (swt) to deliver you from this predicament. Allah always listens. ******* |
| 07/02/03 at 07:03:59 |
| timbuktu |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| humble_muslim |
| 07/02/03 at 14:52:32 |
| AA Sorry Timbuktu I totally disagree. I have seen with my own eyes the misery caused by having a husband and father drinking. Anyone marrying such a man is gambling away their whole life. Yes he may change, but that is NOT the duty of this sister. |
| NS |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| Nabila |
| 07/02/03 at 20:18:44 |
| [slm] I agree, with the humble muslim. In my opinion, the very basis of the marriage would be discontentment and disparity and this could lead to much bigger problems which will make the situation worse. I urge the sister to consider her options and make her decision. I cannot begin to imagine the hardship she must be undergoing at the hands of people who mistakenly believe they are doing their best for their daughter, but she must make her stand, so she can live a happy and contented life. ma asalaamah and take care |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| timbuktu |
| 07/02/03 at 22:36:01 |
| [slm] [quote author=timbuktu link=board=madrasa;num=1056486616;start=15#18 date=07/02/03 at 06:57:02] i agree that she should try all means possible, including legal, to stop this marriage, but i would like to add something:[/quote] i think this makes it clear that i would like the sister to use all means of resistance. i was just trying to help her hold on to faith in case she fails. also i gave her some practical advice. no comment on those? thanks |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| a_Silver_Rose |
| 07/03/03 at 16:51:03 |
| [wlm] JazakAllahu Kair Brother Timbuktu. Insh'Allah those will really help her, If she allows this to go ahead...And insh'Allah if she does then May Allah (swt) change his heart. The thing is brother that he doesnt even have an 'interest' in Islam. Maybe while seeing her hopefully he will develop that interest (not necessarily he will) (for I know some who have been a very religious example to their husband but the husband hasnt changed) although the above is correct, it is not her job or she shouldnt even have to wait for him to change... but Allah (swt) knows best and somtimez we actually have to go through a trial to learn from it. thanx again your sister |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| timbuktu |
| 07/04/03 at 20:19:25 |
| [slm] it is important to do astaghfaar all the time, with a feeling in the heart that this trial is due to some transgression that we may not recall, but is definitely due to our own faults & the nawafil in the last 3rd of night & the dua of Yunus (pbuh): áÇøó ÅöáóÜåó ÅöáÇøó ÃóäÊó ÓõÈúÍóÜäóßó Åöäøöì ßõäÊõ ãöäó ÇáÙøóÜáöãöíäó Allah (swt) has promised the believers to deliver them from whatever situation they face, if they make this dua, & there is a Hadeeth to this effect as well: The leader of the Prophets (pbuh) encouraged us to call upon Allah with these words. Imam Ahmad recorded that Sa`d bin Abi Waqqas, may Allah be pleased with him, said: "I passed by `Uthman bin `Affan, may Allah be pleased with him, in the Masjid, and greeted him. He stared at me but did not return my Salam. I went to `Umar bin Al-Khattab and said: `O Commander of the faithful, has something happened in Islam' I said that twice. He said, `No, why do you ask' I said, `I passed by `Uthman a short while ago in the Masjid and greeted him, and he stared at me but he did not return my Salam.' `Umar sent for `Uthman and asked him, `Why did you not return your brother's Salam' He said, `That is not true.' Sa`d said, `Yes it is.' It reached the point where they both swore oaths. Then `Uthman remembered and said, `Yes, you are right, I seek the forgiveness of Allah and I repent to Him. You passed by me a short while ago but I was preoccupied with thoughts of something I had heard from the Messenger of Allah , which I never think of but a veil comes down over my eyes and my heart.' Sa`d said: `And I will tell you what it was. The Messenger of Allah told us the first part of the supplication then a bedouin came and kept him busy, then the Messenger of Allah got up and I followed him. When I felt worried that he would enter his house, I stamped my feet. I turned to the Messenger of Allah , who said, «ãóäú åóÐóÇ¡ ÃóÈõæ ÅöÓúÍóÇÞó¿» (Who is this Abu Ishaq) I said, "Yes, O Messenger of Allah.'' He said, «Ýóãóå» (What is the matter) I said, "Nothing, by Allah, except that you told us the first part of the supplication, then this bedouin came and kept you busy.'' He said, «äóÚóãú ÏóÚúæóÉõ Ðöí Çáäøõæäö ÅöÐú åõæó Ýöí ÈóØúäö ÇáúÍõæÊö (Yes, the supplication of Dhun-Nun when he was in the belly of the fish: [áÇøó ÅöáóÜåó ÅöáÇøó ÃóäÊó ÓõÈúÍóÜäóßó Åöäøöì ßõäÊõ ãöäó ÇáÙøóÜáöãöíäó] (There is no God but You, Glorified be You! Truly, I have been of the