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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| a heartbroken sister.... |
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| mahdiah |
| 08/02/03 at 01:35:24 |
| [slm] About a year ago i started to get to know my friend's older brother, and well marriage talks started to come up. After getting to know eachother, we came to the conclusion that we were perfect for eachother and that we would get married when he would be done university in four years. We talk every single day and share everything...he is my best friend as well as the man i love and want to marry. I dont think i can live without him because he helps me thru everything and he is always there for me. But just a couple of days ago i officially told him i could not marry him and that it was over. I did this because i realised that it would be a sin for me to marry him. The thing is, he openly says that he doesnt believe in Islam. He was raised a muslim and he applies islamic morals and values thru his daily actions, but he denies Islam. He is and does everything a good muslim man should do and thats why at first i thought it would be okay for me to marry him....but its not, because he doesnt believe. I know i did the right thing by telling him i couldnt marry him but i feel like my heart is breaking. I dont think i could ever find another man with who i feel more comfortable and at ease and with who i share everything. The only thing we dont have in common is our Deen. I know i cant be his wife, but ever since i have left him, i dont know.... :(...it hasnt been the same and i miss him so much....i dont want to start all over with another man...i dont want to have another man's kids.....i dont know why im posting this here...i guess i dont have anyone to tell all this too...they all tell me i am stupid and not to let him go....i dont know what to do :( |
| SaRe: a heartbroken sister.... |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 08/02/03 at 02:56:37 |
| Salam Madiah. I don't really have a solution for you sis. I think that you probably did the right thing. Don't you think it would be a difficult situation between the 2 of you while you go pray and he doesn't believe in what you are doing....arguments may arise, and if you have children and he is still that way.....how will your children be taught...u know? It might be a little difficult. You really have to think about what it would be like being married while having such different values. Make sense? I hope so. If you were ment to be, Inshallah Allah will bring him back to you. He may have some time to think now and realize what he is missing by not believing in Islam and what a great person he will be missing out on. I went through a situation of letting someone I was getting to know go as well........not really for the same reasons, but I am realizing that I still want to be with him, something in my heart I think is telling me that he is the one.........and if he is...Allah will bring him back to me, inshallah. So don't think you are the only brokenhearted sister out there, there are more out here with you :) I don't know if I helped any, but I wanted to reply to you because I understand the feeling of missing someone you want in your life. Inshallah someone else with good advice for you will post to you, because I don't know if I have helped any. Pray to Allah for him to bring to you what is best for you and to send away what is bad for you. Allah always knows what is best for you. You can always do Ishtakara! I will pray for you Madiah! Sis in Islam Sunnah_ |
| Re: a heartbroken sister.... |
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| timbuktu |
| 08/02/03 at 06:06:45 |
| [slm] sister what is the purpose of being here in this world? it is test all the way till death, & then on the Day of Judgment will come the weighing of our deeds. & it has been recorded in your register of deeds that you gave up the man you love, because you had a greater love for Allah ('s deen). congratulations sister, you have tasted the taste of eemaan, without which no one can enter Jannah. & we do not know: maybe this makes your friend think & maybe he realises the Truth. that is for Allah to decide. what matters is that you were presented with a choice, & you chose Allah's deen. & if you keep it up, the highest awards will be yours for eternity. may Allah (swt) keep you steadfast in the Deen, & bring peace to your heart, & may he solve your problems in HIS most Gracious ways, & may HE finally reward you with Firdaws-e-a'alaa & the company of the prophet (sls) aameen |
| Re: a heartbroken sister.... |
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| Nomi |
| 08/02/03 at 16:33:13 |
| [slm] My sis, people have and will come up with more words of wisdom but here is what i gotta say to you. [quote author=mahdiah link=board=madrasa;num=1059798924;start=0#0 date=08/02/03 at 01:35:24] ...they all tell me i am stupid and not to let him go.... [/quote] I wanna say it loud and clear, you are mashAllah a very strong sister and i wont believe that you are stupid till the sixteenth of the dooms day (which will never come btw :P) and your email id suits you just fine. Your brother in islaam. PS: I'll look forward to you joining the [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/madina/YaBB.pl?board=special][color=Red]Madina Survivor Contest[/color][/url] :) |
| 08/02/03 at 16:44:03 |
| Nomi |
| Re: a heartbroken sister.... |
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| mahdiah |
| 08/04/03 at 02:12:47 |
| [slm] Thank you all for those words (keep them coming, they really do help), im glad i shared my little problem with you all :). Eventho those words helped me alot...still cant sleep at night and still wait for his calls :(. But now there is something else that bothers me...he doesnt seem to get that WE CANT BE TOGETHER. He says things like "i will always be there for you and one day...one day you'll see.." or "You'll realise that love is stronger than anything else and we will be together dont worry about it..." He makes it soo hard for me to accually move on, because he is still in my life...i kinda dont want him to totally get over me (maybe selfishly...i cant have him, but i dont want him to have someone else you know... ???) This is hard...hard hard hard...but may Allah guide me to where i should be.....please keep this sister in your prayers :( |
| Re: a heartbroken sister.... |
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| SuperHiMY |
| 08/04/03 at 05:18:42 |
