A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Please, Please help! (My Brother) |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 12/02/03 at 21:01:57 |
| This is long but please read it and help! Any advice from anyone and everyone will be greatly appreciated and I will keep you in my dua. I am so sick of this....... Okay a few years ago my bro was on the computer and he left the room. Me and my sister didn't know he was on and came across a message from a girl about making out. We told my mom and didn't talk about until recently. Since then we have found makeup, hairbrushes, shirts, etc underneath the seats of his car. We kept told my parents quietly and they said to be patient. Now he is in his early 20's and when he is on the computer, the door is always closed and when he is on the phone I hear a girls voice often. I tell my dad and he says a guy is different from girls. They are allowed to talk to the opposite sex on the phone, etc. What shocks me is I never would expect that from my father. Alhadilliah my parents raised me and my 3 siblings so well. We pray together and he always talks to us about religion. But lately my brother is just getting on my last nerve. He is older than me. My 2 bros went on a trip 2 months ago and used our digital camera. When they brought it back me my sis and my mom got home from a wedding and I used it. I was looking at pics when I saw many pictures of him and his friends kissing girls in there hotel room and touching them in inapproriate places. I was appauled. My brother? The one who is so protective of us and "religous." It gets worse. I told my friends that Muslims can't date. They were at our school football game when they called me and told me that I should come. They said they saw my bro with a girl and said "Oooooo your brother has a girlfriend." I was so angry that I started to cry and hung up. I told him when he came home that my friends saw him and he said the girl was his friends cousin and he didn't know she was going to come. It gets even worse. My father smokes and I always write statistics on smoking on his little cigarette packs and tell him its bad. Well... My bro came home one day and put his hand on my face, as a joke he said guess who this is, I screamed "Your hands smell like cigarettes!: He started laughing. I went off on him. I asked him if he didn't learn anything from watching our father cough constantly and get weaker. He didnt deny it. What really hurts is that I always thought that my brother are good people. He is only religous when he wants to be, he locks himself in the computer room and stays on forever and misses prayers. My parents don't even care! He tries to be Mr. Imam with me and my sis but he needs to take his own advice. He knows we know everything about him but he acts like we don't. I found more pictures of him with a girl with both of their shirts off. I don't know if he's a virgin. When he leaves at 1:00 AM and doesnt come back till 4, no one know where he goes. Probably smoking with some girl and doing God knows what. I give him Islamic articles on smoking but he throws them away. He doesn't care and to make matters worse he wants to get married! I feel bad because I have always wanted my brothers to get married but now that I know all this I don't want him to get married to this perfect virgin. I dont think its fair knowing how he is. They say you know a man by the way he treats his mother. He doesnt care about her. He yells at her and doesnt even ask when he goes out. Is it wrong that I have lost all respect for him and I dont want him to get married. My mom says other boys are worse but other boys aren't part of my family. Should I tell him that I am ashamed and angry at him? What do I do! Please please help me. He is tearing my family apart. Everyone is more stressed out and slowly he is getting worse and worse, he might get a girl pregnant! What do I do? I beg you to help a sis in need. May Allah help us and guide us all on the Straight Path. Ameen Stressed Out |
| Re: Please, Please help! (My Brother) |
|---|
| bhaloo |
| 12/02/03 at 21:35:45 |
| [slm] Astarghfullah! You said he wanted to get married, was the intention of doing this so he would not commit this major sin of zina with these girls? If it is, then he should get married as soon as possible. Its important that he has good pious Muslim brothers around him that can guide him and help him to do good. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “The likeness of a good companion and a bad companion is that of a perfume seller and one who works the bellows. With the perfume seller, either he will give you something or you will buy something from him, or you will notice a good smell from him, but with the one who works the bellows, either he will burn your clothes or you notice a bad smell from him.” Narrated by Muslim, no. 2628. |
| Re: Please, Please help! (My Brother) |
|---|
| timbuktu |
| 12/03/03 at 00:23:51 |
| [slm] The sexual urge at that age is very difficult to control. So, many unmarried males resort to masturbation or even extra-marital sex, if available. Hence marriage at an ealy age is advised. Failing that fasting, but in these days, there are few who will fast to control their urges. Let him get married, & don't worry about the loss of his virginity. pray to Allah (swt) that HE guides your brother to the right path. Don't make the mistake of judging him. It is not for you to judge. Seek Allah's forgiveness for him. perhaps the reason your parents are not talking it out in the open with him is that they may be afraid of his becoming blatant about it, or leaving the house. |
| Re: Please, Please help! (My Brother) |
|---|
| Fozia |
| 12/03/03 at 07:21:15 |
| [slm] But how would he treat his wife, would he stop his other activities once married or continue, then who would take responsibility of taking care of his wife, if he decides she's a great cook and cleaner and available should he need it....?? Personally I think he should clean up his act before dragging some poor woman into the mess, unless he plans on marrying the girl in the pics in which case she'll know exactly what she's getting into... Wasalaam |
| 12/03/03 at 07:21:53 |
| Fozia |
| Re: Please, Please help! (My Brother) |
|---|
| timbuktu |
| 12/03/03 at 07:34:46 |
| [slm] sister Fozia, you have a very valid point, but in my view in most cases, this sin is due to uncontrolled sexual urges. & the prophet (saw) advised early marriage for this very reason. If the boy (man)'s family thinks that he will settle down after marriage, then they should not delay it any further. The more it is delayed, the more habit-forming extra-marital sex becomes, & then whoever he marries later will be miserable. perhaps the father can talk to him, & get in into his head that marriage will have to be taken seriously. |
| 12/03/03 at 07:38:09 |
| timbuktu |
| Re: Please, Please help! (My Brother) |
|---|
| Orange_Tree |
| 12/03/03 at 09:50:00 |
| [slm] This must be a very difficult and heartbreaking predicament for you. You said that you found compromising pictures but were these pix left around the house or did you look for them? If you did consciously look for them then I think it might be best if you just left his pix and stuff alone. You know he's getting up to stuff now, so try not to look for more evidence. I say this because it wud be only more heartbreaking for yourself to know such unpleasant details. I'm afraid my advice is pray for more patience. I heard somewhere that Allah (SWT) always gives patience to anyone who asks so do this for your own sanity. you said you had 2 bros right? maybe you can get 1 to talk to him about the girls and say how this is wrong. there are many hadiths abt the sins such sins, quote them. tell your bro off when he shouts at ur mom. don't let him mouth off & walk away. ask him how he thinks ur mom feels when she is spoken to like this. I agree that marriage is a way to stop sin but I'd pity the poor girl who gets embroiled with such a guy. he needs to clean his act up before he entangles another into this. you can't expect the wife to clear up his bad boy ways. a man who shouts at his mom before he's married will carry on shouting when he's got a ring on his finger. I've seen it. All the best, |
| 12/03/03 at 09:52:20 |
| Orange_Tree |
| Re: Please, Please help! (My Brother) |
|---|
| yumna |
| 12/04/03 at 08:07:33 |
| [slm]sista im really sorry about ur state i no if it was me i would have cried soo soo much! sis r u a lil domenint in ur family ..if so u can u no be a lil strict with ur brother knock some sense in to him uno i really don't know if u can do that coz i don't have anyolder brother except on board or at skool and wel...i scold if they do somethin ..wrong my bro is small so i can u no rule over him ;Dbut seriously sis do somethin about it before it gets serious ! :( hope ur situation becomes better and ur father retains his good helth back |
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board |