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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| problem with parents regarding marriage |
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| your_sister |
| 02/12/04 at 04:05:20 |
| Assalamu alaikum I don't know how much detail to go into here. I have been trying to get married for some time now. My parents have been looking for me. I had one proposal and that was totally not suitable to me, and my parents can not see the reasons why. That proposal was some months ago. My father refuses to look for a guy to marry that is more suitable to me. He says he will only look at men similar to the first proposal as he sees nothing wrong with it. I try and explain what I want but he is unwilling to compromise. He wants to ideally marry me to a close relative from back home. These men are not very religious. I am not sure if they even pray five times a day. The women cover when going out but then mix freely in doors with non-mahrem men. They want to come to the West mainly for money etc. I want reassurances that I am marrying a religious man who is not typical of the men I have met back home. But my father will not give me reassurances. He says I expect too much. My question now is can I leave home and live with other family while I find a husband myself. My father says I can not find someone myself whilst living with him. We have tried getting other people's help to negotiate the problem but it has not helped. The elders of my family do not live here and do not know me well, so are not in the position to help me. Any advice is appreciated |
| Re: problem with parents regarding marriage |
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| Caraj |
| 02/12/04 at 17:45:07 |
| I did a post in the Sisters board. I'll go look and give you the title so you can look it up and read. I never endorse being disrespectful to parents or dismissing their advice however, consider marriage a LIFE SENTENCE like you are going to jail :D Ask yourself this question...... What kind of life sentence do you want? Then in your heart and mind you will know exactly what you want and need in a husband and do not settle for anything less. In the end, it is YOU who has to cook and coolk for him. It is YOU who has to sleep with him and It is YOU who has to pick up this guys dirty socks and put up with any bad manors this man may have. If he is not your intellectual and religous match or close, chances are he will not be later. I wish you well and I'll check the title and post it here in a few minutes. Sister, it is in the Ahkwat Cafe and titled: All Sisters, please read and pass on Also to help you in your search for a husband and trying to figure out how to deal with your parents, please, I highly recommend you read not only posts in Ahkwat Cafe but also here on this one and even search the Archives and read about the problems sisters have faced in regards to marriage and parent and making the wrong choice. My heart is so saddened by the sisters who did not follow their gut and came back later with problems. I have been here over 2 years and there have been many. Maybe if any of you sisters are reading this you can be sweet and private message this sister with your wisdom.........wisdom that came at a price and you know exactly what I mean :'( |
| 02/12/04 at 17:52:28 |
| Caraj |
| Re: problem with parents regarding marriage |
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| al-ajnabia |
| 02/12/04 at 18:14:49 |
| [slm] It is you who has to be married, your life. If you have any choice you should use it. You sould consider who your father finds, but if it is really clear to you that he is not considering your welfare, you need to consider your own. But be careful who else you let help you, sometimes people seep nice because they are tilling us what we want to hear while they are considering our good even less than those who are responsible to do so. I dont know if that helps, Salaam, |
| Re: problem with parents regarding marriage |
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| se7en |
| 02/16/04 at 04:54:38 |
| as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah, hmm.. sis, one thing to keep in mind is that your father is your wali, and so you will need his consent to marry.. finding someone that you like, but that your father won't accept, may just lead to some hardship and heartbreak on your part, don't you think? is there anyway for you to work on a compromise with your dad, and get him to see things from your perspective? |
| 02/16/04 at 05:03:57 |
| se7en |
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