Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board

A R C H I V E S

The wisdom and goals of marriage

Madina Archives


Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board

The wisdom and goals of marriage
Nisa
06/30/03 at 06:43:38
The Wisdom and Goals of Marriage


Why do we marry? What is the wisdom behind marriage? These are two
important questions that every young male and female should ask
himself or herself. There are four reasons or goals behind marriage
that each person must consider before marrying:

1. Reproduction: Allah made the preservation of mankind, which is a
goal  that must be fulfilled, tied to marriage. He said, what
translated means, {Who made everything He has created good, and He
began the creation of man from clay. Then He made his offspring from
semen of no value fluid (sexual discharge).} [32:7-8].

This is why Allah made any act that hinders reproduction among the
most destructive of all acts, {And of mankind there is he whose
speech may please you (O Muhammad), in the worldly life, and he calls
Allah to witness as to that which is in his heart, yet he is the most
quarrelsome of opponents. And when he turns away (from you, O
Muhammad), his effort in the land is to make mischief therein and to
destroy the crops and the cattle (or the offspring), and Allah like
not the mischief} [2:204-205].

The type of offspring that is qualified to righteously inhabit the
earth is the offspring that is a result of marriage and not adultery.
Adultery produces offspring that will cause hatred and dishonor to
spread in the society, as such children, who are born out of wedlock,
usually face tremendous difficulties, both psychological and
emotional. These children do not usually enjoy the love and affection
that other children enjoy through normal family relations.

If marriage is conducted according to Allah's Law, it will be the
most viable and the safest way to preserve mankind. Allah ordered
Muslims to aspire to conceive children when they have sexual
intercourse with their wives; {It is made lawful for you to have
sexual relationships with your wives on the night of the fasts. They
are "Libas" (body cover) for you and your are the same for them.
Allah knows that you used to deceive yourselves, so He turned to you
(accepted your repentance) and forgave you. So now have sexual
relations with them and seek that which Allah has ordained for you.}
[2:187].

"Seeking what Allah has ordained," means seeking to have children.
Also, the Prophet said in Hadith narrated by ibn Abbas, "If any of
you, when he desires to sleep with his wife, says, 'In the name of
Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and erect a barrier between
Satan and what your are going to give us (our offspring), and if a
child is born as a result, Satan will never be able to harm him (the
child, whether male or female)." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

2. Satisfying sexual needs and the need for tranquillity and harmony:

Marriage provides both the husband and the wife with a type of
pleasure that is unsurpassed in this life; it satisfies their sexual
needs and brings about the pleasure and safety of having a mate.
Allah said, what translated means, {And among His signs is this, that
He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find
repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy.
Verily, in that there are indeed Signs for people who reflect.}
[30:21].

Finding repose in the wife entails both the physical and emotional
aspects and is one of the most beautiful feelings that Allah created
for mankind to enjoy. Such feelings are at their peak when one
satisfies them in the way that pleases Allah.

Also, these feelings come natural because of the unity in the origin
of creation and the natural feeling of attraction to the opposite sex
that Allah created in both men and women.

In short, we assert that the pleasures and joys that are felt in
legal marriage are among the best and sweetest feelings that Allah
has created and permitted for His slaves in this life. Satisfying the
need for such pleasures, in accordance with Allah's Law, is but a
means that leads to Allah's Pleasure and His Reward.

3. To be complete as human being:

The third reason behind marriage is that it aids men and women in
reaching completeness in being human. However, this can only be
accomplished in a marriage that is built on fairness, where the wife
and husband both have and then fulfill their own share of
responsibilities and rights. These responsibilities and rights must
be respected according to the boundaries set by Allah: Justice,
righteousness and mercy. If marriage is built around selfishness,
injustice, seeking one's rights while refraining from fulfilling his
or her obligations and indulging in fake wars between the two sexes,
then such marriages cannot help the individuals is whole and
complete. Spouses feel satisfaction, happiness and comfort if their
needs, whether physical or emotional, are fulfilled. This fulfillment
leads to true love and affection, making it one of the primary goals
of the marriage bond. It is when both spouses share feelings of
attraction, mercy and love that they both can benefit the most from
the fulfillment of their needs. This does not resemble relationships
where the primary concern is satisfying the lower sexual needs, yet
never leading to true love and affection. This is why feelings of
those who commit adultery or fornication are nothing compared to
feelings of spouses joined in marriage.

