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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| why can't people understand? |
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| missy |
| 07/20/03 at 14:33:45 |
| [slm] I'm really rather upset right now, it's my 21st birthday, and so my sister wants me to have drink, to celebrate, she wanted to take me out for just 1 drink and she asked if I wanted to go this afternoon. I told her no, not really, and she asks what about at dinner tonight? I said no. And then she asks are you ever going to drink again?? Like I have to drink. She doesn't know I've become a Muslim, but she does know I have a couple books and that I'm reading them,and she looked at me with a not very nice look, and tells me 'this is probablly going to make you mad 'but is it because you're stdying muslim?' first, if I don't want to drink, that's my personal thing, and no one elses, and I don't see why it's such a problem for her to understand that and second, I don't understand how she can be so closed minded to anything other than christianity. I personally think being that way is 'un-christian' but, I mean, I've tried to explain what Islam is about when I first started seeing my boyfriend, and I remember she wanted me to bring him to church, because in her words 'I don't know what this Allah and Muhommad are, but it's not God, and he shouldn't be praying to them.' I gave her a book and told her if she wanted to read and find out what it's really about, she can, but she gave it back and said she didn't need to. I'm sorry if this is a long post, but, I think I just needed to vent, because I won't argue with my sister about this, we started getting into it the other night, and she told me I needed to talk with a pastor at church about my questions I'm having. And she's so condenscending about it, too. I should stop writting now. I know other people have gone through stuff like this with their families, and I know I'm not the only one. How did some of you deal with it? I feel like I don't even know my own sister anymore, and I know she most likely feels the same. I feel >:( and :'( right now..I'm sorry if I kept rambling, but like I said, I needed to vent and get some of this stuff off my mind. |
| Re: why can't people understand? |
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| lucid9 |
| 07/20/03 at 14:53:56 |
| [slm] Just to cheer you up: (1) the prophet's daughters were divorced because they became muslims. (2) malcolm X was killed by his entourage because he became a "proper muslim" (3) lots of people get deported from America because they are muslim and from a country like pakistan. (4) lots of muslim children in America get harrassed all througout childhood because their name is Muhammad or Abdullah, or because they wear a scarf. (5) The prophets own family tried to kill him because he was muslim. Maybe this won't you feel much better. But, it might help you forget your worries. And plus, you're supposed to be getting married, right? So at least you have someone who will understand you. Many new muslims don't even have that. About pressuring you to drink: it happens to everybody. A while back some people even tried their best to get me to go with them to a strip club! :o And these kind of people don't want to take no for an answer! |
| Re: why can't people understand? |
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| sofia |
| 07/20/03 at 15:24:29 |
| As-salaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullah, Missy Sorry to hear about that, I have a friend going through the same exact thing (and she's been a Muslim for 3+ years!). Maybe I can get you guys to communicate, inshaa'Allah. Otherwise, hang in there. Even born-Muslims get this (Come'on, let's go to place X. It's no big deal!). For everything that you give up to please God, He'll replace it with something better. And you're right, the teachings of Jesus also prohibited alchohol (as do Judaic teachings). My cousin's has a friend who's a strict Christian (can't recall what sect). He won't step one foot into even a restaurant that serves alcohol, mashaa'Allah, may Allah guide him to Islaam. We should all have that level of taqwaa when it comes to things like this. |
| Re: why can't people understand? |
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| missy |
| 07/20/03 at 17:58:49 |
| I'm feeling better now, thanks for the replies. :) |
| Re: why can't people understand? |
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| Caraj |
| 07/20/03 at 21:29:40 |
| Missy, I know exactly where you're coming from in many ways. My family to is Christian but aren't always Christian acting. They are very judgemental and down right rude at times. Their way is right and everyone else is wrong. Their way is right and other Christians are wrong too. They are this way about jobs, living quarters (apt vs farm) and more. If you ever need some to talk to who deals with the exact same thing feel free to message me. To thine own self be true Hang in there, I know it's hard I have been dealing with this type family for 4 decades. ::) |
| Re: why can't people understand? |
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| yumna |
| 07/21/03 at 01:40:32 |
| [slm]missy i 'm so sorry to hear that but i can give u nothin but advices an prayers an comfort don't worry tooo much ok i no it must b hard bc i've never been ur shoes ....u get wat i 'm sayin i mean i m a pureblood meanin born muslim [wlm] |
| Re: why can't people understand? |
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| WhiteSomali |
| 07/21/03 at 03:43:27 |
| [slm] ;D I really don't like the term "pureblood". It really makes reverts sound inferior. I'm a uptight cracka sometimes, but yeah :D Sis Missy, I really don't know what advice to offer you. I've typed up like three different replies to this and deleted them all because I didn't think they'd be beneficial, so I'm really stuck on this. Sorry, sis :( The only advice I feel I can give you that will help insha'Allah is to pray, and aks people to make dua for you. [slm] |
