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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| divorce in my future? |
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| Caraj |
| 12/29/03 at 04:21:18 |
| Well I was informed today my husband misses going to bars (for the socialization he says) and he misses going out and dancing (something he did on a regular basis before he married me) I asked him back then if I was cramping his style and he said no he was tired of it and had out grown it. But today he says he didn't think he would but he misses it. I guess even though we were married at different ports when out to sea at least he could go have a few beers with the guys and now he has had 3 1/2 whole months with me and he misses the night life. I'll be fine, I was before he came along and I will be again. I sat here faithful, bored and lonely for the better part of the last 2 1/2 years while he sailed around the world and had a couple/three days a month going out to drink and socialize. I am not sad, just a little ticked off as I could of been building a life for myself the last couple years. Oh well, tis just a bump in the road. Just thought I would post about it. Guess we will see what happens. |
| 12/29/03 at 04:33:25 |
| Caraj |
| Re: divorce in my future? |
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| faith |
| 12/29/03 at 04:35:06 |
| [slm] Dear sister Azizah, it sounds like a storm is coming your way. :( I'm sorry to hear that. I just wanna give you sisterly hugs and :-* and wish you would withstand the weather. Though I am not married, and having stood by my mom through her seperation from my dad, I can feel your pain and anxiety. Fear not, whatever happens, you will find the silver linings in the clouds that may come your way. Pray to God to give you the strength, courage and wisdom to see you through this. We will pray for you too... Hugs and :-*, faith |
| Re: divorce in my future? |
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| BroHanif |
| 12/29/03 at 05:34:44 |
| Salaams, [quote]it sounds like a storm is coming your way.[/quote] What storm??? Hardly.. guys like to interact with other guys with their level of thinking. Even if you get married to a guy he would still like to go out with his friends, now I don't go clubbing or drinking but still I enjoy going out with my friends. If he does go clubbing thats hardly grounds for divorce now is it, unless he comes home with a young lass on his arms or gets up to that kind of no good. Just give him time and he'll see things differently. Ciao Hanif |
| NS |
| Re: divorce in my future? |
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| timbuktu |
| 12/29/03 at 05:54:41 |
| [quote author=BroHanif link=board=madrasa;num=1072689679;start=0#2 date=12/29/03 at 05:34:44] ..... If he does go clubbing thats hardly grounds for divorce now is it, unless he comes home with a young lass on his arms or gets up to that kind of no good. Just give him time and he'll see things differently. Ciao Hanif[/quote] if husband & wife have different interests, as they grow older, they begin to feel incompatible. in my view, the more important difference is sis azizah's spirituality, & her husband's worldly pursuits. sis should be evaluating her afterlife, & then only thinking about the rest. here is a Q: suppose sis azizah accepted Islam, what would her husband do? |
| NS |
| Re: divorce in my future? |
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| Halima |
| 12/29/03 at 05:56:54 |
| Sis Azizah, I feel for you. May you clear the bump on the road and may it be easy for you. You will preserve. You always have and always will. Halima |
| Re: divorce in my future? |
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| Caraj |
| 12/29/03 at 12:44:45 |
| Thank you all for your wishes and input BroHanif, he misses bars, taverns and dancing, dancing requires a partner. I use to go with him cause he like to sing kareoke. I love hearing him sing, he has a wonderful voice. But I hate seeing and being around the drunks, the men slobbering, the woman hanging out of their clothing and the smoke.....ugggg....... I came home with my clothes and hair smelling like an ashtray :P Timbuktu, no matter what religion I am my husband has no desire to know God at this point. Or so it seems, I do not know his heart, I only know what I see. I am just a simple country gal who likes to work in her home, go out and make money and come back home to tend to the critters and watch a movie or go out with family. I am driven and a hard worker who likes things a certain way. He misses bars, the social life and my idea of a social life is my sons and their wives and the grandbaby and also volunteer work. I don't mind going out and he acted like he liked going with me. We had some groups we talked about would be good to socialize in but they don't happen to be at bars or clubs. I would not care if he went with the guys but why a bar? One time we went out they were doing a dance called the electric slide a sort of group dance like line dancing except rockish music not country. There was a gal top hanging out (way to much clevage) and drunk as a skunk. I am sitting there with my husband and this gal is motioning him to dance. You can tell he missed dancing and wanted to go and I said please don't. He got mad and said I am not going to dance with her, I just want to dance. I pointed to a guy by the bar whose back was toward me and said how about if that guy were to come up to me and ask me to dance. He said NO, I said then there you have it, you don't want me dancing with someone else and I do not want you to dance with another. I am not being fussy these gals even in a group dance were rubbing their back sides against men. If this past lifestyle is what he desires, then he is free to go. My idea of a good time is not a smokey crowded bar seeing many people spending their money on drink when they should be home with their families. I do not like smelling of smokes :P I am a boring country gal and he did the party, bars and dancing thing for years before me. This is ok. I can live with him or without him. We use to go volunteer at the veterns home wheeling wheel chair vets around to activities, we did the soup kitchen thing together. We did the Reno thing. If clubbing fiils a void, then it is a void I cannot compete with no have any desire to compete with. He was a sailor 20 years, he has only been my husband 2 1/2 years. And of that we have only been together maybe 12 total of 30 months. I'm ok. I have sons who we have gotten closer in the last several months and I have my businesses and critters and more. I love him and he is welcomed to stay but I do not feel like grieving if he choses to leave. |
