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Lecturing about manhood....

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Lecturing about manhood....
Trustworthy
07/29/03 at 17:02:51
[slm]

I teach at the weekend school, boys age 10-13 yrs old.  Some of the subjects are really awkward for me to explain to them like urinating standing up and in public, etc.  Washing properly after going to the bathroom, etc.  We get through the class ok b/c we know each other, live in the same community.  I know there parents personally, etc.  They can ask me questions openly.

My ordeal is, I know the time will come when they ask me about "stuff".  Isn't this the age where boys get interested and other "stuff".  They're still those 2 yr olds that used to run around me and ask me for candy and ice cream.  But I don't know what to do when they come ask me about "stuff".  Send them to their father?  In our culture, we don't ask parents about "stuff".  Being born and raised in America, they know things at an early age.

I already know that some of them are interested in girls which will be my next lesson.  But give me some ideas on explaining what a young boy supposed to do with girls.

So far: don't look. don't play. don't talk.  why?  cause Allah forbids it.

Make that sound like that's ok.  It worked for my daughter, but I know these boys won't want to except just that.

What to do?

And also about the other "stuff".  My husband says, you're the teacher, you'll think of something.  Even he's embarassed to talk about it, but that's how his generation was raised and mine.

Advice soon please as I am planning on bringing it up this weekend.

Ma-asalaama....
Re: Lecturing about manhood....
superFOB
07/30/03 at 03:43:52
[wlm]

I would be very frank and open with the kids, considering the environment they are living in. Isn't it possible that you invite your male relatives as guest speakers? I think you'd find yourself in a VERY awkward situation if you try to handle this yourself.
Re: Lecturing about manhood....
BrKhalid
07/30/03 at 05:05:00
Asalaamu Alaikum ;-)

[quote]My ordeal is, I know the time will come when they ask me about "stuff".  Isn't this the age where boys get interested and other "stuff".[/quote]


Kids learn so quickly nowadays!!!!


Back in my day we didn’t start learning about pasting images into text until we were at least 18 or 19!!
Re: Lecturing about manhood....
Trustworthy
07/30/03 at 12:19:45
[slm]

Bro SuperFOB, that would be too easy except not even my husband will do me that favor cause everyone is old school.  I'm thinking that who would be better than the Imam himself.  But any advice for me would be great just in case they ask me questions.

Bro Khalid, if you only knew what kind of questions get thrown at me from my 8 yr old, you would shield her from society.  I know I almost did except her daddy disapproved of that.

Ma-asalaama....
Re: Lecturing about manhood....
BrKhalid
07/31/03 at 09:24:57
Asalaamu Alaikum ;-)

What about talking about the important concept of Marriage in Islam and consequently the requirements of men and women to be segregated until they marry.


Hence maybe focus more on the "why?"


Still has to be said though that its a shame our kids grow up so quickly nowadays.
Re: Lecturing about manhood....
superFOB
07/31/03 at 11:16:20
[slm]

I think that boys attain puberty around the age of 12. IMHO, it would not be appropriate that you explain such issues. Why not seek a scholarly opinion on this. BTW, all of my 13 year old class mates had a crush on our biology teacher, in Pakistan.
07/31/03 at 11:18:07
superFOB
Re: Lecturing about manhood....
Trustworthy
07/31/03 at 16:20:22
[slm]

Marraige?  If that comes up?  I don't know.

The reason why the lesson about girls and segragation came up is b/c I caught a few of them talking about girls.  Who they were interested in and who was pretty or ugly?  And geuss who's name came up?  My baby's.

So I am going to lock her up.  

I have to act quickly and hope that it works b/c they are growing up waaaaay to fast.

The Imam idea is going to happen except I know all that they’ll do is just sit quietly and listen.  Absorb?  I don’t know.  They feel comfortable with me, but I don’t feel comfortable talking to them about “stuff”.  I don’t know much about boys “stuff”.  Especially that “stuff”.  

Any books anyone can offer me to read or get real soon?  They’re starting to scare me now ever since I heard my daughter’s name come out of their mouth.

