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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| im not paki enough for her .... |
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| tryharder |
| 08/07/03 at 16:04:02 |
| [color=Blue][/color] [slm] This is sorta half venting and half seeking advice…… I met a brother online (very interesting story but too long for now). For the first 2 ½ months of talking, I did not think would be the one for me. I knew he was a good man, but fear held me back. Subhan Allah, he was so patient with me when I kept telling him I am not the one for him ::) and my heart eventually changed toward him. ;D We met in person about a month ago. I also met his parents at that time. The entire time we had been talking and e-mailing, his parents have known all about it. He told them all the pertinent stuff about me and showed them some pictures of me. Needless to say, they had a clear picture of who I am – at least on the outside. The day I left to return home, I was confident that I would see him again soon, under very happy circumstances. He was sure of the same thing. He told his parents he wants to marry me and they gave their permission verbally but made it clear that they are not happy about it. (i.e. they will move back to Pakistan if he marries me :o ). “It is not personal”, he tells me, repeatedly. They like me and think I am nice, but all of a sudden I am not good enough because I was born in the wrong country, speak the wrong language, have the wrong color skin, hair, eyes, etc. I am very hurt by all of this. Obviously, he will not marry me without their blessings. I have been given a second chance so-to-speak. Our first meeting was only a lunch. That was hardly enough for them to get to know me as a person. So, I am returning, insha Allah for another visit this weekend. I am struggling though, because I feel like I have already been judged and this is like going to a job interview when you already know the job will be given to someone else. The thing is, they have already met practically every eligible Pakistani lady in his area and all of them were completely incompatible with him or them or both! After that, they told him to find who he wants. Now he has found who he wants and they have re-negged (sp??) on their agreement with him. :'( I do feel lucky that his mother has agreed to this weekend, but it comes with stipulations. She will not make a decision until they return from Pakistan (2-3 months from now) and if she says no this time that is it. No more chances. YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK- I am done venting – has anyone been in a similar situation? Does anyone have advice on what I can do to show her that I am not the kind of person she is afraid of? Any ideas to win her heart now??? |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| Caraj |
| 08/07/03 at 16:28:26 |
| Dear Sis, I feel as though this is out of your hands. You cannot win her heart in just two visits, she will have to be willing to give her heart. (She will have to see past her expectations and do this for her son, not herself) But you cannot explain nor tell jer this. My suggestion, pray, go with a possitive attitude, just be yourself. My prayer (Which I happen to use it yesterday on something) God, if this is not right for me, if this is not meant to be, please slam the door shut quick. Please shut it quick and please slam it hard. Thank you Almighty for looking out for me, you know whats best for me. Amen. Be yourself. Besides, do you want to be in the same situation as the post .....need advice badly? These Moms you all talk about on the boards really get to me. I was not like that with my sons and don't understand it. I knew if I was against something they really wanted I was just nailing my own coffin (sort to speak) I offer advice when asked. Anyway, good luck and relax, what is meant to be will be if you allow it, be your own sweet self. |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| Trustworthy |
| 08/08/03 at 13:18:23 |
| [slm] I'm with Sr Azizah. be yourself. That's why he chose you. Show them why he chosed you over the ones he turned down. Ma-asalaama.... |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| muslim_sister_uk |
| 08/08/03 at 19:03:21 |
| [slm] I too am with Sis Azizah on this one. Pray to Allah to help you through this, and to help you with the outcome! After all, what ever Allah wills for us is always the best thing, even if sometimes it is hard to see it that way. Someone told me the other day that if you pray to Allah to make you a strong muslim, expect Him to put hardship in your way to test your strength against. I'd better quit now, I could go on all night........ It is late here in the UK and the coffee [] is just making me go on & on & on.......... ::) ::) |
| 08/08/03 at 19:04:36 |
| muslim_sister_uk |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| tryharder |
| 08/11/03 at 08:09:46 |
| [slm] Thank you to all my sisters for your support :) The weekend has gone smoothly, not that I was expecting any real trouble. They have made me feel like a part of the family. I have been praying A LOT for strength, so I am guessing this is one of those tests, and of course I have been praying for the best outcome. Now, it is just the waiting. May Allah make this easy for everyone!! Amin. |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| IMuslim_4Ever |
| 08/17/03 at 22:56:53 |
