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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| how to be polite in this matter??? |
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| Ameeraana |
| 09/20/03 at 22:30:17 |
| [slm] [color=Purple] Ok, there is this lady at work who I've only know for about 2 weeks now because she switched positions in the company to where I am working. Now, everyone at work knows I am planning on moving to Dubai to get married and word spreads in this company fast!! So I know she had heard about my situation because she came up to me and started telling me how she hopes I know what I am doing because she has been in a bad situation in marriage where there was abuse and yada yada. I asked her if she had married a Muslim and she said that he was not, but a Christian Palestinian. I then told her that I was very sorry she was in a bad situation but to not assume that will happen to everyone who marries an Arab (now... usually I hear about women in bad situations with Arab Muslim men, but this time it is with a Christian). She said she sees me as herself before she married this man all excited and "in love" and is worried because she said her ex was so nice and sweet and yada yada before they married. So then she goes on to tell me that she knew a big circle of "these" men and only one was truly a good, good man. Just to get away from her I politely said, " I am very very sorry you had to go through what you went through. " and walked away. Now, yes, I have my fears of moving so far away and all, and I have heard of the stereotype of Muslim men that Americans hear about. But I also have learned outside of the U.S. media that there are good Muslim men out there!!! So anyhow.. I am sure that she is going to want to talk to me about him and probably will ask me questions about him. Here is my thing... I don't want to talk to her about him because I already feel that it will do no good since she will still assume my fiancee is a monster no matter what I tell her. I feel this way because there are several other co-workers whom are already doubtful that I can be happy over there even though I have told them so much about the things I know about him and his family. They still don't see that any Muslim man can be good. So, how do I politely tell this woman if she tries to ask me about him this: " I don't feel speaking to you will do any good as no matter what I say I feel that you will still think he is a monster " ?? This would just be too harsh but I can't think of any other way... any advice?? HELP [/color] |
| Re: how to be polite in this matter??? |
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| a_lina |
| 09/21/03 at 00:23:12 |
| [slm] Okay, i'm not very experienced at giving advice but, here goes..... Well what I would do is, I would explain to her how I have thought the whole thing through, how I have tried to find out as much as I could about him and that I truly believe he is a good man. I believe in him and above all I believe in God and that whatever happens is for the best. You could also tell her how some American men are absolute monsters but that does not mean all of them are like that. Just be patient with her. And when she sees that you have your mind made up and you are confident about your decision, she will leave you alone. Just my .2% [wlm] :-) |
| Re: how to be polite in this matter??? |
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| Caraj |
| 09/21/03 at 01:57:06 |
| I have to laugh when I hear about Muslim men this and Muslim men that yet at the same time it is sad as I know for fact (as a volunteer in the past) many American cities have many Domestic Abuse safe homes that are full and turning women away.........In America........Non Muslim country...... non Muslim men ........duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My suggestion since you asked for a 'poliet' response. #1) (Which you already did to some extent) Sympathize with her past ordeal **briefly**, thank her for being concerned of your wellbeing and let her know you always take all aspects things into consideration when making a decision in your life. #2) If she persists I would tell her, Again, Thank you for your concern, we are in a work enviroment and I wish to keep my work and personal life seperate, I'm sure you understand, please respect my privacy and let's no longer discuss this, thank you. (or something to that effect) This would be what I would do, hope the suggestion helps. I admire your wanting to be poliet, but with your desire to be poliet remember...there are some out there where being poliet just doesn't work. Salaam |
| 09/21/03 at 02:03:44 |
| Caraj |
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