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To convert or not to convert

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To convert or not to convert
Caraj
10/17/03 at 00:25:14
I come to you all tonight cause my heart and mind are in a deep struggle and turmoil. I have talked to you all about this on a few occations over the last two years. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just a slow poke  ::)
One moment I wish to remain a Christain and the next I want to embrace Islam.

Many changes have taken place in my life and my heart these last couple years. 1) I am more interested in seperation between males and females 2) I have become more aware of what is proper and what is not. 3) I want to observe Ramadan 4) I want to pray more 5) I want to learn more 6) I want to start covering and have deside to take it slow and start this week-end with a scarf. 6) And this may shock some of the old timers who have known me since day one but my dogs are no longer allowed in the house  :o  and there are more changes but I'll not bore you all.

Before when I was bored or lonely I went into chat rooms on a daily basis, since finding my nitch here I have no desire to and then on those rare occations if I do I only visit Islamic chat room. Chat rooms to me are just no longer right unless it is to learn.

So why have I not accepted Islam? Engrained Christianity all my life??? Unacceptance from my family??? Afraid I may make the wrong choice???

My heart is heavy and then when sometimes people say if you are not Muslim Allah will not hear prayers or accept good deeds, well if he is all merciful and forgiving and such, in my heart I can't even fathom the Almighty turning a deaf ear.

The more I learn the more hungry I am. Has anyone who was not born Muslim ever struggle with simular feelings? Any words of wisdom and advice.

My thoughts and feeling on men having more than one wife has changed  :o   and I find that so weird.
Thank you all for letting me share my thoughts with you tonight.
I am so appreciative and thankful to Allah for my Medina family.
I don't think Jannah realized what she was doing when this whole thing got started. The people whose hearts, souls and minds would be touched and the people who would be helped. The people who would learn.
Re: To convert or not to convert
Nomi
10/17/03 at 02:49:30
Beware, another chatterbox is here :)

Ok ok, i know, not someone who you expected to respond first up! But everyone has a right to opinion, no? :P

Seriously speaking, everyone is recommended first to have a good look into islam, study it to one's satisfaction and then embrace it.

Someone new to this board and reading your posts on here would never know that you are not a Muslim yet! So you've studied Islam, believe in it and are even practicing it which is all good.

You say that one moment you want to remain a Christian and the other moment you want to embrace Islam. This popped a question in my mind! We do believe that our deeds should be for God and to please Him right? Now God tested Mankind throughout history by sending updated commandments for us to follow and hence obey him. Islam being the updated and final set of commandments from God is for us to be followed and what got overridden should be considered past. Our will should be the will of God, no?

In short, join the Ummah dear lady.

Please forgive me if anything i said hurt you.
Adios from someone who respects you alot.
10/17/03 at 03:36:44
Nomi
Re: To convert or not to convert
jannah
10/17/03 at 03:13:31
[slm] cara,

it really hurts for me to see u in turmoil. to be honest i never created this site with the intention of anyone becoming muslim. i was only hoping it would be a refuge for muslims and a place where others could learn about us and become more open-minded towards islam and muslims.

sometimes i think we have so many problems and issues that it is so difficult for new reverts that i don't know how they do it... and other times i think i _know_ this way of life is right and from God and i am proud of those who found it and struggle to live it despite the difficulties.

i don't know what i can say to help you except that i'm happy to be your friend regardless if u convert or not and wish the best for u in this life and the next.

i think when things become emotional decisions become difficult.. maybe u can spend a little more time learning about islam.. reading up on it more, reading how other reverts went through the struggle...it shouldn't be a matter of christianity versus islam or my old life versus my new... when you come to the point of shahadah, of accepting islam in your heart it's like that's it... there is no other 'versus', no excuses left, u know it's the truth and then u know.. u really know... there is no other path for u to follow except one...
Re: To convert or not to convert
lucid9
10/17/03 at 04:45:20
[slm]

Sorry guys, but i don't see what the big deal about converting is.

I mean its just like 6 words.  And all it means is is that you haven't selectively rejected any of  God's prophets.  Jews selectively reject Jesus.  Christians selectively reject Muhammad.  We muslims accept everybody!  Aren't we the most liberal?  The most happening people?!

When you accept islam, all you are doing is saying that i accept muhammad along with the zillion other prophets and messengers i already believe in.  And the message of muhammad is the same as every other prophet.  So its not like you're believing in something new.

Heck, we as muslims are totally prepared to accept even buddha or the prophet of some unknown austrailian aborigine who we don't really know much about.  I.e. as muslims, we are an accepting rather than rejecting bunch.  We accept everybody, unless they come with lots of dodgy baggage like they were on drugs, or were insane or had a bad character.  (hence we shy away from bahaiullah, and the person from qadian).  And muhammad, everybody pretty much accepts nowadays had a pretty flawless personality and demeanor.

I mean when you become muslim, its not such a big deal.  It can be a big deal, but it doesn't have to be.  Your life doesn't suddenly change.  There are islamic strictures which one is  encouraged to take part in -- like modest dressing, praying regularly, etc.  But these things one can pick up in time, and most people do these things in some fashion anyways, and all they have to do is add an islamic tint to the activities they already do.

Just my useless 2 cents...

