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lack of physical attraction for a rishta :/

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lack of physical attraction for a rishta :/
pakiprncess
11/24/03 at 13:34:26
[]

oh gosh, i feel kinda awful in a way, showing my face after so long!! its been AGES since ive been in the madina.. sorry  :(

but i have a totally perplexing situation. well, thank Allah its not that bad, but im nervous!!  i got a proposal over the summer from a very decent and nice british man.  it was arranged between the two families that we meet and get to know each other.  the man has been very proper and kind throughout our communication with one another.  my mother, father, and he himself have performed istekhara with positive results.  so i am like 90% okay with the arrangement.

the only thing thats holding me back -- and part of me feels a bit ashamed to feel this way -- is the guys physical appearance.  dont get me wrong, he is a good-looking fellow with the biggest brown eyes ive ever seen, but he is STICK THIN.  although i wont say im overweight, i consider myself to be healthy given my height and feel kinda fat when in his presence.  i think thats the only drawback this man has.  otherwise, he is very pleasant and i can tell he would like to finalize the proposal.  i even tried doing istekhara but did not see any signs -- negative or positive.

im not sure if its just pre-maritial jitters or what... but somethings holding me back.  would this be a valid excuse to refuse?  i feel its not really his fault, but hes so thin!!  my mom says not to worry about it because he will gain weight after marriage and especially if he sees its of concern to me, but what can i do??  ive always been attracted to more broader males and this one is so fragile lol... help please!!
Re: lack of physical attraction for a rishta :/
humble_muslim
11/24/03 at 16:26:27
AA

Trust me, once you've been married to him for a while, you'll see that physical attractions isn't that important in a marriage.  Plus, cook him some heavy desi-ghee dishes, full fat kheer, etc, that'll make him fine inshallaah.
NS
Re: lack of physical attraction for a rishta :/
pakiprncess
11/24/03 at 16:38:35
lolz... you know brother, you sound just like my mom!  but this is such a big decision, i dont know if my fatty desi dishes are going to cut it.  plus, when they came over, he scarfed down the biryani and nihari my mom made while i watched in shock. the boy has an amazing metabolism. whats a round girl to do??
Re: lack of physical attraction for a rishta :/
Maliha
11/24/03 at 18:45:25
[slm]
:-/ :-/ :-/ :-/

OMG you had me rollin' w/ laughter....what's a round girl to do??! that's a classic sis:)

anywho, don't worry sis, if the guy is pleasant, his deen is straight and got some charmin' skills ..you won't even notice the discrepancy in size.
I alwayz tell me sisters that complain on the physical tip, what if you marry the handsomest dude on the bloke and a day later he becomes paralyzed? or he is handsome but really a jerk...or..the list goes on. With time, all the external superficialities melt away and what remains is the solid core.

Words of Wisdom: When you marry, go for what pleases the heart and not the eyes 8)

also, once any girl meets a guy, and the istikhara is straight and they have nothing else to worry about, they start nit picking...its normal jitters, will pass after a while:)

okay sis, May Allah put mad barakah in your union should you choose him...and trust me men do gain a couple of pounds after marriage ;) they call it the "contentment" period :P

[s]Rounder[/s]Sis in ze Marriage [s]trap[/s]
[wlm]
Re: lack of physical attraction for a rishta :/
timbuktu
11/24/03 at 21:04:15
[slm]
your prospective sounds like me. i have had this fantastic metabolism, & when my father-in-law first saw me, his comment was that "i was a little 'weak' ".  :)

well, i have stayed thin, by & large. nearly 25 years down the line, todaY I weigh 121 lbs, (as oppsed to 110 or was it 114 (?) when i married). but i have had no blood-pressure, or heart problems, or diabetes. & i told my wife i do not like to see her become a "buffalo", so her weight is under control as well, & her health is fine.

ghee, & all fattening stuff is fine, if one works out. normally, people don't. that is where we guys with extra fast metabolism have an edge. in fact i have been famous for my consumption of food, & no external sign to show for it.

believe me, it is a blessing. only you will have to spend a lot of time in the kitchen, or he will have to buy lots of chocolate.  :)

they say that if you want to see what a girl will look like in a few years, look at her mother. & by extension, it must also hold that if you want to see what a boy will look like, you may look at his father.
11/24/03 at 21:12:57
timbuktu
Re: lack of physical attraction for a rishta :/
Tesseract
11/24/03 at 21:16:28
Assalamu 'alaikum,

       [quote]Plus, cook him some heavy desi-ghee dishes, full fat kheer, etc, that'll make him fine inshallaah. [/quote]

            Man! Bro. Humayoun, that ain't  a good advice at all  :) 1 in 5 people on this earth have high blood cholesterol level, and high blood cholesterol is one of the highest risk factors for heart diseases, and deaths from heart attacks is one of the leading causes of deaths worldwide. Moreover, this high blood cholesterol thing is familial in many cases, so a person may look fine physically, or even very lean, but he can have heart attack due to sudden blocking of vessels from cholesterol.  Our desi-style-cooked food/dishes with so much ghee and oil in it is very dangerous for health.

