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Parent problems/ really need insight / advice
Caraj
02/08/04 at 16:37:11
I know I throw out a lot of advice yet I am far from perfect and at times have no answers for myself. I did a Anon Post about having troubles with my mother and in another post about something mothers came up and Abu_Hamza had some great insight as to the Quran not saying you have to love your parent, but it says to honor them. (I think the word honor was used)

After many years of not having the mom I wanted and trying to be the mom I never had to my sons. After much resentment, my mothers head games, non concern for my feelings I have finally broke and she called the other day asking what my new number was going to be, I told her (I was honest) I did not have the paper I wrote it on handy and I would call her. That was last week and today I finally worked up the courage to call her and chew her out for all the S*** and head games she has pulled and done. There is so much to this and I will try to give you a couple of the many examples.

She has a history of doing this stuff not only to me but to others and it has been going on for years. 1) I was telling her I wanted the honor of buying the first thing my grandbaby slept in and I was going to buy the crib and bassonette (I know amkamp I am spelling that wrong), I went and bought the crib well before the child was born and told my daughter-in-law I was buying a bassonette, but my mother went and bought it before I could.

Years ago (about 5 or 6 yrs ago) I was talking to my mother and told her I was going to make the sons and their wives Easter baskets (before my change in heart about such hoildays)  and as adults I was going to put in the basket tools and gloves and such for the sons and lotions, candle and such for the girls. Well you guessed it, she went and made one before I did. When I confronted her and said now I can't do it cause I will look like a copycat, her responses were, I MADE A SPING Basket NOT an Easter Basket....There is nothing saying they CAN'T HAVE 2.
We then made up and she suggested we next time make a basket together, It never happened.

She was there when they they took my grandbaby home after it was born, she was the first to hold her, she was the first to feed her, I am so mad I just can't wait till she drops dead so I can enjoy my grandbaby. I know this should harsh, but it is the way I feel.

She was suppose to meet my other son for dinner the other night and she calls him on the cell phone asking where he is, and then she says wanna hear you neice? My son was like  :o    >:(    so while he and his wife were waiting for grandma to meet them for dinner she was busy at the other couples home and said WELL I am JUST up the street and I'm on my way. She showed up 15 mins later. (she was 3 minutes away)

My mother ruined my childhood to busy with drink and men and now she is a proper dry Christian she is busy enjoying 'MY' Family.
So I did respond today with all the hurt I felt in my heart. I told her if she would ever need anything or be sick I would be there in a heartbeat but as to her I had no desire to have anything else to do with her. And before when I partly drew the line I was always the one to humble. I even once, (the only time I did) when I was watching the grandbaby, called her and invited her over, in my heart it was a truce, it was ok, I know you're this way but I will still love you and be a nice daughter. She came over and we actually had a wonderful time and joked how we were going to buy the kids movie tickets and dinner certificates and sit the baby together, she has now watcher her a few times, do you think she has called me??? NO WAY. I asked her once, hey thought we were gonna call each other when the other was watching her. All I got was, well it was last minute notice.

I feel like my mother has no consideration, no respect, no maternal instienct toward me, doesn't like the person I am, has no pride or concern in me or my feelings, dreams and goals. And I finally woke up and decided I was done with the games. I took my lumps and am ready to move on......motherless.......
So what do I need to do to honor her so Allah doesn't condem me? Jannah lies at the feet of a mother........I have no mother    :'(
All I have is a past of hurt and anger. I have tried loving her in spite of her like I advise others with spouses and in-laws.....I feel defeated. I no longer wish to try. I will be there if she needs me or anything but I want nothing to do with her any longer otherwise. Input? Advice? What do I need to do so I am not on God's not so good list?
To be honest, if she dropped dead tomorrow, it would not be a big loss, you can't lose something you never had. I don't wish anyone dead, I don't wish anything bad for anyone, it just would not be a big loss. My grandmother was my biggest loss to date. My babysitter and grandmother raised me mainly till I was old enough (14) to run away and lie about my age. At 14 I had a 40 hr a week job in a factory and my own apartment   :o I kid you not. And everytime the police found me and brought me back, I left again. No drinking, no drugs, a worked and renter at 14  :o