Re: To convert or not to convert
faisalsb
10/17/03 at 07:13:24
[slm]

:)

Well sister Aziza your emotions and sentiments are understandable and we can imagine what state of mind you are going through. What we can do is pray for you that Allah may give you power to take right decision ... Ameen

What I know about Islam is anyone who has ever tasted real sense of Iman never get double minded or confused and it's true for both born muslims and newly converted.

But if you are muslim because you were born in a muslim family or you converted because you wanted to marry muslim man or woman then there would be junk of questions and problems. I know many muslims who are muslim for many generations but still they are not clear either interest is HALAL or HARAM and if it is haram then why?

What I feel from your words is you are moving in the right direction and if you continue to keep on travelling then you will see all questions and problems would be solved in such a way as if they were not there at all. But the basic condition is SINCERITY and I think all of us can see that in your posts consistantly and regularly.

I hope I was helpfull ............. :)
Re: To convert or not to convert
sofia
10/17/03 at 10:53:51
Peace, salaam

[quote]I mean its just like 6 words.  And all it means is is that you haven't selectively rejected any of  God's prophets.  Jews selectively reject Jesus.  Christians selectively reject Muhammad.  We muslims accept everybody!  Aren't we the most liberal?  The most happening people?!  [/quote]

Ok that was one of the funniest takes on converting I've ever heard. True, though.

I have to admit that I've often wondered what the heck is taking you so long, Azizah.  :) But I realize that no matter how much information one knows about Islaam (even if they know more about it than some born-Muslims!), it's still up to them to decide. You may convert tomorrow. You may never convert. You may keep asking the question, or you may actually do it. God knows best, and He is the Controller of hearts. He knows the difficulty that you're experiencing, and knows what will bring you peace.

In some ways, I think you've already accepted some chunks of Islaam. The paramount issue in Islaam is being clear on who God is. I can't think of anything more important that God would want us to know about. It's not an unclear issue in Islaam, is in line with what all of the Prophets were originally sent to teach their followers (the trinity is not taught by previous prophets), and what every child who still has a sense of purity will tell you: God is One, and He is not like His creation.

The next thing is learning what God wants from us. Praying to Him makes sense to me! Abiding by His laws, and not my narrow whims, does too.

Then, there's the issue of perfecting one's moral character. There's no one-without-the-other (ie, no faith without action, and no action without faith). It has to be actively worked on, for someone "born" into Islaam or not.

The rest is small stuff. The more we know what our purpose is and relationship to God, the easier it will all become.

Anyhow, I hope we are all guided towards the truth and in-line with what God wants from us and remain steadfast in it, aameen.

"Has not the time come for those who believe that their hearts should be affected by God's reminder and that which has been revealed of the truth?" (Translation of the Qur'aan, Surah Hadeed/Iron 57:16)

(some quotes from the calender in front of me at work):

[i]Had we known of anything nobler than this knowledge under the whole blue sky, we woud have gone to it.[/i] - Al-Junayd

[i]My Lord, what should he who finds You ever lack? And he who lacks You ever find?[/i] - Ibn Ata'illah Al-Sakandari

[i]People are asleep, and when they die, they awaken.[/i] - 'Ali ibn Abi Talib

"Verily, the friends of Allah, no fear shall be upon them, no shall they sorrow. Those who believe and have godfearingness (taqwa): Great good tidings are theirs in this world and the next. There is no changing the word of God; that is the mighty triumph." - Translation of the Qur'aan 10:62-64.
10/17/03 at 12:09:22
sofia
Re: To convert or not to convert
UmmWafi
10/17/03 at 13:16:30
[slm] Azizah

Like Jannah, it truly saddens me to see you in obvious pain.  To be honest, I cried when I read your post and Jannah's reply, and I seldom cry (ask Barr).  I guess in so many ways, I can relate to what you are feeling.  Not the confusion part, but the struggle.  I am struggling too dear sis, struggling to conquer my nafs and be a better Muslimah.  It's not easy and every day I am reminded of how unworthy I am of Allah's Love.  Sigh...sometimes I wish that things are simple and that once Allah has Given you the sweetness of faith everything goes uphill from then.  Unfortunately, iman, for me at least, works more like tides, sometimes high and sometimes low.  Why ? I wish I knew....and it is not due to lack of attempts.

Reading your posts these past two years made me feel as if I live next door to you.  Your generous and open heart has allowed you to share unreservedly with all of us your innermost feelings and thoughts.  That is extremely brave of you and I want you to know that I respect you deeply for that. Hugz.

I wish I have a simple answer for you.  I wish I can just frame your face in my palms and tell you Islam-is-the-truth-and-nothing-but-the-truth. Embrace-Islam-now. However, faith is the business of God not the business of men.  Only He has the Power to Grant you Enlightenment.  So, as a sister, my advice to you is, tonight after you have taken the wudhu' (just try it, its a refreshing exercise) face the Qiblah and close your eyes.  Start talking to Him sis, start asking Him to Grant you Hidayah.  Ask Him to Grant you the Truth.  Who knows what answer you will find in the morning.

Do not torment yourself dear sis.  You know that you are ready to take the shahadah when your question is not to convert or not to convert.  Rather your question would be, Where do I take my Shahadah.  In the meantime, just devote yourself towards assuaging that hunger you have.  Truly, that in itself is a Blessing, the hunger to learn.

