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| What is the whole......? |
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| Muslimah2008 |
| 07/16/03 at 13:05:23 |
| [glow=navy,2,300] [slm][/glow] [color=Orange] Helo evryone. ;D.....well see im kinda confused in the whole marriage thing,....how does it work?....?...i mean ...do u think u can explain it to me?....from the engagment to the marriage ceramony itself....I was jus wonderin cuz my moms friend had a wedding...and she's muslim...but she kinda mixed it up and did it the islamic way and non- islamic way....and i was thinking of getting married soon...Inshallah.....so PLZ help A sister out :)Jazakallah.... :-X[/color] [glow=red,2,300] [wlm][/glow] :-)s |
| 07/16/03 at 13:13:09 |
| Muslimah2008 |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| Trustworthy |
| 07/16/03 at 13:20:59 |
| [slm] Ours is also mixed. Here is how it goes. Our wedding lasts about 2-3 days. The groom and bride has spearate homes to "party". Let's say Friday-Sunday is the wedding. Here's how it works. Friday night we ready the bride and groom (henna, (turmeric) skin cloring, shaving, etc.) some freinds sleep over. Saturday morning, father or wahli asks bride if she accepts, if yes, we continue. Sat night would be the nikka....ceremony usually only men and the Imam talks about husband/wife duties and purpose of marraige. All of Saturday, the bride shows off her different gowns and we get to take pictures with her. And everyone is feed lunch and dinner. Sunday is when the groom and bride meets and lunch is only served. Sunday is when she wears the white bridal gown. I'm not to particular to that (too much work), but that's my tradition. However, I've been to a wedding where it's just one morning and a reception. The Bride is in her white gown and she walks down the aisle where the groom is standing waiting for her. Then they both kneel and the Imam does his thing and that's it. My tradition the women get to party, no hijab, etc. because no men allowed on the premises except for dad. So it is cool. My wedding was like that, but....I left all the chaos and angry bride. :) Looooong story. One day I'll tell you in details. Ma-asalaama.... |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| Yousef |
| 07/16/03 at 13:27:54 |
| It has to do alot with culture, from where I'm from...Its about 7-8 [i]steps[/i] :( |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| Muslimah2008 |
| 07/16/03 at 19:15:56 |
| [shadow=orange,left,300] [slm][/shadow] [color=orange]HI.....well thanx alot....Trustworthy....what culture are u if u dont mind me asking, becuz i saw alot of Indian movies...where that happens...( they were REEAAAL good :))....See im Ethiopian and it might be that....it's different... so i think ill ask someone else thats ethiopian too :-X.......thank you SOOOOO much though!....both of u!...BUT PLZ keep the ADVICE COMING i still need it...and if u'll check my other post....What if u..... then i would really appreciate it...thank you![/color] [move]Jazakullah...and plz check my other post ;D[/move] [glow=orange,2,300] [wlm][/glow] |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| Trustworthy |
| 07/16/03 at 19:23:15 |
| [slm] I'm Cham from the Kingdom of Champa. Our race is in the brinks of extinction. But hey we're still here 7 centuries later. Ma-asalaama.... |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| salaampeaceshalom |
| 07/17/03 at 13:13:44 |
| [slm] please excuse my ignorance, but where's Champa? And pls don't be offended but what's your official language? Sorry, I just find it fascinating learning about stuff like this :) wa'salaam |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| Trustworthy |
| 07/17/03 at 13:38:32 |
| [slm] No offense taken. But you see what I mean when I say we're in the brinks of extinction? Nobody knows who we are or that we exist. But the fairytale goes something like this which only the elders know. Story is passed down from generation to generation. I'm actually a bit embarassed about it b/c of it's stupid nature. Anyways....Once upon a time, in the 14th century, there existed a Kingdom called Champa by what it is now part Cambodia and Vietnam. The fall of the Kingdom came about when our king fell in love with a Vietnamese princess. There was this tree, magical tree, that gave our king powers and the surrounding neighbors knew of it. The King married the Princess. On their wedding night, she snuck into the Forbidden Garden where the tree stood standing. She took an axe and chopped it down. The King lost his powers losing our Kingdom to the Vietnamese Empire. Since then, the Cham people became nomads and spread about the Asian continent. The End. My family ended up in Cambodia though I know if I go back into my family tree there is Pakistan in there somewhere. My great great grandmother I think, who had reddish hair and a very sharp nose, very beautiful. My cousin looks exactly like her excpet she had black hair. Jannah knows her. But see how stupid that was? Does anyone have a similar story of their race? But we are called Cham and so is our language. It is written in arabic letters and right to left but the language dialect is close to Indonesian. So far, my Uncle is the only one I know that can read it and write it. I used to be