Ma-asalaama….
Re: Lecturing about manhood....
Sparrow
07/31/03 at 17:42:25
Hey all:

I was a counselor at a day camp in grad school, and I had a similar situation with some little boys 8-12.  They would talk about the girls as if they were pieces of meat and some of the things they said were fairly shocking in boys so young. Sigh.  Anyway, what I did was get some of them in a circle on the grass and talked to them about it, not in a lecturing way but in a casual, friendly way.  I kept the talk clean but encouraged them to say what they thought about "boy/girl" stuff, and pretty soon they relaxed and were telling me "this girl is this" and "that one is that."  Then I asked them if they thought the girls minded being called those names or treated like that, of course most of them said no and many thought the girls took it as a compliment.  Then I asked them how many had moms and sisters, and how many wanted to hear other boys and men talks about their moms and sisters that way.  I think that really brought it home to them. At least there was a noticeable drop in the vulgar talk.  Just my thoughts.

I apologize if anything I have said goes against Islamic beliefs.

Peace,
Sparrow
Re: Lecturing about manhood....
Halima
08/03/03 at 10:55:18
Very good Sis Sparrow.  At least you were brave enough to engage them in talk.  I think and believe that is the haddest part.  It is one thing to have all the books that will tell what to do and how to do it.  

The real stumbling block is doing it, the talk.  And many men are scared to even try as Sis Trustworthy has said, not because they are afraid but because of their background.  Being raised not to talk about "it".  Feeling uncomfortable, etc.

I have two boys and I sometimes find it too difficult and too uncomfortable too.  Even the Madarassa teachers are uncomfortable about it.  It is a major dilemma.  Then sometimes, I find myself with no choice and I have to explain somethings with much difficulties, I hoping that I did a good job.  Some of the questions they ask will make you squirm.  My younger son who will be 13 on October 8 used to think that children come into this world through the mother's tummy (by cutting a hole there) until he saw how they were born on ER!  He was only eight at the time and you can not believe the questions that followed this revelation!

I hope Sis Trustworthy will find a way with Allah's guidance, INSHA-ALLAH.  

All the best.

Halima
Re: Lecturing about manhood....
momineqbal
08/04/03 at 15:43:09
[slm],

What does "stuff" mean? Do you mean questions like, "why can't we talk to girls?", "why can't I play with them?", "Why can't we touch them, like we can our guy friends?" ?

Soundvision has a resource page on parenting tips for teens, might be helpful.

http://www.soundvision.com/info/parenting/

Also for older kids or more serious stuff, I have an audio lecture from Shaikh Suhaib Webb. But It seems people have removed it from the site I downloaded from (www.ymuk.net).

There is at least some natural shyness that I found does exist in children of that age, weather girls or boys (at least that was the case in my class), so you might want to take advantage of that. It is helpful to not assume the worst, as well as to keep your eyes and ears open.
Also, I am not sure if you would agree with this, but especially talk to the girls about being really really protective of themselves. A lot of the times guys pressure them so much on top of the pressures they face from being in a public school that they might give in. It might be easier to separate the boys and girls in different classrooms and talk about these things, or do separate sessions, Allahu Alam.
- Eqbal
08/04/03 at 15:44:14
momineqbal
Re: Lecturing about manhood....
Trustworthy
08/04/03 at 18:49:38
[slm]

Ok.  I chickened out.  Instead I gave them a pop quiz.  And did more lessons from the books we use.  I'm going to wait until they ask questions.  Good idea?  Instead of pushing the lectuer on them.  

We separate the classes when they start  to reach 10.  We have enough students to do this with and volunteer teachers as well.  I substituted for a group of 14-16 yr old girls and the first thing they asked was "What is sexual assault?"  Their teacher warned about the girls asking explicit questions in no relation to the class which made the teacher uncomfortable that she is asking for a different class.  They show no respect.

So I answered, "Has anyone claim sexual assualt by you?" No.  "Have you talked to anyone that said you should charge someone with sexual assault?"  No.  "Then don't worry about it and lets do our lessons.  If we have time which will be up to you then I'll answer questions regarding that topic and such.  Anymore questions like that then we'll have to start class as soon as we are done with them and class is 2 hours long.  Up to you."

We got done with the lessons and I answered the question and we all laughed about it.  I substituted for 2 days and they were fine with me.  I'm thinking it's b/c one of the students is a sister of the teacher.  But I don't want to lose my boys.  I've finally got them almost caught up with the rest.  Plus they've grown on me.

Ma-asalaama....


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