I have a revert friend who struggled somewhat too.  If you wish to exchange e-mails with him, just IM me.

Just want to let you know that regardless of your dilemma, you can be sure of one thing.  You have the love and respect from a sister who lives halfway across the world from you.  A sister who always make du'ah that Allah SWT will Bless you with the sweetness of faith.....amin.

Wassalam
10/17/03 at 13:20:49
UmmWafi
Re: To convert or not to convert
Caraj
10/17/03 at 14:10:36
Ok you guyzzzzzzzz, now you're making me cry  :'(
I have always been so very overwelmed at the love, acceptance, caring and compassion I always find here.

Jannah  :-)  and UmmWafi   :-), don't be sad, I struggle and have turmoil with this but it is not a bad thing. I mean, sometimes I get in deep thought and reflection like I was last night but not in a hurting way. Think of it this way Sisters,
When we study for an exame we struggle and strive to study and learn more right?
When athletes get ready the race, they struggle and strive to go faster and further, right?
When we are ill we struggle and strive to get better and do things to help our bodies right?
Struggle and striving for the most part is a good thing as it helps up to strive to do better. At least if we are trying, striving and struggling we are not laying dormant right?
Maybe turmoil was the wrong word. Struggle and striving are much better words to use to relate how I feel and and mix in just a pinch of fustration occationally for good measure  ;)
Don't be sad my dear friends, be glad as I am striving to be a better person and to get closer to the Almighty and be what he wants me to be.
My struggle to learn, pray and seek is a way of finding the right path and atleast I am not sitting under the tree of laziness not doing anything.
I hope this all makes sense.

To Sofia  :-)  I say    :P    ;)    ;D, we've heard of taking baby steps??? I guess I am taking premmie steps    :D  I have to feel 100% right in my inner being and heart to make a leap. Thank you for the input I found it valuable.  :-)

There is sooooo much I respect and admire about Islam and truly 100% believe in my heart should be in all beliefs/religions, but there are a few things in Christianity I feel the same about.
There IS only ONE GOD,  (deep sigh) why so many different beliefs and religions    ::)   It is all like a big puzzle and certain pieces lie with certain groups of people.
I often wonder if he ever wonders why the heck he created us at times.
I have much to do today, and yet I have much I would like to share in this post. Maybe if I share, we can discuss it and some of you can give me some insight.

When I started learning about Islam and reading the Quran I was soooo shocked, it was almost like reading the Bible (to a point) but from a different prespective. Ok, think of this, I am on the north side of the road and you are on the SW side, there is an accident and we both witness it and are talking to the police. Our stories are simular yet with a few differences. Because we saw it from different stand points. Does this make sense?

Hyper, making a spiritual choice after being ingrained with something 41 years is hard.

Nomi   ;-)   and Faisal Siddique   ;-)  , you two are awesome bro's and I thank you for your input, your kindness and wisdom I so appreciate.

I will post later this week-end where my struggles lie (if you all don't mind) and maybe anyone who wishes can give their insight and input ok? It is just I find things in Islam I truly 100% believe all people should be doing, the fasting, the prayers, the modesty and so much more and there are things in Christianity I feel 100% all people should be doing. Will give some examples later, I need to go now. But as some of the old timers can see, my views through study, learning and reflection have changed for the better. I think of myself as a puzzle at times and I am seeking all the pieces so I can become one complete picture. And I also realize I will not be complete till in the afterlife. When all is said and done and when all that has been spoken of times to come have come.   ;)

Jannah, The Almighty I truly truly believe 100% uses us to help each other grow. I do not believe in chance, I believe everything happens for a reason. Never worry what you meant and did not mean for this web site Dear Sister, as you yourself and others have said.......Allah Knows Best  ;)
This site has helped me learn and to be more tollerant and to be a better person. It is a tool he will use for his honor, glory and will.
Re: To convert or not to convert
humble_muslim
10/17/03 at 14:48:24
AA

A request for everyone...

When you read this thread, make this dua :

Allahummah deenaa wah sa did naa

"Oh Allah, Guide us and keep us guided"

and then mention Azizah specifically by name as being included in the "use".

And try to say this dua after every salat for Aziaah
NS
Re: To convert or not to convert
Kathy
10/18/03 at 07:24:13
[slm]

Cara, like you I agonized over it all for a long time.

Until one day. I had always been a religious person, always believed in there being one God.

The day I was convinced that Jesus (as) was not God, I could no longer call myself a Christian.

I did not want to be a idiol worshipper or to worship someone other than God.

A man looked at me and said you now have the knowledge you will be held accountable for it.

He was so right. I decided I loved God more than anything else and my family, society and life were going to be my test. I was willing to give up these things for my God, to be a believer.

So I became Muslim and then struggled to become a Muslim. It has made all the difference and Insha Allah, I will die a believer.

You never know when death will come... it is time Cara.

