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Saddened

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Saddened
Serena
01/06/04 at 11:26:32
Dearest Brothers and Sisters in Islam,

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

I come here today saddened and humiliated. I will keep this post brief.

Yesterday I posted in the thread entitled “The Pain Thread!!” in the Shahadah Bookstore about my daughter.

Last night I received an email (I won’t name names but they are registered here on the board) that was so cold and heartless it made me cry.

Each and every time I post on this forum I do so to share an experience or good news, or to request du’as from my beloved family.

I was informed last night that not only this member but a couple others feel that I am lying, and a “pity party”. (What is a pity party?)
I was also told that I seem to require psychiatric help???

Maybe I am being overly emotional but this broke my heart. Looking back over the time that I have been here I do realize that I have posted a lot of events that have happened to my family and I but I have *never* lied!

I tend to be very open and honest about my life and life experiences. It is entirely my fault that I made myself feel comfortable enough here to open up and speak from the heart the way that I have.

I do believe that every one is entitled to their own opinion and I thank the person who sent me this email for opening up my eyes and letting me see what I was blind to before.

I truly apologize, and seek forgiveness, from each and every member that I have ever offended. Know that it was not done intentionally.

I will be in lurker status from now on. There is so much knowledge that I could benefit from here on the board that I don’t want to leave…but I can’t change how I write. I can’t change who I am.

You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.

Your Sister in Islam,

Serena
Re: Saddened
Maliha
01/06/04 at 12:40:50
[slm]
i don't know who that person is...but if i were Jannah, I would simply ban them >:(.

sigh...we just talked in a multi Page thread, the direction of the board and the necessity of us being *real*. Soooo many times I have been wrestling with issues, but i won't put it up simply because of the dynamics that make people (even me included) think they can be cruel behind cold monitors and even colder hearts.

I am grateful for meeting the precious souls on this board across continents and time space constructs who have individually guided me, showed me support and taught me to love for the sake of Allah only. I pray that you do not discontinue sharing with us your struggles, love and pain but i certainly do understand your choosing to do so.

with love, hugs and maadddd duahs,
your sis,
me:)
[wlm]
Re: Saddened
Serena
01/06/04 at 12:55:08
Assalamu alaikum Sis Maliha,

I just wanted to respond to your post real quick...

I don't want this person banned. I have seen at other times they have contributed to the board in great ways.

And like someone else pointed out to me, maybe they were having a bad day, or were frustrated for a number of reasons.

They vented. Maybe they feel better, insha'Allah.

Serena
Re: Saddened
jannah
01/06/04 at 13:10:08
wlm,

well as we've seen, everyone has their own opinions and individual reactions and it's impossible to control the way ppl interact with others. even though i hope we can learn some concepts of wise dawah together and use them on the board.

i can't control what people say outside the board (or on it :))  except for some guidelines so please respond to the person individually and tell them how you feel.

Re: Saddened
faith
01/06/04 at 21:12:55
[slm]

sister serena,

go on, if you tell us who (s)he is, we'll beat him/her up for you!  What a nasty person (s)he is, passing judgement like that...  >:(

really, personal attacks are just abhorant...just because these people lead cushioned/priveledged & sheltered lives, it doesn't mean everyone does!

in fact, i thank you for sharing with us your life and struggles, because, if I know there are people who face such difficulties in life, and are still strong with faith, then who am I to whine about my life....

There are people here who still cares, are kind towards one another, and aim to be as kind as Rasulallah  [saw] was kind to  all around him...

To the person who wrote nasty things to sister Serena (& those who share the same feelings), Beware!  ...Allah is Most Just (al-Ad'l)...He might just give you a taste of your own medicine someday...Repent while you still can...

Peace

:-)






Re: Saddened
Caraj
01/06/04 at 21:50:29
[quote author=Serena link=board=bebzi;num=1073406393;start=0#0 date=01/06/04 at 11:26:32]Dearest Brothers and Sisters in Islam,

I was informed last night that not only this member but a couple others feel that I am lying, and a “pity party”. (What is a pity party?)
I was also told that I seem to require psychiatric help???

I tend to be very open and honest about my life and life experiences. It is entirely my fault that I made myself feel comfortable enough here to open up and speak from the heart the way that I have.

