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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| liars among us |
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| lala |
| 02/17/04 at 22:45:06 |
| [slm] for all those among us that lives double lives..this is my 'beef' if you had a friend that one day told you what really was going on in their life what would you say to them? This friend hangs out with muslims, prays five times a day, recites quran beautifully, has a great education and shows lots of promise; comes from a well respected family within the muslim community and again is a nice person. Now, if they told you (their friend) that all along for several years they have had a girlfriend/boyfriend person what would you say to them? Now, this person knows that this is wrong, tries to modify relationship with this person so its not 'haram', bqt still talks to this person..yet they never mentioned to you for years (say ten or so) that they had this girl/boy in their life..as a major aspect of their life. AS a friend what would you say? any advice? would you blacklist your 'friend'? how would you support your friend?? ... side note: i dont understand why people just cant be honest upfront and real about who they are man. Dont hide who you are - otherwise some people will knw the real you and others will know half of you ..why have a double life? sorry guys..i got a chip on my shoulder...needed to get it off.. [wlm] |
| 02/17/04 at 22:47:22 |
| lala |
| Re: liars among us |
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| ltcorpest2 |
| 02/17/04 at 22:53:12 |
| But, don't all of us have double lives? or triple or more? Are you the same person on the internet that you are in real life. You view yourself as a certain peson , but friends that are asked to describe you would describe someone else. or coworkers would describe even someone else. and then, you are not the person who you want to be or the person you are aspiring to. And then God/Allah views you as something different I would imagine. |
| Re: liars among us |
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| lala |
| 02/17/04 at 22:59:45 |
| mike, i'm not referring to that type of double life. Yeah we sure are different with coworkers than we are with our mothers and fathers..et..et. however, when you put up a religious face in front of friends but then have another side that is totally unislamic - what do you make of that? u get me? I'm not writing this clearly I know. Maybe it comes down to our definitions of who a friend is ... example again: you have 2 friends 1. childhood friend for 15yrs or so and still hang out with them and their family 2. girlfriend/boyfriend for 8 yrs and hang out iwth them etc. ur childhood friend doesnt know that girl/boy person EXISts in your life. Yet you consider this childhood friend a 'good' friend...yet u lie. maybe i'm wrong about this.. [wlm] |
| Re: liars among us |
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| theOriginal |
| 02/17/04 at 23:14:52 |
| [slm] I don't know...this stuff is so complicated. I'll be honest with you, I hate dishonesty, I hate liars, and I hate myself when I lie. I can't stress how much I hate my lying self, but that's peripheral... However, the situation you described is completely different. I mean, if this is your friend you're talking about, then sure, maybe you're concerned because you feel hurt or betrayed. But as far as this person's point of view is concerned, I completely understand them, and I think it's great that they hid it (and that they could manage to keep it a secret). As muslims, we have to hide other people's sins, and our own sins...and I think it's unnecessary to pull out your rime of the ancient mariner strategy and announce to the whole world what you're doing wrong. I don't know if it makes him/her a worse person for wanting to hide their sins, especially if they are trying to correct it (as in your example)...I don't know. Go ez on them. Plus everyone has their own stuff to deal with... Wasalaam. |
| Re: liars among us |
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| Nomi |
| 02/18/04 at 00:05:45 |
| [slm] My friends come from all spheres of life, same might be true for many of us. And i dont think its our right to be told each and everything that goes on in their lives. What if they know that its a sin but are fighting it or are just doing it coz of weak imaan, why should they tell it to us provided we are their friends for so long. Alhamdulillah, i am all for hiding my friend's mistakes, makes for a turstworthy relationship. Just dont let their company affect you negatively which will not be the case when we "bring them into our more islamic environment" (interpretation of the meaning). Mike, the way i go on here is exactly how i am with my bestest friends and family. Not with everyone, just a selected lot and especially not at work, but recently there was this final presentation thing of our business communication class that my workplace arranged for us and they said its a must for everyoe to come up with something even if its a skit of some sort. I dint want to do it even talked to mother that what i'm going to present and "its" going to give a very bad name to my beard! To which she replied "go for it". I missed few of the parodies that i prepared but whatever i did was enough to make most of them crack up bad. Some of them were giving me this look that "hm.. i wonder if his beard is real". Why man? can't bearded men have some fun? ::). Oh well, next time they force me do it, they'll end up ROFL inshaAllah, gonna teach them a lesson for thinking bad about my beard. |