Re: To convert or not to convert
onemuslimgirl
10/18/03 at 10:07:22
asalaam alakum,
I think anything that can be said has been said *smile*.... You have the truth in your heart alhamdullah and you already believe in Allah (swt). InshAllah I hope you revert to Islam *smile*. w'salaam.
Re: To convert or not to convert
lucid9
10/18/03 at 10:29:15
[quote author=azizah link=board=madrasa;num=1066361114;start=0#7 date=10/17/03 at 14:10:36]Hyper, making a spiritual choice after being ingrained with something 41 years is hard. [/quote]

Forgive me for being my usual idiotic self....but maybe you are thinking about things too much....making things too hard for yourself.   Becoming muslim is not such a big deal.  After all, the word muslim just means someone submitting to God.  And at the core --- that's what alot people wanna do, but they strangle themselves with the stigma of "changing religions."   You don't have to be very public about "changing religions" so that stigma shouldn't exist.  You can go about for years without anybody knowing you're muslim.

If I were a non-muslim, i'd maximize the number of things i believed in subject to it jiving with my common sense.  I'd be buddhist, christian, jewish, muslim, heck i'd be virtually everything -- simply to cover all the bases.  You might think that that is a cheap attitude -- but that is in fact what a muslim is.  Real muslims are more buddhist than buddhists, more christian than christians, more jewish than jews, etc..  This is because we believe in virtually every core attribute of all other faiths, and then we attempt to back it up with discipline and action.   For example nowadays you have reformist jews who will do lots of things which are shocking -- i.e. they still have the faith but have lost the practice.  We got the faith [i] and [/i] we got the practice!  

Anyhow sorry about the lecturing, but the only thing maybe you  should worry about is whether you believe Jesus is God.  I started a thread specifically on that topic in the al-manar folder which nobody replied to.  

Anyhow you still might be thinking i'm talking tosh (british word) that's its not soooo hard.  All i can say is that my roommate from college wanted to become muslim only after like 2 weeks of living with me.  I had talked to him about islam only once for about 30 minutes, and it make sense to him -- and so he wanted to accept islam.  It wasn't such a big deal for him, it was no sweat.  It made sense sense to him -- "so lets do it!" he said.   And so we did, and that was that!

In islamic history we have many examples of people of exceptional character on the verge of becoming muslim for ages and then suddenly dying -- and thus dying while rejecting one of God's chosen emmissaries.  The uncle of the Prophet Abu Talib is the most celebrated (or not so celebrated) example.  In his heart he was muslim, but he stressed himself out so much about accepting islam...and freaked himself out at the thought of changing religions....that he never accepted islam and died as an idolator.  

My point is, its better to do something like this sooner rather than later.  You might die at any time.  And if you find that you really don't want to be a muslim later, you can just leave islam just as easy as you entered it.  Nobody will notice, and it will hardly be a big deal.

I am sorry if i appear to be using pressure tactics.  I'm trying not to.  I'm just speaking freely and frankly like you were my trusting pal!  That's all!

Anyhow, best wishes and btw: you know what?  I used to live in seattle and was a senate page in olympia for a week a long time ago! Pretty place, but gosh! there ain't nothing around there for miles and miles!!

Anyhow sorry for being a butthead as usual.  My mom and dad are visiting tommorrow insha Allah, and i'll get my usual parental thrashing when i meet them (for the N number of idiotic things i have done since last meeting them, where N is very large!)
10/23/03 at 04:43:13
lucid9
Re: To convert or not to convert
Maliha
10/18/03 at 11:04:23
[slm]
May Allah ease your heart into surrendering to His Will...He lead you to this point for a purpose, and the seeds of faith in the fertile lands of your heart are blossoming ever so slowly...go ahead, water them, nurture the deepest depths to flourish into Divine Gardens, with everflowing streams, and breezes of His Mercy circling all around ending with a phrase of praise on your lips "Alhamdullillah". You are indeed fortunate for Allah guides the most blessed into the folds of His Divine embrace.
Take the first step, we are all making duahs for you.

Sis in ze struggle. :-)
[wlm]

Re: To convert or not to convert
chiq
10/18/03 at 13:12:36
[slm]

Fear and grief are as natural as a wellspring of mercy, yet their surfeit is the encumbrance of the sincere man. As long as he allows himself to dwell in their grey cloud, he only experiences a dimming of light, a muffling of his heart’s cry and Ar Rahman’s swift answers, a half-life of tentative steps, each one harder than the next. How great a staircase he has created for himself!

You’re absolutely right Cara – after all the premmie steps, you need to make a leap. And with certainty! Yet...my love, I wish I could tear out this wonderful gauze of comfort from my heart and offer it you without the need for paltry words – Allah is not deaf or blind, as soon as you turn to Him - Allah as He has named Himself and no other, just as you would call a friend by his or her own name - He [i]carries[/i] you through that leap on the wings of His mercy. That leap is the lifting of a debilitating veil, and the feeling it will give you will be like no other you ever have in your life. After that, all your steps will be leaps, from light to dark and back again, until you enter the final and best Abode where you will have no more need to fear, or grieve.

Sis you are truly amazing, and if anyone should be Muslim, it should be you :) You have travelled so far alone for these hoards of silver you hold in your kindly hands...

...won’t you take up the gold lying in your lap, and so enter an Ummah which is blessed, and eternal protection from the One whose fostering care never ends?

