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The wisdom and goals of marriage |
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Nisa |
06/30/03 at 06:43:38 |
The Wisdom and Goals of Marriage Why do we marry? What is the wisdom behind marriage? These are two important questions that every young male and female should ask himself or herself. There are four reasons or goals behind marriage that each person must consider before marrying: 1. Reproduction: Allah made the preservation of mankind, which is a goal that must be fulfilled, tied to marriage. He said, what translated means, {Who made everything He has created good, and He began the creation of man from clay. Then He made his offspring from semen of no value fluid (sexual discharge).} [32:7-8]. This is why Allah made any act that hinders reproduction among the most destructive of all acts, {And of mankind there is he whose speech may please you (O Muhammad), in the worldly life, and he calls Allah to witness as to that which is in his heart, yet he is the most quarrelsome of opponents. And when he turns away (from you, O Muhammad), his effort in the land is to make mischief therein and to destroy the crops and the cattle (or the offspring), and Allah like not the mischief} [2:204-205]. The type of offspring that is qualified to righteously inhabit the earth is the offspring that is a result of marriage and not adultery. Adultery produces offspring that will cause hatred and dishonor to spread in the society, as such children, who are born out of wedlock, usually face tremendous difficulties, both psychological and emotional. These children do not usually enjoy the love and affection that other children enjoy through normal family relations. If marriage is conducted according to Allah's Law, it will be the most viable and the safest way to preserve mankind. Allah ordered Muslims to aspire to conceive children when they have sexual intercourse with their wives; {It is made lawful for you to have sexual relationships with your wives on the night of the fasts. They are "Libas" (body cover) for you and your are the same for them. Allah knows that you used to deceive yourselves, so He turned to you (accepted your repentance) and forgave you. So now have sexual relations with them and seek that which Allah has ordained for you.} [2:187]. "Seeking what Allah has ordained," means seeking to have children. Also, the Prophet said in Hadith narrated by ibn Abbas, "If any of you, when he desires to sleep with his wife, says, 'In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and erect a barrier between Satan and what your are going to give us (our offspring), and if a child is born as a result, Satan will never be able to harm him (the child, whether male or female)." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]. 2. Satisfying sexual needs and the need for tranquillity and harmony: Marriage provides both the husband and the wife with a type of pleasure that is unsurpassed in this life; it satisfies their sexual needs and brings about the pleasure and safety of having a mate. Allah said, what translated means, {And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that there are indeed Signs for people who reflect.} [30:21]. Finding repose in the wife entails both the physical and emotional aspects and is one of the most beautiful feelings that Allah created for mankind to enjoy. Such feelings are at their peak when one satisfies them in the way that pleases Allah. Also, these feelings come natural because of the unity in the origin of creation and the natural feeling of attraction to the opposite sex that Allah created in both men and women. In short, we assert that the pleasures and joys that are felt in legal marriage are among the best and sweetest feelings that Allah has created and permitted for His slaves in this life. Satisfying the need for such pleasures, in accordance with Allah's Law, is but a means that leads to Allah's Pleasure and His Reward. 3. To be complete as human being: The third reason behind marriage is that it aids men and women in reaching completeness in being human. However, this can only be accomplished in a marriage that is built on fairness, where the wife and husband both have and then fulfill their own share of responsibilities and rights. These responsibilities and rights must be respected according to the boundaries set by Allah: Justice, righteousness and mercy. If marriage is built around selfishness, injustice, seeking one's rights while refraining from fulfilling his or her obligations and indulging in fake wars between the two sexes, then such marriages cannot help the individuals is whole and complete. Spouses feel satisfaction, happiness and comfort if their needs, whether physical or emotional, are fulfilled. This fulfillment leads to true love and affection, making it one of the primary goals of the marriage bond. It is when both spouses share feelings of attraction, mercy and love that they both can benefit the most from the fulfillment of their needs. This does not resemble relationships where the primary concern is satisfying the lower sexual needs, yet never leading to true love and affection. This is why feelings of those who commit adultery or fornication are nothing