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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| about wearing hijab |
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| missy |
| 07/12/03 at 00:27:56 |
| [slm] I was just wondering, when did you know it was the right time to start to cover? I know I'm new, and I have many things to learn and do, but, still, I know it's something that we're supossed to do so I'm just curious about it is all, like did you pray a lot and just let Allah guide you to it? Or did some of you feel it was just the right time? |
| Re: about wearing hijab |
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| UmmZaid |
| 07/12/03 at 01:52:43 |
| [slm] This is a hard question to answer. On the one hand, it is something that is required of a Muslim woman. On the other hand, it is hard for many sisters (converts or not!) to pick up a scarf and wear long sleeves in July, and so on. Have you read about the prayer of Istakhaara? It is a prayer of asking for guidance, and it is on the Jannah.org website. Make lots of du'a. And look to your sisters for support. |
| Re: about wearing hijab |
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| Tesseract |
| 07/12/03 at 04:33:41 |
| Assalamu 'alaikum, [quote]Have you read about the prayer of Istakhaara? It is a prayer of asking for guidance, and it is on the Jannah.org website. [/quote] I don't think there is any need to pray istikhara in this case. Istikhara is prayed when u are unsure about something or something that is related to future and unseen and u don't know whether it'll benefit u or not. Here, observing hijab is an obligation and we know that every obligation in Islam is for the benefit of mankind/ummah, there is no ifs and buts about them. When and how does sis. missy start observing the hijab is a different issue, but my point is that there is no need for istikhara at all. Allahu A'lam (Allah knows best). Wassalam. |
| Re: about wearing hijab |
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| Kathy |
| 07/12/03 at 10:53:10 |
| [slm] I will give you my own experiance, flaws and all. When I became Muslim, I was not convinced of covering. I also felt the social pressures of family, co-workers and friends. First I dabbled in the comfort of my home, in front of the mirror. I remember giggling over the many looks a person could achieve with a piece of cloth. At the time I liked the Cleopatric look. But the moment I was "out of sight" it came off. Also the types of covering changed I started with hats> bandanas> kid size scarves> now...as big as I can get it! My next step was going to Muslims' homes, uncovered and began to feel a bit of an out cast, not covered... that twinge of uneasiness was in my heart. So I threw a scarf in my car, one I could pull out when with Muslims and when going to the Masjid. When visiting with a sister in Maryland, she took me to the home of a Muslimah I had never met. In her confidence, knowing I would never see her again, I was able to spill all my fears of the scarf. Very tenderly she said that I would wear it when I was ready. They were very comforting words and helped me relax. What was happening, was I was taking baby steps. Little by little wearing it when I was comfortable and feeling safe in my environment. It really helped to go to the mall, grocery store and laundromat with covered Muslims and it was getting "my feet wet." This was in the eighties, and I think that most of the people in my town had never seen a Muslim so it was a very brave and attention getting set up. Something that I never enjoyed. Covering infront of my father was probably the hardest thing to do. The poor man... he had already lost his daughter to "them ayrabs" and now look what she was doing to herself. Finally, I found a hubby and moved away with him. Unfortunately, he prefered me to not cover. So I fell out of trying to improve. However, that nagging bothered me inside. It hurt me, when I would give salaams to muslimahs in the store or street, they would just look at me and be perplexed. They did not recognise me as a Muslim. Not their fault and no blame on them... But I wanted to known as a Muslim. I think that fact was the next baby step. My marriage was on the rocks. I had went home to get away from him and when I came back I decided now was the time, I did not care what my hubby thought of me by then. The next step was when I was looking for a job. In my heart, I knew I had to make the choice. I began to wear the scarf. Once I was hired, wearing a scarf, really there was no way going back! Allah swt made it easy for me! I did leave my hubby and when I went home to visit, my father was at the airport to pick me up. This was probably the hardest time for me. No words of welcome, of love, but he said " you are divorced now, you can take that silly thing off your head." Finally I got strong, no doubt by the grace of Allah swt. I told him I wasn't Muslim because of a man and I am proud to be Muslim and I am going to continue to dress like this. He mumbled some other stuff and that was it. (It wasn't easy after that- many times in social occasions, he gave me the cold shoulder) Alhumdulliah, wearing a scarf became easier, because my life style changed. I began to form a network of Muslim friends, Muslim activities and eventually a new Muslim hubby...who liked a covered woman! May Allah swt reward him, as he never flinched when we were in a non-Muslim environment and was always pleased with how I looked. Never underestimate the power a man has over you. Missy, it took me almost 5 years to become a full time coverer. Some Muslim women do it over night, others like me take a million baby steps. My only regret is that I did not obey Allah swt and begin covering as soon as I understood He "ordered" me to. My other regret, which is something you will not understand until you cover, is: Why did I wait so long???? The benefits, the empowerment, the feelings, the peace and the ease far out way any of the percieved disadvantages! |