[quote]Forgive me for being my usual idiotic self....but maybe you are thinking about things too much....making things too hard for yourself.   [/quote]

True of many of us  ;) My most intelligent behaviour has occured when I worked through the noisy layers that my mind wove, and heard the Truth in the still centre of my heart.

Love, duas and hugs,

Me  :-)
10/18/03 at 13:19:33
chiq
Re: To convert or not to convert
Stephanie
10/18/03 at 13:52:48
Hello Azizah

I just started posting here as I took my shahadda yesterday.( You probably saw my previous post).  I think my struggle to become a muslim was very similar to yours.  I was very afraid. but I loved Islam so much that it was like torture to stay away from it.
Like you, I began to think very Islamically before I actually converted.  I stopped talking to men almost completely, always sure to lower my gaze.  I began to feel uncomfortable around the other American girls with the way the dress so provocatively, showing alot of skin, etc.  Actually it makes me sad to see a women so completely wrapped up in her own beauty and vanity.  I started to dress in loose clothing. I started wearing scarves to class(I'm in college), the kind that don't fully cover your hair and just kind of wrap around your neck.  I actually purchased them at JC penny!! Apparently girls like to wear them over their shoulders or even around their waist.  You can put an underscarve beneath them and they work perfectly.  I've seen them on Islamic clothing websites called mitfeh's or shayla's.  Anyway, I started wearing a light cover.  I told a couple of girls in my classes that I had to start fasting soon for my religion.  When they asked what religion was that I said I am a Muslim.  As simple as that.  One girl tried to argue with me why she didn't "approve" of Islam, but the next class she was really nice to me and started asking me all of these questions about Islam.
After this I felt like such a fake and even more alienated since i wasn't really a muslim but I really did feel like I was on the inside.  It was about a week later that a went to the local masjid and made it official.  I wouldn't say this was the correct path to take or recommend it  to anyone, this is just how it happend for me.
There came a point for me that I realized this love for Islam was not going to go away, so why not release myself and convert.  It was hard to give up the remnants of Christianity, but in truth Islam(to my surprise) was much closer to what I believed even when I was a practicing Christian.  After all, we're not leaving Jesus by becoming Muslim, only giving Allah and his prophets their proper due.  Does that make sense?
 Yesterday was such a powerful and beautiful experience for me.  Today I feel like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders, yet I still basically feel like the same person, I haven't lost myself, I've only become stronger.
Of course, I can't make the decision for you, but I really see you on the path to becoming a Muslim.  I don't know you, but obviously Islam has struck a chord deep within your heart.  If you make the choice to convert, I believe that the pain you are feeling will be resolved and the rest will fall into place.  At least it did for me.
  Out of curiosity, what does your husband think of all of this?  Also do you know any Muslims you might confide in?  Maybe you could visit a local masjid and get to know some people.  The sisters are the greatest warmest kindest most wonderful people you'll meet anywhere period!!
Feel free to e-mail me if you wish, I'd love to share more with you.  Allahu akbar!!

much love
Stephanie

Re: To convert or not to convert
Ameeraana
10/18/03 at 19:49:01
[quote]sometimes people say if you are not Muslim Allah will not hear prayers or accept good deeds, well if he is all merciful and forgiving and such, in my heart I can't even fathom the Almighty turning a deaf ear.
[/quote]

 Allah knows who is and is not a Muslim.  You are sincere in your search for the truth and Allah sees all.

 It took me 4 and a half years of learning on and off about Islam before I reverted... but ya know what?  I was a Muslim long before I took shahada, I just didn't know it then.

Ameera
Re: To convert or not to convert
sis
10/18/03 at 20:46:50
alsalamu alaykum wa rhmatulllahi wa barakatuhu:)

Subhan Allah, i don't post much on the board, but i come across many of your posts azizah....and i pray that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala makes Iman (faith) dear to you and adorns it in your heart

and i gotta agree with you, the brs and srs's on this board have an amazing effect on people ( i don't mean to say this to make any of you uncomfortable)...masha'Allah...may Allah ta'ala increase you all in good and make you of those who are near to Him ta'ala in the next life.

Subhan Allah...all this talk about how sincere you are is amazing and so beautiful ....today i heard a brother speaking about the phrase 'la ilaha il Allah' (the is no deity worthy of worship except Allah) and how it is known as 'kalimat al-Ikhlaas' or 'the word of sincerity' ...i don't have access to my notes right now....but try and reflect upon it ....it is something so deep..he even alluded to the fact that when you say 'la ilaha il Allah' you don't even move your lips..you can say it without anyone even knowing you have said it...that phrase is surrounded by sincerity

as others have given you advice to ask Allah ta'ala for guidance, i encourage you as well...and try using this dua':

'Allahumma arina alhaqqa haqqan warzuqna itiba'a, wa arina albatila batilan warzuqna ijtinabah'

which means (rough translation):

'Oh Allah, show us the truth, as truth and make us of those who follow it and show us falsehood as falsehood and prevent us from following it'

those are just my comments, i pray there is some benefit in them for you

please forgive me for kinda budding in, i'm pretty much a stranger to you....i hope you only increase in that which brings you closer to Allah ta'ala

wa alaykum alsalam wa rhmatullahi wa barakatuhu:)
10/18/03 at 20:48:48
sis
Re: To convert or not to convert
timbuktu
10/18/03 at 22:54:27
[slm] i wasn't going to respond now because those who have reverted from Christianity would better understand the dilemma sis azizah faces, & perhaps i should wait as she is going to tell us what precisely is her dilemma, but i caught this today, & perhaps needs clarification:

