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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Prognosis? |
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| chiq |
| 07/09/03 at 22:45:41 |
| [slm] I’m real weird. Things really [i]affect[/i] me. While my mind is travelling on some amazing planetary ring in the cosmos, my heart starts sending me some warning signal about something and very soon BOOM! It starts having a physical effect. But it takes a while for my mind to come back to earth and figure out what’s wrong. Lately, I’ve experienced this cycle more forcefully that I have for a long time. Fair face darkened, raw eyes, migraines, lethargy...which spilt over into lethargy in ibadah :( Khushoo-ometer dropped from nearly zero to zero. Then worse started happening – old bad habits started re-surfacing ([i]really[/i] bad, but don’t ask me to elaborate pleeease :'(). At this point, I [i]knew[/i] it was because of low imaan, but as for what caused the low imaan in the first place...the thing that caused my heart unease...I don’t know. And until I know that, I can’t figure out how to solve this problem in the long term. I think a lot. I assess myself constantly. But sometimes I just can’t come up with a prognosis for my symptoms. And I hate it, 'cause it makes me upset and self-pitying and tearful and I'm not like that - like to [i]celebrate[/i] life with its calms and storms. :'( What do you guys do when something is bothering you but you really don't know what? Wasalaam |
| 07/09/03 at 22:52:41 |
| chiq |
| Re: Prognosis? |
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| theOriginal |
| 07/10/03 at 05:03:23 |
| [slm] OMG! Are you sure that's not me in your head? Seriously I THINK a lot, too. And it affects me physically too. I'm permanently bound to my iron pills, because after THINKING for a few hours, I literally just collapse. My head can't stop hurting, light sensitivity increases, and every sound feels like a thunderstorm. My heart starts pounding (physically AND otherwise), and I can feel my blood pressure dropping.... Blacked out once during the Canadian National Anthem at high school (boy! that makes a good story). Blacked out another time at university after losing an election for president of my course union (by one vote). 7 yr old bro called 911, "my sister's dead." It's happened a few times, and it gets pretty scary. That's only just the physical aspect of it. Whenever this happens, my BAD HABITS also resurface in tandem. Even though I'm always having a constant conversation with God, it's like I'm reasoning with Him. Of course, that's just not good enough. Once I cried for a week straight after lying to a homeless guy about not being able to spare any change. It was like -30 degrees outside, and sparing change was the least I could do. Another time, this old lady was trying to get out of the subway and it took her like 3 minutes to stand up...I just sat there and watched her, without offering any help. Cried for another week. This girl who I hated in high school...her mother died. She lives like 2 blocks away, and I never went to go visit. The day of her death, I sat and watched all the cars parked on our street, but refused to go and see her. It wasn't revenge or anything, I was just scared of how I was feeling. A month later, I finally got the courage to go see her. Rang the doorbell twice, and waited outside for 15 minutes. Just as I was leaving, her dad opened the door. He was wearing a hospital gown, and dragging a drip with him on this stand thingy. They're not Muslim, but he said Salaam. Apologized for taking so long, and then started crying. You can only imagine how much I THOUGHT after that one. WHY am I the way I am? WHY do I THINK before doing ANYTHING? WHY can't I just ACT? WHAT is wrong with me???!!!! So I don't know if it's normal, sister...but it happens to me, too. I just insulate myself in prayer. I'm a coward at heart, and I don't believe in depression, but it's really hard to emerge from the cycle once it starts. So, now, since I'm older, I try to make sure I've made arrangements to make sure that I don't go from "nearly zero to zero" to sub-zero. Actually, I wrote out a plan of action.... (hugglez) If you need to talk... Wasalaam. |
| Re: Prognosis? |
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| chiq |
| 07/10/03 at 06:12:33 |
| [slm] [quote]Actually, I wrote out a plan of action.... JustOne you are jus tooo cute :) Hugs right back atcha and jazakallahu kheiran. :-* I wrote me a plan of action too...sort of like a mind map in keeping with the whole self-assessment penchant...usually this saves me the need to talk, but on this occasion the second causal variable box (after Allah's decree) is blank. And I can't draw a proper graph without knowing the function...(ok ok, so I study math - go figure :P) I'm trying the usual imaan boosters, and typically they're working well enough, alhamdulillah...but I know that this problem is going to resurface if I don't get it at the roots...which I can't do till I know what it is. ??? What kind of thing can cause despair enough for a person to go this lax in ibadah? What alien is this, whose cloying touch is so horribly persistent after the first stolen caress, whose repugnant embrace slowly drains out life and interest, as surely as black ivy can choke a healthy tree...? Shaytan's whispers are ever afloat on the winds of life except in Ramadan, but surely even [i]he[/i] needs some [i]fuel[/i] to heave and sweat that diseased monster Despair into being...? (Boy, don't I sound like the voice of doom? :'( :'( :'( ) [wlm] |
| 07/10/03 at 06:13:44 |
| chiq |