able to speak it fluently, but now I only know a little being raised in America and making my only language English. But the older generation can only speak it. The younger generation barely speaks it but I'm having my daughter learn it from her grandparents so she won't lose our heritage. If you do a search on the internet "Kingdom of Champa", you'll find little information. However, I know some Cham students in Seattle has developed a site and I think we're trying to accomplish the same thing, here. What's so unusal about us is that whereever we are born, we don't call ourself that country, we always say Cham. Like if you called a Cham born in Cambodia, a Cambodian, then that is highly offensive to the Cham. I don't know why? That's a little history of my ancestors. Thanks for asking. Ma-asalaama.... |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| theOriginal |
| 07/18/03 at 19:05:05 |
| [slm] Trustworthy: Wow...very interesting. Sounds almost...magical. Otherwise....Ethiopia...sigh...beautiful country, beautiful weather, beautiful people. What part are you from? I used to live in Jijiga...which is like north of Dire Dawa. Addis happens to be one of my favorite cities. Attended a wedding too...looked very regal although it was very simple...basically it was real classy (even though that raw meat they served was a bit :/ ) Wasalaam. |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| Muslimah2008 |
| 07/18/03 at 22:03:13 |
| [glow=navy,2,300] [slm][/glow] [color=orange]WHY THANK YOU I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WAS A BEATIFUL COUTNRY TOO...IM FROM GONDER....BUT IVE ONLY BEEN THERE ONCE BUT I WAS SICK THE WHOLE TIME I DIDNT SEE THE SITES...EXCEPT ADDIS ABABA....HEHE WELL THANX....AND HAVE A NICE DAY! ;D :)[/color] [glow=navy,2,300] [wlm][/glow] |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| salaampeaceshalom |
| 07/19/03 at 04:10:18 |
| [slm] wow, thank you trustworthy :) I guess it is true, u do learn something new every day :) wa'salaam |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| Kathy |
| 07/19/03 at 05:29:53 |
| [slm] Just for a little perspective on the whole marriage thing... We had a gathering at the masjid, invited families and an open invitation to the community. Men were on their side, women on ours... everyone dressed and covered as Islamically expected in a public sphere. My wali came to the curtain seperating the two sides, asked me if I accepted my hubby's maher. I nodded demurely. He had me sign the contract indicating this. He went back over to the mens side and told them that I had signed. The Imam gave a khutbah, prayers had come in so we then prayed. Then went to our perspective social halls and had a dinner, which included lamb and dates. It was that simple. |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| jannah |
| 07/19/03 at 06:41:57 |
| [wlm] Kathy is that how all the weddings are where u are? Here we rarely have separate weddings, and let me tell you separate weddings while in theory are nice.. never work here!!! and it's always the hijabis that lose out... What happens usually is that we dress up all nice with makeup and jewelry and hair styled and nice clothes then there is always either guy waiters or staff coming in and out of the hall... the places are just not built to be completely separate and there are windows or doors open, the bride/groom's older bro or uncle family members coming in our out... or get this i've seen 15 year old boys wandering around the women's section ostensibly looking for their 'mothers' but somehow they end up at the 15 year old girls' table just hanging out!.....ugh I can't tell you how many mehndis and weddings i've been to where we just ended up wearing hijab and our jackets frustrated. Now we've learned and come dressed as if it was a together wedding. So what's the point!! So the usual wedding here.... is together men and women, men sitting on one side, women on the other or a kinda choose ur own seat... and the aunties gravitate to make aunties tables and the friends to their friends tables.. the young couples at the young couples table, etc... and that works too... the couple usually sits up front on a stage or a head table type thing. If the nikah is being done the Imam starts with that and gives a khutbah and then various people say various things and speeches during dinner. sometimes at the funner weddings you'll have some skits, a funny slideshow or some nasheed type stuff... and then of course, u have the best part the cake cutting and dessert ;) |
| 07/19/03 at 06:42:34 |
| jannah |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| Kathy |
| 07/19/03 at 07:15:06 |
| [wlm] Yes, if they are getting married in the Masjid. There have been weddings done at homes and in hotels... those are usually the rich folk. When I go, it is very obvious of the community divisions as generally it is only one particular ethnic group there. Have to admit I am generally uncomfortable with the loosened behaviours of the Muslims at the events outside of the Masjid. hmm.... I have been contemplating starting a topic about my concerns, for a while, after all of the summer events I have been going to... |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| Fozia |
| 07/19/03 at 07:33:29 |
