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Should we share our past with our spouses?

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Should we share our past with our spouses?
Anonymous
02/21/04 at 01:57:01
AOA

I just wanted to get some thoughts on whether or not we should share our pasts(the not so
dark ones) with our spouses? I guess I can be more specific. I was emotionaly involved
with a sister subconciously that is (I found out after she got engaged :))..any ways back
to the question. Can I share that with my wife? Can I tell her about the people I used to
speak with over the internet, ppl of opposite sex? How would this effect our
relationship?
02/21/04 at 01:58:13
Anonymous
my two paisas .....
timbuktu
02/21/04 at 02:48:18
[slm]

most of the time this leads to suspicion and will be held against you, but if she finds out later, it will still be held against you.

why do you need to tell your spouse everything about yourself? First try to understand her, and see how she takes different things.

Re: Should we share our past with our spouses?
M.F.
02/21/04 at 05:08:55
Assalamu alaikum,
As a wife, I'd hate to know if my husband was previously involved with someone, even virtually or subconsciously (huh???).  I knew my husband was almost engaged to a girl at some point, and I couldn't get it out of my head for a year or two after we got married.  So I say, why ruin a perfectly good marriage with something that'll most likely just make her upset?  Why do you want to tell her?
Re: Should we share our past with our spouses?
xahira
02/21/04 at 05:58:08
[slm]

as far as is my understanding... u arent obliged to disclose anything. wen my husband proposed and we discussed things, we had all those things in the open... but looking back i would have preferred not to knw, and (as he told me) so would he. ur not suppose to disclose your sins, just repent honestly and truthfully with all your heart to Allah (swt) and reform yourself... and prepare to be more forgiving and look forward to a wonderful married life (insha Allah) making sacrifices and being contentment with everything and anything... and sometimes nothing. even the hard times will be a source of blessing.
sometimes we didnt have enough to eat... and sometimes we had too much for just the two of us... but contentment and thankfulness is the key...  




Re: Should we share our past with our spouses?
Anonymous
02/22/04 at 04:50:53
AOA, JazakAllah khairun for the kind opinions. well the reason I asked was
because Whenever we are together, I feel there is this unseen boundry between us. we talk but
very cautiously, she is the same. She is very open with everyone else but when it comes
to me, she is very "held back", it's like I am gonna errupt or something if she says
something. I guess I am the same towards her. Most of the times I have to think of what I am
gonna say next. I thought the reason we are catious is because, we have something to hide.
or atleast I do. so I thought if I lay open my past to her, it would remove that unseen
boundry between us....I am new to the game...is this normal? or is it just me?
Re: Should we share our past with our spouses?
timbuktu
02/22/04 at 05:48:19
[slm]  :) relax, young, man

she has nothing to hide and neither have. Just stay clear of mention of any emotional attachments you may have had. No use raking up th past.

The first thing that normally happens after marriage in our society is the loss of buddies, so when male friends are not tolerated, how would attachment to females be viewed.

I was tested by my wife drawing my attention to other females. Fortunately I passed the test. :)

I have failed some other tests, though :( and :)

talk of your future together. find out what she likes: food, entertainment, go out for walks and trips together, share in household chores, etc. I am sure sisters here will explain what wives want.
Re: Should we share our past with our spouses?
M.F.
02/23/04 at 18:14:41
Assalamu alaikum
If you think things are uncomfortable now!....
You know maybe you just need to go out with her and have a REALLY fun day, do a roller coaster ride or something else where you can't hide your feelings.  
then maybe the ice will break
or go ice skating :D


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