[/quote]

How cruel   >:(
Well Sis don't feel bad,  I too have been very honest and open about my life and life's experience and I too have not lied, I only wished to share to help or encourage others or seek advice.
So if this constitutes needing phychiatric help then
let's go together  ;) and then we'll stop off for lunch on the way home  :)
Now I know I'm in good company    :-/

What Faith said has a lot of truth in it. People who had not experienced pain, suffering and the need for compassion and /or forgiveness sometimes find it hard to extend such gifts.

I'm so sorry you had to experience this. To the person who did this, may you not have to experience a situation where you are in need of compassion to teach you how to extend compassion.
I'm just so shocked, after all the stuff I have said on this board, I've never gotten such an email. But then again, I am the kind of person who would tell them where to go and how to get there  and most know it   >:(

Serena, Sis, I am here for you and you know how to email and IM me if you ever need someone to talk to or to just talk chit chat   ;)
And I too have wanted to just remain a lurker at times, but Serena, you know as well as I do there are many loving, kind, caring and compassionate people on the board. Don't let a small few discourage you from sharing and asking for dua's and such. I happen to know there are some on here who have gone through similar situations as us and a couple have a child with disabilities. Other have dealt with abuse, depression and more, and the ones who have the openness to share help others who want to share but prefer not to. Most likely for the reasons of being judged or ritaculed (or how ever you spell it)

Forgive this person and move on and I would even block their email from coming through if they do not apologise. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. Stick around Sis. Be yourself and if they can't deal with it forgive them and leave it up to Allah to deal with them.

((((((((((SISTERLY   :-)   HUGSSSSSSSS))))))))))))


01/06/04 at 22:03:30
Caraj
Re: Saddened
WhiteSomali
01/07/04 at 00:31:01
[slm] Sis Serena

It's really unfortunate the way some people choose to react. I hope insha' Allah you'll begin posting again, but if you don't I can understand why you wouldn't...

I always thought it was Haram to doubt another Muslim or accuse them of lying without sufficient reason, am I wrong about that? Or is it just that not enough people know?

Best of luck to you, may Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala guide you and bless you and your family.

[slm]
Re: Saddened
Nomi
01/07/04 at 00:33:56
[slm]

This world never fails to amaze you.

[quote]
I was informed last night that not only this member but a couple others feel that I am lying, and a “pity party”. (What is a pity party?)
[/quote]

I think s/he sent that email to the wrong person, like you didn't start being pity party you just contributed.

To the sender: I think you were afraid of me so took it out on the poor lady. My email address is... um.... ok.... i wont give you da dangerous one so punch me @ a_s_i_m_20 at yahoo ... and dont forget to put .com at the end. But no spam please, i'm already running short of space!

[slm]
pity party desi.

ps:.. oh i forgot to add a smiley => here you go :)
Re: Saddened
yumna
01/07/04 at 05:12:51
[slm]its alrite sista .....mmm its happenin too often now i don't understand how can ppl type things which they think is not goin to hurt the other as for the prson who hurt im sure he must be soo guilty concsius now ..that :-Xwell this is for him "cursed one is he who "INJURES" or plays deceit with someone "  he who is not kind to the one on the eart He Who is in the Heavens will not be kind to him
Re: Saddened
Anonymous
01/08/04 at 07:35:03

Bismillah Al-Rahman Al-Raheem


My dearest Sister Serena,

Wa-alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu wa maghfiratuhu.

I see.

I ask Allah ta’ala to Guide my words, sedate my anger, and allow me to refrain from being
unjust.

“Last night I received an email (I won’t name names but they are registered here on the
board) that was so cold and heartless it made me cry.” (Jan 6th, 2004, 11:26am)

Other than needlessly upsetting you, exactly what purpose did this email serve? Was its
intention only to question your ikhlas [sincerity]? And how did this emailer manage to
prise open your heart to a degree whereby they feel justified in *feeling* that you lie, wal
iyadhubillah? Definitely the price of your tears will be costly, and Allah tabarak wa
ta’ala knows best. Instead of wasting their time writing to you in such an unbecoming way
and providing you with a portion of their hasanat [good deeds] for defaming your ennobled
character, perhaps they should have better utilised their time and asked themselves how is
it that they have managed to succumb to the waswasa [whisperings] of shaytan and forego
the husn al-thann [benefit of the doubt] which is your right upon them as a Muslima?
Indeed even if they had within themselves such a suspicion – ma’adAllah – it would have been
better for their akhira [hereafter] for them to keep it to themselves. For now, the only
thing they owe you, if they care to make amends, is an apology. On the contrary, unlike
their neglect of the Prophetic Sunna in not only being demonstrably cold but also
heartless, you have raised them by a degree – no surprise to me – having concealed their names.
You have preserved their integrity in tact by affording them the luxury of anonymity,
something for which they need to be grateful for. I commend you on this, and caution you not
to divulge their names (I know you wouldn’t), for no matter how they treated you, they are
still your Sister/Brother, and deserve your example, not your revenge.

