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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Running scared...... |
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| rkhan |
| 12/23/03 at 00:53:40 |
| [slm] I'm expecting a baby in January inshallah, although this is not my first baby and I hv no medical problems (alhamdulillah) I'm TERRIFIED of giving birth. I know it sounds weird, I'm the butt of jokes in the family and in the doctors' clinics but what do i do?? Will be grateful for any advice/suggestions/tips that sisters hv. I wouldn't like to go in for spinal anesthesia or C-sections etc since all my kids (Yes, kidS) hv been born normally. But this time inshallah I wwant to manage the pain better inshallah, if such a thing is possible. PLs pool in ur experiences and HELP!! Jazakumullah jameean |
| Re: Running scared...... |
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| bismilla |
| 12/23/03 at 05:08:30 |
| [slm] Sister Congratulations on the good news, SubahanAllah. i was just wondering.......Is it the pain that scares you? or perhaps that you may be in this position after a long time since your last kid that could be daunting? If you are scared, your muscles all contract and this might make delivery difficult. Trying to establish to root cause of your apprehension might be a good idea to alleviate a difficult delivery. Also worrying about what can / will / or might happen is not going to help. Like my boss says, you cannot worry about something that has not happened yet. YHave yu thought of relaxation techniques / classes / groups? Aromatherapy perhaps? i have 2 kids. With my eldest i had an epidural (because i knew no better at the time). I felt the effects of the epidural for a LONG while after that....NEVER AGAIN! With my son, the delivery was NATURAL - no drugs. Just recommend that a handy set of fingers and thumbs (usually belonging to the husband) should be around to break stress on :) Natural birth is something i would recommend strongly. I was fit and well in no time at all, Alhumdulillah. No side effcets like with the epidural. Insha Allah i hope all goes well for you. |
| Re: Running scared...... |
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| Fozia |
| 12/23/03 at 07:37:09 |
| [slm] This will sound really bizarre, but I was scared about giving birth cos I'm scared of umm needles, I have a major needle phobia managed to pass out a couple of times during my blood tests :-[ who new they were going to take so much blood just because you're pregnant, being honest I probably wouldn't have gone to my GP if I'd known.. not until a lot later anyway, but that is probably stupid, then again who said phobias followed a rationale. I personally was terrified of both the epidural and the possibility of an episiotomy. I point blank refused when the midwife tried to get me to sign the form, she got seriously ticked off and called the anaesthesist anyway, I politely told him to leave. The midwife demanded to know what job I did, I said accountant, she didn't say anything else... She probably thought I was some backward little girl with no education, I look about ten.... Luckily for me the shift changed and the midwife who finally delivered my baby was absoloutely wonderful and didn't force me to do anything I didn't want... I suppose I am lucky in that I don't feel the pain other mothers talk about, I was just dizzy with exhaustion afterwards and possibly gas & air (although that made me throw up so I didn't actually take much, just the amount my mother forced into my mouth). I found praying ayah-ul-kursi really helped, (but that's just me), in the end I found myself just repeating the first line over and over as I was too tired to correctly recite the rest of it. Also having my mother recite duaas and ayahs to me helped. But as everyone will say, all births are different. However my next one is going to be a home birth Inshallah I don't care what my husband says!!!! Wassalaam |
| Re: Running scared...... |
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| Umm_Junayd |
| 12/23/03 at 08:15:26 |
| [slm] awww... ukhtee... there's nothing to be afraid of. WAIT.. you have kids already.. right? SO what's the problem? You've been through it atleast twice.. how come you're scared? I truly believe that if you have yhe right support it'll be alright. I couldnt take the gas and air (i actually chucked the mouthpiece back at the midwife cos i hated it so much) and i just had my hubby rubbing my back and massaging my head with a cold flannel.. come on.. tell us... why are you so scared? [wlm] *~ Umm Junayd ~* |
| Re: Running scared...... |
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| rkhan |