AsalamAlayKum Sister, Peace and e-Greetings be upon you. Cupid makes you stupid. Ignore Cupid. And who is Cupid? Shaytaan whispers Evil in your ear. Cupid whispers confusion into your heart. I guarantee that you will never meet another brother like the one you dumped. You will never feel the same way about anyone like that again. Ever. I guarantee though that you might meet someone who makes you feel different, And something different won't make up for this one brother not being in your life. But who cares? The brother you end up with, if you end up with anyone, will do. He'll be good enough for you. Because, well, what you just did was place 'La illa ha illal la' above Br. Right. Oh yeah, that bro, he wasn't Mr. Right. He was just Mr Right Now. InshAllah, Mr Later will be appear in your life as soon as his name changes to Mr Sooner. Cupid makes you stupid. Sister, Don't be stupid. Listen to everyone else, but in the middle and the end, do what YOU really want to do. Okay, I gotta go now and hit F5 in the muslim section of Match.com .... Salam. .... |
| Re: a heartbroken sister.... |
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| Maliha |
| 08/04/03 at 06:26:24 |
| [slm] :-/ :-/ :-/ :-/ Bro Himy you crack me up:) I like that stupid cupid thing 8) hey sis..since you decided to give up this relationship, Mashaallah, awesome. :-* but you need to do it with a clean sweep. Cold turkey. No negotiations. No phone calls. No trying to make him see the light. No hoping against hope. No praying for *this* particular brother. Allah may bring him to you, due to your own insistence of duah, and he may turn out to be the nightmare of your life. Seriously. Just cut off all the connections. Pray to Allah and increase your ibadah to Allah to occupy the time/void he left inside. Make duah Allah bring the one who is *good* for you in this *fleeting* world and more importantly the next. Really do this with sincerity. Allah *will* give you a better person. better. Someone who will make you feel different, maybe, but whole, connected, someone who won't make you choose between this "stupid cupid stuff" and Jannah. Someone whose being will elevate you to want to be a better Muslimah and a better worshipper to Allah. Someone who will trek the path back to Allah with you and won't make you turn around. Someone who will call you to Jannah. Not Jahannam. You have to *know* what you really want. And the decision you made looks like you at least got a good head on your shoulder. And sis you are *young*. Forget this love crap, focus on your self, and becoming a good Muslimah and Allah will take care of the dunya and deen for you. Also next time you find the other Mr. Right *don't* waste your emotions falling in love before marriage. It breaks hearts. It leads to disasters. Follow the Islamic guidelines of marriage etc. In it lies all the protection and dignity we need. For when things don't work out, you won't have to go thru' this emotional melodrama. Aight. i've spoken enuff. I pray you heed one advice outta all this jargon. Quit COLD Turkey. no more discussion. period. Big sis who cares about you, Maliha :-) [wlm] |
| 08/04/03 at 06:27:44 |
| Maliha |
| Re: a heartbroken sister.... |
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| timbuktu |
| 08/04/03 at 07:59:31 |
| [slm] sister i second sister Mystic in all she has said. do you know there are loves other than wanting someone as your spouse. & do you know hearts can be broken over such desires as well. & do you know that it is always good for you when your heart is broken! believe me, i know from (repeated) experience:) for a muslim is blessed always. When his/ her desire is fulfilled, s/he thanks Allah (swt) & is blessed; & when it isn't granted, s/he bends before Allah's rada, & is blessed. Ali (raa) is reported to have said something like: "I recognised my Rabb because of my broken will". sister, there have been very passionate desires in my life, & they looked well within my reach, but they weren't granted, & i felt my life had no meaning left. in fact, & i disclose this very reluctantly, i once did (try to) end it all, & it was a foolproof method, but Allah had willed otherwise. So HE performed a miracle for me. & now looking back, it seems that all my life i have lived or survived on miracles. so i now asked myself why, & it looks that Allah wanted something special for my life, so HE put it there, without my realising it. so do not worry. The universe will continue to unfold as it should. & your life has a meaning & a purpose, whether you realise it or not, what is wonderful is that you made a choice for Allah's rada. as you can see, i wasn't trusted with making my own choices, Allah made them for me. you are a better muslim than me, & if now i expect Firdaws-e-a'alaa, you deserve it more. so on the Day of Judgment, your sacrifice & your life will bring you the highest honors, & i pray that Allah (swt) bestows you with the best in this world as well aameen |
| 08/04/03 at 08:18:28 |
| timbuktu |
| Re: a heartbroken sister.... |
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| UmmWafi |
| 08/04/03 at 08:09:39 |
| [slm] Sis Mahdiah A broken heart can seem like the most painful thing ever. Sometimes you wonder what happens to the colours in your life and sometimes you wonder whether there will be any colours in future. I feel for you and offer you my cuddliest hug (Barr can testify that my hugs are really rib-crushing cuddly :-*) because sometimes all you need is that warm comfort of another person who cares for you. And I do. And we do. We care for you. So, chin up, give us a luvly smile and go rent an ultra silly bimbo-ish kinda movie and eat popcorn with lotsa caramel. It doesnt erase the pain but it kinda dulls it :) In the meantime, check your IM :) Hugs again. Wassalam |
| Re: a heartbroken sister.... |
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| deenb4dunya |
| 08/05/03 at 16:18:32 |
| Assalamu Alaikum Mahdiah, May Allaah ease your affairs. There is a hadith that says that whatever you give up for the sake of Allaah, He *will* replace it with something better. Rest assured. Allaah swt will give you something or maybe someone better. You made the right decision. Make sure to stick to your resolution. If you turn back now, and later you decide you don't want this anymore, it will be so much harder. Make duaa for only Allaah (swt) can embue you with the strength to continue... Wassalamu Alaikum, Deen :-) PS- nice to see more Canadians on the board :-X |
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