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| My first Janaazah |
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| Kathy |
| 12/16/03 at 10:20:27 |
| [slm] I have often thought about the rites of passages in Islam. A life defining moment does not happen very often. When you turn 7 you begin to pray, when you hit puberty, you are then responsible for your own deen. In life, a moment may be when you get your car licence, voting card or graduation certificate. Your wedding, the birth of a child, and divorce are all moments that are defining. I have always wondered what the "grown up" moment was. When does one feel like they are now the elder, the adult. Even tho my hair is grey and gravity has taken over and my walk is not as springy as it used to be, I have never experienced it, knowing that I am now ~ a "Grown Up." The other day I was praying in line, and as I was waiting for the Imam to finish I glanced over to the girl's hand, next to me. It was young and supple. I glanced over at my hand noticed a remarkable difference. It was the hand of an older lady. At that moment I realized that death was much closer to me. I asked Allah swt to forgive me and have mercy on me. At the end of Jummah prayers they announced that one of the mothers had died and the funeral would be the next day. I did not know her, apparently they were from a couple of towns away, and she only came out at Eid time. That evening the Imam called me. He asked if I could help with the washing of her body. I had studied a bit about it last year when I was writing up the brochure for the dawah center, to be given to any non Muslims who may come to a Muslim's funeral. (Thanks to all those who helped!) I told him I had never done a janaazah before, but would. It dawned on me that now I was one of the elders in our young community. This was something the 'old' ladies did back home, according to my husband. But with our community being a rather new immigrant community, the old are dying off and it is time for us 'young'ins' to do our Islamic duty. So that night I poured over hadith, used the site Bhaloo recommended, and watched a janaazah tape. I was a bit nervous. Not because of my lack of knowledge but because there were going to be 4 women there, all of us from different cultures and all of us rather set in our ways.. ehm.. if you know what I mean! I was worried about the 'old' Sister in charge. Years ago when I had first met her she wanted to give me a potion to cure my infertileness. So I was wondering what kind of bidda was going to happen. Would I be strong enough to stand up to her? Would the others back me? And how can you be corrective, have discussions, avoid an argument -with the daughter-in- law there and in deep mourning? I showed up before everyone else and made duah to keep me in check and keep my behavior and possible attitude in check... I was horrified when I saw who the mortician was. He was a weirdo from my past life who had actually asked me out in a lecherous way at the funeral of my mother! I remember making my best friend and sister promise me that he would never prepare my dead body for the wake. Al-Humdullillah, I think the many added pounds and scarf hid my identity from him. He was friendly, most helpful and very accommodating to us with supplies and help. It was his first Muslim female and he afforded us every privacy that we needed. As you may know, I can not go into any details about the wash. What I do want to say is that if you get the opportunity to perform this rite, do not pass it up. It is the most peaceful, sincere action you can do for your sister. I am greatly blessed that Allah swt offered this trial for me. While I indeed found out that it was not a trial, but a blessing. We never argued, even tho we had some disagreements, and none of them were earth shattering ones. I watched as the sisters, who did not know this woman, take such excellent care of her, as if she could feel every touch. There was such a sense of duty and compassion, none I have ever felt before. Being a revert, we often see the benefits Islam gives us. I couldn't help but think how Allah swt protects women, even when they can not protect themselves. The mortician will never be able to put a hand on me. No one, but my sisters will see the condition of my body and I know all secrets will stay with them. The purity of washing, the simpleness of the shroud, the position of the hands in a prayerful state are all incredible signs of the day of death and the day of judgement, and just another sign of the supremeness of our religion. Subhanna Allah, it was the day I "grew up." |
| 01/18/04 at 16:10:22 |
| Kathy |
| Re: My first Janaazah |
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| UmmWafi |
| 12/16/03 at 11:31:05 |
| [slm] Sis Kathy What a wonderful piece. Thank you for sharing this with us. When I read this, my eyes grow hot and my throat was a bit constricted. In these mad times where accusations and fitnah are rampant, your piece brings out the beauty of unity and the true meaning of Ummah. We are all important pieces in this wonderful community of Islam. We just need to remember that I guess. Shukran jazilan once again. Wassalam |
| Re: My first Janaazah |
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| jaihoon |
| 12/16/03 at 15:01:39 |
Subhnallah! Death and thereafter is a scary experience, even for the alive ones around the corpse. Strange how we address the dying person by name even just before death, but after that it becomes just 'corpse' Jazak Allah khair for sharing. |
| Re: My first Janaazah |
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| IMuslim_4Ever |
| 12/16/03 at 18:53:41 |
| [slm] thank you dear sister for sharing your experience and inner thoughts... ouhhhhhhhhh death... "sigh" the thought of death scares me sooo much... reading your post tears came out... its sad...yet some other feeling... like a feeling of acceptence... or something... and isn't it so beutiful to be muslim...to be a sister of islam? oh alhumdulillah for Allah [swt] made us muslimeen... Alhumdulillah...Alhumdulillah ma salaama |
| Re: My first Janaazah |
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| paula |
| 12/16/03 at 22:40:13 |