wrongdoers.) ÝóÅöäøóåõ áóãú íóÏúÚõ ÈöåóÇ ãõÓúáöãñ ÑóÈøóåõ Ýöí ÔóíúÁò ÞóØøõ ÅöáøóÇ ÇÓúÊóÌóÇÈó áóå» No Muslim ever prays to his Lord with these words for anything, but He will answer his prayer.)'' It was also recorded by At-Tirmidhi, and by An-Nasa'i in Al-Yawm wal-Laylah. Ibn Abi Hatim recorded that Sa`d said that the Messenger of Allah said: «ãóäú ÏóÚóÇ ÈöÏõÚóÇÁö íõæäõÓó ÇÓúÊõÌöíÈó áóå» (Whoever offers supplication in the words of the supplication of Yunus, will be answered.) Abu Sa`id said: "He was referring to: [æóßóÐáößó äõäÌöÜì ÇáúãõÄúãöäöíäó] (And thus We do deliver the believers.)'' Subhanallah, Allah (swt) & the prophet (pbuh) have shown us our way out of every situation: may Allah (swt) deliver this sister & all muslims from their trials & tribulations & may HE grant us all shelter under HIS throne, & the company of the prophet (pbuh) in Firdaws-e-a'alaa aameen |
| 07/04/03 at 20:45:40 |
| timbuktu |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| paula |
| 07/04/03 at 23:27:03 |
| [slm][size=2][font=Verdana][color=Navy] Jazak Allahu Khairan Brother [quote]Subhanallah, Allah (SubHana Wa Ta`ala) & the prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) have shown us our way out of every situation: May Allah (SubHana Wa Ta`ala) deliver this sister & all muslims from their trials & tribulations & may HE grant us all shelter under HIS throne, & the company of the prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) in Firdaws-e-a'alaa aameen [/quote] -- Ameen [255] Allah! There is no god but He, the Living, the Self-subsisting, Eternal. No slumber can seize Him nor sleep. His are all things in the heavens and on earth. Who is there can intercede in His presence except as He permitteth? He knoweth what (appeareth to His creatures as) Before or After or Behind them. Nor shall they compass aught of His knowledge except as He willeth. His Throne doth extend over the heavens and the earth, and He feeleth no fatigue in guarding and preserving them for He is the Most High, the Supreme (in glory). Qur'an 2:255 [/color][/font][/size] [wlm] |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| Potato |
| 07/05/03 at 15:00:58 |
| [slm] [quote author=a silverose link=board=madrasa;num=1056486616;start=0#0 date=06/24/03 at 17:30:15] [slm] Well it turns out the guy drinks/ smokes/ had/has a girlfriend and worse doesnt pray!!!!! he told her he has no interest in Islam and this really upset her.. she sais that when they get married he will probably have girlfriends [/quote] A few thoughts: 1. She was wrong to have a boyfriend to begin with. 2. Are you certain she is telling the absolute truth about this suitor? Perhaps she is just looking for faults in order not to marry him so she can be with her boyfriend? I can't understand why her parents would do this to her if this was really the case. 3. If this description of the guy is indeed true, it would be haram for her to marry him because I can't see how someone who doesn't pray and isn't interested in it and openly admits it and drinks and has girlfriends and doesn't consider it haram, well, I can't consider this guy to be a muslim despite his name or family and she can't marry him. It's ridiculous to even consider istikhara for a person of this type. And if her family has threatened her by stopping her education, well better risk her education than waste her life. An education can always be salvaged, but what do you do for a life gone to waste? >:( Anyways, this is just my opinion from the outside looking in and everything depends on the true circumstances. ??? [slm] |
| Re: need help quick! |
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| a_Silver_Rose |
| 07/11/03 at 18:53:54 |
| [wlm] [quote]1. She was wrong to have a boyfriend to begin with. [/quote] she knows that and so do I. This is why she was willing to meet the guy with an open heart...and im not hear to criticise her but to help her/be there for her insh'Allah. [quote]Are you certain she is telling the absolute truth about this suitor? [/quote] yes. As a muslim I believe her..if one is lying then it is between them and God. Sister if you were in trouble and in need wouldnt you want someone to believe you??? [quote]I can't understand why her parents would do this to her if this was really the case. [/quote] Dont be surprised. There are many parents who do this either for their own selfishness or they think money and status (name) is the only big important thing. [quote]It's ridiculous to even consider istikhara for a person of this type. And if her family has threatened her by stopping her education, well better risk her education than waste her life. An education can always be salvaged, but what do you do for a life gone to waste?[/quote] true .. hopefully whatever happens, happens for the best. pray for her your sister |
| 07/11/03 at 20:06:03 |
| a_Silver_Rose |
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