Please, someone help me to know what is my min and basic responsability so I am obeying the Almighty in regards to a mother?  I do not wish anything bad for her, I will help her with her needs. I just do not wish to be around her or associate with her any longer. I forgive her and accept her for the way she is, I just want nothing to do with her.
02/08/04 at 16:52:08
Caraj
Re: Parent problems/ really need insight / advice
Stephanie13
02/08/04 at 17:41:40
Assalam alaikum Sister Azizah,

As hard as I have tried to hold my feelings in, reading your post has broken me down.  :'(

Sister, please think about my mom. This could very well be the last day I have with her and it would kill me if the last word I said to her was out of contempt. I’m sorry for all that you are going through, I really am, but your mother brought you into this world and she has the right to be forgiven by you, despite your anger and frustration at her. The same way that you would want Allah (swt) to forgive your mistakes.

My grandmother hasn’t spoken to us in over 4 years, and she did so many things to my mom you wouldn’t even believe, BUT, if she came knocking on our door tomorrow, my mom would reach out and hug her, and welcome her into our home with open arms.

(My mom will be mad for saying this) : A few days ago she wrote a letter to my grandma asking HER for HER forgiveness in case she did anything to hurt her in the past. She doesn’t want to die without letting her mom know that she loves her, forgives her, and that she is sorry for any and all mistreatment in the past. Imagine? And it was HER mother that treated her badly. SubhanAllah, it made me cry.

So Azizah, try to forgive your mom. And please forgive me for saying so, but from reading your post it seems that there is some jealousy between you two. You never know what Allahs (swt) plans are, but you will probably be here a lot longer than your mom, so (in my opinion) let her enjoy the kids, give her her time, she will thank you. Trust me.  :-*

You will feel much better for it, and inshaAllah your relationship will strengthen and you will become close. And pray, pray, pray asking Allah (swt) to open your heart and create a bond between you.

And remember, Allah (swt) hears and sees all things.

Stephanie

P.S: Please don't be mad at me. I know I am much younger and I haven't experienced all that you have. It was just my opinion, and I know I can be opinionated at times.  :(
02/08/04 at 17:45:14
Stephanie13
Re: Parent problems/ really need insight / advice
Maliha
02/08/04 at 19:24:43
[slm]
Mashaallah, stephanie, you are an intelligent, articulate young lady:) sooo nice you joined us sis:)

Azizah, don't sweat the small stuff really. I mean, if my mom was competing with me to shower *my* kids with attention, i would be like "awwwwwwww..." over the moon with joy. I mean really think about it?

She must be a really old woman, and everyone she once took care of has left her..she has no one but *her* family, including you, and your children...it just seems soo hard hearted for you to feel these aweful negative feelings like "if she drops dead..." etc.

You seem like such a nice, thoughtful lady..the hardest people for us to be kind to, are our loved ones. It's easy to go out of your way for strangers, and that is why the Rasul  [saw] always insisted on us to maintain kinship ties. You get extra rewards loving someone that "hard" to love. But your mom? despite her inattentiveness, despite what she has done to you..at the end of the day, she is you mother. There is no one on this earth that can fill those shoes, and you'll be suprised that underneath that "tough" exterior may lie a sensitive, insecure woman, weeping her heart out into the still darkness of the night...

Let her enjoy "your" kids, your grandchild...let her into "your" heart..which in essence is a part of her. This is *her* family too..and sorry to toughen up on you..but you need to cut her some slack.

It is soo appalling to me, to hear these words and feelings..I haven't been through your experience, so forgive me, I may not be able to relate. But just think about your position as a mother, and allow yourself to imagine your son saying the same things about you...its gotta hurt.

i adore my mom to pieces...and i didn't realize that until she went to Kenya to live with my bro and her first grandchild. The void she left behind, the sweet warmth of her embrace..her sheer being..is irreplaceable. Too precious to squandor.

I pray you and your mother discover the healing balms of love...and reach into the depths beyond the illusions of ego, and shadows of doubt...beyond the pride...into the undeniable ancient roots bonding your souls together..this life is too fleeting to hold a grudge...especially against your own mother.

May Allah guide us all (Amin).

Sis in struggle, :-)
[wlm]
Re: Parent problems/ really need insight / advice
Caraj
02/08/04 at 20:59:45
Gosh I feel so terriable that Stephanie with all she is going through read what I posted. Sorry Stephanie.

