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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Need help |
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| humble_muslim |
| 03/02/04 at 13:04:44 |
| AA No, it's not me. Someone I got an e-mail from. I know some of you guys have come up with some great ansers to these kinds of problems in the past, so please help if you can. Post any replies in this thread, I'll e-mail them back to him. Salaam. I am a Muslim currently living in the United States. I am a college student and am currently having many problems with my Emaan. I feel like everyone else in college is doing better than me, I feel like I have made a huge mistake as for as career planning is concerned. I dont know whether I will be able to get a job when I graduate. I constantly regret the choices I have made in college, and wish that it was otherwise. I constantly say only if I had done this, and only if I had done that. I know that this is Haramm in Islam, and this is keeping me from making Salah properly. I am so occupied with these thoughts that I even dwell into them while praying. Thoughts like `I am a failure` and `I have disappointed my parents` constantly creep up in my mind. I try to fight these thoughts by saying to myself that this life is too short for me to be so worried about these things. But sometimes, I just wake up in the morning, overwhelmed with these thoughts. I dont even feel like studying for my classes any more. I envy others whom I see doing better than me- some of them are even my friends. I cant enjoy anything I do because of these thoughts. Sometimes these thoughts take such of hold of me that I begin to wish that I were dead. I am constantly un-thankfull to Allah for what he has given me, and say that other people have it so good, but not me. I realize that all of this is wrong, but as I said, sometimes I just wake up, and these thoughts are with me. I go to sleep with these thoughts. I wonder if whats happening to me happens to other people. I feel like I am being too concerned about the Duniya, but am only able to ignore these thoughts temporarily. Whenever I hear that so and so has such a such job, I being to envy that person, and consider myself a failure. I begin regretting the choices I made, and constantly accost myself. What is the solution to such a problem. I feel like I am facing a crisis- the biggest of my life. I have never in my life been so concerned about something for such a long time. What is the Islamic answer to this? What can I do to clear my head, and perhaps ignore these thoughts? Feelings of Envy, failure, jealousy, and regrett overwhelm me. Am I a Monafik? A hypocrite? I feel that these thoughts will harm me for the rest of my life. I feel that death is better than this life. |
| NS |
| Re: Need help |
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| jannah |
| 03/03/04 at 05:25:59 |
| wow that totally sounds similar to the running commentary that goes through my head on sleepless nights sometimes...;) tell your friend that all his/her concerns and thoughts are normal.. everyone has them... lots of regrets.. if we went back and throught about it we probably have regrets about most every decision point in our life.. the thing is that if you keep reminding yourself of qadaa and qadr.. that the pens have been lifted, and the pages have dried, that you were MEANT to do what you did, make the mistakes you did, make those decisions.. you can come to accept them.. good or bad.. learn from your mistakes, don't dwell on the past, know that you did your best at the time, hindsight is 20/20, try to do better in the future by making gradual, real steps towards improvement with your relationship with Allah and just keep on goin' :) |
| 03/03/04 at 05:29:38 |
| jannah |
| Re: Need help |
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| sal |
| 03/04/04 at 14:31:47 |
| [slm] This is so normal except that it differs from one to another, but if it develops till it can reach the point it might be the biggest enemy ( the feeling ) in this case we need to take fast steps to eliminate it . Well it is clear the less the person is weak the more this feeling is hard to fight how ever we can The easiest way to eliminate such feeling is to be realistic and self confident . HOW ? You should know that you wont ever catch what is not offered by ALLAH. You may then blame ALLAH for not giving you what you wanted whilst others have ? What are those things they have ? do you feel with these things they are fully very happy ? how do you know ? just from the external look they have ?or what they say ? Is that full evidence they are happy ? you cant go into their real life to know this isn’t it ? but if you can ,well go ahead and make a real study to make sure they are better than you .REMEMBER !!!unless you reach a valid reason it is not fair to give a final decision or judgment on something .so have you ever made such studies on the people you envy ? if your answer is NO .will you accept this mission ? if again the answer is no . is it because you feel you are not obliged for such a headache that is not your business ? Is your answer YES now ? Ok are you satisfied it needs a long journey to know the fact of things ? What do you prefer now ? stay safe with you little life instead of getting involved with other's big affairs ? Let me give an example Suppose you are asked to live in big palace full of everything alone . no friends, no relatives. But some people who doesn’t love you but love what you have do you accept such a way of living ? don’t be surprised if I tell you lots of people live this way . Is such a person worth an envy or sympathy . Lets make a deal now If you are asked to sell one of your eyes for $1000000? Or your sense of hearing for a big money .any of your organs do you sell ? Who do you think is more happy ? those who have all their organs well and healthy or those who have the wealth and big properties ? There are some people who have both ,and these are the other category you want to say yes these are who you cant stop envying is that it ? if this is the feeling the devil whispers into your ears ask him why they still need to have more ? It will say this is what you mankind is and this is the weak point which is the weapon for the devil I hope I said some thing to help And INSHALLAH ALLAH be with you ;-) [wlm] |
| Re: Need help |
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| Ruqayyah |
| 03/04/04 at 17:06:43 |
| [slm] i think the thoughts that this person is having are very normal, in that many of us have had similar thoughts run through our mind. but in our minds, they have run in and then run out. i think w/ this person, these thoughts have really started to weigh on him. If his grades are starting to drop, and he is losing interest in things he normally enjoys, and he is having thoughts of "being better off dead" and that "death is better than this life", i would be worried that he may be depressed. I would recommend he talk to his doctor or a counselor about his feelings so that someone more qualified than us could determine whether his feelings go beyond what's "normal." i would also ask him to make salat and to make dua and try to get hooked up w/ some good muslim brothers. being around your brothers and sisters in islam is a good pick me up. 8) i really hope he feels better inshallah, i'm making dua for you bro. [wlm] ruqayyah |
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