A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Re: What do all of you Brothers think |
|---|
| faisalsb |
| 07/07/03 at 06:49:12 |
| [wlm] Sister Silverose it's a clever question I hope you didn't fire the question to read some brother's mind ......;) (Just kidding) Well I personally think if wife has potential, talent and desire to work and have career then husband should let her work but once they have kids then I think it's more appropriate that mother give her full time to her kids instead to someone else. I think once Hazrat Ali (RAU) said "You give me better mothers I'll give you better nation". But the way how we are running after money in today's so called modern world. Where husband and wife both are working day and night and sometimes see each other on weekends and kids are left with house maids and day care centres. I think that's the extreme what we must think about seriously because the kids who are brought up in such a environment are certainly going to be a problem for society in future. |
| Re: What do all of you Brothers think |
|---|
| muahmed |
| 07/07/03 at 09:15:53 |
| [slm] ;-) Everyone agrees that a mother must devote herself fulltime to her child during his first few years and yet everyone is still going to say that in replies to this post. Assuming we all agree on that, the question would be more interesting if we exclude those years, given that the mother would be a devoted fulltime mother during that time. Excluding those years, it is a waste for both the husband and wife to work, unless they have problems making ends meet. It is a waste because one of them could rather be devoted to improving the deen at home and in his/her community and do social work and hence earn for the akhira while the other works for the dunya. To decide who does what (i.e. who earns the cash and who earns for the akhira) the concept of oppertunity cost can be used. If the wife can work as a doctor or lawyer whereas the husband would be a measly programmer than it may be better for the wife to work (i.e. oppertunity cost for her not working is too high). However if the husband can work as a highly paid consultant and the wife can only find a receptionist job than it maybe better for the husband to work. |
| Re: What do all of you Brothers think |
|---|
| lucid9 |
| 07/07/03 at 13:51:37 |
| [slm] I have a theory: Muslim men should marry very young nubile women who only have a high school education. Why? Because muslim men generally do not respect women's education. They like to marry very educated women. But then they like to turn those wives into kitchen sinks. They use all kinds of rationale -- like (a) women are best suited to take care of the home and children, (b) women are obligated by Allah to make the home her first priority, (c) women should sacrifice themselves to make the home a deen-friendly and deen active place. While in some cases such rationale is well and proper -- in many cases it is accompanied by bad intentions. In reality the guy wants the girl to stay home, because (a) his mom did that and he likes that, (b) he doesn't want to make any sacrifices in taking care of the children, (c) he is jealous, and doesn't want his wife out and about., (d) he wants a wife who will stay home, take care of him, and wants himself to be center of her universe, etc... Does this seem harsh on muslim males? Yes, but it is the reality in most muslim countries and for muslims in europe. In these countries males are guilty of being, selfish, unfair, and unjust. They expect women to totally take care of the home and children and usually cannot be bothered to lift a finger in the home. In muslim countries you will find one very unusual thing. Most children, male and female are most fond of their mothers. I used to wonder why, until I looked beyond my own family. Most muslim children love their mothers most because their fathers are hopeless and haven't a clue about parenting. Muslim men tend to be absent fathers without actually being absent. Ok, they take care of the finances, but daily affection, daily concern? That is rare. Muslim fathers are aloof, and usually don't know anything about what's going on in their chilren's lives, except when they get in trouble. Of course this is not always true. Hanif seems to very wonderful exception to the rule. His fondness for children and intimate knowledge of Huggies, Pampers, diaper rash and the lot is admirable. But most muslims are not like that. I mean the situation sometimes seems so bad, that i ask myself -- if you have a daughter, are you better off marrying her off to someone very religious or to somebody not so religious who might not even pray regularly, but who is a nice, soft-spoken guy who has bought into the liberal humanistic ideas of the time like men and women are equal, and should be treated as such? Why? Because, it is often hard to trust very, very religious boys. They may easily treat your daughter unfairly in the name of religion, because of a certain ideological bent, or because of the special religious group they hand around with. I guess the real thing is -- you cannot trust very religious men because they are often so incredibly ignorant about what is real islam. This is really a reflection of the times. Few have a deep knowledge of islam and get their knowledge only from reading books, or sitting in on the halaqah of a single person who is usually not that religiously educated themself. And many of them are people who lived a wild life and suddenly became religious. And curiously enough, many of those former disco-daddies tend to go from one extreme to the opposite extreme -- from wild to hyper religious. And when they do this, it is very difficult for them to understand what the middle path, the real path of islam is. After all, it takes a lifetime to understand how to implement islam in your daily life. So how is it possible to wake up one day and suddenly become relgious? You first have to know what being religious really means. You cannot simply open up page 1 of bukhari and understand what really being religious is. So what is the ideal? The ideal is where a boy and girl are fair to each other and not selfish. If the girl is very educated and can make a contribution to society, then the boy, no matter how successful or educated he his, before marrying her should be