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Beautifying oneself for my hubs?

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Beautifying oneself for my hubs?
Anonymous
01/04/04 at 04:55:37
salaamu alaykum,

Alhamdulillah i recently got married by Allah's will. Prior to it, i went through loooads
of books and sat with shaykhs to learn the fiqh of marriage...one of the things i was
advised again and again was to take care of my appearance for my husbands sake (especially
use makeup etc). now i wear niqab so no non mahrem sees me beautified, and i wear light
makeup - just enough to stop myself looking plain (or plain ill)...but my husband found my
makeup bag and was furious. he really doesnt like makeup at all (he says its fake and
repulsive, although i know he thinks i look prettier with it) and he says im doing it for
him only and if he doesnt like it i shouldnt do it. But to be honest i do it for myself as
well - i dont know is it a woman thing? to want to look pretty? i really want to please
him...but this is a hard pill to swallow. if any of you could advice me on this i would be
very grateful. jazakallah
Re: Beautifying oneself for my hubs?
Nisa
01/04/04 at 07:22:55
[slm]

Mubrook dear sis on your recent marriage..may Allah swt instil in your hearts pure love for His sake, and may you be each others way to Jannah, Ameen.

Alhamdulillah that you gained knowledge beforehand!  It is so very important to equip ourselves with the right tools and the right knowledge especially with something that involves you spending the rest of your life with that person!  May Allah swt reward you abundantly for your niyah, Ameen.

Onto your query...well ukthi, like you said it is important for the wife to beautify herself (and indeed for the husband to do the same!) and I find it somewhat strange that even though your husband has the opinion that you do look prettier with it on rather than none at all, however on finding your bag, doesn't want you to go near the stuff  ???

SubhanAllah....I think ukthi that inshaAllah you need to have a quiet talk with hubby and address the issue of you wearing makeup.  You wear it to look nice for him, and as a bonus, you like wearing it too!  There's nothing wrong with wanting to look nice, as is related in a hadith:

Allah is Beautiful and loves beauty....... (Muslim)

Let him know how you feel and inshaAllah come to an understanding. If he is still adamant about you not wearing it, then inshaAllah there is good in that too.  :)

Pray this helped inshaAllah, let me know how it goes!
[wlm] :-)

Re: Beautifying oneself for my hubs?
Caraj
01/04/04 at 16:25:38
Beauty comes in many things, not just facial features.
If your husband tells you he does not like it and thinks it is fake, there's your answer and I would be thanking Allah big time. Why are you asking us? You don't have to be pleasing to us. <(comment not meant in a negative way, but in a joking sisterly way)

Many men like this but to me it is artificial. I even know one gal who gets up before her husband does, (EVEN on week-ends) he has actually NEVER seen her without what she calls, 'her face made up'    ::)

Beautifying ones self for your hubs, as you put it?
#1) Always have a smile on your face when he enters the room. That is beauty.
#2) Take a shower before he comes home from work, clean, fresh smelling is cool. I know my husband has said he likes it when he hugs me and my hair smells so clean   ;D
#3) Unless you're painting a room or doing some chores make sure you are dressed nice when he comes home.

Smile, fresh smelling, clean clothes, a big hug and a kind word upon his arrival home.......now that's beauty and not only outward beauty but inner beauty.

I have woken up to catch my husband watching me and touching my cheek.
I have heard of men watching their wives while they sleep (I personally never thought anyone but a sweet baby was pretty while sleeping)
I've heard from male relatives how they thought their wife was most beautiful while in the garden all dirty   :D
Men saying their wife was most beautiful right after delivering a baby  :P   ::)

Inner beauty Sis, inner beauty makes you look beautiful to your husband.
Now surprise him and save in a jar the money you spent on make up and when you have enough saved take him away for the week-end   ;)
01/04/04 at 16:26:57
Caraj
Re: Beautifying oneself for my hubs?
Kathy
01/04/04 at 22:41:47
[slm]

I understand what you are saying. My first hubby hated, hated, hated that I wore makeup.

I needed, needed, needed to. I really thought I needed to.

Even, now, years later, looking back, I will still stand on the soap box and say I needed to. In hind sight, years later, I found that he had the problem, not me....

But just to be fair to your hubby, what does your make up look like?
Is it light and covering up the blemishes, with a wisp of khol and mascara, with a hint of color on pale skin?

Or is it heavy and looks great on camera, but whorish on the streets?

In otherwords, is it the amount that bothers him.... or just the control that he enjoys? Or, Islamically does he, in his heart,really think it is wrong?

Ironically, even today, while my current hubby does not mind makeup, I feel no need to wear it around him, because he prefers it this way. However, I still feel the peer pressure and if going to a public meeting, with non Muslims, I feel the need to put my best face forward and apply makeup to correct the imperfections I feel mar my appearance.

See if you can determine from him, the real reasons for his objections... then post back!



Re: Beautifying oneself for my hubs?
Anonymous
01/15/04 at 10:18:01
salaamu alaykum,

azizah that was really beautiful advice mashallah :)

buuut...

I think my hubs has the same idea in his head IDEALLY, but in practice he did say once
that i look less attractive without makeup. i dont wear heavy makeup - just light lipstick
and eye makeup (a pale brown eyeshadow that masks the dark circles and kohl pencil).
thats all. i think somehow that hes making things hard for himself because of an ideal, akind
of beauty myth...and its not really an islamic ideal as such (not that its unislamic
either!!)

i dont know why i posted really - was feeling a little upset when i did, i mean, every
girl likes her hubs to find her attractive. guess im going to have to talk to him though i
dont want to - i like to let him have his way in everything...unless of course it
conflicts with the shariah. meanwhile i'll make dua that he finds things to love even in my
dishevelled, spent-all-day-in-the-kitchen state, shall I? :) its only Allah who puts love in
the hearts of spouses.

jazakallah sisters. ws

Re: Beautifying oneself for my hubs?
Nomi
01/15/04 at 11:37:59
[slm]

[quote]
i think somehow that hes making things hard for himself because of an ideal, akind  
of beauty myth...and its not really an islamic ideal as such (not that its unislamic  
either!!)
[/quote]

Has he got friends?

Are his friends married?

Invite their wives or sisters to your home for a dinner... Tell them to ask their men to talk to your Hubby while keeping your secret!

First befriend with their women and take them in confidence.

I hope this helps.. and sorry for the intrusion *shy smiles*


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