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| Dealing with Zeal |
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| Nistar |
| 06/30/03 at 23:49:03 |
| [slm] all! So I've come home to TO -- visiting my parents for the week (yay Canada day!! :-/). Today I went with my mom to visit my old co-workers at her store (she's the Deli manager at a Price Chopper...and believe me, no one is a harder boss than your own mother!). One of the "new guys" is a sweet man who has recently brought his family over from Afghanistan. He currently runs the in-store newspaper stand. When my mom introduced me to him, he looked at my mom...looked at me, and said, "Oh funny, funny! Good joke you are playing on me!" He couldn't believe that I was a Muslim (my mom is non-Muslim, and is very...trendy. So when the two of us go out together, we shock a lot of people. Especially with her bright, wild hair, and with me covered). He asked me to recite the kalimat -- and still wouldn't believe me (he was in shock). Finally I said, "I can start reciting Qur'an right now if you want me to -- but that really isn't appropriate. Please, just say 'Subhan'Allah' and leave it at that!" :) Long story short -- he then started in on me: when did you convert? when is your mom converting? have you tried to convert her? do you teach her about Islam? Then he focused in on my mom: do you know what Jannah is? This is heaven. You cannot go to heaven unless you are Muslim. You shouldn't drink or do bad things. When are you converting? :o Subhan'Allah! You could imagine my horror and my mom's rejection of his manner...as I watched months of my own da'wah work go completely down the drain! Now my mom thinks he's the "too religious" type...and is completely turned off by anything he has to say. She doesn't drink and Alhamdulillah, is a good person -- and was outraged that he would assume this. There were serious issues with what he was telling her that completely underminded the message of Islam I gave to her: that God is Merciful and that we have no right to judge the Final outcome of others. Alhamdulillah, she knows a lot about Islam...but her tolerance of it is always teetering on the edge of: I'm tolerating it for my daughter's sake; or, I completely reject it. We had a quiet ride home, and she really didn't want to hear anything I had to say. Insha'Allah this will not last long -- as we always have our ups and downs ;) Helping parents deal with the conversion of a child can be a long and difficult process...but having parents accept Islam is an entirely different struggle. I love my parents dearly, and I am constantly doing da'wah to them...but I know them best, and know how much they can take. Having religion forced down their throats, or being threatened with hellfire is not going to do it for them....but may actually drive them away. My dad is constantly bombarded by people with good intentions. Alhamdulillah, he is more open minded and patient when people give him da'wah (not the year long, guided da'wah...but the da'wah that attempts to convince someone in about 5 minutes that Islam is the truth. Rushed, and "in your face"). He smiles and listens, and insha'Allah God will one day soften his heart. But if the same happens to mom....no way! She'll dig her heels in and constantly reject. She needs her connecion with God contextualized, and in small doses...in words and caring that connect with her. Anything outside of this, and she shuts completely down. I know he had good intentions -- but what do you do in a situation like this? Has anyone else been faced with this or a similar problem? And a second issue just dawned on me: is there a social stigma for converts and their parents? Meaning, do communities generally expect converts to have their parents also convert ASAP? Is there a feeling of da'wah failure either felt by the child convert, or placed upon them by the community? Has anyone ever felt this way? Is this why people tend to do "fast" da'wah to my parents...as if I'm not doing enough??? Peace, Nistar. |
| 06/30/03 at 23:57:07 |
| Nistar |
| Re: Dealing with Zeal |
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| panjul |
| 07/01/03 at 01:12:34 |
| [slm] Has anyone ever felt this way? Is this why people tend to do "fast" da'wah to my parents...as if I'm not doing enough There are three types of reactions from parents (generalizing this of course, to suit our discussion). One is where the paretns completely reject their children's choice of Islam as well as them. The other is where the parents are tolerant, but stay a aloof from the child. They do not have the same relationship as before, but don't completely shut them out of their lives either. The third is where the paretns are still active in their child's life--how your mom seems to me from what you have said so far. This is the type for which there exists more hope, in the child's heart as well as the wishes of the community. In Pakistan, NWFP, people tend to be very open about their intentions and their approach to guiding people to Islam--the kind that is in your face. That may work with some peple but not all. For instance people in other parts of the country can get away with