[quote]sometimes people say if you are not Muslim Allah will not hear prayers or accept good deeds, well if he is all merciful and forgiving and such, in my heart I can't even fathom the Almighty turning a deaf ear.[/quote]

sis, Allah (swt) does hear & grants prayers from everyone, but indeed on the Day of Judgement, the good deeds of a non-muslim will not weigh anything.
10/18/03 at 22:57:10
timbuktu
Re: To convert or not to convert
ascetic
10/20/03 at 04:10:09
[slm]
I came across the following quote from Wilfried Hofman, a German diplomat who converted to Islam in 1980. You might already have read this. The sincerity in his articulate speech is simply beautiful. I thought maybe this will help you in your journey to Islam:

"For some time now, striving for more and more precision and brevity, I have tried to put on paper in a systematic way, all philosophical truths, which, in my view, can be ascertained beyond reasonable doubt. In the course of this effort it dawned upon me that the typical attitue of an agnostic is not an intelligent one; that man simply cannot escape a decision to believe; that the createdness of what exists around us is obvious; that Islaam undoubtedly finds itself in the greatest harmony with overall reality. Thus I realize, not without shock, that step by step, in spite of myself and almost unconsciously, in feeling and thinkng I have grown into a Muslim. Only one last step remained to be taken : to formalize my conversion.

As of today I am a Muslim. I have arrived. "
[wlm]
10/20/03 at 04:13:31
ascetic
Re: To convert or not to convert
sajda
10/20/03 at 07:03:42
Dear Azizah,
All truth, light, mercy, and guidance come from Allah. My best advice to you is to tell you to wait until the middle of the night when all around you is quiet. Then ask God to make the decision for you. Give up in humility and leave the decision to God. Ask Allah to give you certainty if Islam is the truth. If you put your faith and trust in Him completely , He will guide you to your decision. No one finds the path without His help, mercy, and guidance.
 Every human being comes into this world as a Muslim submitting to God. Every human being will leave this life still submitting to God whether by choice or not. You were born Muslim & all you need do is let yourself remember that. It is somewhere alive in your memory even if you do not realize it. No human can put guidance and truth in your heart, only Allah can. So, my advice to you is just to pray and ask Him to lead you. Sometimes you just have to give up and hand it to God. If Allah has chosen Islam as your religion you won't be able to do anything to escape it :)
Re: To convert or not to convert
eleanor
10/22/03 at 09:05:25
[slm]

Dear Sis - Azizah  :)

I was visiting a Muslim family probably around 1997/1998. I was sitting in the kitchen with the wife because she was cooking. Anyway, she asked me if I was Muslim. I think I must have hesitated a bit and then said "no.. not really" or "not yet" or something like that. She looked at me with great compassion and said "But you are Muslim in your heart, yes?". And I said "yes". She just knew, and I knew.

I finally realised  :-[  in 2001, shortly after signing up to this board that I had been Muslim for a long time. I suppose I was just afraid to admit it becuase that would mean a life long committment. So for me it is always hard to put a date on how long I am Muslim. I generally take the point of realisation as my conversion.

Like Kathy said, you just reach a point where you cannot deny the truth of Islam. And you are responsible before Allah for that. That means that on the Day of Judgement, Allah will ask us why we didn't accept Islam, if we knew all about it and believed in its truth. We will be held accountable. Harsh as it seems.

I liked how you said your feelings on polygny have changed. That happened to me too. It's a big red flag if you ask me.

Cara, I think you need to just hold your nose and jump in. You'll find the water is beautiful  ;D
Re: To convert or not to convert
IMuslim_4Ever
10/22/03 at 14:53:34
[slm]

Dear sister, May Allah make this struggle easier for you and May He Guide you all the way so that you can put your first step on the right Road (Islam).  
I would think all this like… for example, all of us were born in the state of Fitrah, rt?
Well… then we were raise differently which end up shaping how we walk each paths of life... we each do that differently… thus we all can't be always on the right one… but one day when walking the walk we just step back and ask ourselves, hey… do I know what I am doing? Where is this path going to take me?  Will I like that place?  Or should I take a different path and see how it’s going to affect me?  
And the Almighty God helps us to make the right decision if we are willing to discover the Correct Path...

hope i make sense...

Dear sis, May Allah help you to chose that path… which ever it would be, you are still a great person… always giving good advice and Mashallah very caring… I just wish I knew you as a relative… or at least I wish I had seen you…

“Allahummah deenaa wah sa did naa”  a very good duaa mashaalllah…
take care of yourself  :)

ma salaama
Re: To convert or not to convert
Leslie
11/03/03 at 11:47:53
Hi Cara,

It took me a long time to convert (about 4 years); I kept saying that I wasn't ready.  My instinct was to keep claiming that I might convert if only I learned just one more thing about Islam.  Finally, someone just asked me if I believed that there was no god but God ("Yes", came my reply.), and if I believed that Muhammad was the prophet of God.  (also "Yes").  She then told me not to worry about the rest, if I could truthfully answer "Yes" to those two questions, I was already Muslim.  I could work on the details later.  And she was right.  I said my shahada right then, and I have never regretted it.