Nur_al_Layl, no she is not an old woman she is only 58. I do not mean to sound so harsh and these feelings have been brewing. My mom is a total control freak, if she has time for you, it will be when she wants, where she wants and how she wants or it will not be. And the conversation will be of the context she wishes.
She goes to church and does all this stuff and is there 3 or 4 nights a week yet has no compassion for her own daughter.
She spent my childhood pawning me off on my grandmother and babysitter and I was always home for my kids and she had a chance to be a grandmother, I want a chance to be one.

I am not the only one feeling this way, my other son and his wife are feeling the exact same way. Her work and her 3 or 4 nights a week with her church and her friends. My son works 5 or 6 days a week and his wife 6 days a week and she gets off work at 7 pm on days my mother is at church, 8 pm on other nights but Grandma noooooo she doesn't like to eat that late. And she has never had anyone over to her house. It is to small is her excuse now. Before it was something else.
My other son is hurt also.

I truly love my mother, but is it love for a person or the little girl inside who wishes she had a mother. Now I am feeling terriable I chewed her out so. And as always it will be me to bend and mold and submit, tis the only way I'll ever have a mother.
Please do not feel so shocked or feel bad about me cause of this. I have only listed a few examples of what has been done. Otherwise this post would be way to long.
I will love her and forgive her, but I do not wish to spend the rest of my days feeling like I have. My mother is dead, she died in 1991, she was my grnadmother. She was the one who hugged me and soothed me, she was the one who loved me, she was the one who had an interest in me.
This lady now only gave birth to me. She shows no caring, love or respect for me, she tollerates me and I am tired of acting like everything is ok. I know I tried to be the mom I wish I had, had. My sons know I care and I love them and that I am proud of them and that I am proud of them and will be there for them no matter what. I cannot say I feel the same way about my mother.
May God forgive me, I do not want to feel this way. But it is the way it is. I just need to please and obey God. I will make sure that woman is fed and cared for if ever she needs it. It does not mean I have to beg for any morsal she throws out to me. It is not a grudge, it is the way it is.

I am sorry you miss your mother after she moved and there is a void. I understand a bit as I felt that with my grandmother. However the void I have has been since childhood when I was held back (by sitters) screaming and begging my mother to not go as I watch her go away time after time and we are not talking to go to work. Now she wants to be sweetie sweetie and be the grandma to my granddaughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Play head games with me!!!!!!!!!!!!
I bet I am shocking many people right now, and I do love and care about people and things, however we all have our limits and 42 years is not a bad limit. When you wake up and realize what is making you hurt, you learn how to avoid it.
Please forgive me if I offend anyone and I guess many of you will change your opinion of me. I tried being nice by inviting her when I was watching my granddaughter, I tried by everytime I had pics by getting copies from her, I tried by asking her to be a part of things I was involved with. I have seen my granddaughter 3 times (2 of them for 10 mins or less) in the last 7 weeks, she use to laugh and smile and make noises to me up till then, now she looks at me like she has no idea who I am. My mother however has spent hours with her atleast  3 times in the last week. When I was asking folks to dinner I included her till this year, when she does I am not included. This is not just her, I realize as my other son points out it is also my sons doings also.
Let her have the time, I give up, I shall keep the journal going (of nice things and possitive things only) so my granddaughter will know me when she is old enough if she wishes.
I just need to know what is my basic and min things to honor her. If she is sheltered, fed and all which she does herself, she is only 58.
I am feeling awful what I said to her but I swear it was the truth and how I felt.

02/08/04 at 21:04:40
Caraj
Re: Parent problems/ really need insight / advice
rkhan
02/09/04 at 01:19:01
sis azizah I'm truly sorry that you're so upset. As someone who's yet to cut the umbilical cord with my mother, I can only imagine how hard your situation must be.

Have you heard the saying: Things that don't kill you outright, leave you stronger?
I assure you these are more than words: they're a life-giving mantra. The good thing about bad times in the past is that they're GONE. They don't have to be a part of your life unless you let them. So, simply LET GO.

Do you think dwelling on your unhappy childhood and teenage years, the neglect and abuse will help you get on with your life in any way? On the contrary it will leave you filled with bitterness and negativity with very little room for forgiveness, healing and positive bonding with your mother and the rest of your family.