| [slm] this is quiet overwhelming! why does it matter that you are not paki enough? i dont' understand pp!! isn't it enough that you are muslim and that you are the one her son likes? why would a son listen to his parents when he found the one he is willing to share his life with? why can't he make them understand? sorry for too many questions... i am very curious to know more sis...plz tell us what happens as time goes by... ma salaama p.s and thats why i am very scared of marriage... |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| tryharder |
| 08/18/03 at 00:33:09 |
| [slm] my sentiments exactly! ::) i dont mind the questions. they are the same ones i pose to him!!! i did go for the visit last weekend. it was interesting. his parents made me feel completely at home in their home, which kinda surprised me. i wasn't expecting them to be rude or anything like that, but i wasn't expecting SO much nice-ness either. I spent 2 full days with them and an unexpected 1/2 day extra because i wasnt able to make my flight (another long story). SOOOO i dont know how to take it all. i am very frustrated at the moment actually, and considering just walking away from it all. but that is very difficult. i dont know if it's harder to wait or to leave and never know. i also dont know if its better for me in the long run to wait, or to leave and never know. does anyone have any evidence from the Qur'an or auth hadeeths that people should not interfere if 2 people want to marry and there is no Islamically valid reason that they should not??? (i think i will post this in that other section ... ) |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| Caraj |
| 08/19/03 at 00:55:35 |
| If it went so well and they were nicer than you expected, why are you fustrated? Why would you walk away? Is it cause of what already happened before this meeting? |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| tryharder |
| 08/19/03 at 01:20:32 |
| [slm] I am frustrated because [color=Red][/color] the fact that things went well, that doesn't really mean anything. They were nice to me the first time we met also and still said no. They are just very sweet-natured people. But I have 60+ years of ingrained cultural ideas to try to get through in BOTH his parents. The walking away is really just a defense mechanism ... Ameera laughs at me every time I say it because she knows I cannot. :D And yes, it is because of what happened before this meeting. Now, my goal is to TRY to stay positive. I started school today and in one of my classes, we were talking about optimism vs. pessimism and I realized I REALLY do need to be optimistic here. YES, there is a risk, but there is always a risk. And its better for me to think positively - for my sanity if nothing else!!! I have been feeling better in the last couple days, al7amdulillah!! Whatever happens is for the best, right?? |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| IMuslim_4Ever |
| 08/19/03 at 11:24:04 |
| [slm] yes sis right...Al7umdulillah al'a Kullihal...(Thank Allah for everything) :) don't you worry about a thing sis!! time will heal everything...anyways marriage is a destiny...it is a fate...predecided... ma salaama |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| shieldsoffaith |
| 08/19/03 at 14:03:57 |
| [slm] Inshallah sister if your heart is in the right place and you are able to prove to them that you are truly a person who wants to be a muslim, they will accept you. The lives between the two different cultures is strange. In USA we marry because we find the person attractive, we like them. In Pakistan culture the parent usually decide the marriage for their children and usually they prefer the children to marry in pakistian culture and stay close to home. The problem exists when we as American need assistance being a Muslim. When I was first a Muslim. I needed a lot of assistance. That assistance was usually just to be surrounded by Muslims so that I could learn. But, also because when we are young it is easy to slip back into the old ways of chrisitan and American culture. When I was young muslim, in my heart I wanted to be Muslim. But, to actually do that was difficult. Now, I am alone with mostly Chrisitan around me. But, I have faith for a long time. They all realize now that there is no changing me. The Muslims I know as well as the Christians. I am more respected by Muslims from Middle East now. But, it took a long time to gain that respect. Believe me sister it is easy to slip back if you do not have the support you need. I say to you hang in there...don't leave now. Give it your best shot. You know, there is one thing I have to say to the Pakistiani people who introduced me to Islam. I could never repay them...Never...it is impossible. For, had they not taken an interest in me and introduced the religion of Islam. I would have been lost. I wish you the best. [wlm] |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| Ameeraana |
| 08/21/03 at 20:26:27 |
| [slm] He just needs to get some ...[i]courage[/i]... and step up for himself. He isn't a young boy looking for marriage, he is a full-grown sane Muslim who should be able to choose his own wife. His parents are completely against this and there reasons have nothing to do with Islam, just pride. Ameera [i]slightly edited by Momma Mod[/i] |
| 08/21/03 at 21:21:08 |
| Kathy |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| Ruqyah |
| 08/22/03 at 14:24:46 |