making fun of "maulanas," the stereotyped imam who riles up people instead of bringing them together. IN NWFP, you'd get beaten up by the people if you made fun of such a figure in a newspaper column, or in a conversation with someone at a cafe. In panjab, I noticed that if someone does not pray, no one really gets on his case about it. But where my father's family is from, if you don't pray, the whole town will be on your case about it. A person over there will be described by the people, as "the man/woman that does not pray", minus all their other good qualities. In punjab, i noticed, that someone who does not pray but is a good person in other ways will be described as, "he/she is a very generous person, although he does not pray." So, you see where the man is coming from? Not that it execuses how he approached your mother and you. So this guy does not represent every muslim, and not even every person from his country.... God knows his intentions best. However, on seeing you and your mom together, perhaps, he thought that perhaps being a convert you did not know how to present Islam to another person well. So he decided to do it for you. Maybe next time you go to his place, you can tell him that, that is not the way to do dawah here. And especialy not to your mom. Maybe you will enlighten him. |
| Re: Dealing with Zeal |
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| faisalsb |
| 07/01/03 at 02:28:18 |
| [slm] Mashallah Sister Nistar I really admir your behavior to your parents. You are certainly doing the right thing. As a muslim we are supposed to be dutifull and obey our parents no matter whatever their religion is. That's the most important thing for a muslim after fard prayers. And it's very clearly mentioned in Quran: [color=green]002.083 And when We made a covenant with the children of Israel: You shall not serve any but Allah and (you shall do) good to (your) parents, and to the near of kin and to the orphans and the needy, and you shall speak to men good words and keep up prayer 002.215 They ask you as to what they should spend. Say: Whatever wealth you spend, it is for the parents and the near of kin and the orphans and the needy and the wayfarer, and whatever good you do, Allah surely knows it. 004.036 And serve Allah and do not associate any thing with Him and be good to the parents and to the near of kin and the orphans and the needy and the neighbor of (your) kin and the alien neighbor, and the companion in a journey and the wayfarer and those whom your right hands possess; surely Allah does not love him who is proud, boastful; 006.151 Say: Come I will recite what your Lord has forbidden to you-- (remember) that you do not associate anything with Him and show kindness to your parents, and do not slay your children for (fear of) poverty-- We provide for you and for them-- and do not draw nigh to indecencies, those of them which are apparent and those which are oncealed, and do not kill the soul which Allah has forbidden except for the requirements of justice; this He has enjoined you with that you may understand. 017.023 And your Lord has commanded that you shall not serve (any) but Him, and goodness to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, say not to them (so much as) "Ugh" nor chide them, and speak to them a generous word. 017.024 And make yourself submissively gentle to them with compassion, and say: O my Lord! have compassion on them, as they brought me up (when I was) little. 031.014 And We have enjoined man in respect of his parents-- his mother bears him with faintings upon faintings and his weaning takes two years-- saying: Be grateful to Me and to both your parents; to Me is the eventual coming. [/color] We are only supposed to deny if they ask us to do shirk or associate anyone with Allah Subhanwa Tallah as mentioned in following mentioned verse of Quran: [color=green] 031.015 And if they contend with you that you should associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, do not obey them, and keep company with them in this world kindly, and follow the way of him who turns to Me, then to Me is your return, then will I inform you of what you did— [/color] If we read upper mentioned verse carefully we come to know that even in that worst case when they ask us to associate someone with Allah we are just supposed to deny but not be harsh or misbehave with them. Where ever the question is concerned either we are supposed to convert them or not. It's very good if we can convince them to convert but it should be done in wiser way and we must be carefull in choosing the way and words that they shouldn't reflect any kind of disgrace to them. But no doubt converting one's parents is not compulsary neither priority but obeying them certainly is. If it were compulsary and mendatory then father of Ali (rau) wouldn't have died non-muslim. Allah knows the best ....... |
| Re: Dealing with Zeal |
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| sofia |
| 07/01/03 at 10:30:48 |
