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| My mother's eyes... |
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| Maliha |
| 09/25/03 at 22:22:58 |
| [slm] [i]sigh, my mother recently journeyed "back home" to spend a year or two (Allahu A'lam) solaced by the cool Mombasa breezes, comforted by the familiar scents of her childhood memories, and soothed by the warm embraces of her friends, loved ones, relatives...Hearing the lilting laugher in her voice and the geniune happiness that rings when one is surrounded by loved ones, makes me so euphoric. So happy...that knowledge alone comforts me in the bitter sadness of my nights, when my soul aches for her comforting presence. I miss her, if only there were other words to express the depth of my yearning... I guess one doesn't realize how much a loved one means to them until they depart, even temporarily...this statement is so oft repeated it has become a clich'e, I know, but somehow certain things, ideas, never truly make sense in the depths of our being, until they are reaffirmed by experiences. This all too real experience of growing up, being married, and living away from the one tangible source of my comfort, eternal sanctity, and soulful embrace is heart wrenching. The fact that I did take her very presence for granted is layering my sadness with the distinct weight of guilt. I miss her, if only this expression could contain the heaviness of my being. We never touch the reality of our emotions until the boat is rocked and our beings are disjointed. Perchance this is a distinct part of my growth and in some ways bringing me closer to my husband (the poor guy has no choice in being my only, bestest friend now :p ) and yet imperceptibly nearer to my own fulfilment of motherhood. When i will eventually realize the fullness of my own mother's weight of love, bearing down, nurturing, tending and soothing my own little ones into the comforting shades and darkness of night. I write these words from my hollow depths, for who can truly describe a mother's love, save the one who truly understands the dimensions of paradise lying under her feet. Perchance this is a way of bringing me ever so close to the source of Eternal Love, Comfort, Peace, Knowledge...my own Creator, my Sustainer- Allah... This little passage I just came across written by a beautiful soul, miles away, about "My mother's eyes" brought on this jarring emotions, lifting me out of my studies of structures, dimensions, etc into this little reverie of her soulful being: My Mother's eyes: Important decisions lie ahead and murky crossroads beckon. I take a deep breath and think of my mother's eyes. When I am a stooped old woman, alone in my insanity, I will remember my mother's eyes. They shine with their own magic. They look with dignity and a quiet pride. My mother's eyes laugh and tease. They well up when I hurt. My mother's eyes whisper their faith in me. And when the stars take back their light and the moon snuggles behind the clouds, my mother's eyes guide me on. When my world starts crumbling, my mother's eyes envelope me in their tender embrace and croon to me. Life is a fickle mistress and might ebb away. She might take my mother to a whole new world. But I know that when I finally complete my journey, I will see my mother's eyes, smiling at me. - nafiza. How amazingly refreshing when the tears within begin to flow at words describing so beautifully a thought, tugging the depths within to reminisce, visualize, and touch the buried emotions while we busy ourselves with the every day-ness of our existence. May Allah bless those who touch us, and deeply move us, every day, in the littlest and most magnificent of ways. May Allah safeguard, protect and grant my mother (amidst all other mothers) the fullfilment of her bliss, the cooling waters of her eyes, and lighten her step in her journey to the highest of paradises. Jannatul Firdaws. (Amin). I love you mom, if only this expression can begin to trace the tears, the depth stirring infinite memories of your softness, your touch, your beauty, your strength, your being...your soulful dignity...your all....you. i love you ummi, for no other words can encompass my deepest gratitude to Allah for blessing me in such inumerable ways. Alhamdullilah. Sis, Nur al Layl (i miss my mommy :'( ) [/i] [wlm] |
| 09/25/03 at 22:26:37 |
| Maliha |
| Re: My mother's eyes... |
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| salaampeaceshalom |
| 09/26/03 at 09:14:16 |
| [slm] Aw, am sorry ur missing ur mum. Unfortunately my Mum and myself aren't v close (we have an extremely unhealthy relationship :P), and sometimes (actually, all the time) it is very refreshing when we are quuuuite some distance away from each other. Sad to say but I wasn't fully able to relate to ur post, but I think it's amazing that u have such a relationship with ur Mum, alhumdulilah. I hope she comes back to u soon safely, and insha'Allaah, with her being gone, it's deepened ur love, affection and appreciation for her :) wa'salaam (ps. I'm passing u some tissue so u can wipe away ur tears :), and sending u some BIG HUGZ) |
| Re: My mother's eyes... |
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| Maliha |
| 09/28/03 at 08:15:24 |
| [slm] thanks *takes tissue* and *sniffs LOUDLY* :'( ummmm..sorry to hear about you and your mom, may Allah put Mercy and Love in your hearts for each other. I am a brat i know :) I forwarded this piece to a couple of my friends, and someone wrote back, giving me condolescenses (sp)...telling me how much pain he knows I am in, cuz he lost his mother too.and could relate to the guilt etc...dude thought my mom was DEAD :o :o :o I was sooo mortified:( Man...I had to write back..like umm..i just miss her that's all :'( made me reflect on what a brat i really, really am ::) ::) Subhana Allah at least she is alive, here or there, it shouldn't make a difference. Sigh... bratInAction ::) :-) [wlm] |
| Re: My mother's eyes... |
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| Savaira |
| 09/29/03 at 09:54:37 |
| [slm] Awww, that is such a sweet post sis. I missed my mom and daddy too after I got married, I was so far away from her. I never lived without them my whole life, and after they were all so far away i realized, how much they mean to me and how much I love them. My daddy used to cry every single time he watched my wedding video. Alhamdulillah I live near them now, and they spoil me so much all the time, because I don't live with them anymore :). Actually, daddy used to spoil me before I got married too, but now they both spoil me! ;D InshaAllah I hope you see your mother soon, and I am sure she misses you as much as you do too. My mother said the hardest thing she ever did her entire life is give me away. Now that I have kids mashaAllah, I agree with her, because thinking of giving my daughter away, is just so unbearable, it's like ripping my heart out and giving it away. Take care, and May Allah give you patience. [wlm] |
| Re: My mother's eyes... |
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| Anonymous |
| 09/29/03 at 13:35:21 |
| [slm] There is something beautiful about each part of the day, if only we knew it. Unfortunately I didn’t know it yesterday evening as I sat and wondered at my reflections in mommy’s brown eyes. A thin and anxious face, mirrored twice and at odds with the gentleness of her gaze. Dark eyes in soft ones, two pairs that did not see the same world, and hidden tears flowing in between for the impenetrable communication barrier in between... Ya Rabbi, how do I love her true? How craven is this soul that shudders at future tears of regret and missed opportunities of the Heaven under her mother’s feet, yet cannot cross this fearful void to honour her as she should... Ya ummi, the heavens required nought of thee for my obedience, save the pain you endured for me for nine long months. One day I too will know it, and stop expecting remuneration from the world with my snoring... Ya Rabbi, let these ears hear her ageing voice in peace, but let this heart hear Your commands first and last with gladness. And let these seeds of crippling regret be no more. Wasalaam Chiq PS Jus so y’all know, I’m a lil weak and a lil rushed, but alhamdulillah the scare was apparently just that, and am weathering the smaller health storm. Of course I’m less how well I’m going with this jihad of the nafs... :p PPS Sis Maliha however "bratty" you are, wow I sure do envy your closeness to your mom :) |
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