| Dear sis, I am definitely with sis Ameera on this one. Although it is not right for me to judge becuse I know nothing about him but if he cannot stand up to his parents over you then maybe u should think where his loyalties may lie if he marries you? ??? What I mean is would he always side with his parents or with his wife. Inshallah, I pray everthing will turn out as you wish. |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| theOriginal |
| 08/22/03 at 16:12:47 |
| [slm] Sigh. When I was 16 I was in contact (via the Internet) with a sister who had just converted. She was more than ten years older than me, and I still remember every conversation I had with her. She told me that she had met a Pakistani man in college and he had promised her marriage providing she found Islam, etc. She converted, he delayed the wedding for a very long time, refused to marry her because his parents were against it, and then married his cousin. Anyway, when I met her, years had passed since this whole episode, and she was still a strong Muslim, MashaAllah. And during that time, this sister got married to another man, Pakistani as well. (I wonder where she is now) At that time, I was younger, and much more revolutionary than I am now. I never understood why the first guy would do such a thing, or why our culture (the pakistani culture) seems to promote this sort of discrimination. Once again, I'll give you the advice that I seem to overdo on this forum.. Just let go. Leave things to Allah, and make MAD duaa. InshaAllah things will work out for the better. I like sis azizah's duaa, MashaAllah. May Allah give you sabr. Wasalaam. |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| shieldsoffaith |
| 08/22/03 at 16:56:41 |
| [slm] [quote]Dear sis, I am definitely with sis Ameera on this one. Although it is not right for me to judge becuse I know nothing about him but if he cannot stand up to his parents over you then maybe u should think where his loyalties may lie if he marries you? What I mean is would he always side with his parents or with his wife. [/quote] I think sisters we must remember that as muslims much respect has to be paid towards the parents. [wlm] |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| tryharder |
| 08/22/03 at 17:25:39 |
| [slm] i must be coming across ina bad light here.... i DO repsect his parents as much as i respect my own! i love them to death!!!! they are some of the most kind people i have ever known. the reason i have so much difficulty is that i KNOW that there is no need for them to be afraid of me. i know myself and i know what is in my heart. and i have been thinking lately about what all this would add up to if we did end up marrying, in terms of whether or not he would be able to be supportive of me during rocky times. they are all things to ponder and Allah knows best. i am really trying to just let it go! |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| Ruqyah |
| 08/23/03 at 14:15:24 |
| Of course that is right sister shieldsoffaith, afterall paradise lies at the feet of your parents. |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| onemuslimgirl |
| 08/23/03 at 19:05:58 |
| asalaaam alakum sr. tryharder :) just keep making istikhara prayers and praying to Allah that he does what is best for you. in the istikhara prayer, at the end it says (loose translation): (oh Allah) do what is best for me and make me content....that is what we are asking from Allah to do what is best for us. stay with the situation and see how things turn out. you never know, these things usually either work or end in matters of seconds and for such minute reasons. if its good for you, you will find your self in that wedding inshAllah, and if its not right for you, you will find the whole thing over. just be positive and repeat to yourself over and over please Allah do what is best for me.... w'salaam. |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| shieldsoffaith |
| 08/24/03 at 07:49:07 |
| [slm] Sister I am going to go ahead and tell you a little bit of what is happening in my life. I received my BS in education a few years ago. I took the test and received my teaching certificate. Neither the American people would allow me to teach in their schools not the muslim schools I applied at would hire me. I started looking in the net for other countries to find a teaching job however, I read that places like Saudi and a few others would stop taking applications from Americans. All I feel is like a bit of garbage no one wants. My teaching certificate is up this year. Either I got a job or it was lost. I don't care anymore. I say (for my example) let them go have their nice sweet life without any hassles of dealing with me. And that I mean. They will not have to deal with me!! I do not mean that you are coming off as a bad light. I think they are!!! But, I do not like saying that. The point I guess is that they have every right to ask their boy to marry someone within their family. And you will have to accept that. Allah will send you someone better. So be patient. [wlm] |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| onemuslimgirl |
| 08/24/03 at 10:20:19 |
| sheild of faith....please please please email me ASAP....I might be able to help you find a job. my email is koskos100@yahoo.com |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| shieldsoffaith |
| 08/24/03 at 11:00:34 |
| [slm] I have emailed you sister. [wlm] |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| Ameeraana |
| 08/24/03 at 13:00:04 |