willing to take part in bringing up any future children and taking care of the home. Muslim children can usually do much better when they have two parents very active in their upbringing, rather than when they only have one solely devoted to them. In the opposite case where the girl is not that adept at making a contribution to society, it is often better if she doesn't work, and focuses on improving her wider community (like being active in the community) and works to take care of her children and home. I suppose what I mean is -- it is better to be housewife (as long as your husband is generous with the money -- and many aren't and give their wife like $20 a month to spend) than work as a receptionist or at Safeway, if you husband can afford it. But if your wife is like a doctor, it seems pretty outrageous to make her quit and take care of the home and children (as many, many muslim men force them to do). You might think that the children will suffer if both parents work. This is quite possible, but it doesn't have to be. IF both parents are focused on taking care of children, then things can work out fairly well. That is a big IF, but then again guys should know exactly who they are marrying and what they want before they get maried-- and if they are at all unsure, then they should marry young nubile undeducated women -- not the super cool sisters out there with lots of degrees, brains and sophistication. Just a thought... |
| Re: What do all of you Brothers think |
|---|
| BroHanif |
| 07/07/03 at 16:00:48 |
| Salaams, Short post, my wife works and shes a woamns development officer in short shes trying to life the rights of women. Get activities conducted, get them out of depression and stuff like that. I think Sis Silverrose it depends what the wife can contribute, I think all women should contribute to some good. They can be teachers, doctors, nurses etc etc and give them dawah along those lines as well. Insha-Allah, Insha-Allah, Insha-Allah, if my wife pulls off a certain project before a certain date she will have done so much for the community that I know Allah will reward her for a long time (I'm not boasting or anything but seriously its a very good project for sisters). It also depends what your goals are as a family, ours was to stay out of debt and not get an interest loan, prasie be to Allah by my wife working we managed to secure a large sum of deposit on the house and managed to pay it off. Balance your life, goals and values and see where they fit in. Insha-Allah more later. Salaams Hanif |
| NS |
| Re: What do all of you Brothers think |
|---|
| siddiqui |
| 07/07/03 at 21:29:12 |
| [slm] I Think its a womans prerogative to work or not , and she should decide for herself , and if she does she should be entitled to what ever she wants with her salary and if she dosent then she should have unfetterd acess to the money cauz she is doing him a favor by looking after their house and children [wlm] |
| Re: What do all of you Brothers think |
|---|
| brother |
| 07/07/03 at 22:45:20 |
| If the issue came up, this is what I'll tell her InshAllah "home and kids is your responsibility, outside is mine. Take care of the home and the kids and then if you feel like working too, your choice ;-)" |
| Re: What do all of you Brothers think |
|---|
| sabri |
| 07/08/03 at 16:12:55 |
| [slm] I wouldn't exactly want her to work, but if she really wanted to I suppose I would let her do so. This would depend on circumstances, i.e. children, money, etc. [wlm] |
| Re: What do all of you Brothers think |
|---|
| WhiteSomali |
| 07/08/03 at 16:23:30 |
| [slm] I can tell you right now that it's amazinly irritating that neither of my parents are like, EVA home. I would have and still would like it alot better if my mom stayed home, I gotta say. I don think I can answer tis question, but when the time comes insha'Allah I'ma be keeping the above in mind as a strong strong factor. |
| Re: What do all of you Brothers think |
|---|
| asap |
| 07/16/03 at 05:10:41 |
| Salam warahmatulla, Very interesting thread but, where is sis silverose's post ? Deleted ??? [quote]It is a waste because one of them could rather be devoted to improving the deen at home and in his/her community and do social work and hence earn for the akhira while the other works for the dunya.[/quote] Arent both obligated to work for [i]duniya[/i] as well as [i]akhira[/i] ? Looking superficially, your wife cooking at home is working for [i]duniya[/i] unless you look deep; there is reward for any work of a Muslim with right intention. [quote]I have a theory: Muslim men should marry very young nubile women who only have a high school education[/quote] Love those women :D Having a higher education is more of a privilege in today's world. How many ladies here would have had an education more than HS if not for the family's support and being financially capable. So, many women who are otherwise beautiful in their practises of [i]deen[/] yet could not get further than HS, is none of their fault. Most probably it is not the fault of their guardians/family either. Many third world countries offer no safety (both physical and emotional) to women who venture out. In countries of the west though physical safety is given (if you take precaution) emotional harassment is high. [quote]home and kids is your responsibility, outside is mine. Take care of the home and the kids and then if you feel like working too, your choice [/quote] I can only say Oh my Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!! Humm, it seems like we are compartmentalizing body and soul; a concept so alien to Islam. What is being overlooked is that both spouse are individuals in their own right and need to strengthen their faith without overlooking their worldly obligations. It is more like a partnership where two join together to get that synergetic effect ;) I mean it is more about sharing and certainly not about segregating tasks. Also, what is this big deal about a wife being a doctor or a teacher only. What is wrong in having your wife work in a field that she is excited to work. I mean what is wrong about being a clerk, a programmer, an engineer, a librarian, a manager or even a cop ? Dont you feel more secure when a female cop deals with females. wa-salam asap |
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board |