Some of the things you wrote about (the part about the Easter baskets and bassinette, the "stealing time" with grandkids and kids) sounded so familiar. I have a relative who was raised by a stepfather after her real father died and her mother re-married when she was 2. She has two other siblings who just got on with their lives but for some reason this lady carries the resentment to this day. She blames her mother for everything that has gone wrong with her life (let me add that not much has...she's a successful teacher, financially well-off  and mother of 2). She didn't even inform/invite her mother for her grandchildren's wedding, much less share baby pics and other stuff...it helps that her mother lives a continent away.

What I'm trying to say is that this person has let her past discolour her attitude permanently...she doesn't get along with her own children and their spouses and  is barely on talking terms with her husband of 30 years, her own real brothers and sisters and half-sisters and mother. Not much of a life, wouldn't you agree? It could've been different if she had accepted early on that this is the kind of parent God has given her and now its up to her  how she deals with that.

I wouldn't ask you to be a martyr/angel/fake...just extend the same common courtesies,  consideration and  care that you do to strangers and inshallah it would go a long way. Hope you'll seriously think about this and not dismiss this out of hand. Many duas.

02/09/04 at 01:22:42
rkhan
Re: Parent problems/ really need insight / advice
Stephanie13
02/09/04 at 01:24:14
[ If I am wrong or misleading in anything I post, please politely correct me. ]

Assalam alaikum Sister Azizah,

Here are some excerpts from an article my mom has about the Muslim woman and her parents:

“The Muslim woman who truly understands the teachings of her religion is kinder and more respectful towards her parents than any other woman in the world; this does not stop when she leaves the home to marry and start her own family, and has her own, independent, busy life. Her respect and kindness towards her parents are ongoing and will remain an important part of her behavior until the end of her life, in accordance with the Quranic teaching which has enjoined kind treatment of parents for life, especially when they reach old age and become incapacitated and are most in need of kind words and good care:
     Quran 17 : 23-24  "Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humilty, and say. ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.’”

“Abdullah ibn Mas’ud said: “I asked the Prophet (pbuh), ‘Which deed is most liked by Allah (swt)?’ He said, ‘Prayer offered on time.’ I asked him, ‘Then what?’ He said, ‘Kindness and respect towards parents.’ I asked him, ‘Then what?’ He said, ‘Jihad for the sake of Allah (swt).’”

“A man came to the Prophet (pbuh) to make “bay’ah” and to pledge to undertake hijrah and jihad in the hope of receiving reward from Allah (swt). The Prophet (pbuh) did not rush to accept his bay’ah, but asked him, “Are either of your parents alive?” The man said, “Yes, both of them.” The Prophet (pbuh) asked, “And do you wish to receive reward from Allah (swt)?” The man replied, “Yes.” So the kind-hearted and compassionate Prophet (pbuh) told him, “Go back to your parents and keep them company in the best possible way.”

“According to a report by Bukhari and Muslim, a man came and asked the Prophet (pbuh) for permission to participate in jihad. He asked him, “Are your parents alive?” The man said, “Yes.” So the Prophet (pbuh) told him, “So perform jihad by taking care of them.””

“The true Muslim who understands the meaning of this Quranic guidance and teachings of the Prophet (pbuh) cannot but be the best and kindest of all people towards his parents, at all times. This is the practice of the Sahabah and those who followed them sincerely. A man asked Sa’id ibn Musayyab (raa): “I understood all of the ayah about kindness and respect towards parents, apart from the phrase ‘but address them in terms of honor.’ How can I address them in terms of honor?’ Sa’id replied: “It means that you should address them as a servant addresses his master.” Ibn Sirin (raa) used to speak to his mother in a soft voice, like that of a sick person, out of respect for her.”

“Just as the Muslim woman hastens to treat her parents with kindness and respect, she is also afraid to commit the sin of disobeying them, because she realizes the enormity of this sin which is counted as one of the major sins. She is aware of the frightening picture which Islam paints of the one who disobeys her parents, and this stirs her conscience and softens any hardness of heart or harsh feelings that she might be harboring.”

“Abu Bakrah Nufay’ ibn al-Harith said: “The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) asked us three times, ‘Shall I tell you the greatest sins?’ We said, ‘Yes, O Messenger of Allah.’ He said, ‘Associating partners with Allah (swt) and disobeying one’s parents.’”

“A man came to the Prophet (pbuh) and asked him, “O Messenger of Allah (swt), who among people is the most deserving of my good company?” He said, “Your Mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” The Prophet (pbuh) said, “Your Mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” The Prophet (pbuh) said, “Your Mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” The Prophet (pbuh) said, “Then your father.”