| 07/12/03 at 10:58:41 |
| Kathy |
| Re: about wearing hijab |
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| eleanor |
| 07/12/03 at 10:57:24 |
| [slm] I'm sure we had a thread about this here before. If anyone *cough*se7en*cough* could post the link it would be gr8. Well I have been Muslim for over 2 years now and I still haven't plucked up the courage to wear hijab. Mind you the feeling is getting stronger and stronger over the last month or two and I have even bought some hijabs just so I'll be ready. I think it is definitely something that is done with the grace and help of Allah. Some years ago I could never even contemplate wearing hijab and now I find myself longing for it and looking at women with hijab in envy. I have told my husband if I never had to go home (to my home country) or never had to see my family and old friends again, then I would wear hijab in a minute. But I don't want to wear it and then find myself taking it off for whatever reasons. I think the next step Insha Allah is to tell everyone I have converted and why. I feel like I am ready for this now. And when they have gotten over that I will start to wear hijab. I have heard some sisters didn't wear hijab for like 3 or 5 years after converting and yet others started to wear it as soon as they converted or even before converting. I don't know. I like to think that we are all in the same boat. And for the areas I am lacking (hijab) I make up for in other ways (praying and good deeds). Maybe some sister who wears hijab does not pray or whatever. I am forever grateful to Sr.UmmZaid who told me "Islam is not about headscarves or husbands". She put things into perspective for me. I believe that if you know you are sinning by not wearing hijab and pray to Allah for forgiveness and for the courage to wear it, then you are not less of a Muslim. Allahu Ahlam. Insha Allah all the sisters will make dua for sisters like missy and me and others struggling with hijab. |
| Re: about wearing hijab |
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| Ameeraana |
| 07/12/03 at 16:31:12 |
| [slm] I used to always tell myself that if I became a Muslim I will never wear hijab. I assumed it was a custom from the desert where one had to cover their heads for protection from the hot sun... I always thought this tradition just go passed down and the culture included it in the religion. I reverted August 31st of last year. Well, as I studied more and more the Qur'an and hadith about hijab I was convinced in like several days. I decided to take baby steps and just wear hijab when I drove but when I got to work or the store and stuff I would take it off. That first day I wore it out driving I was shaking and very nervous. I felt everyone in all the cars were staring at me!! Well, I one day was at a coffee shop with a Muslimah friend who wore hijab and she was being stared at a whole lot by others and she started confronting those people and basically telling them it was rude for them to stare. I kept thinking that she needs to calm down and take it with grace and stuff... but then after a while I realized I didn't know what it felt like to be her in hijab. I thought about how brave it was of her to be able to wear it with all the stares she got. I then told my workplace that I wanted to start wearing hijab for Ramadan in November. They sort of gave me tiny bit of a hard time but then I did not get any response like "we don't want you to" or " you can't" or anything and everyday I kept feeling worse and worse as I removed hijab in my car right before walking in for work. So, one day I just put it on and have been a hijabi ever since!! That was I think the beginning or middle of October. I am glad I made that decision. Ameera |
| Re: about wearing hijab |
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| Yousef |
| 07/12/03 at 19:40:44 |
| SubhanaAllaah....I never ever realized it was [i]that[/i] hard. May Allaah reward you immensly, and keep you safe and sound. Ameen. |
| Re: about wearing hijab |
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| Ameeraana |
| 07/13/03 at 02:52:40 |
| [slm] Since Muslimahs are the most easily recognizable as Muslims, in most cases the women deal with much more stares and comments than the men do. I get stared at all the time everywhere and at first it made me extremely uncomfortable. Now I am just so used to it that it doesn't even phase me unless someone is just intensely staring at me. But mashallah I have been blessed to have found Islam and so I hope that one day the curiosity of one who stares at me will lead someone to study Islam and they will revert and accept the truth. fi aman allah |
| 07/13/03 at 03:05:28 |
| Ameeraana |
| Re: about wearing hijab |
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| Lil_Sista |
| 07/13/03 at 09:48:54 |
