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Serious Muslim Seeks Spouse Online
se7en
02/23/04 at 13:12:35
[color=black]
Serious Muslim Seeks Spouse�Online
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/4201067/

[i]Many Islamic faithful are navigating the modern difficulties of matchmaking by turning to the Internet[/i]

Updated: 4:37 p.m. ET Feb. 06, 2004Feb. 5 - Imam Luqman Ahmad had heard so many stories about members of his mosque meeting their Muslim mates online that he finally decided to log on for himself and see what the fuss was all about. 'I went to the site and I saw all these hundreds of prospective spouses,' he recalls of his first visit to Al-Usrah.net in January 2000. 'I was taken aback; I didn't know it was that widely used.'  

A religious leader at a mosque in Sacramento, Calif., Ahmad, 45, admits to having had initial concerns about whether online matchmaking was sanctioned under the tenets of Islamic law, which prohibits dating. But what he found was a burgeoning community of Muslims seeking other Muslims online, with the sole purpose of arranging a traditional marriage. What he found was the Internet as matchmaker. And he found himself, 15 months later, married to a woman he met on the site.

Traditionally, observant Muslims have marriages arranged through relatives or a matchmaker who scours the local community, friends, and neighbors for a suitable, compatible person.  But in a global age when Muslim families, like so many others, have increasingly dispersed, the nexus of some Islamic communities has dissolved, making it difficult for individuals to find people they know and trust. Especially for second-generation Muslims living in Europe or North America, the local field of prospective spouses is increasingly limited. So as families begin to extend their search, the Internet has been embraced as the newest tool in the oldest practice of an ancient faith.

The numbers tell some of the story. 'When MuslimMatch.com was launched in 2002, the site attracted few visitors,' Aisha Khan, the London-based site's administrator, wrote in an e-mail to NEWSWEEK. Today MuslimMatch.com, probably the Web's most popular Muslim matrimonial site, boasts 47,648 registered members and 1,500 first-time visitors a day. 'Within the last 2 years, online matrimonials have taken a quantum leap forward in terms of social acceptability within the Muslim community,' writes Kahn, 'whereas it would have been their last point of research, if not an outright shameful act, a few years back.' Ali Rizvi, whose Texas-based ShiaMatch.com caters specifically to Islam's minority group, points out that he launched his site in 1999 with five or six users (including himself, his brothers and his cousins) and has since seen the active membership logs surpass 9,000.  

The exponential growth in popularity of these sites (new ones with names like matrimony.org and muslimweddings.com seem to pop up every day) is easy for those in the community to understand. 'I tend to think that it's a medium that's borne out of necessity because of the changing demographics of the Muslims,' explains Ahmad, the imam. In the past, Muslim communities had a lot of people in one area, meaning more prospects available either through family or other acquaintances, he explains. But now because a lot of Muslims are converts, or living independently rather than as part of established communities, the potential for finding other Muslim partners is greatly diminished, especially when dating is generally not permissible. And while many Muslims still want a traditional marriage, they also want more choice. In the case of Muslim women living in the West, they also often want careers. 'If someone in Topeka, Kan., is looking,' says Rizvi, the Internet 'makes it a lot easier.'


At first blush, Muslim matrimonial sites strongly resemble typical online dating services and community forums like Match.com and Friendster. Members create a profile, an ad describing themselves'sometimes with a picture'and explaining what kind of match is desired. But a closer look reveals what makes the ads on, say, MuslimMatch.com more tailored. 'Sayinghitoyou' is a 34 year-old Jordanian woman who recently moved to the United States. She writes that she is looking for a 'Jordanian or Palestinian [man], educated, responsible, religious, fears god, nice, out going, fun to be with, dependable, warm and kind,' and describes herself as 'a good muslim wife to start the perfect family!!!!!!!!!' On ShiaMatch.com it is not uncommon to see women's ads posted by 'mother' or 'sister' or even 'a concerned friend.' These are often signals sent out to other parents or guardians looking for spouses on behalf of their charges. 'When a mother submits a profile, there are a lot of parents browsing these profiles, so another parent sees it and it eases the barrier for them in contacting that person,' explains Rizvi, 28 (whose own marriage was arranged through his aunt). When Ahmad began using the Internet to find his own match, he says he specified that 'if the woman who was contacting me did not have a guardian, they did not need to contact me at all.' Ultimately, his marriage to Aminah, whom he met online, had all the trappings of a traditionally arranged marriage'they agreed to marry in part because it turned out they knew people in common who vouched for each other's position in the community.