“Ata’ ibn Yassar, who narrated this report from Ibn’ Abbas, said: “I went and asked Ibn Abbas, ‘Why did you ask him if his mother was still alive?’ He said, ‘Because I know of know other deed that brings people closer to Allah (swt) than kind treatment towards one’s mother.’”

“And we have enjoined on man [to be good] to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: [hear the command]: ‘Show gratitude to Me and to your parents: to Me is [your final] Goal.’ Quran 31:14”

“A woman may enjoy a life of ease and luxury in her husband’s home, and may be kept so busy with her husband and growing children that she has little time to spare for her parents, and neglects to check on them and treat them well. But the Muslim woman is safe from such errors, as she reads the recommendations of the Quran and Sunnah concerning parents. So she pays attention to them, constantly checking on them and hastening to treat them well, as much as her energy, time and circumstances permit, and as much as she can.”

“The Muslim woman who has embraced the values of Islam is kind and respectful towards her parents, treating them well and choosing the best ways to speak to them and deal with them. She speaks to them with all politeness and respect, and surrounds them with all honor and care, lowering to them the wing of humility, as commanded by Allah (swt) in the Quran. She never utters a word of contempt or complaint to them, no matter what the circumstances, always heeding the words of Allah (swt)."

InshaAllah this will help you a little bit. Sorry I can’t write more but I have to study.

Stephanie

Re: Parent problems/ really need insight / advice
Caraj
02/09/04 at 04:40:04
I am so sorry everyone, and I am totally embarrassed and bet many people now see me in a very different light. (I never claimed to be perfect. I was very angry when I posted this. Not only for myself but my son as well. He keeps saying...Maybe if we have a baby people will come see us too. But he knows this is not the case with me. I was just at his home yesterday, he was bored and his wife was at work and we had an wonderful afternoon together.

I know this makes me sound like a bitter and angry little girl. I don't mean to sound that way. I just want to enjoy my family, my sons and their wives and my granddaughter. She had her time to be a mother and grandmother now it is my turn.

There is much more to this but to much to go into on a board like this. My aunt told me she was like this with my kids and to never let her know what I was getting or going to do cause we all know she'll run out and do it before you get a chance. My mother is who she is and I just have to accept it. Today after learning more stuff, I asked my husband, if I feel this way and I am right then why do I feel so bad about being honest? He replied that is just the way you are. He also said if people knew the total truth they would understand. I also learned my mother gets away with more cause the boys are not comfortable putting her in her place where as with me they know they can say no or be blunt and are comfortable being more direct and honest with me. (My fault as I always asked for brute honesty and no false polietness, is the way I raised them  ::)  )
I am so sorry if I offended anyone and I am sorry if this makes anyone see me in a different light, I am just glad I raised my sons to know they were loved and cared for. Maybe I wouldn't of done things that way with my sons had I not experienced different with my own mom. I totally regret this post however I am thankful for the insight and honesty. My mother and I have always had a strained relationship, I will always be the one to give in and apologize and disregard my true feelings and I will will have to accept her as she is. She really does play a lot of head games and a lot of control games. It is just the way she is. I just have to accept she will not extend me the same curtesies as I do her. Again, I am sorry if I offended anyone I was more angry when I did this than I have ever been.
Re: Parent problems/ really need insight / advice
timbuktu
02/09/04 at 10:45:04
[slm]

i really did not want to butt in, as the replies have been very good, but i think one factor is miissng from the replies, a factor that sis azizah has pointed out, but strangely enough, it has not registered with the other posters on this thread.

you see we are asked to be polite and helpful, and not to say even ugh to our parents, but we are not required to give up our rights. You have a right to enjoy time with your family, and your mother is not going to be a good influence on your grandchildren, so you would be right to restrict her access to your grandchildren. I am sure you can arrange it with your sons and daughters-in-law. Just do not shout at your mother.

just my 2 cents
02/09/04 at 10:53:54
timbuktu
Re: Parent problems/ really need insight / advice
Stephanie13
02/09/04 at 11:13:54
Assalam alaikum,

No one said that Sister Azizah had to give up her rights. Not to be argumentative Brother Timbuktu, but I totally disagree with what you said. Sister Azizah should not restrict her mother’s access to her grandchildren. She has as much right to see them as our Sister does. Being at the age where –if it were plausible- to have a great-grandmother, I would be very resentful if my grandmother blocked my access to spend quality time with her.