| 12/23/03 at 08:35:18 |
| [slm] Thanks for the kind words sisters and for trying to understand... I guess I'm like sis Fozia here, I'm just scared of doctors'clinics, the sound of metal clinking against glass in the labour room, the racks of sharp, shining steel instruments....and OHHHHHHHHHH the pain...............I'm one of those people who can't even stand a little drilling by a dentist until I'm well anesthetized..........talk about low pain threshold.......... A lot of people hv told me that sending salat and salam upon Rasoolallah helps a great deal and other masnun dua's, I have tried them and they do help, but I really feel out of control when the pains start You've all mentioned the presence of husbands and other family members, unfortunately that isn't allowed where I'm based and I'm surrounded by strangers in the labour room, which just adds to my anxiety..... I'd be grateful for any tips that you might have to share, as D-day approaches, I look upon my tummy like a time-bomb waiting to explode...May Allaah help me..... |
| Re: Running scared...... |
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| Umm_Junayd |
| 12/23/03 at 08:44:50 |
| [slm] I know what you mean about being out of control when the pain start ukht... I didnt do any of my breating exercises and i shouted at a nurse when she was taking long to bring me some water.. :) [wlm] |
| Re: Running scared...... |
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| M.F. |
| 12/23/03 at 15:22:28 |
| Assalamu alaikum, Yes! It DOES hurt!! You're not crazy to be afraid! Having been through it you know just what it is so it's completely normal to be afraid! My guess is that like me, one thing you're afraid of is chickening out at the end and not being able to handle the pain and asking for an epidural. That to me was the thing blocking me, and I saw it as the ultimate failure, the ultimate weakness. I told my sister, who had a homebirth and a 40 hour labor, and she said: So what if you get an epidural? And that took a lot of the pressure off. There's so much pressure, from medical staff to have an epidural and from friends and family to have a natural birth, you can't NOT feel like a failure after your birth (especially the first one apparently). Anyway, things don't always go the way we plan. You might wind up getting an epidural or going in for a C section (I was in so much pain at one point that I asked for a C section just so that they could knock me out). Or you might go through it all naturally, or you might have one of those miracle labors with little or no pain! It's all in Allah's hands, and the most important thing is that your baby's born safely. |
| Re: Running scared...... |
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| sis |
| 12/23/03 at 15:56:32 |
| alsalamu alaykum wa rhmat Ullahi wa barakatuh:) i can't speak from experience 'cuz i'm not a mom ;) ....but subhan Allah i sooo admire all you moms :) ....no wonder paradise is under your feet ....i pray Allah ta'ala grant you righteous and pious children that will be the coolness of your eyes and will treat you only with ihsan...may Allah ta'ala grant you khayr always for all you sister's waiting to give birth, take comfort in that even Maryam 'alayha alsalam experiejced much pain and even gave birth near a palm tree :o ....if you look in surah Maryam (chapter 19 of the Qur'an) , there's actually some advice for women who go into labour... "23 And the pains of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a date-palm. She said: "Would that I had died before this, and had been forgotten and out of sight!" 24 Then [the babe 'Iesa (Jesus) or Jibrael (Gabriel)] cried unto her from below her, saying: "Grieve not! Your Lord has provided a water stream under you; 25 "And shake the trunk of date-palm towards you, it will let fall fresh ripe-dates upon you." 26 "So eat and drink and be glad, and if you see any human being, say: 'Verily! I have vowed a fast unto the Most Beneficent (Allah) so I shall not speak to any human being this day.'" ....it make sense that eating dates and drinking water would help in childbirth.....you need the energy :-X ...and most definately remember Allah ta'ala as much as possible and that after hardship comes ease:)... w'Allahu ta'ala a'lam walsalamu alaykum wa rhmat Ullahi wa barakatuh:) |
| 12/23/03 at 15:57:50 |
| sis |
| Re: Running scared...... |
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| Kathy |
| 12/24/03 at 10:11:42 |
