A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 07/09/03 at 19:03:27 |
| salaams sisters i have a question. we all know that cousins are not mahrems, so technically we can marry them. so, what is your opinion on marrying cousins? let's say you have this first cousin who you have seen for the first time in like 15 yrs, and all of a sudden the whole family thinks it's a wonderful idea that you get married. in my case, he's a pretty nice guy, religious, and all the other prospects really don't compare to him. (except he is still thinking about it himself...he told me that scientifically speaking, it's not such a good idea) i want to make an informed decision if he decides that he wants his parents to officially propose. so whats your take? reasons? thank you. |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| Emerald |
| 07/09/03 at 22:36:05 |
| I think it's :P. But that's purely subjective (My cousins are all :P :P :P :P) and I'm glad my parent's didn't even think of them as options. Objectively speaking, there is a possibilty of causing family tensions. If say you two got into a fight then his family and your family will naturally take sides and hard feelings will arise. That's one reason why I wouldn't do it. Secondly, which I think is very important, the family doesn't grow. It just stays within its little circle. Third, marrying too much of cousins might cause deficiencies in their children. ( Wa Allahu A3lam) But I have relatives - cousins- who married and all their children don't look so healthy. A couple even died. Finally, I recall reading a hadith that even though it's permissable it's preferable to marry outside the family name ( ie. cousins). So that's my take at it. Would love to hear others' opinions about it. |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| WhiteSomali |
| 07/09/03 at 22:56:11 |
| Well my personal preference is tat I would neva even dream of it. Cousins are too close of family for my stylings, nonmahram or not. I'm not a dcotor but I don't know if it's a far enough relation to be completely healthy medically, as far as children are concerned. |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| chiq |
| 07/09/03 at 23:07:48 |
| [slm] Real tired so I'll keep this brief... I would [i]never[/i] consider [i]my[/i] cousins :P But this is purely by virtue of the fact that, like Sis Emerald's, my cousins are all :P :P :P :P too! ;D Otherwise, I have no problem with it. From the health point of view, new blood's better, but even these concerns pale [i]if[/i] the bro has taqwa, which is the only real criterion for marriage...Allah will provide and all that. As for fights and families taking sides, don't argumentative families do that anyway? ??? Hence my search for a man who keeps our tiffs firmly between these four walls ;D (clink clink) My two English pence... Wasalaam |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| theOriginal |
| 07/10/03 at 05:46:26 |
| [slm] Are inter marriages recurring in your family? Marrying your cousin would have its perks....not worrying about background checks...similar taste buds when it comes to food...given respect for your parents...um....yeah I'm sure I could think of more :) I know a few ppl that got married to cousins. Most of them are guys who gave up looking for a partner in the West and headed back to the motherland to marry their cousin. They're happy, mashaAllah. But I guess ideally a lot of people want to marry out of their family. So do istikhara...and chillax :P I'm curious...anyone on this board married to their cousin? Wasalaam. |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| wardah |
| 07/10/03 at 08:29:30 |
| [slm] I don't think theres anything wrong with it as long as the couple are happy. In my family theres been quite alot of cousins marrying with each other and they're all really happy, mashallah. My cousin just got married on saturday with another cousin and they're both really happy. Both are first cousins (their dads are twins.) I only found this out recently but both of my grandfathers were brothers!!! I was like wowww :o subhannallah Even though the couple are related they've never mixed with each other before; like shaking hands, starting a conversation, being open with each other with the reason, he's your non mahram. Though you do say salaam when you walk past them - even if you do, out of shyness. So its like you don't even know him even though he's your cousin, if you don't know him he's like a stranger, if he's like a stranger it would be like marrying out of the family anyway. personally i can't imagine myself getting married to a cousin :P |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| tq |
| 07/10/03 at 09:20:45 |
