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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Greencard Marriages...a Brother's perspective |
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| Kathy |
| 07/16/03 at 20:36:58 |
| [slm] A brother asked me to post this. He had asked me what my opinion was about a greenless card guy asking a greencard carring/ citizen gal if she would move back home with him if he was not able to stay here legally. I replied, in much more detail: Quote:Realistically, you can ask the question and get an answer.... His response was and asked me to post it annon : Why not? At least you will know what person you are marrying. You at least you will know why is she marrying you for a) YOU b) Staying in America +YOU c) Staying in America + Societal Convenience/Cultural (husband of convenience He won’t say too much will silence the parents & society for not getting married) d) What ever I agree men have misused their marriage for immigration, but I know of cases where the guy was chosen just because convenience that he comes from ‘desi’ land or Oh I have to marry for the society so why not….. I ask why consider people who are not immigrant? Why entertain such proposals in the first place. Show them the door in the beginning Wonder what are the criteria for choosing a spouse be should it be a nice human being and following Islam or the Criteria should be IMMIGRANT +……………….. Why one standard for the brothers and a different one for the sisters .They complain brothers look for this that looks/green cards and that good pious sisters get left out etc etc But when it comes to their turn all these factors come into play and the last thing that is considered or trusted is the brother’s intention I guess its okie for husband to be a jerk, All that is required is THAT he is an immigrant /citizen jerk Or in some other peoples words all those who come from other countries are jerks Well have we lost faith in Allah SubHana Wa Ta`alas workings? That one will go where ever he has kept their rizq/means of sustenance. Is it in my hand or yours? Is happiness all about living in America and nothing else? Are all people living in America happy? Or would any one guarantee if they aren’t living here they won’t be happy As a brother it’s sad to see that MUSLIM sisters are so suspicious of them (Yeah I agree there have been horror stories but they have been both ways) It’s sad the sisters suspect their niyyah from the very beginning All I can say is as of now I prefer to go back home however long it takes to get married Or if things come worse to worse marry from the Ahle kitaab ,but I don’t think I will touch a Muslim Citizen/Green card sister even with a barge pole for I don’t intended to spend the rest of my life being questioned about my niyaah Allahu Aaalam Let me end this by saying that this ‘outburst’ in no way intends to defend or condone the brothers who have cheated sisters into marriage for immigration or otherwise that was wrong is wrong and will always be wrong |
| Re: Greencard Marriages...a Brother's perspective |
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| Maliha |
| 07/16/03 at 22:34:52 |
| [slm] awwwwwwwwwww...poor brother he has been traumatized :'( hey! listen though seriously *not* all sisters with greencard/citizenship think that way. Not every one questions other's niyyahs. I think it's pretty dumb when presented with a GOOD PIOUS brother to start bringing up the citizenship question. The last thread started on the note of "show me the papers" cuz Kathy had a story to tell, and she was mad. Then everyone of course follows with the million and one other horror stories out there (which do exist by the way and shouldn't be dumbed down), but drowned in there are the *many* awesome marriages between a sweet PIOUS :-) [s]who happens to carry a greencard or whatever[/s] and a Dashing Mujahid riding in with the sunrise ;-) [s]who happens not to have his papers...[/s] okay I might be accused of being too mushy :P but Alhamdullillah... It worked for me, and Subhana Allah this thought never, ever crossed my mind from the beginning. I guess i don't care where i live and really america aint all that in my eyes, so having the much hankered after papers didn't seem like a biggie to me. But then again, people are guided by their experiences, and what they have witnessed, i guess i have been sheltered. So, i am saying all this to say my dear anon bro, don't lose hope :-* there's plenty of awesome sisters out there and it shouldn't matter to *Both* the bro or sis what their citizenship is...if we truly stuck to the sunnah and followed the criteria of Taqwa this will really be a non issue. Everything else is excess baggage..y'all need to lose the "weight" :P Sis, Maliha :-) [wlm] |
| Re: Greencard Marriages...a Brother's perspective |
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| Mehak |
| 07/16/03 at 23:32:22 |
| [slm], I think it depends on how the question is raised when the proposal is sent to the girl's family. The last proposal I had was, the family made it clear taht they wanted someone with a green card. And personally I dont think I am ready to do that. I want someone to like me and thats why get to know me, and not know me because I have a green card. I think it should just be another plus point but you shouldnt go and ask about legal status in US before even asking about the girl. I agree with the brother that the same thing happens to guys too. But think about why sisters tend to be more careful. Alot of divorced guys dont have a problem getting married again but for sisters, its once and for all. If Allah forbid , someone cheats a sister, and divorces her, let me assure you, she will not be getting a whole lot of good proposals. Now , mind you I am not undermining a brothers involvement in his marriage. But I personally think thats the main reason women should be and tend to be more careful. Anyways, this seems to be the hottest topic on Akhwat Cafe these days, dont it?? :-) [wlm] |
| Re: Greencard Marriages...a Brother's perspective |
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| Tesseract |
| 07/17/03 at 03:13:49 |
| Assalamu 'alaikum, I couldn't resist posting on this one. Pardon me if I am dragging it too much. I just felt like as if the bro. himslef is losing hope in Allah (swt). [quote]It’s sad the sisters suspect their niyyah from the very beginning [/quote] If u urself were an American citizen and u were proposed a sister from back home, wouldn't u in the first place try to find out WHY is she being proposed for u? If I put myself in such a situation, I would think of 2 possibilities first, either its money or its status. Allah knows best but I would also be suspicious of somebody else's niyyah right from the beginning rather than leave it to find out 3 years or 10 years after marriage. U also said: [quote](Yeah I agree there have been horror stories but they have been both ways) [/quote] If the horror stories have been both ways, then what's ur plan to deal with such horror stories that brothers go through. I can bet, a part of that plan would be being suspicious about her niyyah. [quote]As a brother it’s sad to see that MUSLIM sisters are so suspicious of them [/quote] As already said by other sisters, not ALL sisters are like that, but even if they are, what are u afraid of if u are here in States legally and u have a pure intention to marry her for her deen and nothing else. Go ahead and propose her, what do u have to lose? If u are rejected then this is where ur test of faith in Allah (awj) comes. Wouldn't u then believe that it was written in ur Qadar NOT to be married to her. Do 'u' have everything in ur hands or is it Allah Who does what He wills? If my own real sister would have been an American citizen, I would do EVERYTHING to make sure that when her time of marriage comes, she gets the best person on this earth and her status is not being exploited. Allah knows best. Wassalam. |
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