| [slm] The wedding itself sort of began something like two weeks before the actualy ceremony, where husband-to-be's family came and decided on gifts also the amount of the mahr. A good excuse for a party according to mother so there was a marquee set up permanantly on the terrace of my uncles house. First the Haldi was done on Friday morning, then everyone went off for Jumaah and then the Mehndi happened on Friday afternoon till well into the following morning !!!! For the day my parents hired a hotel, this was back home so not a huge thing. One floor for men and one for women, the guests also had somewhere to get changed lie down etc until the festivities began. The food was served by close family though, aunties to women and uncles to men. So the whole thing did stay properly segregated. Oh yeah and food was also served to several orphanages and I don't know who else daddy wanted everyone within a million mile radius to join the celebration.... Also learnt that apparantly I have a thousand relatives :o :o :o... all close of course!!!! So that was my big day... don't remember any of it to be honest. Wasalaam |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| Shahida |
| 07/21/03 at 07:38:14 |
| [slm] Well Jannah... [quote author=jannah link=board=madrasa;num=1058371523;start=0#11 date=07/19/03 at 06:41:57][wlm] Kathy is that how all the weddings are where u are? Here we rarely have separate weddings, and let me tell you separate weddings while in theory are nice.. never work here!!! and it's always the hijabis that lose out... [/quote] That's just typical. ::) It never works here either. Our version of a "separate" wedding/function is the men on one side and the women on the other, with everyone able to see everyone else. I have *never* been to a wedding here where I didn't need to be a hijabi :-) Anyway, once in Palestine, I saw it actually *work*, mashaAllah, at my friend's wedding. I brought my clothes from home, and when the women in her family saw my jilbaab, they were :o hehe...why the long sleeves? why so wide? why this, why that? :P I figured that they were having a "separate" wedding, lol, the lack of an appropriate definition... ::) Actually got to have my hair done and make-up *wow*...and there was not a *man* in sight...aaah, bliss ;) :) I prefer the way things went at Momma Mod's wedding, may Allah guide us to doing things in a way that is pleasing to Him, inshaAllah. Salam Shahida :-) |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| moonie |
| 07/21/03 at 16:56:09 |
| [slm] See theres culture and relgion ur culture is ur backarounf where u or where ur parents r from. i would assume u know what relgion is so i am not going to explain that. but u do what u think will be more fun and more instersting. |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| brother |
| 07/21/03 at 19:38:03 |
| To answer the sister's original question. Every culture has it's own little things added on to the basic nikah and walimah. In my culture, the guy/girl can't see each other untill after nikah. the engagedment usually takes place at the girl's place. But the guy stays back at his home and the girl goes to a friend's house. Don't ask me y? At Rukhsati time, the groom along with all family and friends (which usually includes the whole town) goes to the girl's house, They all gather around a bed infront of the girls house, the guy's close friends dress the guy up on the bed. After that they sit him on the bed and toss the bed up and down a few times. After the guys "recovers" from all that, :D everybody hugs the guy, they give him money/gifts. Then he goes inside the girls house. They see each other. and then the the girl gets rukhsat. [quote]Kathy is that how all the weddings are where u are? Here we rarely have separate weddings, and let me tell you separate weddings while in theory are nice.. never work here!!! and it's always the hijabis that lose out... [/quote] In the west I think two separate halls, WITH TWO SEPARATE ENTRANCES work the best when it comes to segregation. The last two weekends I attended three weddings. Each one was segregated and I was surprised to see how well they managed the segregation. In one of them we didn't even know where the sisters' section was. |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| Zahra |
| 07/22/03 at 17:12:16 |
| [slm] I agree with brother regarding the two halls arrangement.That is usually the best way to keep the men out of the ladies even though there will be one or two who manage to sneak in.Anyway three weeks ago I attended a friends wedding and not a single man entered because her family is very strict on these issues. My sister got married last year and we had the wedding at home-we put up a marquee in the yard for the ladies while the men were at my uncles home.So it was completely separete and we could all wear make up and do our hair .The nikah took place at the masjid and later we fed everyone supper.It was all simple and easy and it was a lovely wedding! [wlm] :-) |
| Re: What is the whole......? |
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| Muslimah2008 |
| 08/09/03 at 11:26:46 |
| [slm] thank u very much they all sound like wonderfuls...wedding....well i guess ill jus find out whats my cultures thing?.... :) [wlm] :-) |
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