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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| Anonymous |
| 01/15/04 at 10:19:41 |
| I HAVE a crush!!! a REALLY bad CRush on one of MY professor i Feel so low and bad! im a practicin muslimah and i feel my iman has gone down. we are supposed to lower our gaze and all. but i dunno what to do how do i get over him. I am Dreading the day when the course wud end and i wud no longer see him. plz help me.i wanna get over him he is in his 30's must be married , so i stand no chances |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| Kathy |
| 01/15/04 at 10:37:32 |
| [slm] It happens to many of us, so don't feel alone. Make dua to Allah to change your heart. Recognize that it is indeed a crush and tell yourself that, obviously, nothing will come of it., whether you believe it or not, at this time. In the meantime, lower your gaze in the classroom, do not ask him any questions unless you absolutely have to and think of his wife and babies and how you would feel if someone was checking out your hubby. Then go tell your momma... that she should start looking for a man for you! |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| Orange_Tree |
| 01/15/04 at 14:25:18 |
| [slm] aaaw, I feel for you. I had the most terrible crush on a TA when i was at uni. i knew it was just a silly infatuation but quite frankly i was besotted! I nearly told him once and I'm so glad I didn't thinking back on it now!! Thankfully, my crush died down and i realised how daft I was being. I concur heartily with Sis Kathy's advice. Make sure you don't try to 'feed' your crush by trying to get alone with him or stuff like that cos it'll just make your head spin even more. Just accept ur crush for what it is, just a tiny wee crush that'll disappear soon enough. |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| Nomi |
| 01/15/04 at 17:07:15 |
| [slm] ;-) [i]Man, its 3:00 midnight here.. what am i doing up so late!!![/i] I once taught at this college for a semester... and no one had a crush on me :( .. May be thats coz the only two female students were older than me ::) um.. or maybe coz i just grew my beard back then ? OR..... um... OR maybe they thought of me as "Spiritual daddy" :( BroHanif.... Should i go back to teaching again? Oh and sis anon plz dont mind my post.. i'm a lil disappointed today!!! plz make dua for me inshaAllah. [slm] Once a professor! ps: Oh or may be it was due to my religion... coz it was a missionary college...... |
| 01/15/04 at 17:24:59 |
| Nomi |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| Matheerah |
| 01/16/04 at 10:06:01 |
| [slm] I've never went through this before but i know where i teach my students are always commenting that i look very young for my age and it gives me a self conciouse (spelling) feeling, i hate it when people keeping talking about my looks, i dont know why, but i start turning sarcastic and spitful for people praising me, i know i should be thankful to Allah for the looks he gave me, but this ugly character of mine took me to such an extent that i stopped putting eyeliner on and people still look at me ??? i wonder whats wrong with me. i feel angry with myself for being who i am somtimes. But it taught me to lower my gaze at all times, be it male or female, thats the only way i dont feel stared at and the only way to stop myself getting giddy everywhere. When i was 18 a 14 year old boy had a crush on me......it was ...um... not nice a feeling. Well anyways sister, its something small you'll get over with it. pray to Allah: Rabbana La tuzig quloobana ba'da is hadaytana wa hab lana mil-ladunka rahmah. Oh our lord, don not astray our hearts after you have guided us, and grant fron thou art mercy. Take Care. Qurrah!! |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| timbuktu |
| 01/16/04 at 11:10:57 |
| [slm] subhanAllah [quote] Rabbana La tuzig quloobana ba'da is hadaytana wa hab lana mil-ladunka rahmah. Oh our lord, don not astray our hearts after you have guided us, and grant fron thou art mercy. [/quote] i think there is a little mistake in the translation, but this is a beautiful dua, and i think i will memorise it. Crushes or infatuations are stupid, but they happen. and the key is "haya", if we ask ourselves where our haya has gone, we may recover it. |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| theOriginal |
| 01/16/04 at 12:04:38 |