| [slm] :-) first of all,i'd like to say.....hang in there sistazzz!!! sis missy,may Allah swt make it easy for u insha Allah,ameen.all u have to do is to keep praying seeking for His guidance'n help. ok,sis???? :-) well here's my story............(hold ur breath! ;D ) u know what,although i was born muslim('n live in Indonesia) but it doesnt mean that my whole family(most of them are muslims too) are religious for so many reasons u know..... :( well,they think that if they do 5 time prayer a day,fast in ramadhan,dont drink,....'n other things which they consider'enough',it's more than enough as muslims.they dont want other stuff bother them such as hijab for women. so i was like that b4.all the ibada i did seemed meaningless.i didnt get 'anything'.i wasnt taught much about Islam,only little things.i was like" yeah,im muslim.i do 5 time prayer,fast in ramadhan,dont drink/use drugs,read Al Qu'an,....etc" but that's it. :( Astagfirullah,when i run back over the past,how i thought about Islam,my religion,i only knew how to do but not to implement the ibada in my daily life......meaningless.....,im always burst into tears. i was still until i stepped into senior high school.i started to learn more'n more about Islam,attended Islamic classes in ramadhan as i could feel that something was missing,something spiritual,something to make me get closer to the Great Creator(can u imagine how i felt at that time?).i was getting eager to know Islamic things :-) alhamdulillah. i was willing to wear hijab 'coz i realized how essential it is in Islam.i found some ayahs 'n heaps of hadiths regarding covering aurat in front of non mahram ppl.my close friends were so surprised about this.they even said"hey,u become strange,girl.what happened? u wanna be such a pious girl?!!" but i just smiled'n asked back"izzit too odd if i learn something about Islam,my religion,ur religion?" ;) to make it short,i decided to wear hijab no matter what.my parents hadnt expect me to do it.they didnt allow me to wear hijab'coz they thought i was still young bla bla bla 'n other silly reasons.i tried to explain to them so many times but they didnt wanna understand.they said that i could be a good muslima without hijab(how come??!!) and ......that'big'moment came.i wore hijab for the very 1st time.it wasnt that easy u know....i was so nervous'n worried about what kinda responses i would get :-[ my friends,family were a bit shocked.they didnt expect me to wear such a long'n large hijab.well....i just wanted to dress up properly'n correctly based on Islam as my 1st step.i could feel ppl were intensely staring at me'coz this kind of hijab arent common here.well many girls/women still wanna look'sexy'even in hijab(u know what i mean right?) now everything's getting better'n better alhamdulillah more ppl who respect.i've never felt so safe like this b4.indeed,hijab is very useful'n essential for us,muslimah,if we really mean it. :-) but of course wearing hijab doesnt guarantee that a muslima is a true muslima as we can all see how many hijabis have bad personalities,manners,behaviours.only Allah swt who gives us hidaya. alhamdulillah i've done much da'wa by this hijab,im able to lead someone to learn more about Islam. okiezzz,sistaz....im getting so drowsy ;D gotta go to bed. Allah bless ya'll. :-* Wassalam |
| Re: about wearing hijab |
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| missy |
| 07/13/03 at 14:10:14 |
| [slm] It's really nice and encouraging to read all of your stories about this. :) It does help. And I've met some other muslims around in my area and they meet once a week, so I'm going to start meeting with them :-* They all cover, and I felt a bit uncomfortable with them, becasue I don't, though I wasn't wearing anything revealing at all, and I got to pray with them, and they put a scarf on me, and it felt so good and right to be wearing it, I didn't want to take it off actually! But, I had to, since it wasn't mine...I have been praying about this, amongst other things as well. And I'm going to start with little baby steps, I've been reading about it too, I've started to get rid of some of my clothes I know I shouldn't wear, and that makes me feel better, we (my family) donate our clothes we no longer need or want, so it's like I'm doing something good for myself, and helping someone else have clothes to wear. So I'm going to get going and finish that little project. |
| Re: about wearing hijab |
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| Nomi |
| 07/13/03 at 16:48:51 |
May Allah [swt] be with you... all of you. My salam to you all. A brother in islam. |
| Re: about wearing hijab |
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| Trustworthy |
| 07/13/03 at 17:49:33 |
| [slm] From experience sister.... Mom always said to wear your hijab outside the home but not in school, but she said when I'm ready, Allah will love you more if you wear it everywhere. So I always wore my hijab when I'm with her to the store. etc. SOmetimes not the correct way where my neck will show etc. My dilemma was that I was a Muslim (that's not the dilemma) and everyone knew it, yet I did not where my hijab which ppl knew about that too. Never asked me why, just went with my flow. Well because I wore it everywhere else, I would hide whenever I meet someone from school. Not a good game to play. Like I was embarassed of my deen. So one morning...I woke realizing my dilemma and wore my hijab to school (senior year-I know way too long) and mom looked at me with shock and awe and then asked, "You sure about this?" I said, "I'm ready." She just smiled. Well, I had