The hardest thing for me to do was to realise that I didn't need to know everything about Islam before I converted.  The shahadatain ("two testimonies") are about what we believe, not about whether we cover our hair, can pray perfectly, know the intricacies of fiqh, etc.  If you can say truthfully that you believe that there is only one, indivisible God, and that Muhammad was his prophet, you really should say "Ashaddu alla illaha illa allah; ashaddu anna muhammad ur-rasul ul-lah."  The rest is just details.

I hope this helped.

Leslie   :)
Re: To convert or not to convert
timbuktu
11/04/03 at 01:20:37
[quote author=Leslie link=board=lighthouse;num=1066838263;start=15#22 date=11/03/03 at 11:47:53] ........... if I believed that there was no god but God ("Yes", came my reply.), and if I believed that Muhammad was the prophet of God.  (also "Yes)[/quote]

this is the essense of Islam. The details indeed come later, & the process of learning & improving never stops. I would add "last" before the "prophet", because although it is not said, it is implied.
Re: To convert or not to convert
uksara
11/25/03 at 21:42:04
Hey, I was really interestd in what you had written.  I am a non-muslim and you are right by one thing..the more you learn about islam the more hungry you are to know more.  I cant get enuff knowledge of islam, when you learn more about it...do you feel fulfilled inside kind of feeling???? When im not reading it i feel empty inside. Im reading the english translation of the Qu'ran on this website.....give it a go. Any comments to this and my other posting would be grately appreciated.  
Re: To convert or not to convert
Serena
11/27/03 at 00:33:58
Assalamu alaikum Azizah,

I pray you are doing well by the Grace of Allah (swt) :)

Even though I have been a member of this board since 1999, I don’t post that much. I still come around once in a while to read posts and I must say that I admire you. One of your recent posts has compelled me to respond to you.

I converted to Islam back in 2000. I admit that I hardly knew anything about this great religion before I came to it. I had so many reservations…My family – how would they respond? Would it change who I am? Hijab – What would people think? And segregation – being around boys/men all my life this was a total adjustment because I felt so “comfortable” around them/talking to them.

As far as hijab goes – I became a hijabi days *before* I even converted. That’s not the norm for most women. To me it just felt right. I felt…well, beautiful. (Not in the cosmetic sense)

I knew that there was still so much to learn. At first I wanted to learn *everything*, lol. Then I realized that Islam contains such a vast ocean of knowledge. I tried taking one step at a time but there was always something pulling me in the other direction. Finally, I just decided that the best thing was to jump in with both feet and lay my fate in Allah (swt) hands.

One night, while lying in bed, I was so stressed out from a crazy day and I just sat there reading the Quran. I don’t remember the exact verse but I was reading and “talking” to Allah (swt) at the same time. I asked for guidance. I cried. I felt this huge release (peace) rush over me. And I knew I couldn’t wait any longer. I said the Shahada that night within me, and the next day at the masjid.

My road since converting has been a constant struggle, even today, almost 4 years later. I still don’t have all the answers that I wanted in the beginning, but I am at peace. I am a Muslimah. :)

After I converted, I lost my family. They rejected me because of their own distorted opinion of Islam. My mom, my sisters, my uncles, everyone. :( It was my biggest fear come true. I was still so weak in my iman that I could have walked away and not thought twice about it, astaghfirullah. But I didn’t. Instead I had faith and I turned to the one person I could depend on…My Creator.  I asked him night and day for my family back, to guide them to Islam.
Subhan’Allah, eventually my prayers were answered. I became very ill. I almost died. I couldn’t walk. One of my sisters came to me while I was in the hospital and we reconciled. She told me how much she admired me for my faith. Alhamdulillah, within a couple of weeks she converted to Islam, right here on the Madina. :)

We became so close again, almost inseparable…until Allah (swt) took her life a few months later. I was devastated. :( The only thing that kept me going though was the fact that she was in His (awj) hands. That she had submitted before her death. That was comforting.

Sis Azizah, I am telling you this because life is so short. I buried my sister a couple years ago. And at 31, I just buried my husband 2 weeks ago :( :( at the age of 34. He became ill and Allah (swt) took him within 3 days.

We never know when our time is up. Don’t wait until tomorrow, please. Jump in with both feet and let the leaves fall where they may.

Find a strong, *knowledgable* person to sit with and help you through the process you are going through. Create a circle of close friends you can trust and count on no matter what.

Tonight, before you go to bed…pray, pray, and pray again. Seek His (awj) guidance. Open your heart, cry and let the truth in….you are so close.

And when you do, just remember that you are not losing anything. In fact, you are gaining billions of new brothers and sisters…what more could you ask for? :)

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Serena


11/27/03 at 00:37:21
Serena
Re: To convert or not to convert
UmmWafi
11/27/03 at 11:28:45
[slm] Sis Serena

Innalillahi wainna illahi raajiuun.

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss...may Allah SWT accept your late husband and place him amongst those He Loves, Amin.

Big hugs for you...may you be granted strength and faith in these difficult times.

