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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Trust in people? |
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| lala |
| 11/03/03 at 12:33:48 |
| [slm] [] Quick question: How does someone start trusting another person again?? For instance trust was lost a time back with me and this friend of mine. I started to have faith in this friend again until recently this person screwed up once more. I'm trying really hard this ramadan to look past all this but how do I start to be forgiving and move on and begin to trust this friend once more.? Any duas? advice? anything?? side note: this friend has been remorseful but how do i know these actions etc wont be repeated?? is an assurance enough? Ok thats all! thanks in advance [wlm] |
| Re: Trust in people? |
| timbuktu |
| 11/03/03 at 13:07:35 |
| [slm] once bitten, twice shy! trust lost twice. you keep the friendship but be careful. there are duas, i am sure. i will need to rake up my memory or delve into books. Basically of protection (including harmful effects of a broken trust), there is one for bad neighbors (could by extension be for friends). & you can make one up for yourself. put Hamd (sana) first, then durood, then your dua, durood again & aameen at end. simple: is it? |
| Re: Trust in people? |
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| Caraj |
| 11/03/03 at 14:36:51 |
| Is assurance enough? hmmmmm, were you reassured last time? Wow, what a situation to be in. I hope this friend realizes how lucky they are you are even willing to continue being their friend. My response is from the heart and prior experience. Hope it does not sound to harsh. If you have a very blunt and open friendship with this friend I would go to them holding nothing back. You can say something to the effect you forgive them and appreciate their remorse however if THEY value the friendship they will have to put in a full effort of earning your trust. Allowing them the consequences of their actions is the best thing a true friend can do. Take the burden (that in my opinion is not yours to bare) off your shoulders or HOW DO I TRUST THEM AGAIN? and them the burden that in my opinion is rightfully theirs, it is them who should be saying HOW DO I EARN THIS PERSONS TRUST AGAIN? Once is a mistake, twice or more is a character flaw (which I have made my share of multible mistakes I am no angel) Here is a way to look at it RESPONSABILITY LIST Friendship.......join responsability Repentance.......Theirs Forgiveness.......Yours Earning Trust.....Theirs Hope this helps you feel a little less burdened and less feeling like it is your job to extend trust over and over again. Follow your heart. Some need to be trusted again if the betrail was unintentional, in intentional matters use caution and let them earn it back. |
| 11/03/03 at 14:38:53 |
| Caraj |
| Re: Trust in people? |
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| lucid9 |
| 11/03/03 at 15:36:38 |
| [slm] you don't have to totally trust anybody to love them and cherish them as a treasured friend. in some sense i trust everybody, and in another i don't trust anybody. i try to be self reliant enough so that i don't have to trust anybody besides my immediate family for the most important things. trusting too much is a prescription for getting hurt. not trusting at all is a prescription for making your self a neurotic mess. as someone once said: "it's not that i don't trust YOU, it's the devil inside who i don't trust" |
| Re: Trust in people? |
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| Ameeraana |
| 11/03/03 at 17:16:27 |
| [slm] I don't know exactly what this friend of yours did that was messed up. But since you know your friend has this tendency, then all you can do is still be there friend all the while not depending on them for anything that they may have had a tendency to mess up, and/or not supporting them in certain aspects of their lives. Again, I don't know what exactly is the situation is between you and your friend, but as for an example of staying by their side while not supporting something... my sister who was an alcoholic once called crying begging me for money so she could by alcohol because she said she was starting AA "tomorrow". I told her I cannot support her alcoholism. Ameera |
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