Adultery and fornication are relationships built on the primary goal
of satisfying sexual desires that, when satisfied, will be the end of
the relationship. In such cases, true love, affection and even
respect never exist. On the contrary, dishonor and disgust are the
feelings of a man towards a woman who agrees to be a sexual object to
satisfy his animal desires. Also, the woman will have these same
feelings towards the man who uses her beauty as an object to satisfy
his desires. This is why people in illicit relationships are always
bound to feel confusion, depression, and dishonor and unfulfilled. To
the one contrary, spouses are usually satisfied and feel safety,
affection, harmony and respect for each other, along with satisfying
their physical needs. Marriage is the birthplace of love, mercy,
honor and respect. In short, the feelings of spouses joined in
marriage are complete and the feelings of those who live in sin are
destroyed. This is why Islam calls marriage, "building," because it
builds families and their offspring. Those who understand these facts
and are righteous with regards to marriage and human relations, are
the furthest from psychological complexes and depression. Those who
live in and for sin are most likely to fall into depression and
psychological complexes. A righteous society is the one that marriage
is the base that it is built around. The society where sin is the
source of human relations, is one where depression and vice flourish.

When both the husband and wife have different responsibilities, and
fulfill them, the husband will be able to bring happiness to his wife
and raise his children righteously. Also, the wife can achieve
completeness when she has her own responsibilities that she is
obliged to fulfill and will also feel satisfaction when she has an
important role to play in marriage.

This is why some polls show that women reach their physiological,
physical and mental prime after their third child. When a woman gives
birth to her third child in a happy marriage, where each fulfills his
or her obligations and seeks moderation in pursuit of his or her
rights, then this is when she will feel complete and fulfilled.

This matter helps explain why those women who do not marry feel
miserable and depressed and tend to be self-destructive. Such women
are prevented from benefiting from the bounties of marriage and
having children. Islam seeks to avoid such destructive effects on the
society by ordering Muslims to marry their daughters and divorcees.
Allah said, what translated means, {And marry those among you who are
single (a man who has no wife and a woman who has no husband) and
(also marry) the Salihun (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male)
slaves and maid servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allah will
enrich them out of His Bounty.} [24:32].

The order of this Ayah is directed at all Muslims, especially those
in authority. Indeed, a society that has many unmarried women is a
society where all kinds of social ills flourish. In short, the woman
who is prevented from marriage and having children is the woman who
experiences depression and is psychologically unfulfilled.

Sometimes this occurs because of the society itself. It is not our
intention to research the reasons behind such social ills, but only
to discuss the effects of such ills on the society. In summary, we
believe that both men and women can only reach fulfillment and
completeness under the flag of legal marriage.

4. To help build the society and inhabit the earth:

Our existence in this life obliges us to live in societies, which are
like buildings that were erected by using numerous building blocks
comprised of many raw materials. The individual is the raw material
that the society needs the most to exist and survive men and women
cannot live in. Also, a fact of life is that both isolation from each
other as two halves of the same, because each needs the other sex,
seed built if its building blocks are need each other. Furthermore, a
healthy society can only comprised of healthy raw materials.

We believe that men and women are the raw materials, and that
families are the building blocks, which comprise the building of the
society. When families are built around husbands and wives, who are
the most important raw materials, and all obligations, that the
religion established, are fulfilled, then a healthy society will be
built. This is why marriage contracts are similar to building
contracts, in that, marriage is a contract that requires each
signatory to respect its terms and specifications so that the
building of the family is made strong and complete.

[slm] :-)
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage
muahmed
06/30/03 at 18:26:49
[slm] ;-)

The use of ( comments ) is ingenius! The best post I have read today for the following 2 reasons.

[quote]
Allah said, what translated means, {And marry those among you who are  
single (a man who has no wife and a woman who has no husband) and  
(also marry) the Salihun (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male)  
slaves and maid servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allah will  
enrich them out of His Bounty.} [24:32].
[/quote]

The above part from the post has great wisdom in the comments in brackets.  I admire whoever wrote the words in brackets ( ). So subtle yet so clever!


