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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| a few q's bout marriage |
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| wahdamuslimah |
| 11/26/03 at 02:37:03 |
| [slm] i asked this the other day but cant seem to find it now or maybe it didnt get posted, i wanted to ask a few questions about marriage, 1. what if the brother is the same age as the girl? is there any islamic ruling on this or if not then opinions? 2. what if he is still doing his education, therefore still relying on his parents financially? and will be for the next few years? JazakAllah Khair for your time, and i would appreciate some input from others |
| Re: a few q's bout marriage |
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| timbuktu |
| 11/26/03 at 08:49:44 |
| [quote author=wahdamuslimah link=board=madrasa;num=1069832224;start=0#0 date=11/26/03 at 02:37:03] 1. what if the brother is the same age as the girl? is there any islamic ruling on this or if not then opinions? 2. what if he is still doing his education, therefore still relying on his parents financially? and will be for the next few years?[/quote] answer 1> there is no islamic ruling prohibiting or recommending, either way on this, as far as i know. as for opinion, the man should be a little older, as women tend to age faster, particularly with childbirth, & men around their mid-forties to fifties tend to look for other women, unless they are very committed. answer 2> If his parents financially are sound & willing to take up the burden of looking after the son's family until he himself is able to do so, there seems no harm in it. but for a fatwa, you must submit it to a scholar. wallahu alam |
| 11/26/03 at 08:53:32 |
| timbuktu |
| Re: a few q's bout marriage |
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| islamic_warrior |
| 11/28/03 at 08:00:23 |
| Bismillah Al-Rahman Al-Raheem Assalamu Alaykom Wa Rahmatu Allahu Wa Barakato Nowhere in the Qur'aan or hadiths are there any restrictions as to the age of the bride and groom or the level of education that he or she completes. Read this article and maybe it will clarify the confusion for you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: SAYED FEROZ Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem A PIOUS WIFE IS YOUR STRONGEST DEFENSE AGAINST SHAYTAAN Marriage: Encouragement from a Brother By Iftikhar Featured at the website of the MSA of University of Houston When I started looking for a wife, my only intention was to find a muslim woman who could help me become a better Muslim. After praying to Allah many times, I came to know that a Muslim brother in my area had an unwed sister. I was told that she was 7 years older than I was, had no college education, and had minor health problems. Despite this, I arranged for a meeting to discuss the possibility of marriage. When I met her, I was impressed by her modesty (she wore a real hijab that covered everything but her face). She was not attractive, nor was she rich. However, at the conclusion of our meeting, I felt comfortable with the fact that she was what I was looking for. After praying Istikhara, I felt confident that she was right for me. Our nikaah was performed only a few weeks later. Oh yeah, this was a Muslim wedding - the kind where the men separated from the women, we didn't have disco music or belly dancers or any other kind of kuffar stuff. There might have been one brother who was NOT wearing Sunnah. We spent most of the time praying, praising Allah, discussing what a great blessing the responsibility of marriage was, etc. I think the total cost of the wedding might have been around US$20.00 (we held it in my brother-in-law's apartment). I had the time of my life!!! Despite the fact that she is very stubborn and argumentative, she is one of the best Muslim women a man could ask for. And I am NOT talking about the way she wakes me up in the middle of the night for tahajjud, the way she covers her face in public, the way she investigates every action that I do, the way she will stop talking to me if I don't read the Qur'an or go to the masjid every day. I am talking about her fear of Allah and love for the prophet Muhammed (SAWS). Not bad for a woman some people called ugly, who has no college education or money. I wouldn't trade this woman for anything in the world. Many times when the discussion of marriage arises, I will hear one brother after another talking about how beautiful and educated they want their dream wives to be. Others will talk of love or family/racial pride. Fools... (with all due respect) In case some of you are confused as to why I am mentioning all of this let me tell you what I know (straight up)... A PIOUS WIFE IS YOUR STRONGEST DEFENSE AGAINST SHAYTAAN Now, Marry a woman for whatever reason you want....... My dua' is with you all. Salamu Alaikum ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Assalamu Alaykom Wa Rahmatu Allahu Wa Barakato Sister Ab |
| Re: a few q's bout marriage |
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| sal |
| 11/29/03 at 06:04:52 |
| [slm I think tomubuktu has wrote before me what iI exactly wanted to say . :) All I can add is my DUAA ;-) [wlm] |
| Re: a few q's bout marriage |
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| se7en |
| 12/02/03 at 03:41:23 |
| as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah, I think looking at Rasulullah [saw]'s marital life teaches us a lot... he married women that were older than him, younger than him, widowed, divorced, with children, wealthier than him, from extremely poor families.. I think there is wisdom in these things being part of the Sunnah and that it teaches us that there is nothing reprehensible or shameful about marrying people in each of these different circumstances. Unfortunately, what we see today is a cohesion of Islamic teachings and the cultural norms of a society presented as "Islam". We just need to use a discerning eye and seperate one from the other. As for my personal opinion about age, I think you really have to take into consideration the level of maturity of the individual, and also what his/her expectations are in a spouse. I think the ages 15-25 are really formative years in a persons life.. so if you have this spirit of wanting to explore and do new things, see the world, etc, and your husband/wife is older, you have to take into consideration that they may have gone through that stage already, and may find more contentment with a peaceful and constant daily rhythm to life. but that stuff is not just dependant on age.. there are a countless numbers of things that influence a person and shapes their character and personality. I think you have to take it on an individual basis. Some guys are super mature at 18, and others still need to be yelled at by their mom at 29. :P About education, and relying on his parents.. I think this is really a personal preference for you. You really have to think about whether you can handle being finanically dependant on your husband's parents, and all the issues that may arise because of that. Are you going to live in their house? Are you comfortable approaching his parents for money for your needs? Also keep in mind that you can begin the marriage process with someone, without living with them/ depending on them financially until later on. Many students who have married in my community remain with their families until after they graduate. They usually have their nikaah done, so that their interaction is completely permissible, but hold off on the waleema/reception until they move in together. may Allah make things easy for you and guide you to the best decisions :) wasalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah :-) ps -- I just started reading Adil Salahi's "Muhammad: Man and Prophet" and he said that according to the literature Khadija [ra] was most likely a lot younger than 40 when getting married to the prophet [saw].. some say closer to 30! interesting.. that's the first time I've heard that. pps -- we definitely had a discussion a while back on marrying someone older/younger than you... |
| 12/02/03 at 03:42:44 |
| se7en |
| Re: a few q's bout marriage |
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| wahdamuslimah |
| 12/08/03 at 06:33:08 |
| jazak Allah Khair for the replies...we both still have 4 years to go so i dont think the that last idea will be appropriate but inshallah we'll see what will happen..but i just wanted to thank yous for your replies and that was an interesting article...but subhanallah i dont think many ppl these days have a that strong desire to look after themselves fm the shaytan but Allah knows best |
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