A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Uncomfortable proposals?[Won't take no for an ans] |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 11/15/03 at 23:29:56 |
| assalamo alaikomwa rahmatollah Dear sisters, I need some advice please Unfortunately, when Ramadan comes along, so do many proposals. And I mean unfortunately because I prefer to concentrate on boosting my iman in this amazing time, than worrying about getting hitched. There's this one brother that won't take no for an answer. What do I do?!! On the very first night of tarawee7 prayers, I was walking from the masjid to catch a bus home. All of a sudden a brother comes by and asked if the bus had already come, I told him no and that we had missed it. He then proceeded to tell me he had seen me a couple of times before and that he wanted to contact my wali :o I was shocked and saddened. It was night time, no one else was around, and he chose to do this then! Well, for several reasons, I am not planning to get married right now so I told him that marriage is not what I want now and to not waste his time, then I left the area so I wouldn't be alone with him. A couple of weeks later as I was walking up to the mosque, he tried again, he said he had seen me a couple of times and wanted my email. I immediately said no and alsalamu alaykum and continued walking into the masjid. At this point I was getting angry - I like to go to the masjid with a pure intention and a state of mind and heart free of worldly thoughts - his moves are cramping my style. Then, I found out recently that he had asked a relative of mine about me. And then, tonight, (I'm not totally sure if it was him or not, but it most likely was him because of some information I was told after the fact) he sent a sister over to tell me that 'there's a bro who wants to get to know you'. My answer to the sister was no.(felt bad for the sister because I knew that the situation was awkward for her, but I guess I made things simple) The more he tries to get to me, the more I'm repelled by his actions. I don't even know him, he's a total stranger and he wants my info and he's trying to get to me. *sigh* Alhamdolillah for every situation. I feel like I've done something bad to deserve this. Even if some how I am forced to consider this guy, I'm sure my answer would be a no. What do I do?? I try avoiding any encounters, but he's trying everything. Could you please pray that I come out of this a stronger muslimah? |
| Re: Uncomfortable proposals?[Won't take no for an |
|---|
| Caraj |
| 11/15/03 at 23:58:30 |
| ohhhhhhh this one is easy 1) Have a brother? Uncle or father? Bet if you let them know you were approached at a bus stop and it made you uncomfortable they would not mind have a nice chat with this young man ;D 2) What about the Imam? Can't you ask him to ask this young man to leave you alone that NO means NO and also maybe explain to him a bus stop is no place or way to make contact? 3) Tell him next time he approaches, that you do not mean to offend but persistance and inappropriate appraches like the one at the bus stop in not a very good example of his character. If all else fails, get his email and give it to bhaloo, Bro Hanif and Nomi ;) ;D ON A VERY SERIOUS note, please let the Imam and your male relatives know about this young man. The thought of any male approaching a female alone at a bus stop just boils my blood >:( And maybe find another sister or an escort to and from for a while. |
| 11/16/03 at 00:05:23 |
| Caraj |
| Re: Uncomfortable proposals?[Won't take no for an |
|---|
| theOriginal |
| 11/16/03 at 00:57:36 |
| [slm] SubhanAllah...talk about being in a smiliar boat. The thing is, no offence to the brothers on this board, but most guys just do NOT know how to take a hint. Forget hints. If you try to politely say no to him, he will not pick it up. Maybe you should let him contact a wali. Tell your dad/bro/uncle to take care of him. If that doesn't work (which it didn't, in my case), say no to him in front of someone else. You need a witness, or his little brain will start concocting all sorts of weird stories (or inshaAllah, let's pray he's more mature than that).. I don't know. I confided in a sister about my stalker -- oops I mean, proposal situation, and she goes, "Oh but he's such a nice guy, you should really consider it." And meanwhile, my gag reflex kicks in...Astaghfirullah...how bad is that? It's VERY bad...may Allah forgive me. His approach is just...well...HIGHLY irritating. Sister, inshaAllah...things will be fine...tell him to contact a male relative (and tell your male relative that you are NOT interested). All the best, Wasalaam. |
| Re: Uncomfortable proposals?[Won't take no for an |
|---|
| ltcorpest2 |
| 11/16/03 at 11:08:18 |
| man, i am glad i am not in the situation of having to ask someone out, you guys are brutal |
| Re: Uncomfortable proposals?[Won't take no for an |
|---|
| Caraj |
| 11/16/03 at 12:08:00 |
| [quote author=mike aka ltcorpest2 link=board=madrasa;num=1068956997;start=0#3 date=11/16/03 at 11:08:18]man, i am glad i am not in the situation of having to ask someone out, you guys are brutal[/quote] :D :D :D Mike, ever see shreik? Remember the part where the donkey says, 'WATCH OUT !!! I'm a donkey on the edge' Well WATCH OUT MEN, I'm a mother-in-law and now a grandma (to a female child) on the edge ;) This is kind of different Mike, this man belongs to a faith and a group where this type of behavior is not only discouraged but wrong. And at his age he knows it. He knows to have a relative of his ask a relative of hers. But chose to make a woman feel uncomfortable by acting in a manor out of they way they are raised and taught. Then to boot he cannot take no for an answer >:( We aren't brutal ;D (hehe) |