Such clumsy inclinations as expressed in emails like the one you have had the misfortune
of receiving, are better left inside oneself, unexpressed. That saves one the
accountability that will follow the uttering of such lame thoughts. I wonder if it was worth the sin
that resulted therefrom? Were such words worth the tears they caused and the hurt they
brought? Would that Allah ta’ala save the author from such mercilessness on that Day when
His Mercy, subhanahu wa’ta’ala, is sought. Where was the compassion that refrain would
have indicated existed within? Surely that would have been a better outcome to have
occurred? Knowing that one possesses the compassion that self-refrain brings, rather than feeling
obliged to say what one feels, at the expense of your precious Sister’s worth.

Once a Brother emailed me to ask me a question. The question was relating to a practice
which is common today but which divides Muslims. The way he was asking the question
revealed something about the questioner to me. Now, I may be an unlearned ignoramus with a
penchant for boring people to death with longwinded posts, but I don’t think I am a
(complete) fool. I realised it could be an instance where the question is being asked not to know
the answer, but to know the answerer. But then a warning sign appeared before me!
Maintain the husn al-thann towards the Brother, it is his right over you! So I arrested myself
from airing my wonderings about his intention, and simply asked him outright if he really
didn’t know the answer, or he just wanted to pigeonhole me (obviously I did not put it
like that, bluntly!). He had the sincerity to admit he had been trying to bait me so he
could identify which “camp” I fell into. At least he was honest. Better a mistake realised
than a good deed that brings forth conceit and pretentiousness. Wallahu a’lam.

My dear Sister, I suspect a ‘pity party’ is the pejorative used to describe someone who
seeks pity from others. Yet another manifestation by your emailer of their astonishing
ability to know your motivations, masha’Allah. I am still trying to figure out what
compelled them to write to you if this abysmal adab was going to be the only fruit of their
effort? My dearest Sister, the only thing you need to know you were blind to was the malice
sent to your inbox. In which case your blindness was a mercy not a hindrance.

I would suggest that rather than you requiring psychiatric help, maybe they require a
doctor of raqa’iq [works that soften the hearts].

My dear Sister Serena, don’t not stay because of the action of others who are not worthy
of being a cause for you to leave. Your presence is worth far as an example than their
opinion of you. It is related – wallahu a’lam – that the peerless Imam ash-Shafi’i,
radhi’Allahu ‘anh, once wrote:

qul bimaa shi'-ta fee masabbati `irDee
fa sukuuti `anil layeemi jawaab
maa ana `aadimul jawaabi wa laakin
maa minal usdi an tujeebal kilaab
--
say whatever you like in reviling my honor,
but my silence is an answer in itself to the rogue -
it is not that i lack an answer, rather -
it is not necessary for the lion to answer the dogs.

No doubt the same minds that were so quick to fire off their doubt about you to you, will
be as ready to assail me with the allegation that I have just referred to them as dogs, I
have not. But let those who wish to take an insult over an insight do so, yours is not to
wonder about them, but about the many who value you, care for your welfare, and will not
accept for you to be a lurker. That would be like me taking a lesson from a student when
a teacher is in our midst. You know, one does not have to be a scholar in order to be of
benefit to others. It has been narrated on the authority of one of our teachers that Imam
Abu Hanifa, radhi’Allahu ‘anh, apparently said “I prefer the stories of the Scholars
(’Ulema) and their company over most of fiqh - because that is the well of adab and good
qualities.”

I have never noticed your adab been anything less than beautiful to anyone you have
interacted with on this Board, and that itself is enough on your scale to outweigh the
ill-fitting words directed at you by whosoever wrote to you. You are far more worthy of our
respect than anyone’s negative opinion, and let anyone who has the nerve to say otherwise
email me and I will defend your honour, self-respect and dignity myself, personally. As if
it needed defence! Don’t trouble yourself with such trivial pursuits, but I will not
tolerate anyone making my beloved Sister cry.