But, also like online dating, Internet matchmaking is not for everyone. Fazeel Chauhan has come to conclude that, because online anonymity implies less accountability, many men and women posting ads on these sites do not actually want to get married. 'The experience that I had is that the women were not serious. It was more like they were interested in some attention or chatting,' he says. Chauhan, 40, estimates that over three years he has replied to 2,000 ads. 'I would cut and paste the same message and send it to say 100 women in a day. Two weeks later I would have maybe 10 replies'. At the end you might end up with two or three with whom you kind of hit it off in e-mail.' After establishing a rapport, he would meet the woman in person'from his home in Diamond Bar, Calif., he's traveled to Detroit, Washington, D.C., and Wichita, Kan., to meet prospective wives. But not once has he found a Muslim woman online with whom he connected. 'I think I've given up on it about 90 percent, but I haven't completely quit on it.'

And in his own way, Chauhan makes an interesting point. Many in the community actually see the Internet as just another quiver in the matrimonial bow. Schwabb Amin, 24, who met his wife Amber in a chat room for Pakistanis, didn't sign on with the intention of finding a spouse and had never visited a matrimonial site. But after getting to know each other online, Amin says, 'We decided 'I'd like to marry you.'' He draws a distinction between finding a spouse online and how Muslim marriages are traditionally planned, when getting to know your betrothed is not always an option. 'I see a lot of people going to the matrimonial sites'it's another option for them, but I don't think they're relying solely on that. It's more for the older people; it's harder for them to get married.' Which only goes to show how far online matchmaking has come. After all, weren't the 'older people' supposed to be the slowest to figure out the Internet in the first place'

? 2004 Newsweek, Inc. [/color]
02/23/04 at 18:44:49
jannah
Re: Serious Muslim Seeks Spouse Online
jannah
02/27/04 at 05:45:40
[wlm]

vow veirdness..
i do know someone who met and married someone through an ad on this website to a matrimonial site!!

i'm surprised they didn't mention naseeb which seems to be a phenomenon in the muslim scene.. 40,000 people in 6 months!! (see back article on naseeb in kabob house) there's definitely a need.. i heard a couple got engaged/married last week who had 're-connected' on there.. :) potentially can be used for good..

[quote]I would cut and paste the same message and send it to say 100 women in a day.[/quote]
Gee I wonder why they didn't respond ::)
02/27/04 at 05:48:03
jannah
Re: Serious Muslim Seeks Spouse Online
BroHanif
02/27/04 at 15:27:32
Salaams,


In the vain hope that this gets read, I know several bros in the UK who are very professionaly qualified and have very good Islamic character and conduct. If any sis wants to know these fine brothers i.e. marrige, plz let me know.

Salaams,

Hanif
Re: Serious Muslim Seeks Spouse Online
jannah
02/28/04 at 00:20:54
whoaa there's an article on the couple in AP news:

(btw as an aside.. why does it seem brothers in england are more serious about the deen? and why can't they move to the US ;))

http://www.theday.com/eng/web/newstand/re.aspx?reIDx=ca898ee6-96a3-4cc0-9f72-c85fcc4d286a

New Online Network Helps Muslims Search For A Soul Mate

     
Associated Press
Saara Sheikh of New Jersey and her fiance, Ahmar Masood of Virginia, connected online at the Muslim Web site naseeb.com and became engaged within three months. Sheikh said she found the site a comfortable compromise between dating and a marriage arranged by her parents.
By DEBORAH KONG
Published on 2/27/2004

Part of her hoped she'd find her soul mate when she joined Naseeb, a new online Muslim community. But getting a marriage proposal just three months later — while on a snowboarding trip in Pennsylvania — was way beyond Saara Sheikh's expectations.

Raised by conservative, Pakistani Muslim parents, Sheikh knew dating was out. Still, she rebelled at the idea of a traditional arranged marriage, skipping out on meetings her parents set up with potential spouses.

“They've been trying to hook me up since I was, like, 20,” said Sheikh, a 25-year-old Franklin Lakes, N.J., mental health professional. “I told my mom I would want to find somebody on my own. The arranged thing would be very hard for me.”

Naseeb seemed like a good compromise. Sometimes called the Muslim version of Friendster, the site allows people to network with friends of friends.

Like the company, which is based in San Jose, Calif., but has engineering operations in Lahore, Pakistan, many of Naseeb's users are a blend of East and West, comfortable with technology yet tied to tradition. In Naseeb, they've found a culturally sensitive middle ground that lies somewhere between dating, which experts say is discouraged by Islamic law, and the old-fashioned practice of marriages brokered by parents.

In the Muslim community, arranged marriages vary by ethnicity — they are more common among South Asians and some Arabs than American blacks. Such practices, brought from immigrants' home countries, typically involve parents helping to choose a mate for their children, said Aminah McCloud, professor of Islamic studies at DePaul University.