compared to feelings of spouses joined in marriage. Adultery and fornication are relationships built on the primary goal of satisfying sexual desires that, when satisfied, will be the end of the relationship. In such cases, true love, affection and even respect never exist. On the contrary, dishonor and disgust are the feelings of a man towards a woman who agrees to be a sexual object to satisfy his animal desires. Also, the woman will have these same feelings towards the man who uses her beauty as an object to satisfy his desires. This is why people in illicit relationships are always bound to feel confusion, depression, and dishonor and unfulfilled. To the one contrary, spouses are usually satisfied and feel safety, affection, harmony and respect for each other, along with satisfying their physical needs. Marriage is the birthplace of love, mercy, honor and respect. In short, the feelings of spouses joined in marriage are complete and the feelings of those who live in sin are destroyed. This is why Islam calls marriage, "building," because it builds families and their offspring. Those who understand these facts and are righteous with regards to marriage and human relations, are the furthest from psychological complexes and depression. Those who live in and for sin are most likely to fall into depression and psychological complexes. A righteous society is the one that marriage is the base that it is built around. The society where sin is the source of human relations, is one where depression and vice flourish. When both the husband and wife have different responsibilities, and fulfill them, the husband will be able to bring happiness to his wife and raise his children righteously. Also, the wife can achieve completeness when she has her own responsibilities that she is obliged to fulfill and will also feel satisfaction when she has an important role to play in marriage. This is why some polls show that women reach their physiological, physical and mental prime after their third child. When a woman gives birth to her third child in a happy marriage, where each fulfills his or her obligations and seeks moderation in pursuit of his or her rights, then this is when she will feel complete and fulfilled. This matter helps explain why those women who do not marry feel miserable and depressed and tend to be self-destructive. Such women are prevented from benefiting from the bounties of marriage and having children. Islam seeks to avoid such destructive effects on the society by ordering Muslims to marry their daughters and divorcees. Allah said, what translated means, {And marry those among you who are single (a man who has no wife and a woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Salihun (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty.} [24:32]. The order of this Ayah is directed at all Muslims, especially those in authority. Indeed, a society that has many unmarried women is a society where all kinds of social ills flourish. In short, the woman who is prevented from marriage and having children is the woman who experiences depression and is psychologically unfulfilled. Sometimes this occurs because of the society itself. It is not our intention to research the reasons behind such social ills, but only to discuss the effects of such ills on the society. In summary, we believe that both men and women can only reach fulfillment and completeness under the flag of legal marriage. 4. To help build the society and inhabit the earth: Our existence in this life obliges us to live in societies, which are like buildings that were erected by using numerous building blocks comprised of many raw materials. The individual is the raw material that the society needs the most to exist and survive men and women cannot live in. Also, a fact of life is that both isolation from each other as two halves of the same, because each needs the other sex, seed built if its building blocks are need each other. Furthermore, a healthy society can only comprised of healthy raw materials. We believe that men and women are the raw materials, and that families are the building blocks, which comprise the building of the society. When families are built around husbands and wives, who are the most important raw materials, and all obligations, that the religion established, are fulfilled, then a healthy society will be built. This is why marriage contracts are similar to building contracts, in that, marriage is a contract that requires each signatory to respect its terms and specifications so that the building of the family is made strong and complete. [slm] :-) |
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage |
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muahmed |
06/30/03 at 18:26:49 |
