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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Should she have an abortion? |
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| Anonymous |
| 01/11/04 at 18:48:39 |
| Salaams.. I have a friend who got her nikkah secretly done two and a half years ago...their parents finally agreed to let them get married this summer. So anyway, after all this time of keeping the secret so well, she is now pregnant, due in October. The problem is that she's considering abortion...she got her appointment and everything. I told her that I don't agree with it, and masha Allah her husband has a good job, they are both in a suitable position to raise a child, and that a baby is a blessing which they might get rid of in the event of an abortion. I really understand her reasoning that she doesn't want to hurt her family, and the baby comes at an inconvenient time with respect to her marriage, and education (she graduates June 2005, insha Allah). She said she did research and that it is halaal to abort the baby before 40 days after conception (unconditionally). I don't know HOW to advise her. It is obviously her decision (her husband supports her with whatever she decides), but there are risks with abortion (or so i've heard). Comments? Please reply soon...we're racing against time. Wasalaam. |
| Re: Should she have an abortion? |
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| jannah |
| 01/11/04 at 19:40:43 |
| wlm, Whoaaaaaa there are differences of opinion about abortion. Like I mean some SERIOUS DIFFERENCES which can be the difference between what is allowed and MURDER. Tell your friend that she really needs to consult a Faqih here, with her personal details and situation because on the Day of Judgement she does not want her child to come and ask for what crime she/he was killed. Tell her to read Quran 81:8-9 "When the female (infant) buried alive, is questioned--" " For what crime was She was killed. " Like I did a basic scan of a book I have on the subject and found this, so I dunno where she got her fatwa from: *Hanafis say you can only with a valid reason which is that the pregnancy is harming another nursing child. (Ibn Abideen) *Malikis not permissible to induce abortion even during first 40 days of pregnancy. It is completely prohibited and haram. *Shafii (Imam Ghazali) even from conception it is an existing life and it's forbidden to take an existing life. *Hanbalis regard abortion as a sin and must play blood money. Sh. Al bouti says before 4 months it is only allowed: -If doctor's fear mother's life is in danger -If pregnancy may cause disease in body of mother -If new pregnancy severely reduces mothers production of milk and her already existing infant is solely dependent on the mother's milk for survival. So seriously!!! Go ask someone knowledgable. It is extremely important before she does something.. Btw I don't know what "got her nikkah secretly done" means.. but there may be some issues there on the validity of their marriage, but no doubt that's a whole other thing. I'm sure she can work something out. Parents will no doubt find out about their marriage. There's just no way you can keep something like that secret. And is it worth it to not have the baby to give her more time to tell the family or to wait until it leaks out? Tell her to tell her family. Tell them to have a "family only nikah" ASAP.... and then have a spring wedding. |
| Re: Should she have an abortion? |
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| onemuslimgirl |
| 01/11/04 at 21:33:45 |
| how sad...so many people are unable to have children and here Allah has given her one and she wants to get rid of it because she is afraid of what people will say.... there is a chance with having an abortion that she will not be able to conceive again ever. so here she is giving this child up, and later on she will wish for it...... i had a friend who did the same thing. she and her husband were engaged to be married, but they couldnt wait the 6 months between the engagement adn the nikah, so they got secretly married...went to a shiekh who did their nikah without their parents knowing. well she got pregnant immediately (i guess they werent thinking straight)...so she told her parents.... she thought they were going to explode, but alhamdullah her mom was happy that they did not do something haram and that they were married when it happened, and told her that the child was a blessing. because they told their parents so quickly, they had an announced nikah and small walimah immediately, telling people that they decided to have them married in a small wedding now, and then they had the big walimah 6 months later as planned.... no one was the wiser expect for their parents and her very very very close friends like me..... ps. getting married secretly has different meanings. i do not promote it, nor do i advise anyone to do it. it has too much complications. on a side note, i knew of a girl who married secretly and the guy had the marriage papers. well, she got pregnant so the guy decided to come propose formally to parents so that they can get 'married' infront of everyone. well, as he was coming to her house, he was in a terrible car accident and died. guess what everyone thought of her? yes, they thought she committed fornication. she had no proof that they were married and that the child belonged to him. Please be careful anyone who thinks about this. think about what could happen............. |
| 01/11/04 at 21:40:30 |
| onemuslimgirl |
| Re: Should she have an abortion? |
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| ltcorpest2 |
| 01/11/04 at 21:40:34 |
| i think it is sad too, especially the inconvenient part. My wife and I want throught 7 years of infertility and spent a lot of our retirement money ($30,000.00) to finally get pregnant. i would take that baby in a heart beat sight unseen. And her family is her and her husband and unborn baby. |
| Re: Should she have an abortion? |
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| SisterHania |
| 01/12/04 at 01:45:44 |
| [wlm] I was so sad to hear that Mike, whatever pain and hardship you and your wife are going through I pray that Allah rewards you with something better. I agree with Sister Jannah, despite your friends attempts to have an abortion her parents will find out. If the abortion is to cover up the fact that she secretly married without her parents blessing/consent, is she strong enough to live with the fact that she killed an innocent life made from herself and the man she loves to cover up their secret? Somehow things seem to have a way of unearthing themselves, for instance despite getting married without a wali's knowledge, the marriage is now likely to become common knowledge due to the unexpected pregnancy. I think the same applies to the abortion, she may feel having an abortion will cover up the secret marriage, BUT what if something happens that threatens to uncover the secret abortion (maybe medical complications after the abortion etc). It's like a vicious cycle of lies that will get worse and worse. Even if having an abortion in her situation does work out to be 'halaal' , isn't it more 'halaal' to tell her parents the truth? Inshallah I hope everything works out for your friend. |
| 01/12/04 at 02:06:33 |
| SisterHania |
| Re: Should she have an abortion? |
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| Anonymous |
| 02/10/04 at 20:48:37 |
| Salaams, Just an update. I don't know if your collective advice helped my friend, but Alhamdulillah they have decided to keep the baby, and she got her nikkah redone publicly with both sets of families present last weekend. Once again, no need to comment on the validity or virtue of that act, may Allah make it easy on them both. Thank you all very, very much. |
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