| [slm] [quote]Sister UmmWafi wrote: In these mad times where accusations and fitnah are rampant, your piece brings out the beauty of unity and the true meaning of Ummah. We are all important pieces in this wonderful community of Islam. We just need to remember that I guess.[/quote] All these posts brought this thought to mind: I believe it is well known that I am a convert/revert to Islam as well. I’ve been facing a constricting time as of late. Alhamdu lillah. In this moment & with a society around me that is not too populated with fellow siblings or supportive of Islam, one of my strongest prayers has been my affirmation of faith in Islam & prayers not to loose hold of that faith. Masha’ Allah, strangely enough, I have had to take several moments of silence as I have, in some of the strangest places, come in contact with fellow sisters recently. Just the moment I see a sister I feel Alhamdu lillah (the unity) the representation it gives & what reminder of Allah (swt)’s mercy & love. This happened again this morning… another unexpected place…. I was in a moment breathless…. Then my minutes of silence that followed made me contemplate how quite possibly many who have the support of fellow siblings around them often, have not been given the gift of savoring what that support & unity truly means. The true sensation of that appreciation of sisterhood. Not because we can chit chat about the latest news or even cry on one another’s shoulder (which is much appreciated @ times.. Subhan Allah)… But just because ‘we are’. Without a word we are sisters… which, without a word, means our hearts are living for the same purpose & intent… Masha’ Allah. Beautiful Expression Sister Kathy [wlm] |
| Re: My first Janaazah |
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| bhaloo |
| 12/17/03 at 00:44:23 |
| [slm] If you want to truly, truly, truly, realize what death is and how close we are to it, you need to do what Kathy did. I've done 3 washings, alhumdullilah, all relatives, and they have all been quite an experience. You have a new perspective on life. If you haven't done a washing, what are you waiting for, go!!!!!!!! I'm not kidding. Help some family that is going through a difficult time. You'll have a new perspective on life, and realize how little time we have here. |
| Re: My first Janaazah |
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| Muneerah134 |
| 12/17/03 at 13:37:17 |
| [quote author=bhaloo link=board=bebzi;num=1071588027;start=0#5 date=12/17/03 at 00:44:23][slm] You have a new perspective on life. If you haven't done a washing, what are you waiting for, go!!!!!!!! I'm not kidding. Help some family that is going through a difficult time. You'll have a new perspective on life, and realize how little time we have here.[/quote] [slm] These words are true. This is one of the greatest priviledges I have had as a Muslim. Alhamdullilah, and thanks to Kathy for the sharing and reminder. Muneerah |
| Re: My first Janaazah |
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| Kathy |
| 12/20/03 at 09:16:20 |
Authentic Step by Step Illustrated Janazah Guide http://oregonstate.edu/groups/msa/books/funeral.html For those who asked for more information. |
| Re: My first Janaazah |
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| bhaloo |
| 12/20/03 at 10:10:31 |
| [slm] [quote author=Kathy link=board=bebzi;num=1071588027;start=0#7 date=12/20/03 at 09:16:20] For those who asked for more information.[/quote] *cough* who do you think gave them the book to put up? ;) This was a few years back, I hadn't been to their website in a while, its become better. |
| Re: My first Janaazah |
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| Kathy |
| 12/21/03 at 13:01:10 |
| [slm] [quote]used the site Bhaloo recommended, [/quote] Ya never know what effect you will have on people... Jazak Allahu Khirun |
| Re: My first Janaazah |
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| amatullah |
| 12/21/03 at 13:21:53 |
| I really liked this. I for one been asked but refuse to. I am too scared. What if they are deprived some ease or good because of who I am? And just scared period. How do you delt with this? or maybe you just did not feel the same? |
| Re: My first Janaazah |
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| bhaloo |
| 12/21/03 at 13:37:04 |
| [slm] I was a little nervious and scared my first time, but then I thought about the immense reward awaiting me for doing this act. I think that's perfectly natural to feel that. I also thought about, what happens when its my time, who will wash me? Perhaps the people I wash, maybe their relatives may remember this and help. I also thought about the grief the family was going through, and that I would be helping them in their time of difficulty. I remember hearing about some people calling the masjid and asking if there was anyone there to wash the body, and just going through that difficulty. And really, that shouldn't happen. We are one Ummah. Everyone's pain and grief is every other Muslim's pain and grief and we should be helping each other. Its really not so bad once you start, and you'll feel so good about yourself once you start it, and insha'Allah be rewarded for your actions. |
| Re: My first Janaazah |
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| Kathy |
| 12/22/03 at 08:59:56 |
| [slm] Oh yeah I was worried, although I did not let anyone know it. I just asked Allah swt for help, made my intention and then a dua then said bismillah. What Bhallo said was so true for me. It is our duty to do it. We just have to. Every single person I talked to said they didn't want to do it but were glad they did. Kind of like the gross stuff in life... the 'big one' dirty diapers, maggots in the garbage can, throw up on the floor... Ya just gotta suck it in and take care of it. However, it was not yucky at all. This is what I meant by the trial was indeed a blessing. Allah swt made it very easy. As far as the duties and being worried about screwying it up, those fears were alieviated when i watched a video. The Sheik said that just by pouring water over the body would be enough. With 4 of us there, if one forgot something the other was there to remind. |
| Re: My first Janaazah |
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| Shahida |
| 01/05/04 at 03:23:02 |
| [slm] JazakiAllahu khairun for posting your experience Momma Mod:) It really is something indescribable, I think all those who *can*, should definitely do it. This is one of those things that are seen as *only* for the older women. It has reached such a point, that here, nobody wants to teach the younger women. It is alhamdulillah, easier for the young men to learn. The mothers see this as *their* domain, and are not at all comfortable with letting *go* of this *position* in the society. I find that really sad. When my gran died (Allah yar7amha) my mom, my 2 sisters and I washed her. It was the most difficult thing, but I was happy that I could be a part of it, and fulfil her right to get bathed. Not everyone has the heart to do it, but for those who can, I say you have to learn, and you have to do it. You never know when you will be in a situation where there are no *older* sisters/brothers to take the responsibility... Anyway, thanks again Momma Mod, may Allah reward you Salam Shahida |
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