| Assalamo elikuim I dont think there is any thing wrong marrying a cousin - the criteria for looking a spouse should be taqwa and compatiblity not whether the person should be a cousin(as in some family) or anybody but cousin :) One of my uncle is married to his first cousin. One of my first cousin is married to her first cousin and couple of my second cousins are married to their first cousins( most of them born and raised in west.) And as far as I know their kids are pretty normal(except for one cousins, her kids are very naughty- they broke my favourite dish :( :) ) I am no doctor but I think if family have some fatal heridetity(sp) illness then if they marry within family then the chances of kids getting that increases ? other than that it shouldnt be a problem . Also isnt Khalif Ali (rz) and Fatima were cousins :) As everybody says pray istikhara :) Wasalam tq PS: One of my second cousin rejected a proposal of her cousin (the reason she gave was her friends in west will not understand and will make fun of her.) I think it was Allha's will that they didnt get married -the guy married another of her first cousin and they are happy Alhamdullah and recenlty had twins :) |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| Nomi |
| 07/10/03 at 12:31:14 |
| [slm] When you marry within your family then you already know the family background and IF there are any "problems" after getting married then most of the relatives (and obviously parents) will help in solving the issue. Both sides (families) are more tolerant/considerate due to being with each other for so long, there is less ego involoved and i think such marriages have an even higher success rate (its here every where). I'm assuming that taqwah is already there... [slm] Asim Zafar. |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| Tesseract |
| 07/10/03 at 15:37:13 |
| Assalamu 'alaikum, [quote]Also isnt Khalif Ali (rz) and Fatima were cousins [/quote] Caliph Ali (RA) was Prophet Muhammad's (saw) cousin, not Fatima's (RA). Wassalam. |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| panjul |
| 07/10/03 at 20:07:55 |
| [slm] Caliph Ali (RA) was Prophet Muhammad's (saw) cousin, not Fatima's (RA). So that doesn't make them first cousisn. but they are still cousins, right? |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| muahmed |
| 07/10/03 at 20:16:08 |
| [slm] Fatima(RA) was the daugther of Ali's(RA) cousin (PBUH) which makes her Ali's (RA) neice. Correct me I am wrong. I am not too good with the terms for different relatives. |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| Tesseract |
| 07/10/03 at 20:42:10 |
| Wa'alaikum Assalam wa rahmatullah, [quote]So that doesn't make them first cousisn. but they are still cousins, right? [/quote] [quote]Fatima(RA) was the daugther of Ali's(RA) cousin (Peace Be Upon Him) which makes her Ali's (RA) neice. Correct me I am wrong. I am not too good with the terms for different relatives.[/quote] Bro. Muhammad Ahmed, I guess, like me, u also knew only one meaning of cousin :). Alhamdulillah, learnt somethinmg new today. Now, check out the link below to figure out what sis. tq and panjul mean: [url]http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=cousin[/url] Wassalam. |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| Trustworthy |
| 07/10/03 at 21:11:50 |
| [slm] "Fatima(RA) was the daugther of Ali's(RA) cousin (Peace Be Upon Him) which makes her Ali's (RA) neice." Actually, in Islam, you can't marry your Uncle/neice. In this case, Fatima was not Ali's neice but Fatima's first cousin once removed. I know, in our community, we marry cousins like there's no body else on earth. (I think it's to preserve our race.) Though scientifically and medically, there is a high percentage of birth defects among frist cousin marraiges. I have not seen one. Everyone of my neices and nephews (I have about a hundred or so) are perfectly healthy. Allah (SWA) said first cousin marraiges are ok so I beleive like we should that birth defects comes from Him (SWA). Personally, first cousins even 2nds are too close for my taste. I see them all as brothers, but it has happened many times in my community and their marraiges have lasted til now. If you're unsure, pray Istikhara if it is to happen. Seek guidance from Allah, sister. I hope that helps. Ma-asalaama.... |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| readagain |
| 07/11/03 at 00:38:24 |
| [slm] About 3 years ago my friend got married to this person who was no where near related to her. After like a year n half Allah blessed them with a son who unfortunately had a hereditary disease from both parents. I dont know the name of that disease , my friend ofcourse cldnt explain it witout staying calm about it. the nature of the disease was such that he would get fits and would stop breathing or soemthign. It had no cure. doctors said nobody can do anythign about it. they send the reports to as many places as they can..but it had no cure..the kid died when he was 9 months old. the doctors also said that if they have any more kids, high chances are they might have that disease too. its VERYYYYYY sad..my friend was barely 23 years old when she lost her kid. she didnt marry a cousin. the point im trying to make is that, you cannot control these kind of things. if they are written in your naseeb to happen to u, u can only make dua for the best, but when Allah wills, it will happen to u. marrying cousins doesnt have anything to do with it. we have all seen soooooo many cousin marriages with perfectly normal offsprings, and there are cousin marriages where they have disabilities...if u have a genetic disease in ur family, and your spouse doesnt, chances are your kids might get it..how much can u run away from it? when there is nothing wrong in Islam about marrying cousins..i dont think there is anythign wrong about it either. but not marrying cousisn for reasons if u guys grew up together n not see each other that way is totally understandable...it just means u dont have that unfah (is that what its called ???) ..anyways these were my weird 2 cents. [wlm] oh..hehehehe im marrying my cousin too ;) <but this is NOT why i stand for cousin marriages!! NOT!! > |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| timbuktu |
