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a supreme sacrifice...my son?

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a supreme sacrifice...my son?
kim
11/23/03 at 21:03:58
;-) >:( please help me. i don't know what to do. my son's father has just been detained by INS and may be deported back to his country . i left the marriage, reverted to islam(dad is not a muslim), his family wants me to move back into the house so that he won't be deported and might be able to get green card.  to me, it's come's down to not being able to function as a person, as a muslim, to be literally, in the enemies territory, but what will i tell my son (he's only 2 right now). my total being is saying stay away from this situation because among other things, it would mean that i would be lying and putting my deen at stake ???
Re: a supreme sacrifice...my son?
Caraj
11/23/03 at 21:20:42
You don't lie, you don't put your deen at stake and
what do you tell your son?
You tell him what Allah tells you, you should do and explain this is why you made the choices you did.

First off, INS will know you just went back, not that you have been there all along and if you lie you could go to jail and THEN what do you tell that sweet little boy of yours?

If your total being is telling you to stay away from this situation then Sis,
STAY AWAY.

Please tell me your son was born here and you have custody?

And always remember, we are here for you   :-*
11/23/03 at 21:21:41
Caraj
Re: a supreme sacrifice...my son?
kim
11/23/03 at 21:35:09
yes, he was born here, and i have him. but we haven't done anything legally to say that he must stay with me,etc. this is a big deal for me, my phone is ringing off the hook from his family, him, everybody harrasing me :'(
Re: a supreme sacrifice...my son?
Caraj
11/23/03 at 21:55:51
You poor thing, sounds like you are overwelmed and everyone is putting the weight of this matter on your shoulders.
If you need someone to talk to or cry to, message me your number and I'll call you or I can M you my number.

You need to think about you and your child. I know you want to help and don't want people angry with you, what an awful unfair burdon his family seems to putting on your shoulders.

Ok I am not lawyer but he was born here and you are the mom right?
You ex has problems of his own and your son is an American citizen. Some states will allow you to get emergancy temp custody and I would try to find out about that to protect you and your son. If you let me know in an IM what city and state you are in I would be glad to find out. Some even allow you to file your own paperwork, some won't.
Are you still married to him? If so were you married here or in another country and also if divorced didn't your divorce papers state who was the primary guardian? IM me if I can help, IM me if you just need an ear and a shoulder to cry on.

Tomorrow morning look in your phone book, call the clerk of court and ask for a number to family court in your area. Once you are talking to a family court clerk of court ask her or him what you can do to keep your child safe by securing at the least temp emergancy custody. Ask if they provide blank paperwork and can help you fill it out if you cannot afford an attorney to do this for you.
11/23/03 at 21:59:22
Caraj
Re: a supreme sacrifice...my son?
onemuslimgirl
11/23/03 at 22:08:39
asalaam alakum Sr. Kim,

Like sr. Azizah said, find out the laws in your state that will help you to keep your son. do not do anything irrational either way until you find out where you stand and what your rights are. speak to a lawyer, usually they charge around $100 for a consultation, but it is definetly worth getting to keep your child.

the next step you should take is if you get custody for your child, and you do not want to go back to his father, than don't. you are not obligated to help anyone. i had a friend who was in a similar situation, and everyone including her family pushed her to marry this guy who was also deported. needless to say, he was not allowed to come back into america. she didn't want to stay married to him, and even though she had done everything possible to help him come into the country, he treated her like dirt. he refused to divorce her until she brought him to america. his family told her that she has no choice but to stay in his country and live with him there. he mentally abused her saying no one would marry her because of certain situations in her life.

she finally could not handle it anymore. she left the country and filed for divorce, knowing that Allah will provide her with someone alot better than that, no matter what her circumstances were. she finally got her divorce after almost a year, and inshAllah she will be getting married soon to a wonderful brother.

you are not obligated to go back tothis guy if you do not want him...........
Re: a supreme sacrifice...my son?
kim
11/23/03 at 23:35:10
:'(my son is with me, i haven't filed for divorce yet. I appreciate the information about temp cusotdy.  I just finished a draft letter to his family stating my position. I might need a restraining order now :'(
Re: a supreme sacrifice...my son?
Caraj
11/24/03 at 00:04:00
[quote author=kim link=board=sis;num=1069639438;start=0#5 date=11/23/03 at 23:35:10] :'(my son is with me, i haven't filed for divorce yet. I appreciate the information about temp cusotdy.  I just finished a draft letter to his family stating my position. I might need a restraining order now :'([/quote]

Whoa there Sis, please try to find out about the temp emergancy custody before you give them that letter. Also find out about restraining orders.

You can call the court house in your city or county and ask about temp emergancy custody based on him possibly being deported and also the pressures from your in-laws. Also until this settles down I would not let the grandparents visit the child alone cause they can take him and give him to the fother if they are looking for leverage. Not saying they would, you just never know what people will do when they are angry and not getting their way.

I would tell them you need more time to think about things and you will let them know something by the end of the week. Then check into restraining orders and custody.
I don't want to stir you wrong but I am a mother too and my children are not only the love of my life but also my weak spot. They are the weakest spot in my armor (sort to speak) I'll Im you my phone number, call if you need an ear.

Also look into safety measures in case he is not deported, maybe your local Islamic center can help you, maybe there is a family or sister or maybe your family you can stay with during this hard time.
11/24/03 at 00:05:17
Caraj
Re: a supreme sacrifice...my son?
Mujahideen
11/24/03 at 13:11:21
[slm]

Perhapd it would be best to seek the advise of a lawyer. Immigration laws are very complex - there are generally immigration aid societies in most major cities where advise may be sought for free.

[wlm]


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