| [slm] I think it is pretty natural...one of my professors warned me before I started TAing about this phenomenon. Thankfully all my lectures to date have been self-deprecating and egotistical (yes it's possible!) to date, so I haven't had any problems, although this one kid started showing up at all my posted office hours. One of my "uncles" married a chick he used to tutor back in Pakistan...and besides being hysterical for the rest of us, it actually was a source of extreme emotional turmoil for him before he decided to finally just...marry her. I can't believe you're dreading the day his course ends. If I was in your position, I would stop going to class. No, no don't do that, because you're not me, and that was only a theatrical "if". The best way to get over crushes in general is to go sky diving or hang gliding or scuba diving or something. It's a good feeling, and it makes you realize that crushes are so insignificant when you're strapped to a piece of plastic that's supposed to make your grounding a safe one or when you're staring at a shark and it's staring right back atchya. (yeah right) I've never been sky diving or scuba diving before, but I'll let you know if it was an effective resolution to my inane (not that yours is inane) dilemmas when I do. May Allah make it easy on you. Wasalaam. (I'm sorry, everyone. I'm trying VERY hard not to let my warped sense of humor spill on to the message board, but I really couldn't resist...I'll try harder next time. Ciao) |
| 01/17/04 at 10:02:32 |
| theOriginal |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| yumna |
| 01/16/04 at 13:42:37 |
| [slm] :-/ooo sis its ok as for me i ve had plenty gotten over them like ...so quickly... justconcentrate towards ur deen u'll get over it uno it happens 2 every1 though mayb soem mite deny it but it does though ranges of those crucshes may vary :Danyway u'll get over it with the pasege of time u'll see inshAllah :-* |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| timbuktu |
| 01/17/04 at 01:18:06 |
| [slm] [quote author=JustOne link=board=madrasa;num=1074179981;start=0#6 date=01/16/04 at 12:04:38] (I'm sorry, everyone. I'm trying VERY hard not to let my warped sense of humor spill on to the message board, but I really couldn't resist...I'll try harder next time. Ciao)[/quote] don't stop this "warped sense of humor from spilling over". We are all unique, and that is the way world should be. as for crushes, who hasn't had them? I may pontificate about "haya" and all, but i had my share in my youth. So don't worry too much. |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| Nomi |
| 01/17/04 at 01:26:03 |
| [slm] Speaking of tainted sense of humor.. [quote author=timbuktu link=board=madrasa;num=1074179981;start=0#8 date=01/17/04 at 01:18:06] as for crushes, who hasn't had them? I may pontificate about "haya" and all, but i had my share in my youth. [/quote] Last thing i expect is an "uncle" having a crush on ME ... :D [i]ya Allah never ever let my brother join here... i'll be e-grounded[/i] :P |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| FajR |
| 01/17/04 at 01:39:53 |
| hmm, i think the best thing to do is whenever ure brain starts to wander and starts is cute lil 'khayaali pulao pakaaing' (ok maybe ure not desi and wont get it , i meant 'fantasying' ) , try to jerk urself back to reality. Think of all the hard , heart-breaking truths, that prove that there is no way u and ure professor have a future together. Ex: - hes married, u would NEVER want to break a home - think of his wife, he must love her a lot - think of his kids, yupppp the apples of his eyes. - his age - most prolly he isnt muslim, so no wayyyy ya ukhtii! then sit in the back row in lectures, lower ure gaze and most importantly ask and beg for guidance from Allah swt , the dua is really good. Ask him to guide ure heart in another direction and help u get over this real fast, so that in a week ull look back and laugh.... [slm] :-) |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| IMuslim_4Ever |
| 01/17/04 at 23:31:09 |
| [slm] :) thats ok sis... don't worry... inshaallah what everyone else wrote will help you... i am out of ideas now... but please, when u see him keep on saying "May Allah protect me from the evil influence of satan" inshaallah Allah [swt] wll be your helper... and o yeah... keep a duaa book or any kind of islamic book with u... and whenever something "not so good" comes on mind just look at duaas or Allah's word... good luck! ma salaama |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| timbuktu |
| 01/18/04 at 04:22:13 |
| [slm] no one mentioned what the prophet [saw] said: F A S T I N g it works! |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| Anonymous |
| 01/18/04 at 22:06:48 |
| thankz for the replies . i will try out the suggestions. i guess i wont come up wid extra questions to ask him after class :) and well i have started thinkin of his wife and kids (what if he aint married). plz pray for me .I want to get over him. if u ppl have anymore usefull suggestions then plz give em to me. how long will it take for the crush to die out??? |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| jannah |
| 01/18/04 at 22:21:08 |