The post says:
Marry those who are single and (also marry) the Salihun ....
The "also marry" so cleverly implies that a blessed act like marriage should be repeated as often as possible. Brothers take note!

Secondly I love the defination of salihun: pious, fit and capable. I only knew the first meaning (pious) before reading this post. I guess sisters should put each prospective spouse on a treadmill for 30 mins at 8 mph and then make them do a 100 pushups. About capability I am not sure exactly what it means and what would be a good metric. It obviously does not refer to wealth or money as the verse is already stating that poverty is not an issue

;D   ;D   ;D
06/30/03 at 19:04:23
muahmed
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage
Nisa
07/02/03 at 06:37:45
[slm]

Akhi, I think the "also" implies the fact that believers are advised to marry those who are single and salihun....yani single [i]and also[/i] salihun....the two are related to one person me thinks......waAllahu a'lam :)

As for capable....can be interpreted in many different ways...capable upon the deen maybe?

[wlm] :-)
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage
muahmed
07/02/03 at 19:05:01
[slm] ;-)

We shall not be discouraged! The room to interpret "marry ... and also marry " as meaning "marry her and also marry her" which means "marry and marry again" is there!

;D   :P   8)   ;)  
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage
Nisa
07/03/03 at 07:03:54
[slm]

LOL akhi....khair....we shall leave it at this >>> Allahu a'lam :)

[wlm] :-)
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage
lucid9
07/03/03 at 17:40:12
[quote author=Nisa link=board=sis;num=1056966218;start=0#0 date=06/30/03 at 06:43:38]
Why do we marry?
[/quote]

People marry because when they are young they are temporarily insane (ever seen a love crazed 21yr old?) .  They look forward to having a loving spouse without realizing how much emotional and financial work is required to maintain a loving spouse.  They look forward to having cute and cuddly children without realizing how much incredible hard work is needed to properly bring up children these days.

If people really realized how much hard work is involved and the sacrifices entailed, I figure very few people would ever get married.  But alhumdu lillah Allah has made the human race rather foolish (emotions overrule brains)  in some respects and so people continually get married and the human race perpetuates.  Lol.   Subhanallah, so there are even benefits in being over emotional potatoheads!  
07/03/03 at 17:42:18
lucid9
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage
Nisa
07/04/03 at 17:00:05
[quote] Subhanallah, so there are even benefits in being over emotional potatoheads!  [/quote]

LOL so it would seem akhi  ;D  

[slm]  :-)
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage
a_Silver_Rose
07/07/03 at 01:51:38
[slm]

that was interesting...
so what if you marry someone and find out that you are two different people?
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage
faisalsb
07/07/03 at 02:18:26
[slm]

Sister Silverose very simple answer to your question ... marry again and again unless you are satisfied with your spouse.......;)
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage
a_Silver_Rose
07/07/03 at 02:23:55
[wlm]

i hpe you are joking right! :o
I can never do that.

marry once and for life UNLESS the man is hurting my child or someone else.

Anyway I decided that if you are two different people but if you have one goal to worship Allah (swt) and be the best Muslim then you can make it work...right?
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage
se7en
07/07/03 at 02:36:18


as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,

more about marriage @ http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/madina/YaBB.pl?board=library;action=display;num=1057556064

wasalaamu alaykum :-)
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage
faisalsb
07/07/03 at 03:12:38
[slm]

Yes! Sister Silverose I was kidding I didn't mean it seriously ......:) instead I believe in only one marriage for ever ... God willing .... but sometimes things don't go as we wish or want. I think before taking decision of getting married we must follow all those advices what have been mentioned again and again on the board and if still it goes wrong then we should take it like a test from Allah Subhan Wa Talla.

Yes I am agreed if both the parteners are good muslim and believe in Islam then sooner or latter they can find the way out since the criteria to judge between wrong and right is same for them which really helps.


Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
A R C H I V E S

Individual posts do not necessarily reflect the views of Jannah.org, Islam, or all Muslims. All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective owners. Comments are owned by the poster and may not be used without consent of the author.
The rest © Jannah.Org