| 12/29/03 at 12:49:49 |
| Caraj |
| Re: divorce in my future? |
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| humble_muslim |
| 12/29/03 at 17:15:01 |
| AA Just my two cents worth Azizah, don't know if it's relevant, but just in case... The best friend I grew up was a non-muslim. He and I were very close, like brothers - maybe more so, there was stuff I could talk to him about that I didn't talk to with my brother. We met each other when we were about 9. Anyway, we both grew up fairly conservatively. But when we turned about 19, he started doing stuff I didn't feel comfortable with (drinks, drugs, girlfriends, etc). And then at 21 I started to become more religious - which HE did not feel comfortable with. I remember one day we had a conversation and we both realised that things were never going to be the way they once were. After that, we started seeing less and less of each other. I still keep in touch with him by e-mail (he's in the UK, I'm in the USA) but I learnt long ago that due to our differing lifestyles, the closeness we once shared was no longer going to be possible. |
| NS |
| Re: divorce in my future? |
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| sal |
| 12/29/03 at 18:16:27 |
| [slm]Sister azizah you are a such descent woman wanting her husband move in the same path ,and this is realy wonderful thing. The difference is clear . But a thing we need to be aware of in such cases is , that as a man kind we are always being chased by SATAN and those and who feels ALLAH is protecting him/her from a major satanaic deeds has to thank allah for this . If this is the way you are finding yourself hating any bad manners or behavior or addictions well this is nice and the right way ALLAH has wanted you to . So in you future life then give time and chance to what ALLAH is willing to make things end to . 1-Try your best to advise and teach him the right way a human being has to live to be close to ALLAH and even to humanity as all what you have mentioned is not only anti religions but even anti personal reputations 2-You should give time till he can show a possitive results what ever speed and the percentage of progress is 3-Dont give advices in a form of order , 5- If he confesses what he did and or doing is wrong then you need to be more pateint since he can make changes 6- If he still insists with what he is doing , still give him more chance as he might be occupied by the big enemy (SATAN) .we might all be weak in cases 7-If there is no any sign of improvement to the better and if you realy believe this man is doing what ALLAH doesnt like , and if you believe you have given all the chances , but he is stubborn , then MAKE DUAA and ask ALLAH to chose the way he wanted for you Then what happens after this be it new way of living with him is what allah wanted and you have gained the AJER( reward ) of staying pateince till ALLAH has brought him to live in a right way . And or a divorce that ALLAH wanted you to get rid of this man if ALLAH meant you are not the right approperiate wife for him You dont know what will happen any way and what ever the result , most probably a divorce is what you are feeling the better or desired option for you, but always wish and make DUAA for him till the last minute that this is the person you ever been honest wife and wished to stay with unless his deeds ALLAH dislikes or you might dislike most of it and when things have reached to a hopeless point to get changed to the right what will happen after this is ALLAH's choise BUT GIVE PATEINCE MORE CHANCE :-* ;-) |
| Re: divorce in my future? |
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| Caraj |
| 12/29/03 at 19:05:18 |
| Humble, you hit the nail on the head. Salem, we have know each other for a long time, you are the brother I always wanted and I have great respect for you. But patience is not the problem. I am not the one missing an old lifestyle. I want the same things I wanted 5 and 10 years ago and it takes hard work and determination. I told him how I was before he married me no holds bar. He thought animals and outdoors and farm life was cool. Back then ::) He came to me missing the bars and dancing. We are talking but I am not the one wanting an old lifestyle nor will I beg or grovel for a man to stay with me. I offer love, faithfulness, life help, and kindness and more, if that is not enough then he is free to leave. Better now than 2 more years down the road. He can go off and socialize but does it have to be at a bar or dancing? If the shoe was on the other foot would a man tollerate his wife doing such things? Also I never said he could not do them things I am just not a bar type gal. Thank you all. I will try my best but you won't find this gal groveling at his feet if he wants to leave. He says he loves me I just think the lifestyle he thought was so great is work and planning and work and dreams and more work with a touchm of hope and creativity ;D |
| Re: divorce in my future? |
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| Twilight |
| 12/30/03 at 05:17:57 |
| Dearest Sis Azizah, I just wanted u to know that i am thinking of you and that u r in my prayers. I hope that everything works out in a way which will benefit you. just remember there is always a reason for the things that happen to us. <<<<BIIIIIIIIIIG HUGZZZZZZZZZ>>>> (sounds like elmo from sesame street but believe me if u were here in front of me that is what u would get ;) ) Take care and may you always be happy Baji |
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