Wassalam.
Re: lack of physical attraction for a rishta :/
Nomi
11/24/03 at 23:54:45
[slm]

Ahmad!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep pumping that iron man!!

gosh!!! Thank Heavens i got that "skinny" label off my back couple of years back and bro Hanif was telling me to be real slim (skinny) by fasting more till i get married!!!

Back to the home gym inshaAllah.
Re: lack of physical attraction for a rishta :/
pakiprncess
11/25/03 at 18:28:33
[quote author=Nomi link=board=sis;num=1069698866;start=0#6 date=11/24/03 at 23:54:45][slm]
Thank Heavens i got that "skinny" label off my back [/quote]
how did you do that?

and whats a tactful way for me to tell brit boy to join my level of 'healthiness'??
Re: lack of physical attraction for a rishta :/
Nomi
11/28/03 at 05:41:37
[slm]

me?
- Pushups
- Home gym
- Tough friends

him....
After getting married you can talk him into a *different* type of competition! i.e. "who can do the most reps, where you'll be doing the ab crunches and he the pushups"

Secondly, buy a copy of fadil-e-a'maal (a book) and ask him to read the first chapter which has stories fo bravery and glory of the Companions...

inshaAllah it'll help.
[slm]
Your desi brother.

PS: we have a brit tough guy on here, get your would-be hooked up with "Han" the wifey Man (Hanif)

Re: lack of physical attraction for a rishta :/
pakiprncess
11/29/03 at 02:11:12
[quote author=Nomi link=board=sis;num=1069698866;start=0#8 date=11/28/03 at 05:41:37][slm]
Secondly, buy a copy of fadil-e-a'maal (a book) and ask him to read the first chapter which has stories fo bravery and glory of the Companions...
[/quote]
lolz... i sure hope so, bro... inshallah i will definately take you up on your idea. his brithday is coming up soon and i was wondering what to get him... maybe a pair of weights with that wouldnt be too rude ?
Re: lack of physical attraction for a rishta :/
Kathy
11/29/03 at 11:48:47
[slm]

My thinking is a man does not want to be reminded of his stature if he isn't a "He-Man" any more than a woman wanting to be bougt a gift from her hubby, with his intention of turning her into a "Barbie."

I am very large and when marrying my hubby, he was a 30 waist. I was attracted to his leaness. ( But wanted him to have a little more meat) Now all that has changed, he is of bigger stature, by my cooking healthy food...  

I really think the personality makes a difference.

I think my feelings would be hurt if my hubby bought me a set of weights. I say let it ride...

(modified)



11/30/03 at 12:09:44
Kathy
Re: lack of physical attraction for a rishta :/
onemuslimgirl
11/29/03 at 13:36:36
I agree with sister kathy.....

[i](Momma Mod Comment:
:-[I am supposed to edit/ remove one liner posts.. but since she agrees with me I will just add these comments and make it longer!) with a reminder not do do this again! ;)[/i]
11/30/03 at 22:24:33
Kathy
Re: lack of physical attraction for a rishta :/
lightUponLight.Com
12/05/03 at 02:49:18
[slm]

Dear Paki Princess
Istiqarah, does not solely depend on dreams  ;)

I believe in the dua itself, you ask Allah to make the best way easy for you.  So basically you are saying to Allah, if this man is right for me, make the path to get us married easy, and if not, make the path to marry someone else easy for me

I did a quick google search and here is what you need to know:
[i]After performing the salah, one should "have a good feeling" -- a 'firmness' about one of the options. Whatever option one feels is best right after saying the du'a should be the decision. If still in doubt, the salat can be repeat (up to seven times). It should be mentioned that there is also no dream or specific timing involved to perform this prayer. After having placed one's trust in Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala), simply following one's feelings after performing it. [/i]

http://www.geocities.com/mutmainaa/istikharah.html

Fi Imanillah
Abdullah
;-)


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