A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Families of single girls. Really concerned or..? |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 07/09/03 at 13:31:30 |
| Assalamu Alaikum Sisters, Suppose you are not married. Suppose you are not actually unhappy. You live and go on. You would love to find the man Allah finds to be the best one for you. But, it has not happened. Allahu a'alam. Your family keep saying that they are not annoyed with you or feel the pressure of your age and single status. Yet, there actions and comments to other people make relatives and others question you about your state. You are not unmarried for lack of trying but there is so much one can do. If people feel bad for you because you are not married, should they make you feel worse by saying insensitive things to you? Does this help? You feel like you are doing something wrong to someone else by not being married. Your family's actions make you feel like its your fault that it has not happened. You feel like agreeing to anyone just to get some peace. You know that it wont be right since you will have to be with that person for your entire life. Sometimes I feel like doing it, anyway. Pray for me. |
| 07/09/03 at 13:31:51 |
| Anonymous |
| Re: Families of single girls. Really concerned or. |
|---|
| jannah |
| 07/09/03 at 13:59:36 |
| [wlm] wow... welcome to my life... ;) I think your questions are rhetorical... obviously people care about you and unfortunately you'll get alot of comments and pressure from everyone from your parents and friends to old high school friends to the neighborhood halal meat guy which don't help anything, except want to make you grind your teeth or become a hermit. The thing is sis you shouldn't be depressed over it. Allah controls our life and no one else, and if this isn't decreed for you right now you shouldn't worry about it. Perhaps Allah is giving you time to do some things or protecting you from something that won't be good for you. How many friends do you know that have difficult marriages? I myself attended a wedding envious (in a good way) of the bride and groom and just recently came to know of their difficult marriage and divorce, which really shocked me. The best thing to do if your parents start in on you or some auntie makes a comment or relative is just to turn it back around and say "Yes it's very difficult to get married, do YOU know anyone good for me? Can you help me?" And then they are nonplussed a bit and say "Oh ok, we'll try to help" And then they realize how difficult it is ;) and who knows maybe you'll have some extra help too inshallah :) or if it's someone you don't really know just say 'Thanx, please make dua for me' extra duas are always cool too :-X Sometimes there are some very persistent people that make those comments ALL the time... ie Are you married yet? Why aren't you getting married? Don't you want to get married? After all you're getting older blah blah ... after awhile you just have to tell them to stop... and be firm about it.. 'Please stop talking to me about marriage, if I had any news I would tell you.' it sounds mean but it's your right.. it's for your own health of mind. Sometimes it's a good thing when ppl think ur 'sensitive' over the topic of marriage ;) And lastly don't decide on someone just to get married, really make sure he is someone you like and want to live with. But do check your 'wishlist' or 'expectations' and try to make sure they're reasonable and practical.. and if there's a bro and some issue comes up that you don't like, talk to other married sister friends and ask them.. sometimes they are very helpful in giving you advice or telling you if this is something that is serious or something that can be overlooked or compromised on. The sad thing is that marriage in our culture has become a lithmus test of a girl. To marry and marry well seems to be what we are teaching our girls. I see it all the time, but no one believes me because I'm not married :D Ok so don't worry you're not alone... there are alot of sisters that aren't married...and they've done everything they can and are actively looking.... there's nothing wrong with them.. they are enjoying their life, working, doing things for the ummah and fulfilling their duty to Allah and that is what is most important.. not fulfilling the expectations of others. |
| 07/10/03 at 23:24:17 |
| jannah |
| Re: Families of single girls. Really concerned or. |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 07/09/03 at 19:05:09 |
| AOA This is a reply to the sister who posted about the marriage difficulties. Sister, One advice and it always works for me. You can do this any time, but I find it more comfortable and relaxing at night before going to sleep. Pray two raka Nafl while relaxed obviously. Pour your heart out to Allah SWT in those two raka'as, Beleive in when you say "Iyyaka Na'budo wa Iyyaka Nasta'een" (You alone we Worship and You alone we ask for help). With a sincere heart tell Allah SWT all your concerns, problems, your wishes, any thing and everything and hope that they will be answered InshAllah . Beleive that whatever is happening is with the will of Allah SWT and is for the best. Also hardships are there to test you and your strength of Iman. Don't ever lose hope. Also sister, I beleive a daughter is a huge responsibility on parents' shoulders and if they say things it's a sign that they realize that responsibility. I'd be actually more worried if my parents didn't say anything. The best you can do is make dua and hope that InshAllah your dua' will be accepted. May Allah provide you with a very pious and caring Husband. |
| Re: Families of single girls. Really concerned or. |
|---|
| Shahida |
| 07/10/03 at 02:34:37 |
