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Sisters Perspective needed
siddiqui
07/14/03 at 12:13:29
[slm]

This thread is in the same vein as the "Show me your papers" but with a slightly different scenario and perspective

Brother Bulwark had quite rightly opined in “Show me your papers”
[quote]If the brother is here in States on a non-immigrant visa/status (like student or businessman), find out if he intends to stay here in States or not. If he intends to, ask him how does he plan to do that? If he tells u he is expecting the sister to sponsor him and u are not in favor of that, then make it clear right away that u don't intend to sponsor him. If brother tells u he plans to do it on his own, like get a job and apply for Residency through his job etc., still make it clear that in case it wont work out, u wont be sponsoring him at all. And be firm about it, maybe make it a condition in ur marriage contract.

[/quote]

In continuation of this I had commented

[quote]I quite agree with Brother Bulwark  
But just want to add
If the Brother says okie I dont want you to sponsor me and I will try my best but IF i cannot make it , and  might have to go back home or some other land will you come with me?
[/quote]
The scenario:A brother has prposed to a sister, every thing is acceptable (his deen,attitude ,looks, job,finances........)  is not an immigrant,but is LEGALY living here

1. The brother in question is here on a non immigration status and does     not want the sister to sponsor him (quiet rightly)
2.  Says" I will try my best to get my green card on my own merit"
3. "But if I fail I would have move on to some other land/place"
4. "Will you agree to such a move?"(the move could even be to a 'desi'country' or another 3rd world country"



The question:
Just wondering if the sisters living here are willing to accept such a proposal /move
If yes then why? If not ,then why not?
[wlm]

07/14/03 at 12:42:03
siddiqui
Re: Sisters Perspective needed
sofia
07/14/03 at 12:30:45
As-salaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullah,

Depends on the intent.

Not sure how widespread this phenomenon is, but I know of even indigenous Muslims (ie, American-Muslims whose roots are here for 3+ generations, although that's probably not how everyone defines "indigenous") who would rather live in a country they've never even been to, rather than in the states as a result of the 9-11 aftermath. Fortunately or unfortunately, I really think more Muslims living in the US are open to leaving now than ever before. Then again, I do know of Muslims who are more intent on staying in order to help change themselves and their society for the better. Allahu A'lim.

Not sure if that helped, since it may open up a whole other can of worms. Sorry about the tangent.

[i]"Individual posts do not necessarily reflect the views of Jannah.org, Islam, or all Muslims... "[/i]
07/14/03 at 12:34:56
sofia
Re: Sisters Perspective needed
Trustworthy
07/14/03 at 12:47:30
[slm]

He sounds like a great Muslim guy.  I'd go with him , no hesitation, if I liked him.  If I didn't like him then I wouldn't go with him.  But I'd probably match him up with one of my freinds if I didn't.  He sounds too good to be true.

Ma-asalaama....
Re: Sisters Perspective needed
siddiqui
07/14/03 at 12:53:33
[slm]
[quote]He sounds too good to be true.[/quote]

LOL  :D the verdict is out even before the hearing  ;)
[wlm]
btw no offence intended sr
Re: Sisters Perspective needed
theOriginal
07/14/03 at 13:16:55
[slm]

I think the reason most sisters are skeptical because of the horror stories involved.

I don't know....I'd still urge sisters to be more careful about something like this.

Wasalaam.
Re: Sisters Perspective needed
jannah
07/14/03 at 15:38:25
[wlm]

[quote]"Will you agree to such a move?"(the move could even be to a 'desi'country' or another 3rd world country[/quote]

Wouldn't the answer depend on whether or not she wanted to immigrate to said country? Better to find out and agree on this beforehand. Alot of arguments and heartache occur when the brother decides later on to move back to his home country and she doesn't want to go.

For example, i could never move back to my 'home country', it's not my home, it's my parents, it's so foreign to me like moving to zimbabwe or thailand or something, i wouldn't be able to live there.

Re: Sisters Perspective needed
a_Silver_Rose
07/14/03 at 16:42:54
[slm]

yes I would leave wherever he goes but I would encourage him to let me sponsor him if he would like to have his future in the US

[quote]2.  Says" I will try my best to get my green card on my own merit"
[/quote]
why? why cant she help you if she wants to?
Re: Sisters Perspective needed
Caraj
07/14/03 at 17:34:50
[quote author=a silverose link=board=sis;num=1058195609;start=0#6 date=07/14/03 at 16:42:54] [slm]


why? why cant she help you if she wants to?[/quote]

Cause in heart heart if anything goes wrong she will always wonder.

But to answer the post I would ask him for a back up plan and visit there before I accepted. I know that not all can do that.
Re: Sisters Perspective needed
Emerald
07/14/03 at 23:24:25
Nope I wouldn't do it. It would be too much of a culture shock for me I think. There are plenty of good Muslim fish in the sea!  ;)

Oh and a side note. Just another reason why she shouldn't. ---Moms, keep your little girls next to you. I know of someone who regretted going across the world for marraige-- and a few parents who would NEVER send their daughters overseas. You can NEVER be sure what a guy is truly like.
Re: Sisters Perspective needed
missy
07/15/03 at 01:16:28
[color=Pink][/color] This topic has actually come up a couple of times in discussion with my fiance. The first time he was joking and said 'Let's go to Turkey, I want to go back there.' I told him 'I don't think so.' But Then he asked me seriously if he wanted to later, would I go? And I thought about it, and I think I would. To me, there's only one person you'll ever truly love, and this man is that person for me. I told him I'd have to go there first to visit and see what it's like, and later, if he wanted to stay there, I would go with him. Maybe this isn't too relevent to the original post though... :-[ So would I go there with him if he couldn't get his visa to stay here? I think I would.
Re: Sisters Perspective needed
UmmZaid
07/15/03 at 02:22:33
[slm]

I'm not sure, b/c immigration rules have changed so many times recently... but if an American citizen marries a non citizen, even if he is here legally, I believed that you are obligated to file that information, aren't you? Or the non immigrant is obligated to notify INS (or whatever they're called today) of this change.

I know someone who married someone who was legally here on a work visa, and they had to file.  His visa (from his employer) was cancelled, he has a working card, and they are waiting for the GC interview.  (This is how she tells it anyway).

My husband told me from the get-go that marriage with him mean eventual long term or permanent residence in Jordan. That was cool with me, I was already planning to go to Jordan when I met him.  I think in general, it would depend on the country, depend on what kind of life he could provide there, etc.
Re: Sisters Perspective needed
Trustworthy
07/15/03 at 14:08:10
[slm]

You're right Emarald.  I would never let my daughter go overseas for a marraige life without me by her side.  As much as he is a good Muslim or what not, marraige life is.....?  And Allahu Alim, but I still wouldn't let her go.

I don't know what I'd do if she did.  If it was me and I wanted to go then I'd bring my mother along.

Ma-asalaama....


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