| [slm] I know that we must respect our parents also, but it is wrong for parents to deny their child marriage to someone for unislamic reasons. This man is 36 years old and his parents have already tried to find numerous Pakistani girls for him but for every single girl they found, either he didn't make enough money for them or they were against his parents living with them after marriage. His mother then told him he should find his wife on his own. Then after he found the one he wants to marry, all of a sudden his mother is dead seat against it and wants him to marry a Paki. Him wanting to marry a pious Muslimah is not disrespecting his parents. His mother doesn't seem to care about anything but the fact that she is not a Paki. There reasoning has nothing to do with Islam, but with pride. There is no Islam in all of this. I thought one will not enter Jannah for having "even an ounce of pride". He should be able to marry whom he finds to be a pious good woman and he can still be kind and gentle to his parents. Ameera |
| 08/24/03 at 13:01:51 |
| Ameeraana |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| hayat |
| 09/05/03 at 05:40:29 |
| salam @tryharder any new news on this. i found it interesting to read the posts. somehow i can imagine the situation only too well... so, how is the contact going on? did you try to talk to his parents in a really good and calm and honest conversation?? wishing you all the best that insha'allah everything will be to your satisfaction waassalam hayat |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| lucid9 |
| 09/05/03 at 06:13:58 |
| [slm] There is a big misconception that desi parents are the coolest and selfless of people . Often, that outward selflessness is a mask for deep selfishness and insecurity. Lots of desi parents insist that their children (1) stay with them after growing up when they don't really need them because they are not unhealthy and not very old (2) marry exactly who they want (3) have 6 million expectations of them My theory is that this is because the lives of most muslim women is totally centered around their children. And when they leave there is enormous void which they cannot fill. This is because, our muslim leaders and imams, have beat it into the heads of muslim moms and dads that they should have no other life other than their children -- and that sort of an attitiude is the attitude of the pious muslim. In reality, child bearing doesn't take that long, and soon the kids are out of the house. What are these depressed mothers supposed to do then? If they were smart they would realize they have so much to contribute to society in their middle age (50+) and that they should have a life of their own. But no! Our religious leaders have taught us that women with such ideas are "fast" women -- when in fact they are the most useful of people. So we end up with an older generation, who could otherwise do so much, but who are depressed and whose lives are emotionally overdependent on their children, then grandchildren, then great-great grandchildren, etc. They spend their days like old foggies reminiscing about old times, gossiping and slanderding people in the extended family and wider community, and just hanging out in the mall shopping. In short they become vegetables with self inflicted senility. What a waste. When will parents figure out that their children don't belong to them, but rather to Allah, and that there is so much good work they can do to keep themselves busy to fill the void of grown-up children? That with their wisdom and experience there is so much that they can contribute to society. That they don't need their children as much as they think they do. And that old age is not something to get upset about -- but rather something to celebrate. They have successfully raised children and acquired great wisdom -- and that it is now their time to make a mark on society. Sorry for the rant (but i know so many overly controlling so called good parents like this). |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| Kathy |
| 09/05/03 at 08:58:39 |
| [wlm] :o Lucid9!! I can not believe what I am reading in your post! Clap, Clap, Clap.... [i]ok I know there is debate about clapping...[/i] You can have my soapbox anytime! I have never seen this issue addressed and you are right on the mark! It is not only in the 'desi' population...but Arab too! (however..slightly modified!) We have jewels and rubies and saphires in our matriarchs! It is true.. they get so much pressure to stay at home. I really feel bad for them. When an elephant is born the caretakers attach a rope to the baby. The baby grows up knowing it can not break away from the chain that keeps it locked. When the elephant is grown and weighs two tons it can easily break the chains that bind it, but is not aware of this because it has always known this rope is binding. This is happening now, as lucid said. Women are living much longer. They are no longer dieing in their sixties. When their chidren are off and married, they are only 55 and have many years and wonderful experiences to live and share! But their society has shackled them. Their children were their excuse to go into public, the masjid and events. So the moms still think they need their children go out. Recently, I have had to deal with this dilema myself. My son is now old enough to fend for himself, with supervision) unlike when he was younger. I am now free to do my part for the Muslim society. For the last 10 years I have been raising him and it is a 24/7 job. I was pretty much not involved with the Masjid as I was in my single years and was looking forward to getting involved again. From the 'Arab' society, which my hubby is, I have gotten so much pressure to go to work. To help support my husband and his family... Allahwho allum. Even my husband is giving me so much pressure. This is the time for me to make my mark. I am older, hopefully wiser, and my responsibilities of childrearing have lessened. The Masjid just asked me to set up a library and I am so excited. However, the 'society', is telling me to get a paying job. On the flip side there remains the cultural/societal double standards. No one blinks an eye when I say I am on the Governing Board for a major public educational system... or sees anyting wrong with finding a job in the public....