| 07/11/03 at 20:18:11 |
| [slm] when i read about the children being born with problems if marrying within family, i decided against doing so. I have seen some communities that marry within, (& particularly first cousins), with some problems of health, & also similar physical features. I have not evaluated intellect in such "specimen". please forgive the use of this word. from my study of the world so far, i conclude that although marriage between cousins is allowed, it is not compulsory. So we should make it just that, allowed but not exclusively within the family circle. problems of health for children do occur where gene mixing has become very rare. [wlm] |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| jannah |
| 07/12/03 at 01:57:10 |
| [wlm] Correct me if i'm wrong bio majors... but isn't the issue that when someone has a recessive gene and the other person has a recessive gene it is is more likely that the daughter/son will get it and so therefore alot of disease/problems etc are carried on recessive genes... but it's also that you have to have the same recessive gene on a particular thing... and this happens sometimes when u are related.. especially if your family has married within the family over and over again.. hence rare blood diseases or hemophelia or whatever among the royal family because they kept marrying teach other..... |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| Barr |
| 07/12/03 at 05:20:57 |
| Wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullah, [quote]so, what is your opinion on marrying cousins? let's say you have this first cousin who you have seen for the first time in like 15 yrs, and all of a sudden the whole family thinks it's a wonderful idea that you get married.[/quote] I don't think my opinion carry much weight, especially to a specific case, like yours. For, I hv been brought up differently and surrounded by a different environment than yours. However, there is a hadith (albeit not sahih) that talks about marrying cousins. This was discussed in another thread here >>> http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/madina/YaBB.pl?board=archives;action=display;num=1046851274;start=15 Scientifically speaking, yes, there is a higher probability of such diseases to occur, if marrying within family, especially first cousins ... occur many times, in generations. If it helps, you may want to find out any hereditary diseases that you have within your family line. Otherwise, please sought Allah's guidance via istikharah (and Islam's recommendation for selection of spouse) and consultation (istishara) with those who are knowledgable and whom you trust for any proposal for marriage. Look at his qualities objectively, if this marriage can help you and your future family to go to Jannah, and a tranquil life in this dunya. Its good that you are seeking background info abt this. InshaAllah, may you make the right decision when you reach and cross the bridge. Allahua'lam :-) |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| eleanor |
| 07/12/03 at 10:43:13 |
| [slm] Well where I come from marrying a cousin is considered almost incestous. :P But my husband's family are all inter-married and it is considered abnormal to marry outside of the family. Of all his family and cousins etc he has two male cousins (brothers) who are deaf. And he has hundreds of relatives. So I think like previously mentioned the whole birth defect thing is blown out of proportion. I think if you are pleased with the cousin's deen and he is attractive to you then go for it :) |
| Re: Q!!! [on marrying cousins] |
|---|
| Halima |
| 07/14/03 at 05:16:36 |
| I married my first cousin (our fathers are brothers) and we had two normal healthy sons. Defects, abnormalities, etc. have nothing to do with marriage to first cousin(s). They also happen to people with no family relations/connections whatsover. Hence, it is just what people believe and science does not enter into it at all. Besides, Islamically, it is allowed. But it also depends on the two cousins who want to get married. It is easier if you did not grow up together. This eliminates the sister/brother affection which is difficult to overlook if you are close as such. As far as family tensions or quarrels are concerned, it wholly depends on how close the family members from both sides have been, their perception of the marriage and if they believe that it is best for all concerned. In most cases, family marriages last longer because both families strive to keep a balance in relations. In my case, it was our choice, our families accepted. But we ended up divorced. It did not affect our family relation at all. We still relate as a family. The divorce had nothing to do with our relationship as cousins but our personalities. |
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board |