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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Marriage contract |
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| Shahida |
| 11/04/03 at 06:29:51 |
| [slm] all...:) I know we have discussed this before, yeah yeah, but I thought since so many sisters are getting married in the near (and very-near) future, you guys could share some of your ideas with the rest of us. Alf Mabrook to all (ghetto-hijabi the newest one, sis, wish you all the best, inshaAllah). Salam Shahida :-) |
| Re: Marriage contract |
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| BroHanif |
| 11/05/03 at 18:41:21 |
| Salaams So when you getting married Doc? *smile* Salaams Hanif |
| NS |
| Re: Marriage contract |
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| Shahida |
| 11/10/03 at 01:40:24 |
| [slm] BroHanif ;-) Allahu a3lam, inshaAllah, when Allah feels it is the best time for me. We're actually very excited, my sister has received a very good proposal, so inshaAllah, she will be getting married real soon:) Alhamdulillah. Wasalam Shahida :-) |
| Re: Marriage contract |
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| Shahida |
| 11/19/03 at 03:46:14 |
| [slm] sistas! You guys should not be so shy! But thanks for the IM's and the ideas. I thought I would put them up here so others can get a look at them as well. About the Mahr Many sisters have stipulated a Mahr that would be given in 2 parts: the first part (muqaddam) is given at marriage, the second part (mu'akhar) is given upon separation, la sama7 Allah. This makes lots of sense to me, cuz the mu'akhar will be there in full should anything happen, to help you through that time. If on the other hand, you're a camel girl (not the cigarettes, hehe ;)) that just depends on the family, 150 is a good number of camels :-* Family visits This is something that is especially important to those sisters who will be moving away from their home towns/states/countries. My one friend, knowing her husband could afford it, asked that he send her home once a year so she could see her parents. You'd think that men could think for themselves that this would be important to their wives, but it is not always the case, so I think she was pretty smart to have that stipulated in the contract. Eids and other occasions A friend of mine is studying here but her parents live where sis Bismilla lives, about 600km away. She met a guy here, and decided to get married. Next week's Eid al Fitr is the first Eid they will spend together. She desperately wants to see her family, as they are very close, but he refuses to spend Eid away from his family. A practical solution would have been to say from the outset that Eid al Fitr with his family and Eid al Adha with hers. It would have lessened the stress and they would not have fought about it. Maybe something to put down in writing at the start of marriage? I think it's a good idea... Living arrangements We *all* know the rights of the wife, right? Well, no it's just not that simple. One sis actually *had* to put into her contract that she would have separate living quarters, even if they *had* to live with his parents and siblings. This is not something waaaayyy impossible to ask, and it is very important for the health of the husband-wife relationship that she has space of her own, where she can relax and have privacy. I know of girls who have moved into their in-laws homes, and have the mother and sister-in-laws going through their drawers and cupboards while they were away. Obviously I also know about those who are happy and thriving in the home, without any problems. Depends on the family I suppose. If you're marrying a complete stranger, maybe this is something to think about since you dont know his family and their habits. Education If you are studying or would like to continue your studies at some time in the future, have him sign that he would not only allow you to do so, inshaAllah, but that he would *support* you as well. Arbitration Knowing that her husband came from a home where problems were buried and allowed to fester uncontrollably, one sister stipulated that should problems arise in their marriage, that they would go and speak to an objective, knowledgable 3rd person, not directly connected, but with enough knowledge about the 2 of them, to help them sort things out. So no family or very close friends of only 1 of the them. They agreed on the local Imam, who knew both of them fairly well. Alhamdulillah, they have not yet had need to visit him for those reasons. ok, leaving all the 2nd wife issues aside...thats what we have so far. Keep em ideas coming... Salam Shahida :-) |
| 11/19/03 at 03:50:03 |
| Shahida |
| Re: Marriage contract |
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| Zara |
| 11/19/03 at 06:48:02 |
| :D how about a pre-nuptial like, you can't have wife number 2 until 10 years after the 1st marriage ??? Is this clause allowed islamically ? also - guess what :-X My year 13 class (thats the 17-18 yr olds) asked me if i was married and how I feel about my future husband having the option of four wives.... LOL kids what are they like ? Do you want to know what I said ??? [slm] Zara |
| 11/19/03 at 06:48:59 |
| Zara |
| Re: Marriage contract |
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| Kathy |
| 11/19/03 at 08:07:39 |
| [slm] how about a pre-nuptial like, you can't have wife number 2 until 10 years after the 1st marriage Is this clause allowed islamically ? "Islamically" a man can marry another woman at any time. However the wife is allowed to add stuff to the contract..but it doesn't mean he has to or will, accept the additions. |