| Here's my suggestion Recipe for a Cure to a Crush: 1. Write down all the reasons why you think Crush target is a great person. All the qualities like : good looking, kind, helpful, religious, humorous whatever. Really analyze WHY you have a crush on the person. 2. Don't feel bad for liking those qualities.. those are all good things that we would want in a spouse. 3. Go look for an available and viable person that has the above qualities to have a real relationship (ie marriage) with :) |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| Tesseract |
| 01/19/04 at 04:14:30 |
| Assalamu 'alaikum, Why don't u just drop the class? The more u stay in his class, the more the chance shaitaan is getting to use ur weakness against u. I can't think of any better option than to drop the class right away. May Allah help u (Ameen). Wassalam. |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| Emerald |
| 01/19/04 at 22:36:46 |
| Sis Anonymous, here's my advice. I think the course(s) must be too easy for you. Try taking harder courses OR more of them. When your brain is overwhelmed with other things, BELIEVE ME, there won't be room for other things/ thoughts. It truly works! If not through school, find other ways to keep your mind off of him. Emerald (Someone said fasting, :D...that might work if the feelings were purely sexual but I doubt that they are. Plus, it temporarily gets rid of the physiological side of it but not the psychological side so if by nature you have a more than normal fondness towards the opposite sex, it's not going to help. That's just my opinion). |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| Nomi |
| 01/20/04 at 00:41:01 |
| [slm] [quote author=timbuktu link=board=madrasa;num=1074179981;start=0#5 date=01/16/04 at 11:10:57]Crushes or infatuations are stupid, but they happen. and the key is "haya", if we ask ourselves where our haya has gone, we may recover it.[/quote] Seriously, Yes they are stupid and they happen. But they are "stupid". And i hate to admit that i was stupid too. Like why would someone be ashamed of admitting that one did something stupid in 9th grade !!! Now there are levels of stupidity, some are less stupid and some are more and some.... well.... some are just desi type of stupids who break all records of stupidity. Like who'll have a crush on his teacher who was around 25 when the pupil was 15!!!!! Talk about being stupid!!!!!! But what matters is that you should learn from your mistakes and vow never to make them again. But i must admit, it was a lil unfair that that teacher of mine didn't find a match even at 25 coz (sorry for being open) ... coz she was <ahem> (me shermaing ::) ) ........ And i admit that indeed was stupid. Like a teacher has a status of your spiritual parent in islaam, not to say that you cant get married to them but having a crush on them just sounds...... yeah stupid. And i'm in top 10 of those stupids. phew.... and eww i cant even make this post member's only coz sis anon wont be able to read me then. (if shes not already a member :P ) Oh and sis anon, you need to go through sis Just One's post again coz its a lil deep there when it speaks about looking a shark right in da eyes. Like there are many other things in life to worry about, just take a step back and use that magnifying glass to explore other things in life. Think about orphan muslim kids who get adopted by non-muslims and hence are lost, think about that muslim woman who is a victim of domestic violence and is divorced with children to feed and has no one to help her, think about muslims shivering in camps and tents coz they lost their homes to a mad war on islam and muslims. They dont get to eat three times a day, they dont get to wear a new dress in months. Think about ways of helping illiterate muslims in the third world and african countries who are prime target of missionaries who rob their faith just by providing them some material stuff/gains. Think about those so called literate muslims who fell prey to westernization and hords are standing on the boundries of deen. And okay... if you do think about all that then think about that professor too... but dont think of him only :) (not to say that you do... but since you asked for advice so stupids like me (who had their share in da past) also presented some food for thought) [slm] ps: Hey i recall.... one student in that missionary college told me that i teach java server pages better than the previous instructor... hm.... i wonder why did she say that!!!!! [s]oh come on nomi, get a life [/s] |
| Re: Troubled muslimah [Crush on Professor]? |
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| Matheerah |
| 01/20/04 at 06:34:11 |
| [slm] lol.sister your post does have alot of publicity.and not 2 for get alot of advises ;) your not alone, many share your experiances ;) |
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