a Christain ffreind who would pick me up everyday so we would walk to school together and she said, "You sure about this?" i said, "I'm ready." She smiled. Then we'd go pick up my cousin and she said, "What for?" I said, "My deen and Allah." She said, "You're going to make me look bad, but OK." Then she smiled. So we walked to school. No problem. For some reason, I wasn't afraid at all. Got in scholl, and was like a nervous wreck. Every class was a new experience. But everyone was "Ok." Lunch time came, and this boy walking towards me said, "Oh look, we've got a Nun going to our school." So I replied, "May God have mercy on your soul, son." Everyone laughed and that was the only confrontation. With my daughter, I told her about the hijab and said to her that she should practice young so that you feel confident about your religion always. She's been wearing her hijab since she was 1 yrs old. I never forced it on her. She'll take it off once in a while, but then we remind her about it and she'll put it back on and sometimes she won't. She's never taken it off improperly since she was 6. Just go with the flow, when you know you're ready. Allah (SWT) will take care of the rest, insha-Allah. Ma-asalaama.... |
| Re: about wearing hijab |
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| UmmZaid |
| 07/14/03 at 03:18:04 |
| [slm] Re: Istakhara: I had already said that hijab is an obligation, so I did not mean that one should make istakhara about whether to wear it or not. But there are other things to consider -- is it better for me to wear jilbab and a big scarf, or is it better to wear a smaller one and modest "regular" clothes? Is it better for me to notify my employer by showing up in hijab, or is it better to sit down with them a few days ahead of time instead? Is it better for me to tell my parents ahead of time in a letter, or just to show up at their house and take a strong position with them? No one's situation is one size fits all. It is a sad reality that some sisters and brothers come into Islam and right away, they're with the niqab and the long beards, etc. And then a year or two later, you see them back on the street or at the mall wearing tank tops and shorts. It would have benefitted them more in this life and the next to go a different route. Similarly, there are people who do come into Islam, immediately start wearing niqab or having a long beard, and that is of great benefit to them. Hijab (for all of us, esp. brothers) IS important, IS an obligation... but you can't make it your entire focus, and you can't base your diyn on it. Sincere 'iman (faith) will, insha'Allah, bring you to the hijab, and make you accept it with happiness, but putting a scarf on your head more than likely isn't going to instill 'iman in your heart if it is non-existent or very shaky. We (Muslims) give a LOT of attention to hijab because it is the first thing you notice about someone. For Muslim sisters in general, and new Muslims especially, you are just so overwhelmed or inundated with articles, books, and discussions about "hijab" it starts to feel like the most important thing about your religious practice as a woman. Also, many non Muslim articles, books, discussions, shows about Muslims and Muslim women focus very heavily on our clothing. Can you imagine the reality for a new sister whose community or Muslim contacts focus almost entirely on what she's wearing, while ignoring her prayer, her fasting, her access to the Qur'an, her wudhu, and so on? How many of us know sisters who wear a scarf and jilbab but have really out there ideas about Allah, His Qur'an, the Prophet (peace be upon him), the Sunnah, the Sahaba, the Shari'a, and so on? |
| Re: about wearing hijab |
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| UmmZaid |
| 07/14/03 at 03:39:30 |
| [slm] I just wanted to share some of my experiences, if it is helpful. First of all, when I first came online, and found Jannah.org's Sister's page... It was just so helpful to me. I really love that page. Hijab is included, but it isn't the first thing you see, and it is by far not the topic with the most links attached to it. The message you get is that hijab matters, but it isn't the end-all, be-all of Muslim womanhood. Second, when I started practicing, I did not wear hijab all the time. Despite the Sister's page, I was somewhat confused about hijab, b/c many people that I knew were Sunnah rejectors. Or I would read their articles against hijab and not realize who they were. Also, before I ever came online, I had read many books by feminists and "progressives," who say that hijab is not required, etc. And many of the Islamic books that I got my hands on were saying "All Black, Niqab All The Time," and that was really confusing for me, since I could see with my own eyes that many Muslim women don't dress that way. I would wear hijab to the masjid, to pray, and later, when I met more mainstream Muslims, I would wear it when I went out with them. That was very helpful. The first time I attended MSA, I was not wearing it and they didn't think I was Muslim. Some of the MSA sisters (esp. one sis who did not wear hijab) were really encouraging, almost pushy, for me to wear it to school. Eventually, I did wear it (on and off) but in the urban-turban style with big shirts and jeans. Sometimes I would wear jilbab and a regular scarf. I was recognized as a Muslim sometimes. Othertimes, people probably thought it was just some "hip" look or something. Anyway, I