A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| What can we do??? |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 12/24/03 at 05:23:22 |
| [slm] I posted a message here a while ago about myself being the only practising Muslim (well, my mom sort of as well) in my immediate family. I mentionned how afraid I am that my family isn't waking up. And, that I don't know what to do. Jazakom Allah kheir for the advice you shared. I've kept quiet and stayed patient. Now, things have taken a turn for the worse. The other day most of us were sitting together and my brother said that he was going to his girlfriend's house for christmas eve and staying the night :o . We were all shocked, but since we know telling him not to do so, would push him away, we let it go. I want to just take him aside and advise him but I know he won't listen to me once he knows what I'm going to say. To be honest, I feel like smacking some awareness into him. But, alhamdolilla I'm not giving into that urge. What do I do? It's like he's falling deeper and deeper into a trap. My mom will go out of her mind if she finds out he has done something with his girlfriend. She's already sad that he actually has a girlfriend. How do we get some sense into him?!?!? Unfortunately, we don't have any relatives or friends that would be able to talk some sense into him. Can you make doa for my family please? Maybe your doa's will be accepted? |
| Re: What can we do??? |
|---|
| Nomi |
| 12/24/03 at 07:44:59 |
| [slm] Just made dua for you ppl. As for the advice, dont work on stems and leaves, work on roots!! Talk to him about blessings of Allah and how we owe each and every thing to Him. Whatever we had in past, have now with us or will have in the future is from the Almighty. And ask him that shouldn't we try to find out or practice what HE wants from us to do in life! Talk to him about paradise and the concept of "jazaa" (dont go into sazaa (punishment) for the beginners coz it might tick them off). In short, work on the root, the iman and lead by example. Be the best in deen AND skills as i said, lead by example inshaAllah. [slm] Your brother. |
| 12/24/03 at 07:46:38 |
| Nomi |
| Re: What can we do??? |
|---|
| faith |
| 12/25/03 at 23:33:26 |
| [slm] I would suggest to get your mum and your dad, if possible, to compel your brother to attend islamic lectures, preferably on a weekly basis. Your parents can compel him by threatening to cut his allowance, whatever works. The lectures would help him remember God, and that his actions are seen by God, everywhere he goes, whatever he does. Of course, it would help if he attends the lectures with the rest of the family. Slowly but surely, you will see the changes. My brother is changing for the better inshaAllah, I can see the difference after a few months of attending islamic lectures together. Alhamdulillah... Of course, keep up with your du'a too. But remember, your prayer to improve your brother's deen must be with effort from your family. Good luck, anon! :-) |
| 12/25/03 at 23:35:23 |
| faith |
| Re: What can we do??? |
|---|
| yumna |
| 12/26/03 at 11:03:36 |
| [slm] o dear sista i feel like crying for ur situations its really sad :(ofcourse we'll make dua for ur family esp for ur brother u no my advice would be same try 2 get paents involved in this or somethin also try 2 get him interested in these islamic websites and lectures it'll help alot sista |
| Re: What can we do??? |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 12/27/03 at 02:47:47 |
| [slm] I appreciate your advice everyone, May Allah reward you with paradise for it. But, my brother isn't young, he's finished school and working. He's in his mid-twenties. He does not listen to my parents. My parents are quite saddened by his behaviour. I've been trying to get him to go to Islamic lectures and check out Islamic websites for years. He gets tense if I mention anything about the deen. I don't know what to do besides making dua. In fact, everyone in my fmaily except my mom does not like to hear about the deen. The other night I was given a lecture by my other brother that he didn't like hearing me say sobhan Allah or alhamdolilla when I speak. It brought me to tears right in front of him. My mom was sitting with us and she was astonished at what he said. Its simply amazing (in a repulsive way) to see someone be so insensitive and inconsiderate. Its more than okay for my brother to swear, be cruel and rude, etc, but for me to just speak the way I normally do, it makes them uncomfortable :(. He had the audacity to suggest that I should speak differently when I'm around my family than I do whan I am with my friends. I didn't answer him, but in my heart I said I'm not a two faced hypocrite. It hurts because I want them to feel the beauty of the deen that you can never quench your thirst with, that you always want to increase in. My mom reminded me how Allah sobhanaho wa taala revealed that you cannot guide thos you love, but only He taala guides. May Allah taala guide us all and keep us firmly on His straight path. Alhamdolilla I have a sweet mom. She advised me not to speak with them if they aren't going to listen; she's right (I just always have this weakness that I fear on the day of qiyama, I will be asked about not reminding those around me). If any of you have some wisdom to pass on, please do. [wlm] |
| Re: What can we do??? |
|---|
| yumna |
| 12/27/03 at 06:01:54 |
| [slm] :'(O SISTA i don't know wat u should do now im so sorry all now we can do is make dua i 'll make special dua for sista rite after i log out that is and u also keep the lamp of islam burnin in ur house ok? keep trying ...be rude 2 ur brothers if u have 2 coz they have no rite to scorn and insult islam.... |
| Re: What can we do??? |
|---|
| sal |
| 12/27/03 at 06:22:14 |
