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| Fiqh & da Family |
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| se7en |
| 07/07/03 at 02:34:24 |
| as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah, these are some notes I just typed up from a seminar a while back with Imam Mokhtar Maghraoui. please keep in mind that they are just my notes, not the exact words of the scholar; and so there may be mistakes. please feel free to post, madina msg or email me [se7en@jannah.org] if you have any questions / corrections. jazakam Allahu khayran :) wasalaamu alaykum :-) ----- Fiqh & the Family Seminar 11/12/00 * The Qur'an describes marriage as something good, beneficial, and as the sunnah of the prophets, who are the best of creation: "We had sent before you messengers and have made for them spouses and children..." "And of His signs, is that He created for you from yourselves spouses, that you may dwell in tranquility with them..." (and many more ayaat) * Rasulullah [salAllahu alayhi wasalam] also praised marriage: "The life of this world is a mataa' [means of happiness and enjoyment] and the best of mataa' is a righteous wife." "Four things - whoever has them has been given khayr in this life and aakhira: a qalb in shukr [qalbun shakaran]; a truthful tongue [leesanan saadiqan]; a body that endures difficulty and trial with patience [badanun ala bala'ee sabran]; and a spouse who is not unjust [zawjatan la tabhgeehee - one that does not transgress in his nafs and/or property]." These are some of the Many texts that call us into a life of matrimony. * Marriage has hikaam - wisdom and benefits. -- There is a natural desire instilled in men and women - and marriage allows us to fulfill that. The intimate relationship between a man and woman is not dirty or exceptional, but is something natural and is a sunnah if committed in the institution of marriage. We know from history that if this natural desire is not fulfilled through marriage, it will be fulfilled illicitly. -- Marriage also protects the nassl - it allows us to procreate and for the continuation of Muslims. Through Rasulullah [salAllahu alayhi wasalam], Allah tells us to multiply and be fruitful, to preserve the human race and continue generations of 'ibaad of Allah. "Multiply and be fruitful, so I shall celebrate your multitude (as believers) in front of other nations on the Day of Resurrection." -- Rasulullah salAllahu alayhi wasalam -- Marriage brings families together and strengthens ties -- It helps diminish selfishness and greed in an individual, and helps cultivate a sense of concern for others, a willingness to sacrifice, and mercy and compassion with children. -- It is another means of ibaadah. Rasulullah [salAllahu alayhi wasalam] said that marriage to a righteous person is fulfilling half of the deen. Marriage will help a person focus on ibadah, and if the marriage poses a challenge it allows for a person to struggle in showing sabr, which is a chance for even more ibadah. * The Hukum of Zawaj Marriage can be 1] Wajib, 2] Mustahab, 3] Haram, 4] Makruh, or 5] Mubah, depending on circumstances. "O young man, he who is able to marry and support a family, let him marry [verb of command] for that is a way to best protect ones chastity and a way to safeguard ones sight [from haram]. And the one who is unable to marry, then let him fast, for siyaam will help the person restrain his desire." -- Rasulullah, salAllahu alayhi wasalam Fasting is the remedy Rasulullah [saw] gave - effective for a qalb that truly loves Allah. 1.] Zawaj becomes wajib if: a) one's nafs desires to marry b) al-qudrah - there is the physical ability to provide for a family and also to function sexually. c) kashyatul annat - fear of falling into illicit relations. If these three conditions exist then it becomes a shari'i obligation, *mandatory*, for a person to marry. 2.] Marriage is mustahab [recommended] if the first two conditions are met (a and b), but the person does not fear falling into fitna. (Keep in mind that the companions used to marry, for fear they could not trust themselves -- what about us?) 3.] Marriage may be haram [prohibited] if a person has no way to provide for the minimum necessities of wife - these include both providing financial support [nafaqa] and providing fulfillment in acts of intimacy [watt']. It is depriving a woman of her rights and doing an injustice and harm if one seeks marriage though they are unable to fulfill these requirements. A desire for marriage does not give one the right to harm someone else - the sanctity of both are equal, and the rights of both men and women should be fulfilled. Tadlees - to hide defects. defects include sexual problems, infertility, etc. It is haram, and if it occurs either party has the right to seek annulment. 4.] Marriage can be makruh [disliked by sharh', not liked by Allah] when the man is incapable of fulfilling his rights and obligations, but the woman accepts. This because the beauty of the original objectives of marriage are not fulfilled, even though there is no harm. 5.] Marriage can be mubah [permissible] if one is able to fulfill the basic requirements of marriage but has no desire to marry, and does not fear haram. When a companion sought rukhsa from Rasulullah [salAllahu alayhi wasalam] to not marry, and live a life in zuhud, he [salAllahu alayhi wasalam] refused. Some companions said that if he had granted them permission, they would have lived their lives in complete seclusion. --> (tangent) they said they would have been castrated, but this statement was not meant literally. it is haram to alter sexual organs, and it is even haram to castrate people who commit sexual crimes, because we don't know how this individual's children may be. shari'ah has laws set up for such crimes - rape committed by a married man has the death penalty, in the proper environmental context. -- When families begin to deviate in values and morals, families are no longer compatible - and the likelihood of a marriage to function diminishes. this is not natural to a society that has homogenous values. Parents should think - every child I have is born to leave me - to marry. We need to parent properly so marriages are easier and happier. Tribal, nationalistic, racist tendencies also complicate things, as well as making marriage extremely expensive, almost like a business transaction. These things lead to people satisfying their natural, God-given needs in ways that are wrong. (Mentioned text in which Umar, radhiyAllahu anh' sought to limit mahr, and the woman who corrected him. "Umar missed, and the woman was correct.") Mahr is fine as long as both individuals are capable, and it should not prevent good people from marrying. If parents refuse to marry a