(and few jobs are men free!) but :o what am I thinking of to want to serve on the Masjid Committee, ?!!I am no young, good looking spring chickie poo... give me a break. :P I just have to agree with lucid... if I am having such problems and I consider myself a strong woman with a husband who is supportive, but for the first time has succumbed to peer cultural pressures, I can not imagine what shackles are tieing up our older Muslimahs. We Muslims, just keep killing ourselves. and our own selves... [i]Momma steps off her soap box and awaits to see who will step up...rope free[/i] |
| 09/05/03 at 21:53:06 |
| Kathy |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| Twilight |
| 09/05/03 at 10:36:15 |
| [slm] subhanAllah Momma Mod and Bro Lucid9 u are both soooo right i see it around me all the time, Alhamdulillah in London where i live there are many masjids but unfortunately there are very very few (in fact none in my part of london) which have lady's (should i say active, listened to ladies ) on the committees. Far from this being the case so many masjids don't even have facilities for ladies to pray in them. Indeed I know this is off topic but as someone who has been taken to the masjid by her parents since she was born i am amazed :o at the no of girls, and young women i have met who say that they don't go to the mosque because they [i]aren't supposed to.[/i] So while these ladies don't go out to work neither do they go to the masjid, they merely stay at home all day - hence the over reliance on their childrens company leading to their inability to let go when the time comes. I for one wish that there were more women on masjid committees then perhaps instead of all events etc being geard towards the male population the women could have a look in too. *sigh* oh to have more time....... now I think I have gone on long enough next please..... ;) |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| shieldsoffaith |
| 09/05/03 at 14:41:21 |
| [slm] Well, ladies and gentleman. I once open my mouth to say the very things you are saying and I was told to sit down and shut up like a good lady should do. I congratulate you for speaking up. I can add this to your thoughts. I once was very concerned about other people telling me I wasn't a good enough Muslim for having these thoughts. Once I was told "you are scratching the surface, but not quite there." I no longer let that bother me. It is up to Allah to judge my intentions as a true muslim. I am a mother and it was quite difficult to let my daughter go and marry. So I can relate to the feelings of mothers. However, I did let her go and marry whom she wanted. May the future parents of muslim children allow the same to their children. [wlm] |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| tryharder |
| 09/05/03 at 15:08:29 |
| [slm] @hayat salam @tryharder any new news on this. i found it interesting to read the posts. somehow i can imagine the situation only too well... so, how is the contact going on? did you try to talk to his parents in a really good and calm and honest conversation?? wishing you all the best that insha'allah everything will be to your satisfaction waassalam hayat there is not much "new news" at the moment. i think i explained that his parents are going to pakistan for vacation. they are leaving this weekend insha Allah. when they come back is when we expect to have some kind of news, either yea or nay. our communication has been fine, but i have restricted it BIG TIME. the way i see it is that i dont want to become any more attached than i am. so i do not email or call him. if he calls i answer and if he emails i answer, but that is it. there was one development that makes me question things .... i asked him at one point why he doesnt want to marry a paki (from Pakistan, not just heritage) girl. among other things, one of his reasons was that he lives here, so he should marry from here, rather than bring a girl from PK. in a recent conversation he told me that he wants to move BACK to Pakistan someday (he mentioned within 5 yrs :o). that was a shock to me!! i was previously married and had a horrific experience when i moved with my ex-husband to saudi. so the idea of picking up and leaving home again is not so pleasant to me. and i would never be able to do that to my family again. they suffered terribly the first time!! SO ... that throws in another wrench. also, i have been thinking .... what if they say yes?! are they going to make my life a living hell just to prove that they were right in the first place? are they going to boss me around and tell me how to raise MY children?? if they interfere with our relationship, is he going to have the ... courage ;) ... to stand up to them?? these questions all give me pause. but i dont have to decide, at least not yet. there is a very miniscule chance (at best) that they will give their blessing. in the meantime, i have finally let it go. i do not stress over it anymore. i am not longer that basketcase that needed to "vent" ... lol ;D .... ask ameera -- im a new woman ;D thank you to all of you for your encouragement and prayers and advice. |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| Nomi |
