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Please spare some time and advise Islamically

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Please spare some time and advise Islamically
Asifa
09/02/03 at 04:47:27
Assalam-o-alikum

Dear brothers and my sweet  sisters I need your assistance in one of the confusion that is making me little uneasy. I know our beautiful deen is complete and beautiful and our Islamic laws are for the protection of humanity. But somehow or the other I happen to meet some brother and sisters who appears to be practicing Muslims but the household I have seen does nothing but leaves very bad impression in the name of deen.

I actually met a sister who is Mashallah nice converted Muslim. Her husband is practicing polygamy. She is his first wife in her current status. Husband married another women couple of years back and he gave her divorce because they were unable to get along. He again married to the second wife almost 5 months ago. She is Aleema and seems nice and reasonable but somehow or the other she missed her couple of fajar prayers and her husband started threading her of divorce . When I came to know about it I felt very bad. I had a detailed conversation with the first wife and she was obviously sounding jealous and told me that you know my husband might end up in another divorce. I felt so bad and I asked her that why Muslims have started taking the word of divorce that easy. It's the word Allah swt hates the most and it shakes the ARSH. How our practicing Muslim brother use this word whenever they want without realizing that they make Allah angry with this word?

It seems that some of our Muslims brothers are practicing the westren concept of trying to live with the women for couple of months to see that if they can get along or not. There is no life time committment(this brother's first wife was telling me that they should decide about the divorce before having children). The only difference is Nikkah. In the western world probability there laws are very strict like in case of the divorce the half property goes to the wife as well therefore they are reluctant to be in committment. But in Islam Muslim brother practice it very comfortably because he knows that he is going to lose anything(usuallay these practicing Muslim brother does marriages on a very small amount of Mehar so that it is not easy for then to threaten a wife/leave the wife). They play the whole story in the background of Nikkah and after couple of months and after enjoying her they start threatening her of anything bad they see in her. The first wife who is naturally jealous also supports her and game ends very quickly and man is in search of another wife soon.

I do not understand the purpose of Istakahara in such marriages. It appears that men has to make decisions on the basis of his own judgment without consulting Allah swt. He consults Allah before choosing a wife but after getting married he ends up this marriage because he finds that Allah's choice was not good for him. Astagrifullah.

I myself believe that whenever we decide to marry we should perform istakahara(which the brother did as well) and when Allah shows some positive signs this means that whatever the good or bad that person has will ultimately turn in to good for him(if he would deal with her patiently) with the help of Allah swt. When a  person does Mushawwara with Allah then he should leave everything in Allah's hand and should deal with the situation with patience and Allah swt never decides bad for the one who seeks guidance from Allah swt. Please read the e-mail attached in the end of message. This e-mail pasted below is from the first wife and it seems that they also support there husbands in the game of hit and trial.


Assalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh .... I HAD to pass this on to you, it's from a polygyny group that I belong to ...

A brother got married to a sister and he disliked her for her bad
attitude and quarrelsome ways. He decided to marry another, but it
was the same situation with the second. He decided to marry again.
When he did, it was the same situation as the last two. And so he
married a fourth. For the first time, peace reigned in the
household..but why?? ....
Because each one knew that if they went back to their awful
ways...one of them would be divorced and replaced by another :)))
(drum roll and symbol)


I will appreciate if you please spare some time to shed light on the attitude of such type of Muslim brothers in the light of Islamic teachings.


Jazak Allah Khair

NS
Re: Please spare some time and advise Islamically
lucid9
09/02/03 at 05:18:14
[slm]

I don't think it is really that muslim men are picking up non-muslim attitudes about divorce.  Bad muslim men have always had a casual attitude toward divorce.  Because in some muslim countries divorce is easy -- just say talaq thrice -- lots of men abuse it immeasurably.  For example, you must have heard that in malaysia you can now divorce your wife by sending her three text messages via mobile phone!!  Also where I come from, lots of (usually poor) men refuse to register their marriages with the government  because that way it is easier for them to procure a future divorce.  Also, lots of men threaten their wife with divorce 24/7.  So divorce has  often been used as a source of mental torture.  Its nothing new.  

The real problem is that muslim men don't practice the most basic duty of a muslim
as mentioned in the hadith

"none of you truly believes until he wishes for his brother/sister what he wishes for himself/herself"

If men did that, they would not be so apt to divorce or threaten to divorce.  In short they wouldn't act like  buttheads.

You also find the opposite sort of oppression with regard to divorce.  Sometimes people should get divorced, but don't because of the social stigma and problem of getting married again.  Many sisters stay in abusive relationships because they know that if they get a divorce that it will very difficult for them to get married again.  Again this is the fault of the general idiocy of muslim society and men and mother in laws  in general.  Divorce should not carry the stigma it does, and divorcees should be able to get married easily.  In reality, unless they are very pretty and/or are a convert or have other unique virtues it is very difficult for them to get hitched again.
Re: Please spare some time and advise Islamically
lucid9
09/02/03 at 05:38:30
[slm]

one final thing, there is a hadith stating that the people who marry, divorce, then again marry then divorce, and keep on doing it, are the tasters of marriage.  And i think i have heard that such people come near to adultery if they do this too often.  

Extreme  examples of this are people like the former of amir of kuwait, who got married over 100 times.  

[slm]


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