child when it is wajib upon them, the parents will be held accountable. * Q & A [note: these are not all the questions, just those more relevant to marriage. I also took out some of the more fatwa-like questions] Q>: Can you please comment on a hadeeth that says, 'if you marry a woman for her beauty, Allah will make her ugly in your eyes'? A>: May be referring to a hadeeth which says: "He who marries a woman because of her lineage, Allah will lower his status, and He who marries a woman because of her wealth, Allah will decrease him in wealth." This is a daeef hadeeth, but one should not marry a woman solely because of her wealth, lineage, beauty or any other quality besides deen. (mentioned hadeeth, 'women are married for four reasons..') Righteousness is the most important element, you are walking on thin ice if you do otherwise. What lasts is beauty of the Qalb, and what makes a Mu'min a Mu'min is an appreciation of internal beauty. Q>: Can you please comment on a hadeeth in which Rasulullah [salAllahu alayhi wasalam] says: "Beware of --- [arabic term]" 'What is that Ya Rasulullah?' "The beautiful woman who was brought up in a bad family." A>: This is a daeef hadeeth but it still has wisdom. This dangerously attractive woman will lead you to misery and sorrow in this world and aakhirah. The Qur'an states that you should not marry a woman from the mushrikaat even if she is more attractive to you than a believing woman. [Qur'an 2:221] If you don't trust that taqwa will be sufficient, this is an implicit kufr. Other things can be a factor, but nothing else should be a *determining* factor but a woman's taqwa. Consider the way people are raised, their character and the character of their families, because this has a role in compatibility. One should not marry without discussing things with good, Allah-fearing parents - and do not marry without their consent. And a parent cannot force a child to marry someone they do not want to marry. There needs to be consent from both parties. Materialism and attachment to dunyaa has made us keep from having children to preserve wealth. 'We have become like wolves - no not like wolves, they actually *like* children -- we have become worse than beasts.' A man came to Rasulullah [salAllahu alayhi wasalam] asking about a woman who was beautiful, from great lineage, but infertile. Rasulullah [salAllahu alayhi wasalam] said: "Do not do that. Marry the woman who is wadud [loving and kind] and gives birth to children, for on the Day of Resurrection I will celebrate your multitudes." One of the signs of the Day of Judgement - people would rather raise puppies than children. We become more and more like robots - decreasing compassion, love, and humanity in people. A daeef text of Rasulullah [salAllahu alayhi wasalam] says, "Whosoever marries his kareema [affectionate term for daughter] to someone who is fasiq has severed her rahim [womb]" Imam Ghazali says women should look for deen in a man even more than a man in a woman; this because a woman is actually in a type of wilaya [vulnerability and guardianship] to her husband. This is why it is essential to look for a man that is one of righteousness, truthfulness, fairness, kindness. -- al Khitbah -- not the 'aqd [contract] but an agreement. an agreement to be married. non-binding and either party can change their mind at any time - doing so would be a breaking of word, but not a contract. It is important to look at each other. Rasulullah [salAllahu alayhi wasalam] asked a companion, when he mentioned interest in a woman, "Have you seen in her what would please you?" Any marriage that is undertaken without looking at each other ends in grief and sorrow. Khitbah does *not* mean that she is married to you. If there is a sexual relationship during khitbah it is zinnah. It is haram to have khalwah during this time. Khalwa is being physically secluded with someone who is not mahram. This also includes chatrooms, etc when there is no purpose for such things. The shar' does not want people to get hurt, does not want the honor of a woman to be played with, or for her to be treated like an object. Don't succumb to these base desires. We were given an 'aql and qalb so we don't lower ourselves to this. Even when we say that we're to be married anyway - this is how we deceive ourselves and how we compromise little by little. Q>: What obligations do we have if we discover infertility? A>: If all other objectives are met for marriage, and both parties consent, then marriage is allowed - as long as both know of the condition. It is not makruh if both know and agree with one another. Of the hikma of a man allowed to have more than one wife is that women like this are not deprived of their natural needs, and this is done without depriving the man of having children. Q>: Does Islam permit testing to know of such defects? A>: In the time of Rasulullah [salAllahu alayhi wasalam], they used to look to a woman's family history to see if she was fruitful. Could this be an 'asl for qiyaas? No answer - need to consider more. Q>: What can a sister include in her marriage contract? A>: Ulema differ depending on the nature of shart. The stipulations can be specific to the two parties involved but cannot conflict with the objectives set down by the Law Giver. Examples of illegitimate stipulations: - intimacy only allowed once a year - can never move, even if you need to provide. What about objectives that neither violate nor enforce objectives of the Shariah? Some say impermissible because not found anywhere in the Book of Allah or the Sunnah. Most moderate view is Hanbali - any condition is permissible as long as it does not contradict the stipulations of the Law Giver. The conditions are binding as long as both parties consent. Q>: Is a sister responsible if a brother falls into sin after she refuses him? A>: No soul can bear the burden of another. This is the nature of marriage -- approaching and either accepting or rejecting. The reasons for which she rejected the brother are her responsibility and are what she is taken to account for. w'Allahu a'lam. ----------*----------- |
| 07/07/03 at 12:22:18 |
| se7en |
| Re: Fiqh & da Family |
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| jannah |
| 07/07/03 at 03:06:33 |
| [wlm] jinxx i just found the tapes of this seminar... weird :o |
| Re: Fiqh & da Family |
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| Tesseract |
| 07/07/03 at 03:18:32 |
| Salaam, Who is the scholar who gave this lecture? |
| Re: Fiqh & da Family |
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| se7en |
| 07/07/03 at 12:14:24 |
as salaamu alaykum, Dr. Mokhtar Maghraoui. [will add above] jazak Allahu khayran :) |
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