A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Shattered faith & signs? |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 02/25/04 at 22:58:19 |
| As-salaam aleikum, I don't know how to start. :( Well I've been going through a really depressing time for awhile now and I feel I need answers that I can't find. I'm hoping that as they say they are right under my nose but just can't see them and I need you all to tell me what they are. First off, I was always thought of by my family as quite religious. Recently my husband has told me that he senses that I've lost that strong faith and that I've changed a little towards the bad. I found this disturbing and it hurt me alot but deep down I knew he was right. For the past two years I've been going to school (I'm in my late 20's btw) and since then I've been on the decline. I no longer wear the jilbab because it's too "different" being the only odd one out in class. I haven't been praying. I've been emotionally unfaithful to my husband and that's just because we've had some MAJOR issues in the past that are no longer there. He's very good to me now and I feel closer to him. Anyway, I also used to do so much more for my father that I don't anymore. This alone makes me hate myself. My daughter seems more rebellious and my grades in school are horrible. Finally I don't have the strong belief and feeling of Allah(swt) being on MY side anymore. For the first time in my life I truly feel lonely and unworthy of anything. Anyway, I'm supposed to be graduating soon (probably by the skin of my teeth) and yesterday the class recieved a list of graduating students. My name wasn't on it. It turns out it was an error but somehow I pook it as a sign. And today I took the second exam out of 4. I bombed it. Many in the class did but not like me. Everybody was telling each other what they got except me because I was too ashamed. The worst part was that because I had also failed the first one, I made sure to study hard for this one. It was a huge joke. Well I took that as a sign also. Some other signs were my daughter telling me she didn't want me to work in the field I've chosen after I graduate and I hope this doesn't seem too inappropriate but I can't get pregnant even though I'm healthy. Now I know what is said about signs in Islam but all I know is that a looong time ago when I was good, whenver I did anything bad it would be immediately after or the next day that something would happen. And I knew it was a sign and I'd say astaghfir-Allah. But are all the things I'm seeing now signs? Because if they are I would drop out of school right now. I hate not knowing what the right path to take is. Even if I make salatul istikhara I think my heart is too blocked with crap to see, you know? I apologize for this post being what it is but I never open up to anyone because I don't trust anyone. This time I really just need some help |
| Re: Shattered faith & signs? |
|---|
| jannah |
| 02/25/04 at 23:52:56 |
| [wlm] sister it sounds like you are disturbed by the fact that you are no longer as 'religious'. and i think perhaps that's a good thing in itself. it should make you want to get better inshallah. it seems like the "signs" you are seeing in your life are just a result of not being the way you used to. it's really not Allah's fault if you are not getting the grades you want or are having family problems, so it really shouldn't affect your faith. so maybe it's time for you to get back into the faith.. start going to the mosque more, reading more, finding ways to increase your faith and practice. inshallah things will get better for you :) |
| Re: Shattered faith & signs? |
|---|
| lucid9 |
| 02/26/04 at 13:52:33 |
| [slm] sis, I used to be sign crazy...i used to interpret so many things as signs...a sign for this...a sign for that...until i decided it was all a sign that i was going mad!! Sis, nobody understands premonitions and the impending signs that such and such will happen. As muslims, we try to interpret things as signs to make us more afraid of comitting sins and the punishment of allah. For example, recently i was thinking something bad about somebody and i was so consumed by this that i almost crossed the road at the wrong time and was almost run over. I promptly stopped thinking bad things about that person!! So, signs which increase our dread of allah's punishment are fine to worry about...but don't try to interpret signs in terms of what they might portend about the future. For example, if your daughter doesn't like the profession you are going into -- try to understand why. But in all liklihood it is just the trivial whim of a kid. You see when us monotheistic muslims become sign crazy, we ultimately become superstitious and that's when we really begin to lose our faith. We lose our trust that Allah will protect us no matter what, and rely on the little signs we see in our daily life and interpret them to be messages from Allah. In fact, they could just as well and it is often more likely, that they are from Satan and not from Allah! It seems sis, you just need your batteries recharged, and need a break. You need to relax and take things a bit easier. Things aren't going well in your daily life which is causing you to slip islamically. Then you see "signs" which you interpret to mean that you're a terrible person and that your life is about to go down the drain. This makes you you even more distraught...and so the cycle continues...you slip a bit more islamically, etc...and then you're down the slipperly slope of losing islam. All you have to do sis is take a step back. Try to collect yourself. Reassure yourself that you are still a sincere believing muslim (if you weren't you wouldn't have posted the message above) and that because of that Allah by his promise to protect his servants simply has to protect you. Once you get this self-belief back and trust that Allah has not abandoned you (believe me, it has happened to me soooo many times) everything will start going much better. Believe me! But you must be slightly proactive to make all of this work. First, you must try to pray regularly. The jilbab is not the issue. The missed prayers are. From very personal experience, I know girls sometime lapse in their prayers because of the stop-start nature of women's praying during the month (i.e. since 25% of time they can't pray, and then suddenly and miraculously have to start again). But just try your best. Life is hard. Allah knows this, and all he wants (as i understand it) is that we try much as we can. About your exams and being alienated from other students: don't sweat it too much. It will pass. I have been there many times. I even used to wish that i'd be run over on my way to my final exams...just to escape the torment and the anticipated total flunking of my exams! I also know what its like to be alienated from your classmates,...,but in reality your classmates in the long run mean zilch. You'll meet so many people in your life insha Allah, that you won't even remember most of em. So sis, work hard in your studies and also try to work on your relationship with your hubby and daughter. Be positive and don't sweat the signs. Allah loves everybody, and particularly sisters like you. Shaytan will ALWAYS try to make you forget that. But it is true, so very very true. You are special...very special...and you must remember that. Once you forget that...then that's when trouble starts. best wishes... [slm] |
| 02/26/04 at 13:55:51 |
| lucid9 |
| Re: Shattered faith & signs? |
|---|
| faith |
| 02/29/04 at 21:41:53 |
| [slm] You could always du'a (supplication) to Allah: [u] supplication for one afflicted with doubt in his faith[/u] 1) a) he should seek refuge in Allah b) he should renounce that which is causing such doubt [kul aamantu billah] - i have full believe in Allah (source: al-bukhari with al-fath 6/336 and muslim 1/120) 2) he should say: Aamantu billah wa rasulihi - i believe in Allah and His messenger (source: muslim 1/119, 120) 3) he should also recite the following: Huwa'l awwalu wal aakhiru wa'dhohiru wal baat3inu wa huwa bi kulli shai'in 3aliim He is the First, the Last, ad-dhohiru, al-aat3inu, and He knows well all things. (source: abu dawood: 4/329, declared hassan by Al-albani and al-arna'uut) [color=Blue]ad-dhohir: indicates the greatness of his attributes, and the insignificance of every single creation in respect of His Greatness and Highness, for He is above all of His creation as with regard to His essence and attributes al-baat3in: indicates His awareness and knowledge of all secrets, of that which is in the hearts, and the most intimate of things just as it indicates His closeness to all in a manner which befits His Majesty. [/color] |
| 02/29/04 at 21:50:33 |
| Abu_Hamza |
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board |