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| Sisters......would a sister... |
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| Anonymous |
| 08/04/03 at 03:34:37 |
| Sisters....would a sister want to know of her husband's or husband to be's past? If she knew there were bad things, but didn't know what, would you rather not know since he has changed those ways? (i posted this questions to the brothers, but I wanted to get the sisters view as well) |
| Re: Sisters......would a sister... |
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| Nabila |
| 08/04/03 at 05:46:37 |
| [slm] You know, I'd probably be eaten up with curiosity to know - but its probably not the best thing to do, especially if he's made an effort to change and hide his faults, possibly to keep his wifes respect. ma asalaamah and take care |
| Re: Sisters......would a sister... |
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| Kathy |
| 08/04/03 at 09:32:35 |
| [slm] Absolutely not. |
| Re: Sisters......would a sister... |
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| Fozia |
| 08/04/03 at 10:06:08 |
| [slm] Forgive me, isn't there a hadith somewhere which says something to the affect, that if Allah (SWT) puts a veil over your mis-deeds you shouldn't go around exposing them...??? Therefore as Sr, Kathy said no absoloutely not, not a good idea. So long as it won't affect you're spouse in any way she doesn't need to know. Wasalaam |
| Re: Sisters......would a sister... |
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| muslimah853 |
| 08/04/03 at 10:14:40 |
| [slm] To me it depends. 'Run of the mill' bad stuff, maybe not. There are some past deeds that would possibly have an effect on your life together, or at least something you'd want to be aware of. For instance, if a person has a history of alcoholism or drug abuse, I'd say the spouse has a right to know that, even if the individual is clean now. If the person has ever done time in prison, certainly would want to know the details of that. Those types of things. If I was in the market to marry, I would certainly demand blood work--to make sure the person has a clean bill of health (and this is *not* just a problem among converts). But, you don't need to know the gory details of past sexual encounters. That stuff is none of your business. |
| Re: Sisters......would a sister... |
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| Kathy |
| 08/04/03 at 10:19:30 |
| [slm] yes, as Muslimah pointed out... that kind of stuff i would want to know. My "absolutely not" was in reference to past liasons. |
| Re: Sisters......would a sister... |
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| Early_Bird |
| 08/04/03 at 10:38:43 |
| [slm] blood tests and health reports are necessary in this day and age. sad but true. and I agree, it's not just a "convert issue" either so no convert bashing allowed >:( details of past encounters and lifestyles, urgh, no need to know about that, especially if the person has repented and changed his or her ways, which is what one hopes would be the case. :-) |
| Re: Sisters......would a sister... |
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| IMuslim_4Ever |
| 08/04/03 at 11:06:08 |
| [quote author=muslimah853 link=board=sis;num=1059978877;start=0#4 date=08/04/03 at 10:14:40] [slm] There are some past deeds that would possibly have an effect on your life together, or at least something you'd want to be aware of. For instance, if a person has a history of alcoholism or drug abuse,....But, you don't need to know the gory details of past sexual encounters. That stuff is none of your business.[/quote] [slm] as sis muslimah pointed out...yeah, stuff like that should be exposed to the soon to be wife... but other than that...NO...what was past has passed...it shouldn't really matter what he did before...its who he is at the present time and who he will be later that mattars... [wlm] |
| Re: Sisters......would a sister... |
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| Barr |
| 08/04/03 at 12:16:10 |
| [wlm] warahmatullah :) Things I'd wanna know abt the past... Past marriage(s), children (in or out of wedlock), incarceration, drug abuse, alcoholism, violence and other abuse. These would effect how I would consider him vis-a-vis preparing me, him and the family, what we're going into and balancing expectations of each other. And if he shows red flags glaring at me, then, the answer is clear. But I don't have to know details about past relationships and repented mistakes, and like sis Muslimah.. run of the mill bad stuff - leave them behind to Allah. Allahua'lam :-) |
| Re: Sisters......would a sister... |
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| Trustworthy |
| 08/04/03 at 20:27:27 |
| [slm] Find out before he's your husband. That way you can't blame anyone other than yourself if you marry him or not. Ma-asalaama.... |
| Re: Sisters......would a sister... |
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| Adi28 |
| 08/05/03 at 00:27:48 |
| [slm] Chicas Yeah i definately would want to know all my husbands past. becasue for me personally his past still affects me if not phisically but mentally as well....but thats just me personally.. but i would want to know all this stuff BEFORE i marry him ....i would never enter into a marriage where his past is a mistery to me. but as i said again thats just me :) Salaams Adi28 |
| 08/05/03 at 00:29:01 |
| Adi28 |
| Re: Sisters......would a sister... |
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| muslimah853 |
| 08/05/03 at 12:20:15 |
| [slm] Don't mean to pick on you Adi :)...I know you are simply speaking about your personal preferences. However, there is something to be said for a) the hadith that a previous poster mentioned about not uncovering someone's sins that Allah has kept veiled (even your own), and b) leaving what does not concern one. There has to be a balance between making an informed decision about the person you intend to marry and respecting that person's right to privacy. If I had 'skeletons in the closet' so to speak, they would be no one's business, not even my husband's. When you get married, you share many things, your spouse is your most intimate partner, but there are some things that spouses don't even tell each other. And it has to be that way. Each person is still an individual even after marriage, and they still have a sanctuary, some things that will remain private even from the other. I am not an advocate for keeping secrets which will affect me, as I mentioned before. But do I really need to know all of my husband's past? Absolutely not. I have a good idea about what kind of person he was before we were married, but why does one really need to know all of the gory details? People do have a right to privacy, and this principle is found in many ayat, hadith, and anecdotes from our predecessors. It is not Islamic to seek out another's secrets. |
| Re: Sisters......would a sister... |
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| Sakinah |
| 08/05/03 at 17:00:05 |
| [slm] In my short experience as a Muslim. I have found that Allah Subhana wa ta ala' is the best of planners. So if InshaAllah you do find out about your husbands past it is my Allah's(subhana wa ta ala') decree. But if someone is coming 2 ou asking if you want to know I suggest you do Al-Istkhaarah and make dua' asking Allah subhana wa ta ala' 4 guidance. :-* SORRY ABOUT THE TYPOS |
| 08/05/03 at 22:12:01 |
| Kathy |
| Re: Sisters......would a sister... |
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| sister2sister |
| 08/10/03 at 05:25:59 |
| [slm] Personally, there are some things I would like to know like if he had a partner ( I wouldn't want to know details just enough to protect myself). Also, I would want to know if he had been in prison and what for ( no murderers insha allah) there are some other issues I would like to know before hand but only to ensure my own safety. YSII :-) |
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