| 11/16/03 at 12:09:13 |
| Caraj |
| Re: Uncomfortable proposals?[Won't take no for an |
|---|
| Fozia |
| 11/16/03 at 13:12:00 |
| [slm] She's not being brutal at all, this guy appears to be teetering on the brink of stalkerhood.... look at it like this 1) He approached her at a bus stop, nothing sinister there right...?? Now look at it like this, he followed her to the bus stop after dark whilst she's alone and then proceeds to badger her.. 2) He lies in wait for her outside the mosque and pesters her, why is he waiting outside the mosque, why isn't he inside worshipping?? 3) He get's told no so then he starts asking around about her family and then approaches her that way, keeping in mind she's already said NO TWICE, and this is the route he should have taken FIRST!! 3) He gets a sister to approach the woman who has already turned him down THREE TIMES at this point, in a place of worship... Mike you're married right I'm going to make a wild guess and say that the above were not quite the methods which won your wife's heart.... I could of course be totally wrong but there you have it, this person really needs to be observing his fasts properly not trying to hit on some increasingly agitated sister, who doesn't want to know.... Wassalaam |
| 11/16/03 at 14:32:39 |
| Fozia |
| Re: Uncomfortable proposals?[Won't take no for an |
|---|
| Caraj |
| 11/16/03 at 14:13:04 |
| I don't mean to get up on my soap box but wanted to share something in this thread. My son makes good money and has offered to pay his wifes schooling if she would like to go back to school and better herself. But she has a job at a shop and really likes it and the hours and chooses to stay. I personally don't like it but respect that is their business. She is 21 and very very beautiful. Unfortunatley men 18 to 60 hit up on her all the time. They come in the shop, look and act like dribbling fools. Men old enough to be her father and some even her grandfather. What is it with some guys (NOTICE I said SOME GUYS not GUYS) What idiots, what is our society coming to when a woman cannot even work without men being inappropriate. I'm sure there are men who get the same unwanted attention. I visit my daughter-in-law at work on a weekly (sometimes even 2 x's a week) If I am in the neighborhood shopping I will stop and pick her up a little trinket, maybe a carnation in baby's breath (her favorite), stop by her work, give her a hug and let her know I love her and was thinking about her. When I am there and a man goggles over her he gets THE LOOK and I glare at him. Just totally disgusts me. Cause you know darn well they have unhonorable ideas. Anyway Anon, please go to one of your male family members and also the Imam and tell them this man has approached you in a manor than made you uncomfortable (AT NIGHT AT A BUS STOP) and has kept trying to make contact after he has been told NO 3 or more times. Most men are just persistant, but occationally one will go beyond the limit (not to scare you) but protect yourself. Have someone escort you to the bus stop. If this was my daughter or granddaughter, forget the male relatives I would be all over him like a dog with a bone and after I was done with him he would have NO DOUBT and would be fearful at even the sight of my family ;D Want me to adopt you as my niece for a week ;D |
| 11/16/03 at 14:22:10 |
| Caraj |
| Re: Uncomfortable proposals?[Won't take no for an |
|---|
| Nomi |
| 11/16/03 at 23:21:17 |
| [slm] Brutal? hm... brutal [quote author=azizah link=board=madrasa;num=1068956997;start=0#6 date=11/16/03 at 14:13:04] If this was my daughter or granddaughter, forget the male relatives I would be all over him like a dog with a bone [/quote] Once upon a time (5 years back) there lived a guy named <heh>. So one day he was out with his family, mother, sister, kids and uncle, they were out in the market to buy some dresses. There were these two guys who were having ice cream and staring at passer by ladies. So when this guy with his family passed by those morons one of them gestured to offer that guy's sister his ice cream. MY sis dint even notice but you just can't do it without catching my attention!!! What did i do then? Good question..... <ladies please close your eyes>.... A full swing slap that brought the market to a halt!......... come on guys give me a break, dont you see that she is escorted by her brother!!! My uncle really game me an earful right there, hey but that was 5 years back. My family didn't cover back then and nor was i into deen. Alhamdullah religion teaches lotsa patience, if that have had happened recently then i would have went to him and share his ice cream and tell him that she is OUR sister BUT it never ever happened after that coz all thanks to God my family observes the full veil now, jilbab+niqaab. No body knows how beautiful or average-looking they are coz they can't see the beauty factor, the face! And please dont start hating me for what i did back then. [slm] ex hyper. PS: oh forgot to add.... they always wore dupattas back then but still !! |
| Re: Uncomfortable proposals?[Won't take no for an |
|---|
| Fozia |
| 11/17/03 at 06:27:22 |
| [quote author=Nomi link=board=madrasa;num=1068956997;start=0#7 date=11/16/03 at 23:21:17] ex hyper. [/quote] [slm] So are you like admitting to [i]another[/i] identity??? Wassalaam |
| Re: Uncomfortable proposals?[Won't take no for an |
|---|
| timbuktu |
| 11/17/03 at 09:32:14 |
| [slm] Satan is with us, running in our blood. So, we are to build our defences. that was a one-liner, to aviid punishment i am adding this line. wa-asaalam |
| 11/17/03 at 09:35:46 |
| timbuktu |
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board |