I witness your largesse to your emailer despite the injustice perpetrated by them:

“I don't want this person banned. I have seen at other times they have contributed to the
board in great ways. And like someone else pointed out to me, maybe they were having a
bad day, or were frustrated for a number of reasons.  ” (Jan 6th, 2004, 12:55pm)

You are willing to take a hit yourself in order not to deny others the benefit of this
Sister/Brother’s contributions. What else needs to be said, as if this act itself does not
vindicate your staying here?

Hopefully your doubter can take a lesson from you, in the way you have made excuses for
their behaviour. It is regrettable they did not do the same for you. See, how is it they
made no excuses, extended no husn al-thann, for the one who is making excuses, and giving
them the husn al-thann now?

To give your emailer his/her due, even if there was some reason to doubt you, I can very
easily think of more reasons to allow you the benefit of the doubt – as is my Islamic
obligation – than to permit doubting you. For a start, there are conditions that need to be
satisfied before one forsakes husn al-thann, such as certainty that assails doubt.
Meaning that I have to be certain that you are lying, not merely doubt that you are telling the
truth. And this in itself is very hard to ascertain. The risk of being wrong is not worth
the consequence of not being right. So then, let me push a little more. Let us say the
conditions for not maintaining the husn al-thann were satisified, then it becomes a
question of whether it is *obligatory* on me to counsel you or notify you of my doubt. I would
need to know what my aim was here: just to make you aware that I think you are lying (what
would that achieve?) or to give you advice? And if I am giving you nasiha [sincere advice/counsel] then this presupposes me knowing how that is done too. And some of the
considerations that would precede such a decision would be the intended purpose of it as well as
the foreseeable effects of it. I would need to determine if the benefit would outweigh
the harm, for it is possible that my action could worsen the situation not improve it. And
this could be – take note – due to the manner in which I communicate my words to you. So
already we see it is not so simple as firing off an email to say a few words. There are
repercussions and there is accountability.

To be fair to them, such unnecessary words as they have alleged of you do not nullify
their past contributions to the Board, but they would diminish the worth of such
contributions. One cannot, and should not ever disassociate a person’s states from their actions.
Else we might as well accept the scholarship of Orientalists too. No, Messageboards are ace
means for veiling ones true nature. I know this as one who benefits from the anonymity of
the web, when I am far removed from the image my words might portray (probably not such a
good image if this post is to be taken as typical, lol). Such places allow anyone to be
fake. That is not to say anyone is, just that it would be easy for them to be so if they
so desired.

“but I can’t change how I write. I can’t change who I am.” (Jan 6th, 2004, 11:26am)

I am sure you could, but the question is, do you need to? Why should you? For the sake of
the opinion of one who knows you not? In that case, take my opinion: don’t change, and
don’t go because of them. Stay the same and stay here because of us.

I pray that this post, in combination of those that have preceded it in this thread, and
those that follow in like-minded spirit, replace some of those tears with smiles.

Your brother,

Abu Khaled

PS: I am still having to post anonymously here. If anyone is/does/has been (!) trying to
email me for some time, I have had some problems with my account for a few months now,
and cannot receive emails to it. I have also had general problems with accessing webmail
for some time. I will be in touch with everyone who’s email addresses I have shortly,
insha’Allah.

[color=purple][Admin Note: Bro please send us your current email. Ur old account is all set up][/color]

01/08/04 at 09:50:55
jannah
Re: Saddened
Abdussamed
01/08/04 at 10:38:15
[quote author=Ahmad link=board=bebzi;num=1073406393;start=0#6 date=01/07/04 at 00:31:01] [slm]

I always thought it was Haram to doubt another Muslim or accuse them of lying without sufficient reason, am I wrong about that? Or is it just that not enough people know?

[/quote]
[slm] You are right but reality isnt so. This is not take so serious. (some)Muslims give sadness to other muslims. Even they has so much knowledge about islam. They can also make such so thinks... I had also expermince i must say I'm realy shocked about their act to me.[wlm]  ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-)  :( PS: Maybe, who knows, anyday it is possible you can read it.....
01/08/04 at 10:40:20
Abdussamed


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