| As-salaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullah, Nistar Yep, sounds like someone with good intentions, but who is the Anti-Dai'ee. :) May Allah help him and us to convey Islaam as it should be, and facilitate it for the people, rather than turn them away. On another note, sometimes a good, hard critique is an eventual wake-up call. I hope Allah makes it easy for you and that your loved ones come into the fold, too, inshaa'Allah. Otherwise, has anyone read an article about this topic? Actually, it was more like a social commentary on the "pseudo-scholar" phenomenon amongst and within Muslims, shooting out fatwas/ahaadith without knowledge...written by "Mufti Maybe" or something like this (it was kind of a humorous look at it, but a good reminder). ? |
| 07/01/03 at 10:32:58 |
| sofia |
| Re: Dealing with Zeal |
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| Yasmeena |
| 07/01/03 at 19:30:28 |
| [slm] I guess I am lucky. My mother was shocked at first when I told her about converting to Islam but has started asking me questions about why I did it. I had been a perpetual seeker until my introduction to Islam last year. Mom was used to me flitting from one church to another seeking peace for my soul. It started when I was 14 and it took me until age 47 to find Islam and my place on the true path. Mom waited until I was a year old as a Muslimah before she started taking me seriously about Islam. Now she askes questions, partly to learn and partly to see if she can find a loophole in what I say. I guess she figures that since Dad passed away in 1984, if they were in the wrong faith, he is in hell. I try to tell her that if Dad didn't know about Islam there may still be hope he will reach Jannah. I don't know if that is true but I have been doing research on it for a while. Any suggestions my ;-) and :-)?? Yasmeena [wlm] |
| Re: Dealing with Zeal |
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| faisalsb |
| 07/02/03 at 01:56:17 |
| [slm] :) Well Sister Sofia I am not against Dawaa but there is difference between ignorance which might turns off a real muslim from Islam and real dawaa which have ability to melt hearts of someone like Umar (rau) who were worst enemy of Islam. I'll like to quote an incident from history of Islam that's about two kids they saw an old man doing wudhu incorrectly. Those two kids wanted to give dawaa to that old man so both of them went to the man and one of them asked him, "Uncle both of us will do wudhu and you please judge between us whose wudhu is better" the man agreed to be judge and both of them did wudhu in front of him, while seeing them doing wudhu he realised his mistake. So that's way those kids deliver the message of Islam without even mentioning mistake of the man. The names of those two kids are Hussain (rau) and Hassan (rau). So breifly that's the dawaa and sunnah of Holy Prophet (saw) but what sister Nistar was talking about I think that's nothing more than ignorance. Allah knows the best ............ (Sister Sofia I got little alert when I saw the word "Mafia" in your designation, I hope I don't have to pay price for what ever I said .........;)) |
| Re: Dealing with Zeal |
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| Kathy |
| 07/02/03 at 08:59:40 |
| [slm] Does anyone know the ayats Prophet Muhammad [saw] would recite that would make kings weep? |
| Re: Dealing with Zeal |
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| sofia |
| 07/03/03 at 10:50:53 |
| As-salaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullah, bro Faisal, Good reminder, one of the messages of the incident regarding Hassan and Hussain (R) is how to give da'wah without hurting someone's feelings, esp. those who should be treated with utmost respect. And, secondly, I apologize if it seemed like my post was in reply to yours. It wasn't. In fact, I hadn't read your post before mine; I have this awful habit of just reading the main question sometimes. That's another thing I have to work on. :) The purpose of my bringing up the "pseudo-scholar" article was because I've been seriously searching for it for some time. Articles like it are a reminder for me (and prob a good one for a board like this), because I can read and memorize every hadith and ayah out there (not that I have), but that in NO way makes me a scholar or gives me the right to give a definitive answer to a fiqh-type question, when I haven't thoroughly studied usool-ul-fiqh, know when to apply the verses/ahaadith, how to give proper da'wah, how to make ijtehaad, etc. I prob need reminders like that more than anyone. So again, if anyone's seen it, please post it. Jazaakum Allahu khair. |
| 07/03/03 at 10:55:55 |
| sofia |
| Re: Dealing with Zeal |
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| NinthMuharram |
| 07/03/03 at 21:33:26 |
| Is this it Sofia ? http://www.notafatwa.tk |
| Re: Dealing with Zeal |
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| bhaloo |
| 07/04/03 at 09:08:52 |
| [slm] [quote author=NinthMuharram link=board=lighthouse;num=1057027744;start=0#8 date=07/03/03 at 21:33:26]Is this it Sofia ? http://www.notafatwa.tk[/quote] I don't think this answers Sofia's question, it has things like Mufti Maybe's articles: How to Tell if She's Taken Male Idiocy Second Wives Club Secret Relationships |
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