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Sleep in Your Own Bed!

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Sleep in Your Own Bed!
Savaira
01/15/04 at 13:31:07
[slm]

You know just the other day, I was thinking, how when our kids are little, we try to make them independent, teach them to feed themselves, sleep on thier own and all that stuff, and then when they get old and become totally independent, we miss doing all that stuff. My elder child, the 5 year old boy. I guess because he is my first child, i spoiled him so much, and now I regret it a little bit. He still doesn't feed him self, he wants me to do it, and he literally takes 2-3 hours just for breakfast. Its crazy. And I used to love having him sleeping in my bed all cuddled up with me. But now I am trying so hard for him to sleep in his own room, and its not working. He wakes up in the middle of the night screaming. I have an 18 month old girl too now. She is the complete opposite, she hates being fed, she always wants to do it herself, so i let her(but the food goes everywhere BUT her mouth). She doesnt like to cuddle much with me, but she is such a daddy's girl, she cuddles and hugs him all the time. She is not afraid of anything mashaAllah. If her brother would be chasing her she'll just run off into a dark room, and my son would turn around and run back cuz he doesn't like dark rooms. Its so funny.

I was thinking about starting a post on how to have my son sleep in his own room without being so scared. I am having such a problem with it. I tried everything. I told him to take everything out of his room that scares him the slightest bit. After a while we had a whole mountain of things outside his room that scared him. I put on quran tapes for him and told him that Allah will protect him, and he reads his surahs that he has memorized. But still its not working. He woke up 5 in the morning and he refused to go back to sleep alone. I sat with him for 2 hours and he wouldn't sleep, then my husband sat with him for another hour and he didn't sleep. I was putting my daughter to sleep in my room, and when I got up I found him sleeping under her crib. I don't know when he got there i didn't even hear him coming in my room. This all happened this morning. When i sat with him for 2 hours and then told him he has to learn to go back to sleep on his own and left, he started crying but then he stoppped. After a while I went back and peeked to see if he had fallen back to sleep or not. He was wide awake and he had put his Quran tape on by him self, and he was laying down in his bed staring at the cieling and crying quietly, wiping away his tears. It just broke my heart, I went back to my room and started crying. So my husband went and sat with him which didn't help either. Then he went to work and my son ended up sleeping under the crib some how.

I hope I am not boring anyone but please, I would really REALLY appreciate it if someone could help me out and tell me what to do. I don't know what to do with him. I don't want to give in and let him sleep in my room again, then he will never sleep in his room. Anyone have any suggestions??

JazakAllah

[wlm]
Re: Old Momma's advice to new mommas
Caraj
01/15/04 at 20:18:17
I have an idea   :-[  my sons loved it.
As long as you have plenty of blankets and proper heat if you live in a cold climate. My sons loved sleeping in tents, not a real one but they would put chairs by their bed or dresser and throw a blanket over it and they would hold the blanket on the chairs with books, put their blankets in their tent, with a flash light. I don't know what it is about little boys and tents, it's like their own little cave. Where no body can see them

It the plug will reach but his tape player with his tapes in it, a cookies cause cave men need energy and a flash light and tell him when he is in his tent only Allah can see him   ;)

Hey, how about as wer are talking about this we look and post/share Quran verses dealing with children, that would be cool. (How to love them, disapline them, things like that, anything to do with children.

My boys had bunk beds during some of their childhood and would throw big blankets over the top so they hung down over the bottom bunk and snuggle up with each other and sleep on the bottom bunk. When I put them in their own beds and came back later to check on them they would be in the same bed together all snuggled up (this was at like ages 4,5,6,7. It was soooooooo cute.
01/15/04 at 22:27:08
Caraj
Re: Sleep in Your Own Bed!
Kathy
01/16/04 at 09:58:57
[slm]

We had the same problem... 'had' I said... I think if we let him, he would crawl back in!

In the begginning we had the family bed...so  much easier for all when nursing. [i](disclaimer: recently the American Pediatrics Assoc. has come out with a warning not to have family beds)[/i] Also, his room is not insulated well, and the nights are cold here, and I just felt so much more comfortable having him near me, where I could see that he was covered.

Ok.. well maybe it was me with the problem! I can tell now that cutting the apron string will be a tough one for me! Who can deny the doe eyed, 'I am scared', warm and cute kid begging to jump into bed with you. Much less what mother has the energy, after finally plopping into bed, to take him back to his room at 2 in the morning? It is so much easier to move over!