| Re: Marriage contract |
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| Halima |
| 11/19/03 at 23:41:40 |
| He still has to consult with his first wife and get her consent to marry a second one! |
| Re: Marriage contract |
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| Kathy |
| 11/20/03 at 08:05:22 |
| [quote author=Halima link=board=sis;num=1067941792;start=0#6 date=11/19/03 at 23:41:40]He still has to consult with his first wife and get her consent to marry a second one! [/quote] [slm] Halima, I do not believe this is correct. What kind of daleel do you have to support this statement? |
| Re: Marriage contract |
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| Danyala |
| 11/20/03 at 17:33:54 |
| [slm] I dont have any daleel sis Kathy, but surely the man's consent to signing the nikah document stating that her permission is necessary is binding contract enough??? Otherwise what would be the point of the contract if nothing was adhered to ??? wasalams |
| Re: Marriage contract |
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| Ayla_A |
| 11/20/03 at 18:15:25 |
| [slm] I believe that it is not required that the 1st or current wife be asked for permission or asked at all, but if a husband knows what is best for his family and relationships he will talk to her about it before hand. I believe that you can put the "right of divorce in case of taking a 2nd wife" in a marriage contract, but not that the husband cannot take a second wife, because if you say that he cannot take a 2nd wife, you are essentially saying that he cannot follow Allah's commandments. You are putting your "laws" above Allah's. Some fatwa on it [url=http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=5983&dgn=4]A wife refusing her husband a co-wife [/url] This is a very touchy subject and it is one that needs to be discussed before marriage. Though I would never personally put that I would divorce if my husband took a 2nd wife, because we do not know how our life situations would change, and though I don't think I could ever handle a 2nd wife situation. [wlm] Ayla_A :-) |
| Re: Marriage contract |
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| timbuktu |
| 11/20/03 at 20:11:47 |
| [slm] "muakhkhar" mahr does not have to be paid at separation. the word simply means "later", but it could be stipulated to be effective at separation. i was wondering: does anyone know if marriage contracts can be revised later in married life? |
| 11/20/03 at 20:15:09 |
| timbuktu |
| Re: Marriage contract |
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| sisterhood |
| 11/21/03 at 09:17:42 |
| [slm] Wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu I just thought :-[ I would post these Fatawaa here for you all to read Fee aman Allah, Amena :-) Question : My question is if you would help me to know the Hadith or the point of view from the Islamic law on the following situation. If a woman is married to a man and that this man is also married to another woman without her, the last, knows about this marriage. No need to say that this is a difficult and very exceptional situation but seems the best concerning the circumstances? Answer : Praise be to Allaah. The wife’s approval is not a condition for plural marriage, and it is not obligatory for the husband to have the approval of his first wife if he wants to marry a second wife. But it is good manners and kind treatment to approach the issue in such a way as to reduce the pain which women naturally feel in such cases, by smiling at her, greeting her warmly, speaking nicely to her and spending money on her according to his means, in order to gain her approval. Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/204. If a husband takes a second wife, he has to treat his wives equally as far as possible. If he does not treat them equally then he is exposing himself to a stern warning, for it was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has two wives and inclines more towards one of them than the other, will come on the Day of Resurrection with half of his body leaning.” (narrated by al-Nisaa’i, ‘Ushrat al-Nisaa’, 3881; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Nasaa’i, no. 3682). When Allaah permitted us to marry more than one woman, He said (interpretation of the meaning): “but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice”[al-Nisaa’ 4:3] So Allaah commands that a man should restrict himself to one wife, if he knows that he cannot be just. And Allaah is the source of strength. See Fataawa Manaar al-Islam, 2/570. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) Question : Polygamy...I understand what Allah (swt)has said regarding this subject in as much as the economic and importance of the family structure however where in the Quaran does it address the distressed feelings of a woman when her husband decides to take another wife, and how these two should live in harmony under one roof? Answer : Praise be to Allaah. The first wife’s distress when her husband marries another wife is to be expected, and Allaah has set out rules and regulations to reduce these feelings or remove them altogether, by enjoining justice, patience in the face of adversity, and so on. Whatever the case, the fact that these feelings of distress and the dislike of polygamy exist does not justify condemnation of polygamy. Islam came to serve and increase people’s best interests, and to reduce harmful things and render them ineffective. There is no doubt that polygamy, when practised properly in accordance with Islam, achieves many things that are in people’s best interests (such as maintaining the chastity of the man who is not satisfied with one wife, taking care of and maintaining the chastity of the woman who has no husband, increasing the offspring of the Muslims, solving the problem of widows and spinsters, and of the reduced numbers of men after times of war, and so on). As regards the bad things that happen in cases of polygamy, either they are very small when compared to its benefits, or they stem from bad application of this practice. One of the rights which Islam gives to women is that a wife should have her own house, so the two wives do not have to live together under one roof. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) Question : Is it ok for husband to marry a second wife, without the consent of the first wife. Just because the man, or husband, in our case, falls in love with another woman. Hence, should he marry her, even though he is already married? Does Islam allow such a situation for a man? Answer : Al-hamdu lillah (praise be to Allah). Before responding to the this question, a comment must be made regarding an objectionable and reprehensible issue implied in the question, and that is the mentioning by the sister that he “falls in love with another woman”. It is known that it is not permissible in the Islamic religion the establishment of a relationship between a man and a woman who is ajanabiyya to him (lit. foreign, i.e., marriable) before marriage, for Allah revealed in Surat al-Maa’ida (the Table), ayah 5 a verse whose meaning can be translated as: “This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste and virtuous women who are believers, but chaste women among People of the Book, revealed before your time, when you give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues. If any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).” And the word “akhdaan” that appears in this ayah (appearing above as “secret intrigues”) means intimate friend or companion, and in this case refers to a lover, and Allah has indicated in Surat al-Ahzaab (33:53) that a condition for talking with women when it is needed is: (a translation of the meaning) “…and if you ask them (women) for something you want, ask them from behind a hijab (both in the sense of a physical barrier such as a screen or wall, as well as in clothing); that makes for greater purity for your hearts and for theirs…” And Allah has commanded women not to speak with soft, sensual voices with a man who is ajnabi (lit. foreign, meaning one to whom is not forbidden marriage for her) so that he is not tempted by their voices, and so as not to provoke feelings of lust. Allah ta’aala said in Surat al-Ahzaab ayah 32 a verse whose meaning can be translated as: “… if you do fear (Allah) be not too complaisant of speech lest one in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire; but utter sufficient and appropriate speech.” (33:32) So how could it possibly be permissible after all of these injunctions to establish love or friendship relations among women and men who are ajaanib (marriable)?? And as for the original matter of the question, Allah subhanahu wa-ta’ala who is al-Hakim (All Wise) al-Khabir (All Experienced) and who is more knowledgeable about the human beings He created than they themselves are about themselves, has ordained that a man is allowed to marry whom he wills among women as long as he does not bond in marriage under his care and responsibility more than four women. And this is conditioned upon him dealing justly among them the known justice specified by shari’a which includes overnight stays and spending. If he does not have the ability and capacity to deal with such justice, then he should suffice with one, as Allah indicates in Surat al-Nisaa’ in ayah 3, which has a meaning that can be translated as: “… marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one…” (4:3) And Allah’s shar’aa (Islamic law) is all just and wise, and He ordains what He wills and does what He want and it is incumbent upon as human beings to believe and have faith and submit and obey and abide by the shari’a, otherwise then we are not Muslims nor mu’mineen (believers). As Allah also said in Surat al-Nisaa’ ayah 65 a verse whose meaning can be translated as: “But no, by your Lord, they can have no (real) faith until they make you judge in all disputes between them, and find in their souls no resistance against your decisions, but accept them with the fullest conviction” (3:65) and in Surat al-Ahzaab, ayah 36, a meaning that can be translated as: “It is not fitting for a mu’min (believing man) or mu’mina (believing woman) when a matter has been decided by Allah and His Messenger to have any option about their decision: if anyone disobeys Allah and His Apostle he is indeed strayed on a manifestly wrong path.” (33:36) Furthermore, no evidence appears neither in the Qur’an nor sunnah requiring the permission of the first wife if her husband wishes to marry another wife, and therefore he is not required to ask her permission. However, he needs to be judicious in taking this decision and to weigh it carefully with respect to benefits and drawbacks and to look with the eye of wisdom at all of the considerations pertaining to the matter, and he should strive all he can to conciliate, reassure, and satisfy his first wife, in order to ease and mitigate the effect of the matter upon her. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) |
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