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| Do you have a p-p ratio? |
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| Shahida |
| 02/24/04 at 06:10:12 |
| [slm] :-)'s InshaAllah, hope all of you are well. I have been thinking about the p-p ratio Jannah mentioned in the Ikhwan (if you dont know what I am talking about, check out the thread about what a bro looks for in a sis, or something like that:) ) Anyway, I am seriously sleep deprived, and I was thinking about whether *I* actually have a p-p ratio when considering a prospective bro for marriage... The answer I came up with was *no*, alhamdulillah. But I *do* have a d-d ratio... D-D Ratio= Deen-Dunya ratio...leaning more towards the deen side. Under Dunya everything else comes in, including character (altho that would be part of deen too i think), personality, education, blah blah blah... Most sisters I know would look for a guy who was religious, they don't necessarily care *too* much what he looks like, what car he drives, how cool his hair is etc etc. I think that is *very* interesting, keeping in mind, that I believe Jannah's friend was right, that men have this p-p ratio. Just shows how different we are I suppose. ::) Ok, I need to get some sleep. |
| Re: Do you have a p-p ratio? |
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| timbuktu |
| 02/24/04 at 08:53:46 |
| [slm] i am old, so my opinions probably do not count, but my observations should. first, please, please, please don't be put off by my post in the Ikhwan Health Club. I am so old I should call all of you my daughters, not sisters. The prettiness i mentioned in that post is only the first bit of attraction. It is not necessarily the deciding factor. actually, in youth there is a glow in the face or some silly way one talks or jerks one's head, that attracts, in later years there is maturity or personality that does. and it is true, at work in the UK, one girl fancied me because of the way I used to shake my head to get my hair from blocking my vision. It is the hormone factor, I think :) OK, I will now tell you about the choosing of my wife :) I had lived away from home since age 16, and alone in the West from age 20. My mother tried to find a wife for me, but she had a small circle and eventually asked me to do so myself :) When she heard nothing from me on that account by the time I got to be 29, and when I started entertaining my youngest sister with fabricated stories about a girl called Angela, I guess my mother decided she will have to do something. I come to Karachi for a visit, my sister asks me what sort of girl i would like for a wife and I said all girls are OK. I just want an educated one. I did not tell her that I prefer a medical doctor or a scientist. At that time I was considering whether I should stay single, or propose to an Iranian girl, whose main attraction was that she was doing MS in Operations Research at my University. She did have a good personality, but was not into deen, having been abandoned to the British schooling system since childhood. A positive bit was that she was chaste, as she told me, and there is no reason to doubt that. Her most negative point was that she was from a shia background. There were other negative bits, but i think she would have given them up, like she did give up pork when i told her she had no reason to blame this on being left by her father in the care of British schooling. Now that she was grown up, she was responsible for her own actions. To her credit, she gave up. So later my mother asks me that there is this girl who is very good and says her salaah regularly, she is my sister's classmate studying medicine and she is OK and will fit in anywhere. Notice this: "she will fit in any conditions". My mother probably thought living in the West I have become very liberal or something. Naturally my stories would have something to do with it. My sister believed them, and fed my mother those stories (they were written in English, and my mother does not know English). Now one of my sisters says if you want to see her go to that room and she is here visiting. So I went in the room and this girl is lying down, and she jumps up and covers her face in hijab and runs out of the room. Well I just got a glimpse, and it was not a repulsive face, but not stunning either. average you can say. actually i have seen only one repulsive or rather frightening face in my life and that was in Birmingham, and the woman has had an inferiority complex since childhood. I was startled and frightened at seeing her. So my sister asks me about this girl and I say she is OK. My wife has many qualities that attracted my mother. She is a fast worker, has no airs, mixes everywhere, is very accomodating, is religious, had a happy disposition, etc. etc. etc. It was left for me to find faults with my mother's choice, and that too after marriage :) part of the faults i find have developed after association with me, though. and I know sis se7en will scold me but it is true that her faults have developed because of me. :) as for money, I just plain asked my mother to say to my father-in-law that we are NOT in the business of collecting dowry. Her father was giving me his daughter in marriage, and that is good enough. I think the marriage has worked very well (25 years this month, and you will understand that although I had been telling myself this time I will not forget our wedding anniversary and take her out for dinner or something, and I completely forgot, so I don't know how to make amends) from my angle. But the effort for accomodation has mostly been from my wife's side. You see our (men's) fault. We do not remember what is important to our wives or sisters or mothers. Daughters get their will done, though. I wouldn't change my wife for anyone else, although i keep teasing her that she is old and i now need a younger one. She says she does not mind, but adds a rider that I will have to keep my second wife elsewhere. Unfortunately, deen was not uppermost in my mind, a certain degree of deen is taken for granted. but I got a deeni wife by grace of Allah (swt) :) although strangely enough her father is a sufi. Had I known that, I would probably have refused, and been denied such a wonderful wife. and me, of all people, now related to a pir through marriage. Strange are the ways of the Lord! and my son hasn't chosen for prettiness either. It is a combination of deen and dunya, I guess. and I pray that all of you single ones get a good spouse, who cares for you and loves you and shares with you, and that you all live happily ever after. and that ever after includes the Hereafter. |
| 02/25/04 at 02:36:54 |
| timbuktu |
| Re: Do you have a p-p ratio? |
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| theOriginal |
| 02/24/04 at 10:07:20 |
| [slm] SubhanAllah bro timbuktu...that was the most comical thing I've read in months. lol, that was very well written. MashaAllah, I'm happy for you and your wife, and the story of you guys meeting is one of those "awwwwwww so cute" ones. And Ameen to your duaa. Sis Shahida, if the looks fall under "dunya" then yeah, your "d-d" ratio SOUNDS better than the "p-p" one ;) Looks are definitely important. But what I term "looks" is way off then what what most other women agree with. And that's because the way a person upholds themself is what attracts you to them, it's not generally the way they would look in a photograph. SO maybe you do inherently care what he looks like, but since you're looking for a religious guy, his akhlaaq will be good anyway (inshaAllah) which means that you're attracted to him as it stands. cache-22 of sorts. And in the other thread...I completely agree that you can tell right of the bat whether or not the person will stand a chance. I don't think that's a guy thing... or maybe I just hang around the wrong kind of girls. (No, MashaAllah they're great) :) arghhhhhhhhhh....that's it...I'm not talking about marriage anymore. >:( Wasalaam. |
| Re: Do you have a p-p ratio? |
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| al-ajnabia |
| 02/24/04 at 20:40:14 |
| [slm] With me, anyone who isnt scared off the first time I open my mouth is worth taking another look at, and if he still doesnt run, its worth looking again to see whats wrong with him, and if its nothing that scares me off, I can only pray he figures out who my wali is. And then if he doesnt see anything wrong with him, or nothing too frightening, well then heck. Salaam, |
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