I think a lot of compromises have to be made here. Sister Azizah, I really like you and think you are a very caring woman. I’m sure that the way your mother treats you is tearing you up inside because I see it with my mom and my grandmother, but I think the end result of this relationship lies with you. Maybe you could perhaps ignore (as hard as it may be) some of her behaviors and be an example for HER of the way a mother/grandmother should be and it might rub off on her. ;)

No matter how she treated you in the past you can’t go back and change it. But you can change the future. If you really want to fix your relationship but she won’t listen to you, why don’t you send her a letter? Write about all the things that she did to hurt you, and why they hurt you. Use a lot of "I" words, don’t place blame. Be honest, yet polite in your approach. Tell her how you would like your relationship to be and give some examples. Take the kids and her to lunch. And as hard as it may be, give her a hug, tell her you love her, and tell her you forgive her for your past hurt and you want to start anew. But please, BE PATIENT. It won’t happen overnight. Keep your eyes on your ultimate goal (repairing your relationship) and stick to it. Let the little things go. Trust me, in the end, it doesn’t matter. :(

Stephanie
Re: Parent problems/ really need insight / advice
Caraj
02/10/04 at 20:35:30
Thank you everyone for your posts and those who sent me private messages.
I really went off on my mother that day I posted and I know this will sound
awful but it felt good and I was speaking my heart and mind.  I was very angry and had reached my limit. I have however called her and apologised. (on answering machine as she was not in) It is hard to explain how I felt, cause I felt both good and bad about it. Good that I was finally getting everything out of my system and bad cause I have no desire to hurt anyone. She is who she is and I justs have to accept it. I will make sure her needs are met when she gets older and is in need and I'll be repsectful to her if and when she calls. I may even meet her for an occational lunch if she were to ask.
What time she spends with my grandchild is not my concern. I will however not call her to share my time (when I babysit) to be nice anymore, she does not do the same as she said she would. I will make sure I never mention what I am going to do for someone so she can't go do it quick first.
I'll be respectful I'm just not going to go out of my way to be around her.
Thank you all again, and for those who privately messaged me, I'll message you back tonight or tomorrow.
Please forgive my temper tantrum post everyone, please.
I was very angry and very hurt and had reached my limit.
InshaAllah  my granddaughter will know who I am when she is older.

As to my relationship with my mother, it will take two and I cannot do her part.
I can only be kind and respectful but for my sanity sake I can only even do that from a distance any longer.
Re: Parent problems/ really need insight / advice
Nomi
02/11/04 at 05:53:36
The LAW will judge you ("First Knight" style  ;-) )



heh j/k, atleast i haven't changed my opinion about you, hm...  :)

[quote]
watching my granddaughter, I tried by everytime I had pics by getting copies from her, I tried by asking her to be a part of things I was involved with. I have seen my granddaughter 3 times (2 of them for 10 mins or less) in the last 7 weeks, she use to laugh and smile and make noises to me up till then, now she looks at me like she has no idea who I am. My mother however has spent hours with her atleast  3 times in the last week
[/quote]

Could it be that.... that she sees her lil doodler Cara in your grandaughter? And wants to give her the love that she couldn't give 'you' when you were a doodler! Ofcourse she can't pick you up like a kid now and hold you in her lap  :) and kiss you  :). So, she is giving that love (she didn't use back then) to cara-junior? Sounds so cute to me.

I shared this few months back and will do so again. My paternal grandfather died at the age of 105 around (he went to masjid 5 times a day till 100+ mashAllah) but last 2 years were very hard on him as he couldn't even use the washroom. So my uncle, bro and i took care of him. He used to live with my uncle which was a 25 minute drive from our place, my brother and i used to sleep at uncle's alternatively to help grandfather 5-10 times every night with his excretion and other needs.

At times i used to be tired and ask my bro to go on my turn, sometimes he used to ask the same from me. But overall we were doing it happily although at times i thought of it as burden, used to express nothing just thought of it as burden sometimes. And when he died those thoughts came back to me and i started feelings really bad for even thinking on those lines only occasionally.

It kept hurting me for a while so i asked Allah for forgiveness and realized that we are only human so we just can't be perfect.

Moral: ....... i dunno :)

Take good care respected lady.
02/11/04 at 05:57:24
Nomi


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