Naseeb is one example of how that tradition has evolved in the United States, said Ahmar Masood, Sheikh's fiance.

“It may actually allow for more people to connect on their own, versus only arranged marriage,” said Masood, a 26-year-old Reston, Va. information technology consultant. “It definitely gives a little more control to the younger generation in how to meet people.”

Others, like Geillan Aly, a 27-year-old New York City graduate student, are attracted to the high-tech format.

“I'm comfortable online,” said Aly, who turned to Naseeb as an alternative to the prospective spouses her mother invites to tea. “I can see who I'm talking to without having to sit there and waste two hours of getting-to-know-you chitchat.”

More than 45,000 Muslims have joined Naseeb.com since it went online last fall, some searching for a spouse, others looking to make friends. Silicon Valley entrepreneur Monis Rahman said he founded Naseeb, which means “destiny” in Arabic, Urdu, Persian, Malaysian, Indonesian, Turkish and Hindi, in response to a desire for community that arose after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

“A lot of the perceptions of mainstream America around Muslims were largely negative and, as an American Muslim, I think it caused Muslims to look inward in many ways,” Rahman said. “We also felt the need to organize, and a natural need to kind of mingle with our own, basically for the support system.”

About 84 percent of Naseeb's users are in North America and the United Kingdom, and most are invited to join by a friend. Once online, they create a profile that includes links to their friends' profiles, and so on, for up to four degrees of separation.

Connecting with people who are friends of friends is especially important in Muslim culture, which frowns upon sharing personal information with strangers.

“You know that everyone in there can be verified through someone else,” says Saleemah Abdulghafur, chief operating officer at Azizah, an Atlanta, Ga.-based lifestyle magazine for American Muslim women. “You know that you don't have any perverts, or someone who's already married, or someone who is completely unconnected.”

Naseeb is often compared to Friendster, but it does have distinct cultural differences. For instance, Aly said Naseeb rejected a picture she tried to post of herself wearing a bathing suit while surfing, though Friendster did not.

Naseeb also offers a religious compatibility quiz that allows users to display their responses to questions such as how frequently they pray, whether it is inappropriate to have dancing or music at weddings and how they'd react if alcohol was served at a company party.

For Sheikh and Masood, Naseeb offered the chance to reconnect. The two met five years ago at a birthday party, but after they graduated — he from Purdue University, she from Rutgers — they lost touch.

When she saw him listed on Naseeb as friend of a friend, Sheikh invited Masood to join her online circle. They began exchanging e-mails, then talking on the phone.

Last month, the two went on a ski and snowboarding trip with friends. As Sheikh snowboarded to the bottom of a snow-covered mountain, a group of friends gathered. Masood read a poem he'd written for Sheikh, then asked her to marry him.

The wedding is set for this summer. Sheikh's parents, who gave their blessing to Masood before he proposed, are delighted.

“Marriage is a big responsibility for them,” Sheikh said. “They don't feel like they've finished their job as a parent until they've married their daughter off.”
02/28/04 at 00:22:16
jannah
Re: Serious Muslim Seeks Spouse Online
BroHanif
02/28/04 at 04:10:22
Salaams,

[quote](btw as an aside.. why does it seem brothers in england are more serious about the deen? and why can't they move to the US )
[/quote]

Or you sisters could always move to the UK.

[quote]Last month, the two went on a ski and snowboarding trip with friends. As Sheikh snowboarded to the bottom of a snow-covered mountain, a group of friends gathered. Masood read a poem he'd written for Sheikh, then asked her to marry him.[/quote]
hmmmm!

Salaams,

Hanif
Re: Serious Muslim Seeks Spouse Online
Nomi
03/09/04 at 05:53:19
[tt]dig dig dig[/tt]

[slm]

[quote author=BroHanif link=board=bebzi;num=1077559956;start=0#2 date=02/27/04 at 15:27:32]

In the vain hope that this gets read, I know several bros in the UK who are very professionaly qualified and have very good Islamic character and conduct.[color=Yellow] If any sis wants to know these fine brothers i.e. marrige, plz let me know. [/color]
[/quote]

Can sisters who are not from US contact you too ? e.g sisters from Indonesia, Malaysia, Africa etc ? I think they can and sis Kathy is mashaAllah a very considerate lady :)

[quote]
Last month, the two went on a ski and snowboarding trip with friends. As Sheikh snowboarded to the bottom of a snow-covered mountain, a group of friends gathered. Masood read a poem he'd written for Sheikh, then asked her to marry him.
[/quote]

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........

yo salaamz :)
Re: Serious Muslim Seeks Spouse Online
Lil_Sista
03/09/04 at 06:23:36
:o :o :o


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