| 02/18/04 at 00:09:11 |
| Nomi |
| Re: liars among us |
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| MIT |
| 02/18/04 at 04:21:50 |
| as-salaamu alaikum Apart from agreeing with everything that JustOne said, i would also add, perhaps this friend is mentioning it to you onnly now as a means of reaching out for help. Perhaps he recognises now that this problem can't be resolved all on his own, and he wants your advice on how to deal with it and come back to the Path. |
| Re: liars among us |
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| faisalsb |
| 02/18/04 at 14:25:51 |
| [slm] Well I think there is a clear difference between lying, being dishonest, cheating and simply NOT TELLING or keeping your secrets to yourself. I can recall a very good example from history regarding such situation. Once Hazrat Ali (RAU) was digging earth that suddenly one person passed by him and asked him that someone is following him so if they asked about him he (RAU) shouldn't tell them about him. Hazrat Ali (RAU) replied in affirmative. Hazrat Ali (RAU) left the place where he was working and started working on another place just a little away from the previous one. Mean while some people approached him and asked him has you seen any person running away ? He replied "Since I have been working on this place I have not seen any person", so those people left. Can we say that Hazrat Ali (RAU) lied or misled those people? No, certainly not he simply didn't tell something what he didn't want to tell. |
| Re: liars among us |
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| lucid9 |
| 02/18/04 at 17:48:35 |
| [slm] perhaps it is good to be a bit realistic about people. i mean after i once found out that the unmarried brother who used to sometimes give the fajr athan in my local mosque was sleeping with 2 different women -- nothing surpises me anymore. people are buttheads... also: remember the verse "every soul inclines towards sin except when prevented to by the mercy of Allah" (surah yusof) There is some controversy over whether yusof or zuleikha said this. But it is interesting if yusof (als) said it because it means he didn't absolve himself of blame for the inflamed passions of the wife of the aziz (zulekha) also, even if you sin: you are not supposed to tell others about it. if you do you cheapen it, and others don't feel so horrified about committing it also because after all: their best pals have committed it...so its not a big deal if they do as well... |
| Re: liars among us |
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| lala |
| 02/19/04 at 10:25:06 |
| [slm] thanks for the replies..you all are right. People do stupid things and may not necessarily be 'lying' but just keeping silent..which isnt always bad. As a friend, I'll be there supporting them through this, and hopefully help them to stay away from what is bad. But as a friend I shouldnt pound them with guilt or berate them either..because that my just push them away. But thanks again. I was a bit too angry in the first post :o And there was no need to be. Noone is perfect eventhough they may want others to view them that way. PRobably because noone wants to be thought of us a 'sinner' or as a bad person..but who are we to judge... peace |
| Re: liars among us |
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| timbuktu |
| 02/19/04 at 10:39:25 |
| [slm] reality of being human! son of mother's friend, brought up to be a practicing, shy muslim, veil for the mother and sisters, keeping his eyes downcast lest eyes fall over non-muharram, studying in medical college, discovers some girls in his class are sleeping with classmates loses his mind. Diagnosed schizophrenia. His mother brings him over to me. Me, of all people !!! well, i live in healthy surroundings. The mother goes away. Boy has total freedom. does strange things. my servant is upset. One day the boy just decides to go back. I hear some treatment has been done. He passes his exams, qualifies. Does clinic, but sometimes not quite up to the tension. [u]moral[/u]: expose children to the reality of life, but gently, slowly, at a pace they can handle, or the shock may be too great. I have other true similar stories. |
| 02/19/04 at 10:43:40 |
| timbuktu |
| Re: liars among us |
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| stranger |
| 02/19/04 at 11:35:22 |
| [slm] I agree with what most people have said. i.e. I don't think your friend is a liar, and he was hiding his sins. There's a story of one sahaba, I don't remember which. Just heard in in a khutba. The people were making fun/ridiculing a brother that had committed a sin (I believe adultery as well). And a sahaba passed by and said, If your brother fell in a hole, what would you do? And they replied then would pull him out. So he says then why aren't you helping this brother who has fallen into a hole and are preventing him from coming out. <-- paraphrased. So the moral of this story is that you should help this brother out, and advise him and don't hate him but hate that which he did. And as for him keeping it a secret, there is a hadith of the prophet in which he says, what is wrong with those people who committed a sin by the cover of night, and Allah subhana wata'ala by his mercy hid their sin by the darkness of the night, only to have them say in the daylight, oh so and so, I did such and such. <-- also paraphrased. So it was not wrong of him to hide his sin, wallahu a'lam. [slm] |
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