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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| love vs. family |
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| rageeya |
| 12/15/03 at 00:04:00 |
| Salam everyone, i'm asking for your help because i dont know where else to turn. over the past few years i have become great friends with a boy from school. he is my best friend. and we've become very close. probably closer than Allah would like. I love him and I know that he loves me, but because he is not muslim, my parents would never accept it. we are a perfect match but i dont even want to imagine what they might do if they found out. I dont want to hurt them but i cant lie to myself. we want to get married but it seems too difficult at the moment. any and all advice welcome. thanks for listening. |
| 12/15/03 at 00:18:42 |
| rageeya |
| Re: love vs. family |
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| timbuktu |
| 12/15/03 at 07:48:13 |
| [slm] sister, we do want to help you but what do you think help is? we can understand your problem, feel empathy for you, & help you come out of an impossible situation. i went to islamonline.net website & did a search for "non-muslim boyfriend", & this is what i got: http://islamonline.net/completesearch/english/CounsellorSearchAck.asp?hSection=1&hKeyword=non%2Dmuslim+boyfriend&hChoice=2&hJoin=0 the pages that come up are many, but if you scroll through, you get titles in which "boyfriend" is in red. read these please. if after reading, you have questions, do talk again. i will request sisters on this board to help our sister, & not take too long over it, because they will be able to talk in a language that helps her. |
| 12/15/03 at 07:53:19 |
| timbuktu |
| Re: love vs. family |
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| humble_muslim |
| 12/15/03 at 13:03:50 |
| AA I find it intersting that you seem worried about how your family will react, but aren't you more worried about whether Allah SWT is pleased with what you are doing? |
| NS |
| Re: love vs. family |
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| betason |
| 12/15/03 at 14:16:50 |
| Assalamu Alaikum, This is a tough situation you are in. And I know alot of brothers and sisters who have went through somethin like what you are going through, including myself. And after you get through this which you will inshallah, you will realize why Allah swt has cut off having relationships before marriage from the root. In the Quran Allah swt say "La Tak rabu Zina...Do not go near Zina", he didn't say do not commit Zina but do not go anywhere near anythign that can lead to it. (And I know that is the last thing you probably want to hear right now, but the quran is medicine for the heart). The most important thing to you right now should be Dua and turning towards Allah swt for help and repenting. Because one of the Dua's that is accepted is the Dua of the distressed and oppresed person. Make alot of Dua for Allah swt to get you out of this situation, either by giving you strength to leave this boy for Allah swt sake or by giving the boy Hidayah (Guidance to Islam), so inshallah you can marry him. Also other points is that you should know and have firm belief that Allah Swt knows what is best for us, and after realizing that we know the rulings of having realtionships and on marriage with non muslims. I know you probably know this and unfortunatly we tend to let our emotions get in the way in these situations and alot of times we end up in situations where we get in too deep, and our emotions tell us that it is the end of the world if you leave this situation. But subhannallah that's why we are told to stay away from it from the beginning. So try your best to follow what will please Allah swt rather than what will please your nafs or emotions. Also another point is that sister know the If we leave something for the sake of Allah swt he provides us with something better. So hopefully i helped a little bit, and i have been in and seen many situations like yours, and one thing is that always try your best to please Allah swt because ultimatly HE is the only one that can help you and try to fight your nafs as much as possible in these sitautions. Oh yeah and make lots and lots of DUA! and if you need anything else, let me know. Wasalamu Alaikum |
| Re: love vs. family |
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| AbdulJalil |
| 12/15/03 at 21:03:36 |
| Assalamu alaikum please do NOT marry him. It is haram haram haram for you to marry him, unless he embraces Islam. he cannot just say the shahada, just to marry you, he must mean it. i suggest you give him books on Islam to read. You will regret marrying him if you do, either in this life or the next, or both. after marriage,everytime you will have intimate relations with him, it will be zina. you can find many other brothers who would be willing to marry. |
| 12/15/03 at 21:06:12 |
| AbdulJalil |
| Re: love vs. family |
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| William |
| 12/17/03 at 11:40:20 |
| Bismillah [slm] I am currently undergoing the problems that resulted from such a situation. I am getting a divorce and it is one of the hardest things that I have done emotionally. I got involved with a nonmuslim and wanted to marry her but only if she became muslim. She sensed that and declared shahada then we married. Shortly into our married life, it became glaringly apparent that she only said the words to get me to marry her. I should have known better but I can only move forward now. I am now trying to right what I did. No matter the intention, in Islam the ends do not justify the means. If I am starting in the haram, only bad will come out of it. How can I expect a gourmet meal when the ingredients are so tainted and spoiled? That is illogical. I know what the feelings may be telling you now but remember that they can and usually do fade in and out in a marriage. I had to ask myself if I was prepared to have any future children influenced by my wife's views on religion or lack there of? What would happen to them if I died? Would she raise them according to islam? Probably not. The best course of action, if Islam and fearing Allah are priorities, I have found to be the Islamic way. I had to find out the hard way. I feel as if my insides are being torn from my chest. I have a ball of lead in my stomach dragging me around. Please save yourself from such anguish and pain and stay on the Straight Path. I have noticed that once on that Path life is easier as is traveling on any pathway. When I go astray though, the thorns and brambels that line that path sure do hurt even as I am trying to make my way back to the Straight Path. Jazakum Allah. Insha'Allah I have been of some help. [slm] |
| Re: love vs. family |
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| yumna |
| 12/17/03 at 13:59:26 |
| [slm][quote]please do NOT marry him. It is haram haram haram for you to marry him, unless he embraces Islam[/quote] i agree with u brotheer ! sista plz don't marry him! ok listen u say ur friend loves u alot rite ? so y not invite him 2 embrace islam if he really loves he might embrace islam aswell ! personally i feel like u r ready 2 sacrifice ur religion for his sake ....but s he also willing 2 do the same for u sista .....my words may seem really cold but its for the best! May Allah help u make the right decision sista |
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