| [slm] I am makIng DUAA for you right after I read this. I hope ALLAH will help and lead him to the right way . But I think before you try to give him lectures you should study his personality well .you should know the way he likes to hear things .H e might be a youth passing through the hardest peroid of life. He thinks what he is doing is right and it is not so easy to stop at this age . Talk to him about the things he likes even if that is about his girl freind and even if you don't like this subject . Let him feel some one in the family is in his side even with his wrong way . This way you will be able to capture all his thoughts and system . He will be close and open his ears with the nice words he likes and seems right in his point of view ( this might be hard but you need to be patient ) If you could be freinds besides your blood relation . That part of freindship will be the best and effective medicine as we know we some times give our private secrets to freinds and not family memebers. Dont ever oppose any secret he has told you at the very moment but don't forget what that secret was ( most probably about his girlfriend) To make this, talk to him about her a lot but not against her He will like you as a best freind ,and trusts you . then if some day you Advice him he will listen to you But as soon as he starts listening dont give all the advices you wanted to tell him at once and as a hard lesson becouse this makes him dislike talking to you Talk to him about religion a little and then change subject to the way he likes ( you could have got his way ) You find him having questions in his mind about himself He will find you a nice person and this makes him search his mistakes that were hidden inside himself ,he will confess some mistaks he had been feeling but not sure it might be a sin or mistake . he will try to ask you as a freind some questions ,he will tell you when he has a problem with his girl freind and once he has reached with you this stage , he is very close to you and any thing you say to him is very valuable Try to be close to his girl freind .and make the same steps and way you are doing with your brother I hope this way you can help them both and they can be wife and husband , and if they want to make a good end like this , this is not bad, at the same time they could have understood and learnt more about the religion well with your pateince I hope this will work well and good luck . WITH OUR DUAA [wlm] |
| Re: What can we do??? |
|---|
| ibnasabil |
| 12/28/03 at 01:49:58 |
| [slm] Basically, I think the way things like this work out is that fitra, the Muslim's age-old human nature which bore testimony to its Lord Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has to shine through the veils that have come to surround it. Sometimes, apparently, ALLAH causes the person's human nature to burn through the veils and illuminate the Muslim's way to the straight path after a time of heedlessness; the manifest causes whereby this burning can be achieved include the person's own conscience, exposure to wisdom, keeping the company of people with good morals, etc.; anything that induces good health, like consistent exercise and meditation; these things can help open a person's heart. Also, the blessing (and advice) of a good sheikh can help. If I was you, and my younger brother was behaving in the manner described, I would physically prevent him from doing so if I could and drag him by the ear to a competent Imam or Sheikh or sincere knowledgable brother and explain to him clearly and forcefully in no uncertain terms the benefits of good behaviour and the consequences of sin. If you can't do this singlehandedly, find somebody in your community who can get this through his addled brain and insh Allah there will be a great reward for all of you with your Creator. Finally, when you ask Allah for help in this, perhaps you could do so in the last part of the night, during the time for tahajjud, which is the best time for d'ua, and on Fridays, and while travelling, and when it rains; and make d'ua for me and my family too insh Allah. Jazak Allahu khairan. bro. octagon :-X |
| 12/28/03 at 01:54:54 |
| ibnasabil |
| Re: What can we do??? |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 01/04/04 at 04:56:56 |
| [slm] Thankyou for all your advices. Sr. Yumna, thankyou for the encouragement. Its definately tempting to be rude, but I personally don't think its worth the ennergy. Besides, aren't we taught that harshness makes things worse and that gentleness beautifies things? Br. Salem, I really appreciate your advice. It was a good and deep reminder. A couple of years back, my brother and i had a friendship. I blame myself for not putting more effort into it recently. It just so happened that I went through something difficult several months ago and I decided to keep to myself more so that I could deal with things better. No doubt, this slight isolation contributed to him distancing himself as well. Alhamdolilla, (thanks to Allah first and then your duas), he's started to open up again. Pray for us. But the thing that hurts more is that his girlfriend is non-muslim and he admitted he does not want to get married. I feel pain for the Muslim girl he'll propose to in the future. I don't think its fair that a chaste woman end up with an unchaste man, May Allah taala purify his heart to see right. Also, Br Octagon, my brother is older than me, I can't force him to do anything. I'm the youngest in my family, so its not often that I'm taken seriously. Its rare that anyone lisetns to me if I mention deen. After reflecting much, I think I only have myself to blame for this. I really need to cleanse my heart and make tauba for whatever I've done wrong, so I may see clearly what my family actually needs to get encouraged. If I were truly a steadfast believer, my actions would be enough to encourage. Pray for me and my family. May Allah taala guide us. |
| Re: What can we do??? |
|---|
| se7en |
| 01/04/04 at 06:01:35 |
| as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah anonymous, sis, one thing to keep in mind is that it is truly Allah alone who guides peoples hearts. we know that even in Rasulullah [saw]'s own family there were those who did not accept this deen. We know that Prophet Nuh, alayhis salaam, called his people to Islam for like a thousand years, and he still lamented to Allah: [color=black] "My Lord, verily, I have called my people night and day, but all my calling added nothing but to their flight from the truth."[/color] so.. keep in mind that we will most certainly be called to account for our efforts.. but that their outcome lies with Allah, azza wa jal, and their is wisdom in His decree. may Allah strengthen you in your struggle, grant you sabr, and open your heart and your family's hearts to His noor. wasalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah |
| 01/04/04 at 06:07:57 |
| se7en |
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board |