Like I mentioned, the problem was probably more mine~ than his!

I thought he would be driving a car before we would be able to coax him out... :P

When summer vacation was approaching, I gave him a specific date deadline. This way he would be over whatever trauma before school started again.

We completely redecorated his room. I let him choose. :P Pokemon... everything Pokemon. We made a big deal out of it... and he heard me tell everyone about his room. He began to love his room and feel like a 'big boy."

It worked... gotta admit, the first couple of nights were so hard.....
on me!

Re: Sleep in Your Own Bed!
theOriginal
01/16/04 at 10:19:56
[slm]

lol wow...parents actually discuss this?  I slept in the same bed as my mother for aaaagggeeesssss.  I mean literally ages.  And yes, I would still crawl back if she let me.  And when I go back, I still use the "doe-eyed" look on her, and she gives in.  

Note to children: The best way to do this, is to employ the "you read, let me give you a foot massage" strategy.  And then fall asleep on their feet.  They will, no doubt, take pity on you and leave you there.  You can sort of move in into a fully blanketed position an hour later.

Wasalaam.  
Re: Sleep in Your Own Bed!
Orange_Tree
01/16/04 at 11:18:51
  [slm]

Hee! JustOne's post made me larf!

Is this the place to confess that i crawled into my parents bed when I was younger?  Seriously, I had some issues about sleeping.  My parents just told me to stop coming into their bed!  I still did it occassionally but for the most part stayed in my own bed.  Sometimes, I wud get out of bed and just sit in the hallway so i cud feel close to everyone else in their rooms.  Thankfully, I grew out of it.  However, soon I'm gonna be staying at home on my own for a few days ALONE! Eek! I hope the experience isn't too traumatic and makes me regress back into a scared kid again.  I'll be setting up a tent just in case  ;)
Re: Sleep in Your Own Bed!
Ayla_A
01/16/04 at 11:45:33
[slm]

My only son is the same way, though now, he does stay in his own room, but he will still, if we have company, prefer my bed over sleeping on the couch.  If he has a big day, something new that he is really nervous about he will still hint at sleeping with me, but he is getting to big now (14)

It was a painful process and like Kathy, it was just easier in the middle of the night to just move over and let him curl up with me.

He even learned a trick, that when my husband would go to work in the morning (when he was about 4) he would hear that door close, and come bounding into my room to get at least 1 hour with me.

For a while, I would let him fall asleep in my bed, then move him out when I went to bed, but then he got too big to carry.  

Finally when I moved into a new apartment, I told him, that this was like the big step, my room was my room and his was his (had to get Grandparent reinforcement on this) that he stopped coming to bed with me....He was 12

Though it is not islamic, but I really believe that if I had a dog, and the dog slept with him, it would have solved this at a younger stage :P  But no dogs in the house.  I was afraid to sleep alone too, so I grew up with a cat on one side and a dog on the other, it was very comforting.....

So I don't really have a solution, other than time, as he gets older, he will become less afraid, and then he will want the privacy....this probably doesn't help in your sitation, sorry  ;)

[wlm]
Ayla_A
Re: Sleep in Your Own Bed!
Savaira
01/16/04 at 15:49:04
[slm]

JazakAllah everyone for your advice. I think giving him a flashlight is a good idea sis Azizah. That should help a little. He wasn't so bad last night Alhamdulillah. Sis Kathy I did sort of redecorated his whole room. He took out most of the stuff he didn't want in it, and made me move the bed away from the window yesterday which I think helped a little.  And I have a cat, thats not a bad idea letting the cat sleep in the room, but I don't know if my husband would agree to that(he is a clean freak and doesn't like the cat climbing on beds). I have noticed lately that he is a little less afraid but carries the cat around when he wants to go somewhere a little further from me.

Personally, I don't have a problem with him sleeping with me. But lately he has been so afraid of everything and according to my husband he kicks too much :) so I thought to give it a try. I have gone so far now, I don't want to give in and let him sleep with me again. He seems to be improving but I never know with him, He can change his mind all of a sudden and refuse to sleep in his room again. Maybe when he starts school he would be better. He had to miss a year cuz he didn't turn 5 by september. JazakAllah again everyone for your help. I really really appreciate it. I would love to hear more ideas if anyone has any.

[wlm]


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