A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Question from a Newbie :) |
|---|
| Ruh |
| 08/03/03 at 18:29:24 |
| Assalamu Alaikum all! I'm new to this site, and just wanted to say that mashaAllah from what I've seen, this is an awesome place to be! :-* I had a question about marriage (what else ;) ) that I was curious to hear your opinions about. I'm not sure if this has been discussed before (I couldnt find old threads on this), but if it has, I apologize! Maybe it's me but I find it quite difficult to locate pious "potentials", and this is a very important characteristic I'm searching for. So in turn, ppl tell me that instead I should just try to find a "nice" person who may not pray or whatnot and then I can try to change them by leading by example. That thought makes me a little nervous... :( Also, isn't there's more to religion that just praying?. Why is that ppl nowadays feel that a person who prays and fasts is SOO religious? ??? 'tis sad... But thats a whole other can of worms.. Thoughts, comments? I'd love to hear!! [Btw--these icons are soo cute!! i love this one-- [] ] wassalam |
| Re: Question from a Newbie :) |
|---|
| Early_Bird |
| 08/03/03 at 20:38:10 |
| [slm] here's my two cents... there IS much more to religion than fasting and praying but these are the foundations. In fact many scholars say that a person who doesn't pray is a disbeliever to a greater or lesser degree (there is a lot of scholarly debate on greater and lesser kufr, I am just referring to it but I am not a scholar... am I allowed to post a good website for more info on that?). if someone is a disbeliever it's not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry him. shaky ground which is best avoided to avoid major heartache. ... anyways what I am trying to say is look for someone who prays and fasts as basic requirements, but also look at other issues too - his worldview, his aspirations, and even "trivial, worldly" stuff like whether he smokes, whether he or you wants to have pets, where you want to live and in what kind of accomm. A sense of humour helps too, as long as one doesn't overdo it... and if he is nice looking too (by *your* standards, not society's!) that wouldn;t go amiss either I wouldn;t recommend going into marriage with the idea of changing the guy. You might manage it, but it's too big of a risk IMHO. if you can look beyond your ethnic/cultural/linguistic group too that will broaden your options but be prepared for the extra challenges that will bring. (been there, done that...) hope this helps a little... may Allah bless you with a husband who is both "pious" and "nice" :-) PS I like this icon too, have another bebzi! [] |
| Re: Question from a Newbie :) |
|---|
| humble_muslim |
| 08/04/03 at 07:54:12 |
| AA Sister EarlyBird, Are you the same arlyBird who used to be on the old, old board many years ago? |
| NS |
| Re: Question from a Newbie :) |
|---|
| Kathy |
| 08/04/03 at 10:09:36 |
| [slm] I would draw the line at prayers. People do change and people do get better. Is it the exception or the rule? I can not say. I know there were low periods in my Islam when I was not all that good about making Fajr and other aspects of my deen was hardly remarkable. But Alhumdullillah, that period is over. Interesting to think tho...it was at that time my life was so hard! I am a bit older and have seen many marriages evolve. I would say in most cases when a woman married a man who did not pray, that eventually he did. However, they usually became "religious" at around the age of forty. Which is all good. Unfortuantely tho, by this time their children have become teenagers. The most important time of their development in Islam, was wasted, because the parents were not providing the examples the kids needed. The families I have seen this happen to...few of their children pray today. I say it is a gigantic red flag and a dangerous chance to take to marry someone that is not praying. A man really does set te tone for the families life... choose him carefully. |
| Re: Question from a Newbie :) |
|---|
| Ruh |
| 08/04/03 at 13:10:56 |
| [slm] Jazakumallahu khayrun sisters for ur responses! I was a little nervous to post seeing how I'm new and all; didnt know if anyone would respond! :) I think one can influence someone to change, BUT tawfiq comes from Allah (swt). So yes, I'd be weary of going into something thinking I can change someone because I just may not! Thank you guys! Have a [] Wassalam |
| Re: Question from a Newbie :) |
|---|
| Trustworthy |
| 08/04/03 at 20:21:38 |
| [slm] Thanks for the Bebzi and it is a good tradition to offer a Newbiew one so cheers! [] [] Welcome aboard. About the looking for a life partner thing...there is a verse in the Qur'an...someone help me out please....where it says that you are your husband's garment and he yours. It means that, a life partner is your partner for life so make sure you find the right garment that fits you just fine. When you buy clothes, you find something that's comfortable to wear and looks good on you. Not something big where you have to take it home and mend it to fit your needs (cause sometimes that backfires if you took too much off, it becomes too small now) or too small where when you wear it, it is uncomfortable and hard for you to breathe in. If you're a good sewer and can mend clothes well, then it's up to you if he's nice and doesn't pray. But like Sr. Kathy said, that can backfire on you just the same. IMHO....I wouldn't choose a person who did not pray b/c like the Sr said, it is looked at as a kuffar action. A beleiver who truly is a beleiver will take a few minutes out of his life to worship Allah (SWT) like he was commanded to do. Allah (SWT) deserves that from us. Islam stands on 5 pillars. You take one away, it's crooked. You take 2 and it's unleveled. The more you take, the easier it gets to falling down and pillars are hard to repair. So ask yourself this question when finding a potential life partner....."Will he bring me to Jannah or at least try?" And not the other way around. You can bring yourself to Jannah but with his help, it's, insha-Allah, a lot easier. Ma-asalaama.... |
| 08/05/03 at 08:53:25 |
| Kathy |
| Re: Question from a Newbie :) |
|---|
| se7en |
| 08/10/03 at 01:40:02 |
| as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah, welcome to the board sis :) [quote]Also, isn't there's more to religion that just praying?. Why is that ppl nowadays feel that a person who prays and fasts is SOO religious?[/quote] Hmm.. I think this is because these are the *foremost* actions a believer would strive to excel in, if they wanted to get closer to Allah. There's a hadeeth qudsi I read before... "My servant does not get close to Me by anything more beloved to Me than acts that I have made obligatory upon him". [Bukhari] BTW - I've just been reading over this *awesome* work by Imam Ghazali called "Ya Ayyuhal Walad". It's actually a letter in response to one of his students, who wrote to him concerned that his years of study were of no use, and worried that all his knowledge would do nothing to really help illumine his grave and help him in the hereafter. Imam Ghazali responded with this work, part of which says that the best type of knowledge is that which is enacted upon, and which affects the heart and brings about a deeper consciousness of Allah. He went further to say knowledge is of no benefit if it does not translate into *action*, such as prayer and fasting: [color=black] Acquiring a lot of knowledge and continually browsing a lot of books but not acting upon that knowledge will not be of any benefit to you unless and until you make yourself deserving of Allah's mercy through deeds of righteousness. Until then, the Grace of Allah will stay away from you. [...] My dear beloved son! Create courage in yourself and create movement in your body for struggle [on the Path of God]. Make efforts for performing pious deeds because soon you will be going to the grave. Those who already are in the grave before you are waiting for you at every moment to see when you come to them. Beware! Without the fruits of (good deeds), do not get close to them. [/color] more @ http://jannah.org/morearticles/8.html (it is in need of a good editing but is excellent masha'Allah) wasalaamu alaykum :-) |
| 08/10/03 at 02:38:24 |
| se7en |
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board |