| [slm] Wow, sis...welcome to MILLIONS of womens' lives! I know what you are talking about, so many of my sisters have been through the same thing, some are still going through it. :( (I am sure my time will come soon, the only reason people don't harp on the issue with me, is that I am still studying, but i am sure they are already ITCHING to let some comments come my way!) I agree 100% with what Jannah says, and even if it is difficult, don't just settle to get 'peace', cuz it will probably not provide you any real peace at all. Put your trust in the One who knows what is best for all of us, inshaAllah! Our society is so mean when it comes to unmarried women:( People react as though these are things that we have control over, when we ALL know Allah swt controls everything. There is only so much a sister and her family can do, and then we just have to leave the rest to Allah! My hairdresser was so mean the other day (I am not going back there) when she said that all of the "so-called pious" girls, just sit around and wait for the man to come knocking on the door...that is sooooo not true, but what does she expect? For us to go out man-hunting or something? Sub7anAllah! Anyway, we have to remember that we are muslims, and our responsibility lies in serving Allah swt and protecting our chastity. After all, who would wanna marry some guy you met at a club or party? May Allah save us! I too have seen so many people get married, only to get divorced a few weeks later! Who loses the most from such a situation? Mostly it is the poor women! A friend of mine was married for 3 months, tried all she could to keep her marriage, but he divorced her. Now she is a divorcee (such a taboo in our society, esp if you're only 24) and her ex-husband is remarried already after just 5 months or something...in the end it is just NOT worth it. My advice, and I will keep by this till the day I die, is to thank Allah swt for your current situation! Thank Allah that He saved you from all those who would have taken you off the path and made you miserable! Thank Allah for giving you all you have now! Thank Allah for not being misled into sacrificing your chastity! Thank Allah for everything, and pray that if He thinks it is better for your life, for your deen, for your future well-being (Dunya and Akhirah) to be married, then ask Him to send you a pious Muslim husband. If however, He feels that you are better off alone, then ask Him to make you happy and content with your situation. In Jannah, inshaAllah, there are ONLY pious men, :) and I would rather wait than marry any old Yusuf or Marwan. Be patient, for Allah swt is with the patient ones. You are in my duaas sis, along with all the women and men in the same situation. And may Allah forgive those who enjoy tormenting us, and those who do it out of ignorance. Salamat Shahida |
| Re: Families of single girls. Really concerned or. |
|---|
| Fozia |
| 07/10/03 at 05:58:36 |
| [slm] People can be so incredibly mean. When I hit 16 my aunt told my mother that I was now too old and nobody would want to marry me... ::). A few years down the line and mother was soooo frantic she would have married me off to the postman if he'd stood still long enough. Thankfully my so laid back dad that he's horizontal, told mother to take up another hobby and he would care for me as long as Allah gave him the privilige to do so. My father called me a piece of his heart and I totally melted, I always pray that I can return his love in a way that will help him in his akirah too. Most of the people making these mean comments would be better off taking care of their own affairs. As one of the sisters mentioned it's better to wait and marry a pious man than end up with someone who isn't just for the sake of stopping tongues wagging. Besides take it from me, if people want to talk they'll make it up if they have nothing else to go on... >:( :( Wasalaam |
| 07/10/03 at 05:59:46 |
| Fozia |
| Re: Families of single girls. Really concerned or. |
|---|
| se7en |
| 07/11/03 at 12:01:01 |
| as salaamu alaykum, [quote]she would have married me off to the postman if he'd stood still long enough.[/quote] hahahaha... sorry sis fozia.. that's sooo funny :) |
| Re: Families of single girls. Really concerned or. |
|---|
| Trustworthy |
| 07/11/03 at 18:15:56 |
| [slm] Don't be so troubled about this. Allahu Alim....Only Allah knows. One advice from a married woman, don't rush if you don't have to. Be very picky of your life partner and make sure he's right for you in Iman and all that good stuff. Not Mr. Perfect cause there's no such thing. But Mr. I will try my best to bring you and me and our children to Jannah. Ma-asalaama.... |
| Re: Families of single s. Really concerned or. |
|---|
| eleanor |
| 07/12/03 at 11:09:07 |
| [quote author=Shahida link=board=sis;num=1057768290;start=0#3 date=07/10/03 at 02:34:37] My hairdresser was so mean the other day (I am not going back there) when she said that all of the "so-called pious" s, just sit around and wait for the man to come knocking on the door...that is sooooo not true, but what does she expect? For us to go out man-hunting or something? Sub7anAllah! [/quote] Man I just got this image of a load of hijabis going out with spears and crossbows to Manhunt!! Made me laugh I'll tell you ;D It certainly must be hard for you lot, but as a married woman who is now wanting to start a family Insha Allah, I have got problems of the opposite kind. My mother (God bless her) is of the ".. while you are young you should enjoy yourself.." school. She is warning me off having any kids before I am 30!! I'm like "But Mother I am getting *old*, my eggs are drying up. I will be *infertile* and too old to run around after my kids if I wait any longer." And she's like "No, no.. wait until you are *at least* 30. You should be out enjoying yourself" Just makes me ::) |
| Re: Families of single girls. Really concerned or. |
|---|
| Twilight |
| 07/14/03 at 11:13:55 |
| [slm] :D :D [quote]My mother (God bless her) is of the ".. while you are young you should enjoy yourself.." school. She is warning me off having any kids before I am 30!! I'm like "But Mother I am getting *old*, my eggs are drying up. I will be *infertile* and too old to run around after my kids if I wait any longer." And she's like "No, no.. wait until you are *at least* 30. You should be out enjoying yourself"[/quote] SubhanAllah u r soooo lucky, i know soooo many people 4 who the opposite is true, what bete you have been married for a year and no children yet ::) Personally when i get married (when it is written for me InshaAllah) i would love inshaAllah to wait a couple of yrs b4 i have children.....at the moment, enough of my friends / relatives have kids to keep me busy ;) T |
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board |