Wassalam.
Re: To convert or not to convert
amatullah
11/27/03 at 14:20:43
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'oon. Verily we belong to Allah and to Him we shall all be return.
I ask Allah to give you the strength and patience sister serena.
I agree with your view. I was watching a show called journeys to Islam and it is the stories of many people who reverted to Islam and the one youth really moved me. He had some background knowledge but not much. But when he went to get a Quran from the Masjid, he ended up sitting and talking with someone for a couple of hours and the guy just asked him if you know this much and you believe this much then you are almost a muslim you need to do the shahada if you believe. And told him to think about it. The guy left he office in the masjid and went to the Musalla (prayer area) he said it was so plain and undecorated he knew this was a place for true worship, with nothing to distract. He sat for along time waiting for a sign whether he should do it or not. ( he is quite funny as he explained what he was expecting) but nothing happened. And he had to use his own logic and judgement.

He said, one thought kept going through his head. If he left he masjid right now without doing the shahada and a car hit him, then he will die having rejected the true religion that God wants us all to embrace to win both worlds. He would have died knowing yet delaying his embracing the Truth. So he went ahead and did his shahada that day.
We ask Allah to help him remain steadfast.
Re: To convert or not to convert
humble_muslim
12/01/03 at 12:07:49
AA

Sister Serena,

I am very sorry about your tragic loss. Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rajioon.  May Allah grant your husband Jannat Al Firdaus, Ameen.

I think that we board members can learn a lot from Serena.  She is a modern day Ayub (Job). For those who don't know, Serena has suffered A LOT since becoming muslim - she has mentioned other serious difficulties she has run into in previous posts.  Her patience thru all of this just amazes me.  If just ONE of the things that has happened to her over the last couple of years happened to most people, they would be tempted to leave Islam.  Yet in her posts, I have never heard of any complaints, just patience. Suhbhanallah.  The reward of patience is unlimited : may Allah reward you abundantly for your patience Serena, in this world and the hereafter, Ameen, Ameen, Ameen.  You are more deserving of Jannah than anyone else I know.
NS
Re: To convert or not to convert
timbuktu
12/02/03 at 09:46:23
[slm]
inna lillahi wa inna ilehi ra`ajioon

may Allah (swt) amply reward sister Serena & others who bear their losses with dignity,

it indeed is amazing, & there are lessons for us in her life,

may Allah give us faith in HIM, that whatever happens is for the good of a mumin.

aameen
Re: To convert or not to convert
Matheerah
12/26/03 at 17:52:58
[quote author=azizah link=board=lighthouse;num=1066838263;start=0#0 date=10/17/03 at 00:25:14]I come to you all tonight cause my heart and mind are in a deep struggle and turmoil. I have talked to you all about this on a few occations over the last two years. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just a slow poke  ::)
One moment I wish to remain a Christain and the next I want to embrace Islam.

So why have I not accepted Islam? Engrained Christianity all my life??? Unacceptance from my family??? Afraid I may make the wrong choice???

My heart is heavy and then when sometimes people say if you are not Muslim Allah will not hear prayers or accept good deeds, well if he is all merciful and forgiving and such, in my heart I can't even fathom the Almighty turning a deaf ear.

The more I learn the more hungry I am. Has anyone who was not born Muslim ever struggle with simular feelings? Any words of wisdom and advice.

My thoughts and feeling on men having more than one wife has changed  :o   and I find that so weird.
Thank you all for letting me share my thoughts with you tonight.
I am so appreciative and thankful to Allah for my Medina family.
I don't think Jannah realized what she was doing when this whole thing got started. The people whose hearts, souls and minds would be touched and the people who would be helped. The people who would learn.[/quote]

Azizah looking at your situation my hear goes out for you, Allah make it easy for you, remember many a people get a rear chance like you, when Allah intends one for good, he give the person guidence towards knowlage and relisation towards the truth.
many people have gone through what you have, yet whether you believe in Allah or you may beleive in another god Allah listens to all suplications. may it be a beleiver or not, in that case today if Allah woulndt have cared for the non-beleivers he wouldn't even give them any luxury or nurishment.

Like the story of one idol worshipper, every day he used sit bowing infront of the idol and say "sannam!! sannam!!" (O idol!! O idol !!), and one day while saying this he by mistake said "sammad" (O everlasting) (one of the 99 name of Allah) and Allah talaa forgave all his sins.

I advise you sister, take your time in accepting islam, not until all your doubts are cleared and your heart is fully ready to accept islam, then accept it.

And like the brother said read this dua:

[quote]
Allahummah deenaa wah sa did naa

"Oh Allah, Guide us and keep us guided"[/qoute]

May Allah be with you always :), if any tme you need help you can always add me to your list or email me ;)

[slm]
Qurrah!!



Re: To convert or not to convert
Serena
01/03/04 at 21:44:51
Sisters UmmWafi and Amatullah, Brothers HumbleMuslim and Timbuktu,

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers. I truly appreciate them.

Please forgive me for the delay in responding but I am loaded down with responsibilities at this moment.

Brother HumbleMuslim, I am truly undeserving of such kind words. I have done my fair share of complaining. I only do it at night to He (awj) who hears all things. Despite all of the sadness that has been willed upon me, I am still blessed abundantly by Him(awj).

Serena


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