did the on-again, off-again thing for ... I guess for about a year or so. I didn't wear it to work -- I thought they would not accept me for the position. Subhan'Allah, I discovered later that I had a co-worker who was a very observant Muslim -- they even gave him time off on Fridays for Jumu'ah. When I did try to wear it to work, I was told to remove it. They thought I was just fooling around. Meanwhile, another Muslima was hired, she wore it, and they never said a peep to her. I stopped working there soon after that. Over time, I feel like I kept seeing "signs" that showed me or reminded me about Islam and my obligation. For instance, I worked in an advertising agency, where there were no Muslims at all. I wore "modest" office clothes in an office where the boss was wearing the latest designer fashions and most skirts were above the knees. I was thinking that was okay until one day I saw that the people who lived across from our parking lot were observant Muslims -- with the cape style khimar and jilbab and everything. Sometimes, I would hear the Qur'an coming from their house, mash'Allah. Whenever I saw them, I would feel such a strong pull to go and be with them instead of at my job. I finally started wearing hijab full time, no excuses, just do it when I went to Zaytuna in 1999. At that point, there was no reason a sister shouldn't be in hijab all the time -- b/c you were with Muslims in various Islamic settings all the time. I saw sisters who did hijab, jilbab, even niqab in a beautiful, neat, even stylish way (which I have to say, I had never really seen in NY up until that point). I did not see a single sister there who didn't wear hijab, whether she was at Zaytuna, or the masjid, or just hanging out eating dinner, or whatever. When I got off the plane from Cali, I had the hijab on, and that was it, Alhamdulillah. I told my parents, this is for full time now, and that's the end of it. I found a job in the Islamic sector (although I *was* offered positions in two non Islamic places the same day -- wearing hijab and jilbab). Finally, Missy -- be discriminating when it comes to getting rid of non hijab clothes. Every once in a while, I would go through these stages of giving away non hijab clothes, b/c I "couldn't wear it anywhere." Now I regret this a lot. A lot of those clothes would have been acceptable in my house, with my husband or friends, or for Muslim women only parties, weddings, etc. |
| Re: about wearing hijab |
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| sofia |
| 07/14/03 at 10:57:17 |
| As-salaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullah, Missy Excellent advice already given by the sisters above. I'd second taking it slowly and learning a bit more about Islaam and the hijaab before jumping into it. However, if you're already convinced and believe that it's obligatory, then by all means, wear the hijaab in whatever way you feel comfortable at first. The right time to start a certain action is when you're convinced of it. That's when the clock starts ticking (so to speak) as to when we are responsible for doing it. Make du'aa that God makes it easy for you, and trust me, He will. Side comment: Most sisters who don't yet wear hijaab/modest clothing (maybe not all, but I want to say most) don't know that it's obligatory. Many think it's just an extra step (and I'm talking born-Muslims). It's not until they're convinced that they will start to even consider wearing hijaab. For me personally, it wasn't until someone I trusted explained why and how hijaab was obligatory, made du'aa that I'd start wearing it soon, and even gave me a hijaab -- that I even thought about wearing hijaab other than when I prayed or entered a masjid. I doubt it would have helped me if she just told me the daleel/proof and looked down upon me until I starting wearing it. But everyone's different. My point: One is, to try to be around those who you want to be like. Our friends are sometimes most influential on us. Another point is that many of us may think every sister out there already knows hijaab/modest clothing is obligatory and don't make the effort to be more helpful in explaining/helping them start. We need to make it clear and after that, it's up to them. And yes, each individual is responsible for their own actions, including seeking knowledge and having trust in Allah that He is ar-Razzaq/The Provider. He will not fail to provide for us because we decide to wear modest clothing (quite the opposite, actually, whenever we do something to please Allah), regardless of what anyone else may tell us. Another side comment: Wearing the hijaab is not what makes someone Muslim. Faith is. We will never be able to measure someone's Imaan by whether or not they wear the hijaab or have a beard or wear certain clothing (it's sometimes an indication, but not always). This is between each individual and God. However, this does not detract from the fact that modesty is part of Islaam, and those who are not characterized by it, are seldom recognized as Muslims (that was also enough incentive for me, since I hated being mistaken for anything else). The hijaab, etc (or the beard, etc for brothers) can actually help catapult someone's imaan to another level if worn with the right intentions, and at the very least, remind us of what we stand for. May Allah help all of us represent Islaam in the best manner, aameen. |
| 07/14/03 at 12:04:24 |
| sofia |
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