| Re: why can't people understand? |
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| humble_muslim |
| 07/21/03 at 09:23:50 |
| AA Hang on in there Sis. Missy. I'm 37, and my 40 year old brother still does similar stuff to me (and we're both born muslims). My brother's pet peeve is why I go to the mosque so much for salat, taking time away from my family. Just try to be patient. |
| NS |
| Re: why can't people understand? |
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| Zahra |
| 07/21/03 at 16:49:25 |
| [slm] Sis Missy, what I can say is-Don't give up,be patient[easier said than done] and insha Allah your sincerity will win you through.I totally agree with Sofia - lots of times we get told ''Its ok to do this or that'' when its patently obvious that it is not! |
| Re: why can't people understand? |
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| Sakinah |
| 08/03/03 at 18:44:50 |
| Assalm Alaikum Missy I am a new Muslim sister and I just discoverd this site a couple of days ago. i read your post and it stuck out 2 me b-cuz I have been throuh he same deal with my sis. What I have found is that actions speak louder than words. InshaAllah I think u should come right out and let your sister know you are a Muslim. What I've found is that once u stablish that and let people know what u will and won't tolerate Religiously and otherwise, while also showing them through your actions. InshaAllah u become walking duwa.I hope this help. Sorry about the long post.MAy Allah Guide us All. > :) |
| Re: why can't people understand? |
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| Kathy |
| 08/04/03 at 09:53:36 |
| [wlm] [quote author=missy link=board=sis;num=1058722425;start=0#0 date=07/20/03 at 14:33:45] She doesn't know I've become a Muslim, [/quote] As stated above, it really will help your sister understand your 180 degree turn if you tell her you are now Muslim. I have always found it culturally interesting that people accepted that I choose not to drink anymore before I became Muslim... and soon after I became Muslim were eager to get me to join them. In other words, when I choose to stop drinking for personal reasons, they understood, when it became a religious reason, their bunchies were in an uproar. [quote] I gave her a book and told her if she wanted to read and find out what it's really about, she can, but she gave it back and said she didn't need to. [./quote] Subhanna Allah, this was a good thing to do. Her reaction is typical. It took years before memebers of my family began to ask. It is a fear factor. People inherently recognize good...and it scares them. [quote] she told me I needed to talk with a pastor at church about my questions I'm having.[/quote] My family did this also, and I did and he did not have the answers. It blew their minds. As I became more knowledgeable in Islam, and was able to discuss the conflicting ideas of Islam and Christianity... it really made them uncomfortable to watch their scholars squirm when we discussed religion. [quote] And she's so condenscending about it, too.[/quote] Ah yes... this is very typical. They have nothing to fall back on but their attitude. Bottom line is everyone thinks they are right. Unfortunately, when you are in the land of the majority it is easy to be condenscending. It took me a long time to deal with this behavior. Infact, I still get it thrown at me. However, now, in my heart I have pity for my sister and just pray that she will be guided to the straight path. [quote] How did some of you deal with it? I feel like I don't even know my own sister anymore, and I know she most likely feels the same. [/quote] I understand how you feel. I have the best sister in the world. She is kind and generus and has raised amazing daughters. We have always been buddies... but it all changes. Morals, ethics and even simple family traditions/ holidays have built a great divide between us. I am so greatful to Allah swt that I have become Muslim, as it has opened my eyes and changed me forever. Everyone has moments and times in their lives that we can label them as bittersweet. The fading relationships of your family members and friends, when you first become Muslim is tough. Eventually, you will become greatful for the divide... but it will forever be the pain in your heart for your sister. |
| Re: why can't people understand? |
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| missy |
| 08/04/03 at 16:31:08 |
| [slm] I know I didn't get much of a chance to reply to the replies, but I did read them, and they do help. I think it helps too. Me and my sister haven't had any more 'discussions' about religion since then, but there's this tension between us. And I have considered telling her I'm Muslim, but, I just don't know how she'll react, either she'll start lecturing me or she'll just say 'ok...' and leave it at that. I will, but I don't know when. [quote]I understand how you feel. I have the best sister in the world. She is kind and generus and has raised amazing daughters. We have always been buddies... but it all changes. Morals, ethics and even simple family traditions/ holidays have built a great divide between us. I am so greatful to Allah SubHana Wa Ta`ala that I have become Muslim, as it has opened my eyes and changed me forever. Everyone has moments and times in their lives that we can label them as bittersweet. The fading relationships of your family members and friends, when you first become Muslim is tough. Eventually, you will become greatful for the divide... but it will forever be the pain in your heart for your sister. [/quote] :( That's the truth, Kathy, I know there's a small divide between me and my sister already, but I was kind of hoping it wasn't going to stay. But with two different religions and ways of life now, that's how it is I guess, it's sad to me, but, I wouldn't go back to not being a Muslim. :) |
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