| 09/06/03 at 02:48:40 |
| [slm] Sis, i'm not judging anyone or anything but... [quote author=tryharder link=board=sis;num=1060283042;start=15#27 date=09/05/03 at 15:08:29] ...prove that they were right in the first place? are they going to boss me around and tell me how to raise MY children?? if they interfere with our relationship, is he going to have the ... courage ;) ... to stand up to them?? [/quote] I think no!! and yes there are broad chances that they'll trouble you. Like i said, i'm not generalizing but i've seen such ladies (moms) do it quite a few times. [quote author=tryharder link=board=sis;num=1060283042;start=15#27 date=09/05/03 at 15:08:29] i have finally let it go. i do not stress over it anymore. i am not longer that basketcase that needed to "vent" ... lol ;D .... ask ameera -- im a new woman ;D [/quote] MashaAllah, may Allah help you getting even stronger. [slm] A brother from Pakistan. |
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| tryharder |
| 09/06/03 at 09:59:32 |
| [slm] [quote]on Sep 5th, 2003, 3:08pm, tryharder wrote: ...prove that they were right in the first place? are they going to boss me around and tell me how to raise MY children?? if they interfere with our relationship, is he going to have the ... courage ... to stand up to them?? I think no!! and yes there are broad chances that they'll trouble you. Like i said, i'm not generalizing but i've seen such ladies (moms) do it quite a few times. [/quote] "no!!!" to which part?? |
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| siddiqui |
| 09/06/03 at 13:54:48 |
| [slm] ***apologies I have modified my post****** If Allah swt wills nothing can stop it from happening If Allah swt dosent want it to happen no amount of handstands will make it happen and this has been my recent past experience Have faith in Allah swt May Allah swt give you what your heart desires with all the khair May allah swt give you peace of mind ameen [wlm] |
| 09/07/03 at 03:25:19 |
| siddiqui |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| Nomi |
| 09/06/03 at 21:35:19 |
| [slm] sis [quote author=tryharder link=board=sis;num=1060283042;start=15#29 date=09/06/03 at 09:59:32] "no!!!" to which part?? [/quote] To the one where you said that... "would he be able to keep his family from interfering in your marital life". [slm] A brother in islaam. |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| Ruqayyah |
| 09/06/03 at 22:46:20 |
| [quote]If Allah SubHana Wa Ta`ala dosent want it to happen no amount of handstands will make it happen [/quote] Subhanallah, this is SO true. Some things are just not meant to be, no matter how much you want it and think that it's the perfect thing for you. A square peg will not fit into a round hole no matter how hard you try. Not trying to rain on anyone's parade, but Allah swt knows what is best for you, so if it doesn't work out, then Allah swt has saved you from something that was not meant for you. And Allah swt knows best. :) It made me think of this hadith of an Nawawwi's, #19: "..Be mindful of Allah, you will find Him before you. Get to know Allah in prosperity and He will know you in adversity. Know that what has passed you by was not going to befall you; and that what has befallen you was not going to pass you by. And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and ease with hardship." |
| Re: im not paki enough for her .... |
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| se7en |
| 09/07/03 at 16:31:43 |
| as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah, I think that, no matter how amazing and awesome you are, your mother in law will always find something wrong with you :P Simply because.. *no one* is good enough for your baby boy.. you'll either be too modern or too cultural.. too short or too tall.. too educated, or not educated enough.. or any one of a number of other things. I think that if your mother in law accepts you.. even if she doesn't consider you the ideal daughter in law.. you have something to be thankful for :) Because there are many moms out there who would refuse to even *consider* someone that doesn't meet their qualifications. And I'm sure we all know stories of relationships in which this has taken place, leading to a lot of hurt and hardship on the part of the brother and sister involved. I think if you go out of your way to show kindness to them, and that you care for them and their feelings, you'll begin to grow on them :) It will take time though.. just like we all have dreams about who our spouse is going to be, our parents have dreams about who their children are going to marry, and it takes time for them to adjust. one other more practical note -- don't blame him for what his parents may say or do. He is probably doing his best to soften his parents hearts towards you, and emphasizing your positives and good qualities - and it will just damage your relationship if you start to take out your anxiety or hurt on him. Allahu a'lam. wasalaamu alaykum :-) |
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