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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| A little thing... |
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| Aurora |
| 09/01/03 at 00:30:07 |
| [slm] :) sighs I just needed to get that out ;) This isn't necessarily a 'sisters' topic but I'm posting it here, cause i'm a sister and i've got a feeling that maybe other sisters have dealt with similar issues. My relatives, I guess that translates into extended family have hard time with my hijab, and also with my father's strict adherance to the idea of purdah, i.e. separation of males and females. I don't have any problem with it, neither do my siblings, in fact as I grow older I find myself growing ever more grateful with each passing year for the way in which my father raised us, yes he was very strict and sometimes very harsh, and I admit at times I did resent it and find him overbearing, but i see now that it was ultimately for us that he acted in such a manner, and i'm glad. Anyways, due to that really strict upbringing, some of our relatives find us a little too shy for their tastes, urging us to take our scarves or loosen our dupattas, etc.. But i've noticed its not only limited to my siblings and I, but also to new acquaintainces. It irritates me a little and usually ;) I find myself taking the side of the other person, eg. in one instance my aunt was criticizing a guest for wearing her scarf with the ends hanging down, and telling her she should not wear it so, but wrap it tightly around her neck, as it would attract 'less attention' whatever that means, I umm indirectly encouraged the guest (much to my aunt's annoyance) saying that I found it more comfortable to wear my scarf that way as well as it seemed more modest. Another example, is that recently my family and extended family, (aunts & families, & grandparents) were invited to someone's house for dinner. As their house was very small, the ladies were seated upstairs in one of the bedrooms while the men were downstairs. The men were served first, and because this family also strictly observed purdah, they had arranged it that the women would eat after the men finished. During the time while the men were eating, my aunt started complaining about the wait, and telling the wife of the host, how her husband shouldn't demand such strict purdah, that such a man shouldn't come to live in n.america, that such people are much better off 'back home', sighs, another aunt piped in that even aurora's father wasn't so strict, it made me cringe because I thought it was very rude. I usually keep quiet, but, since the host's wife was sitting next to me, I told her, that father could be just as strict at times, depending on who was at our house. Is it unreasonable to observe purdah here in the 'west'? Is it 'prudish' for me not to unveil in front of my father's sisters and other relatives because I don't feel comfortable doing so? I know, I know, i've been rambling on and on, its just something thats been bothering me for a long time, and I thought maybe if i posted something up here I might get some insight from you guys. |
| Re: A little thing... |
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| Fozia |
| 09/01/03 at 06:42:43 |
| [slm] Isn't there a tradition which goes something like 'Islam started as something strange, and it will return to being something strange, so celebrate the strangers'???? Thoroughly misquoted I know & I apologise. You're not alone in this, we observe strict purdah as well. My mother has always said 'That which distinguishes muslims from others is our Hayah'. Sounds much more poetic in Urdu. Wasalaam |
| Re: A little thing... |
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| Nomi |
| 09/01/03 at 08:41:19 |
| [slm] tumhain khush karain ya Allah ko? (should we please you or Allah?) Like its not to be told to them but thats what we should keep telling ourselves.... Hope i made sense! [slm] |
| Re: A little thing... |
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| Nisa |
| 09/01/03 at 09:44:43 |
| [slm] Prophet Muhammad [saw] said, “Islam started as something strange and will again return as something strange. So give glad tidings to the strangers who will revive the sunnah after it became corrupted”. [Tabarani] From Ibn Umar (ra) that the Prophet [saw] said: "Verily Islam started out strange and will return to being strange just as it started and it will shrink back to between the two Mosques like a snake retreating into its hole." (Muslim) Sis Aurora...alhamdulillah, purdah is such an important part of our deen. As Sis Fozia rightly said, hayya (modesty) is an integral part of who we are, or should be, as the Prophet [saw] has told us: "Among that which reached the people from the words of the earlier prophethood: If you feel no shame, then do whatever you wish." (Bukhari) Having a sense of shame is vital for both brothers and sisters. Without feeling shame you are disregarding part of your eeman (faith); the Prophet [saw] said: "Faith is some seventy odd parts and shame is one of the parts of faith." (Muslim) There are two kinds of shame: -That which is innate and of the nature of the person. Al-Jarraah ibn Abdullah Al-Hakamiy said: "I stayed away from sins out of shame for forty years and only after that I acquired some piety." -That which is acquired and part of a change one makes in themself for Allah swt. From Abdullah ibn Mas'ood who said that Allah's messenger [saw]said: "Have shame before Allah as is befitting." We said: "O Allah's Messenger, we do have shame praise be to Allah." He (sas) said: "Not that, rather having shame before Allah as is befitting is to guard your head and what it contains, your stomach and what it takes in, to remember death and disintegration and whoever desires the hereafter leaves the ornamentation of this world. Whoever does all that has shame before Allah as is befitting." (At-Tirmidhi) May Allah swt reward your father abundantly (Ameen), for he has instilled within you all that which has been ordained for us and something which will no doubt please the Almighty, inshaAllah :) Forget the comments sis...we are here to please Allah swt, and not people. May Allah swt make it easy for you, Ameen. Duas and hugs, [wlm] :-) |
| Re: A little thing... |
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| sofia |
| 09/02/03 at 12:40:59 |
| As-salaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullah, Masha'Allah, sister, more people need to establish the sunnah of not mixing. But do these aunties really want to mix with the uncles? I doubt it, they'd prob be bored out of their minds (no offense to the uncles, I personally think their conversations are much more interesting than that of jewelry/clothing/food). So maybe the separation issue itself is not the main problem. Some aunties actually just want to see women uncovered and adorned. Not sure where you're from, but it's common for South-east Asian women who practice pardah to take their hijaab off inside the home, which makes little sense when non-mahrems come over (maybe not exclusively, but SE Asians are also big on jewelry/make-up for show). Regarding the hijaab issue, fear of being rejected or marginalized by peers/non-muslims/etc is a particular type of 'immigrant complex,' and not all immigrants are like this, and even non-immigrants can be like this (ie, wanting to blend in and not act out on Islaamic tendencies). In fact, most of our masaajid in the west have been built by immigrants, so this is not an immigrant-bashing post. If we don't establish our Muslim identity in the west, Allah will bring others who will. Back to the topic. Seems some have unfortunately: 1. had negative experiences with hijaab/niqaab/burqah and think anyone who voluntarily does this is nuts. Even harsh behavior from those who practice this can be a "negative experience" so we have to have hikmah, since Muslims are like ambassadors of Islaam, to muslims or non-muslims. 2. and some are just impatient and like to blame random things (lots of women get worked up for having to eat after the men get their food. This is not an injunction from Islaam, so maybe have the women eat first sometimes. Better yet, divide the dishes so both can eat at the same time). Too much baggage of negative cultural experiences being misplaced on Islaam is unfortunately common, and the reason why there are so many sisters in the west with parents from the east who discourage them from wearing more modest clothing. And why there are so many pseudo-feminists from the East who bash all things Islaam when they should really just learn to separate culture from religion. We've seen the other extreme of those who only think one way of doing things in Islaam is correct and all others are ignorant. This is just the opposite extreme. One way to counter-act it is for us to increase our knowledge of Islaam. And the other is to exhibit/see the "success" of those who follow the Qur'aan and sunnah, feesabeelillah. And true success comes from Allah. May Allah increase us all in 'ilm and ihsaan and save us from extremism and ignorance, aameen. |
| NS |
| 09/02/03 at 13:12:53 |
| sofia |
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