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| Should i marry him? |
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| Anonymous |
| 08/26/03 at 04:05:02 |
| I have recently got to know one of my cousins really well. they live far away and we would see them once every few years so i didn't know him at all. then they came to visit us and stayed for along time. he is much younger than me almost 4 years, and he is just alot different than me. I consider myself religious; pray, wear hijab, don't associate with non-mahrems. even my other guy cousins i dont talk or joke with them. but something happened this summer when this cousin moved here. he stayed with us for a week, and slowly we started talking and hanging around each other. the topic of marriage came up as i was giving him advice (seeing how i have been at the choosing stage for quiet a while and therefore have a ton of experience!) and i think he thought i was interested in him (which i wasn't); so he said "If i was older than you, i would have married you" anyways, i tried to play it off as if i didn't know what his intentions were with this statement. later at the end of the week out of no where, he says to me; "why don't we get married"...i just laughed and smiled and said "inshAllah" because i thought he was joking...later on i come to find out he wasn't. he was really interested in marrying me.... i don't mind the age difference, the problem is that he is a really really good guy mashAllah as long as he is with good company. for example when he is with me he prays, reads Quran and is kind, considerate and polite. when he is with bad company he is different. another point i might add is that his family is really really seperated; they never are together, everyone is in a different world and he is the youngest adn never really got the attention he needs. his parents are so busy with a business project that they have and his older siblings are busy with work, school, and their own life. I think he does those bizzare things because he wants attention... now my question is; should i marry him? he has given me until december to decide. i have made istikhara many many times but i don't know anymore does anyone have experience of marrying someone who is not as religious as them and regretting it/not regretting it? please share your experiences with me. and pray for me insha'Allah........................ |
| Re: Should i marry him? |
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| theOriginal |
| 08/26/03 at 09:55:25 |
| [slm] How old is he? A four year difference can seem to be more when the difference is between a 16 yr old and a 20 yr old. It seems less, if for example, the difference is between a 22 and 26 year old. I ask that question because I am just trying to gage his level of maturity and hence his sincere intentions in marrying you. Normally speaking, a 16 yr old would be less serious than a 22 year old (GUY). Anyway, just ask yourself these questions. Secondly, have you mentioned this to your parents? Do they know about his expressed interest? What do they think? Just remember...you WANT to marry someone who will add peace in your life, insha Allah. Someone who will humble you further and someone who will bring you closer to Allah and success of the Akhirah. If that criteria is not fulfilled, then you have an excellent basis to reject the person. I am not saying that your cousin will not get you there. He might. But that is something you have to decide after careful analysis. And remember this is a matter of MARRIAGE...you have to ask him about his viewpoints, especially on religion. He gave you until December to decide? How....cute. (I sez that with disgust.) ;D May Allah make your decision easy on you, and may He guide you to do what is best. Ameen. Wasalaam. |
| Re: Should i marry him? |
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| onemuslimgirl |
| 08/26/03 at 16:48:02 |
| I think you should continue to make istikhara prayers. don't forget that many people who were not so religious before have become more religious alhamdullah. It will take you being strong enough to help him down that road...do you think your strong enough to handle it? It might also be that he is not interested in you in marriage, but just thinks he is because it seems like you paid attention to him at a time when his family was not giving him the attention he needs (you said his family was pretty separated). Take it easy....one step at a time, there is no rush in these things. Take time to study him, ask him questions, see how he interacts with others. Try to convice him to go to halaqas and Quran classess to get to know more religious people....see if he starts changing for the good once he is around other people who are good. or is he just changing around you becuase he is interested in you.... You never know, he might be the one who will help YOU to become more closer to Allah, I have seen many examples like that...adn yet unfortantely, I have also seen sisters stray becuase of their husbands. |
| Re: Should i marry him? |
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| IMuslim_4Ever |
| 08/26/03 at 22:54:00 |
| [quote author=onemuslimgirl link=board=madrasa;num=1061881505;start=0#2 date=08/26/03 at 16:48:02]. You never know, he might be the one who will help YOU to become more closer to Allah, I have seen many examples like that...adn yet unfortantely, I have also seen sisters stray becuase of their husbands. [/quote] i agree with the sister's statments. yes, you never know whats gonna happen later... maybe you guys can learn more about Islam together... age never matters :) only a couple of months ago i used to think that i need to marry someone who is more religious than i am and that he gotta be an Islamic scholar... but now i have realized that it doesn't really matter... as long as my future husband has faith in Allah, good personalities and perform the basic steps of Islam, its all good. :) learning never ends... we can learn together... he should have enough knowledge about Islam but doesn't need to be a scholar... do you know what I mean? Sis, you are in a tough situation. Like sis trustworthy advised you should let your parents know all this… they may give you good advice… and help you to come up with an answer. i am not married yet, and i am not sure if i can give you proper advise or the advise that you really need. All i am going to do is pray for you sis... May Allah help you to come up with the right decision... plz don’t worry too much... by December you may observe something about him that will make you say yes or no to marry him Take Care ma salaama |
| 08/26/03 at 23:12:30 |
| IMuslim_4Ever |
| Re: Should i marry him? |
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| timbuktu |
| 08/27/03 at 00:38:24 |
| [quote author=Anonymous link=board=madrasa;num=1061881505;start=0#0 date=08/26/03 at 04:05:02] does anyone have experience of marrying someone who is not as religious as them and regretting it/not regretting it? please share your experiences with me. and pray for me insha'Allah........................[/quote] well, the reverse. my wife was (still is) religious, & i had decided to slowly come back to religion (24 years later, i am still trying). So she prayed, & kept the fast, & things like that, while i became a Friday Muslim (betteer than no salah, don't you agree!). Today outwardly, i am more religious than her. (& i think inwardly, she is ahead). so, we change. & you are in our duas. |
| Re: Should i marry him? |
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| sal |
| 08/30/03 at 08:42:46 |
| [slm] This is SERIOUS TOPIC If he knows well the 5 pillars of islam and so easily at the time being -if he is performing his islamic essentials. specially praying which is the first thing you should observe, he can be trusted , besides you said you are religious and if you take this attrivute of you as an assisting factor to your life with your husband, you can help him learn more and this reflects to your kids to be raised well Any way i think taking many different advices might confuse YOU ,so i would like to repeat this wonderful advice posted by just one . [quote] How old is he? A four year difference can seem to be more when the difference is between a 16 yr old and a 20 yr old. It seems less, if for example, the difference is between a 22 and 26 year old. I ask that question because I am just trying to gage his level of maturity and hence his sincere intentions in marrying you. Normally speaking, a 16 yr old would be less serious than a 22 year old (GUY). Anyway, just ask yourself these questions. Secondly, have you mentioned this to your parents? Do they know about his expressed interest? What do they think? Just remember...you WANT to marry someone who will add peace in your life, insha Allah. Someone who will humble you further and someone who will bring you closer to Allah and success of the Akhirah. If that criteria is not fulfilled, then you have an excellent basis to reject the person. I am not saying that your cousin will not get you there. He might. But that is something you have to decide after careful analysis. And remember this is a matter of MARRIAGE...you have to ask him about his viewpoints, especially on religion. He gave you until December to decide? How....cute. (I sez that with disgust.) May Allah make your decision easy on you, and may He guide you [/quote] MAY ALLAH be with you AMEEN |
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