| Re: Prognosis? |
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| muahmed |
| 07/10/03 at 08:59:44 |
| [slm] As a brother once said: "As a drowning man I was praying for a straw to clutch at, and Allah gave me this beautiful ship." The ship he was referring to was tasawwuf. (I will not write more, for fear that I would cause your thread to be deleted.) Trying to do what you are trying to do alone is very hard. If you can form a halaqa (circle) of sisters and have a weekly meeting that would help a lot. You could learn as a group and practice certain things as a group. |
| Re: Prognosis? |
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| BrKhalid |
| 07/10/03 at 10:38:19 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) [quote]At this point, I knew it was because of low imaan, but as for what caused the low imaan in the first place...the thing that caused my heart unease...I don’t know. And until I know that, I can’t figure out how to solve this problem in the long term.[/quote] I remember posting a while back how great it would be if we could all have one of those Tamaguchi type games which instead of telling us how are pets were doing, actually told us how our heart was. Not talking about resting heart beats of 12 here or anything like that but the extent to which our hearts are purified and cleansed of all those pesky little black dots. Armed with such a device we could see when we were faltering and, as Sr chiq rightly points out, decipher the root cause of the problem. Alas we have no such device but in my experience external physical factors such as environment and nutrition play a major role as well as internal spiritual factors as alluded to by Br Ahmed. |
| Re: Prognosis? |
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| Maliha |
| 07/10/03 at 12:19:55 |
| [slm] hehehe i thought i was the only one who as Dr. Barrella diagnosed is Psychosomatic (sp)...something she said when the psychological affects the physical...y'all are lucky..i get sick over things i have no control over whatsoever. Every major world event has flattened me out physically, emotionally, psychologically...Allah knows....My family is completely ??? over me. I guess it says a lot about the lowliness of my station...something Rumi said..about exulting one moment and despair the next...(don't remember but it wasn't a good thing at all). May Allah help heal the diseases of our souls. (Amin). [quote] What kind of thing can cause despair enough for a person to go this lax in ibadah? What alien is this, whose cloying touch is so horribly persistent after the first stolen caress, whose repugnant embrace slowly drains out life and interest, as surely as black ivy can choke a healthy tree...? Shaytan's whispers are ever afloat on the winds of life except in Ramadan, but surely even [i]he[/i] needs some [i]fuel[/i] to heave and sweat that diseased monster Despair into being...? [/quote] I love the way you describe things Chiq :) In my experience it's only sins that accumulate so insidiously to form this layer of opaque dense like, murky matter that leaves the Qalb with no room to breathe. We all have the weaknesses of our nufoos, that only we are aware of..... What's yours? (don't answer here, but to yourself :P ) I don't know....I know this is not the most philosophical breath taking of prognosis..but how can a dis eased person offer the same bitter pill that she consistently refuses to take herself? One of our fellow trekkers on this journey, wrote as part of her reflections during the retreat the following...I thought it was really deep Mashaallah: [quote] * * * DIAGNOSIS Patient Name : Sinner Date: The day she woke up from ghaflah, insha Allah State of nafs : A combination of bahimiyy nafs and sabu’iyy nafs, however showing pre-dominantly traits and symptoms of bahimiyy nafs Treatment : Ÿ Sincere taubah Ÿ Mujaahadah in fulfilling requirements of sharee’ah Ÿ A regular and wholesome diet of ‘ilm, especially on Qur’an & as-Sunnah Ÿ A lot of dzikrullah Ÿ Yearly retreat/khalwah Ÿ Daily dose of tears in khashyah Ÿ Less talk, less eating SPECIAL NOTE: Will be referred to The Specialist of qalb, care of His Mercy and His Beneficence Prognosis : With proper treatment and persistence in sincerity, we pray for her spiritual well-being, bi idznillah [/quote] Sis, Maliha :-) [wlm] |
| Re: Prognosis? |
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| Nomi |
| 07/10/03 at 12:46:33 |
| [slm] SubhanAllah, there are lots of "apnay jaesay types" here.... I also think and think and.... but alhamdulillah it doesn't take it toll on me (health, body), all thanks to Allah. Sis chiq, you've got lots of potential to bring a BIG positive change to many lives, there are lots of lost people/sisters out there who can be brought to good with the way you put/say things. So, buck up! [slm] Asim Zafar |
| 07/10/03 at 12:58:19 |
| Nomi |
| Re: Prognosis? |
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| jaihoon |
| 07/12/03 at 12:25:02 |
| [slm] "Know that in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace" It's just that we take some time to realize this ::) |
| Re: Prognosis? |
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| eleanor |
| 07/12/03 at 13:23:58 |
| [slm] Just thought I'd add this from Surah Yusuf "and never give up hope of Allah's soothing Mercy..." I always thought the words "soothing Mercy" sounded kind of like lozenges for a sore throat or something. Disclaimer: this is the translation from Muhammad Pickthall's translation. I don't know about the others or what the Arabic originally said. |
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