| [slm] [quote]"And shake the trunk of date-palm towards you, it will let fall fresh ripe-dates upon you." [/quote] Excellent point... never saw it suggested before... About c-sections. Please do all you can not to have one. The revovery from natural childbirth is about 3 4 days from the pain. A C-Section may take almost 6 months. I am talking from experience. Don't go for the immediate gratification.... consequenses are horrible. Then, like me. sometimes it is unavoidable... |
| Re: Running scared...... |
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| Emerald |
| 12/24/03 at 23:34:44 |
| As-salaam aleikum sis rkhan, I can completely understand what you are going through. First I'm a mother of an 8 year old daughter, second I'm a nursing student who just completed my maternity/pediatric course, and third a complete chicken when it comes to pain! When I was pregnant I knew nothing so my fears just escalated. Education TRUELLY helps in facing those fears and in finding ways to deal with them. If it's pain you're worried about, there are many other ways to decrease it without anesthesia. Try breathing techniques or imagery. There's also hydrotherapy and hypnotherapy. I suggest looking into them. They may seem silly but they actually DO help. When you focus on the pain of labor it tenses up the abdomen causing the contractions to hurt more. Also, make sure you have a support person with you. About snotty nurses/midwives...if you're not comfortable with them, you will NOT have a comfortable birth. The last thing you need is bad vibes in the room! Fear of pain is nothing to be ashamed of because we all deal with it differently so don't let whoever makes fun of you get to you! About C-sections, they are not performed unless absolutly neccassary. I've heard alot of people say oh docs just like to take the easy way out but c-sec's are hardly so. In fact, it takes more prep work and time to get a woman ready for c-section than a natural birth. If any woman should have one, she should not feel that she could have given birth naturally but was not given the chance to do so. I hope I was of help. If you need to know anything specific or just need some words of encouragement, please don't hesitate to drop me a note. :) Emerald P.S. You'll do fine! |
| Re: Running scared...... |
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| rkhan |
| 12/25/03 at 02:54:24 |
| [slm] Thanks for replying sisters, I don't know if it's having a cathartic effect but I REALLY feel better just by sharing my fears. Usually ppl just make smart comments ...to the effect that if you don't like the fire get out of the kitchen...in other words if I can't deal with the pain I shouldn't have babies!!! About educating myself, I've read a lot on birthing techniques, breathing exercises and whatever else I could lay hands on. Sis Emerald, I guess what I'm really looking for is pain management techniques, my gynecs say that I'm too tense during delivery, one of my kids actually went blue because I clammed up and just didn't do anything to help the birth. Besides I'm really intimidated by the attitude of the nurses and midwives, at one point they all gave me conflicting advice: one said breathe deep, the other yelled "Take this one Take this one...."( I haven't a clue what she meant, with the doctor screaming in the background "You're suffocating the baby PUSH." Another time I asked for another pillow to prop myself up in semi-reclining position because I felt more comfortable that way and one of the nurses said: U can only have one, this isn't a 5 star hotel.... Is it any wonder that I'm running scared??? Sigh........ Pls keep up the advice and the prayers |
| Re: Running scared...... |
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| ouch |
| 12/26/03 at 02:37:27 |
| [slm] sister, A lot of women are scared of giving birth, there's even a medical term for this kind of fear its called tokophobia. I'm a doctor and a mother myself, so basically I've seen it all...unsupportive or even abusive attendants (esp in government-run hospitals), family matriarchs who dismiss any fears straight away as being too pampered or too chicken....... :) You've mentioned that you have no medical problems and have had babies delivered normally earlier, so inshallah in your case there's nothing to fear other than fear itself. You will have an easier time inshallah if you try these visualization techniques: Think of yourself with a baby in your arms after the labour Try reasoning with yourself that labour lasts only for a few hours (at the most) which is nothing compared to the 9 months that you've carried the baby Think of all the 'ajr that's yours as a mother Think of the time between contractions as a period of rest , rather than tensing up I hope that was of help, inshallah you will be in my prayers. :-) |
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