[slm] ;-) The use of ( comments ) is ingenius! The best post I have read today for the following 2 reasons. [quote] Allah said, what translated means, {And marry those among you who are single (a man who has no wife and a woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Salihun (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty.} [24:32]. [/quote] The above part from the post has great wisdom in the comments in brackets. I admire whoever wrote the words in brackets ( ). So subtle yet so clever! The post says: Marry those who are single and (also marry) the Salihun .... The "also marry" so cleverly implies that a blessed act like marriage should be repeated as often as possible. Brothers take note! Secondly I love the defination of salihun: pious, fit and capable. I only knew the first meaning (pious) before reading this post. I guess sisters should put each prospective spouse on a treadmill for 30 mins at 8 mph and then make them do a 100 pushups. About capability I am not sure exactly what it means and what would be a good metric. It obviously does not refer to wealth or money as the verse is already stating that poverty is not an issue ;D ;D ;D |
06/30/03 at 19:04:23 |
muahmed |
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage |
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Nisa |
07/02/03 at 06:37:45 |
[slm] Akhi, I think the "also" implies the fact that believers are advised to marry those who are single and salihun....yani single [i]and also[/i] salihun....the two are related to one person me thinks......waAllahu a'lam :) As for capable....can be interpreted in many different ways...capable upon the deen maybe? [wlm] :-) |
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage |
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muahmed |
07/02/03 at 19:05:01 |
[slm] ;-) We shall not be discouraged! The room to interpret "marry ... and also marry " as meaning "marry her and also marry her" which means "marry and marry again" is there! ;D :P 8) ;) |
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage |
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Nisa |
07/03/03 at 07:03:54 |
[slm] LOL akhi....khair....we shall leave it at this >>> Allahu a'lam :) [wlm] :-) |
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage |
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lucid9 |
07/03/03 at 17:40:12 |
[quote author=Nisa link=board=sis;num=1056966218;start=0#0 date=06/30/03 at 06:43:38] Why do we marry? [/quote] People marry because when they are young they are temporarily insane (ever seen a love crazed 21yr old?) . They look forward to having a loving spouse without realizing how much emotional and financial work is required to maintain a loving spouse. They look forward to having cute and cuddly children without realizing how much incredible hard work is needed to properly bring up children these days. If people really realized how much hard work is involved and the sacrifices entailed, I figure very few people would ever get married. But alhumdu lillah Allah has made the human race rather foolish (emotions overrule brains) in some respects and so people continually get married and the human race perpetuates. Lol. Subhanallah, so there are even benefits in being over emotional potatoheads! |
07/03/03 at 17:42:18 |
lucid9 |
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage |
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Nisa |
07/04/03 at 17:00:05 |
[quote] Subhanallah, so there are even benefits in being over emotional potatoheads! [/quote] LOL so it would seem akhi ;D [slm] :-) |
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage |
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a_Silver_Rose |
07/07/03 at 01:51:38 |
[slm] that was interesting... so what if you marry someone and find out that you are two different people? |
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage |
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faisalsb |
07/07/03 at 02:18:26 |
[slm] Sister Silverose very simple answer to your question ... marry again and again unless you are satisfied with your spouse.......;) |
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage |
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a_Silver_Rose |
07/07/03 at 02:23:55 |
[wlm] i hpe you are joking right! :o I can never do that. marry once and for life UNLESS the man is hurting my child or someone else. Anyway I decided that if you are two different people but if you have one goal to worship Allah (swt) and be the best Muslim then you can make it work...right? |
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage |
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se7en |
07/07/03 at 02:36:18 |
as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah, more about marriage @ http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/madina/YaBB.pl?board=library;action=display;num=1057556064 wasalaamu alaykum :-) |
Re: The wisdom and goals of marriage |
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faisalsb |
07/07/03 at 03:12:38 |
[slm] Yes! Sister Silverose I was kidding I didn't mean it seriously ......:) instead I believe in only one marriage for ever ... God willing .... but sometimes things don't go as we wish or want. I think before taking decision of getting married we must follow all those advices what have been mentioned again and again on the board and if still it goes wrong then we should take it like a test from Allah Subhan Wa Talla. Yes I am agreed if both the parteners are good muslim and believe in Islam then sooner or latter they can find the way out since the criteria to judge between wrong and right is same for them which really helps. |
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